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femboys and egg culture rule (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 10 months ago by FMC8456@lemm.ee to c/196

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How to get out of an uncomfortable egg culture situation with this one simple trick.

Real talk: Calling people eggs is a violation of the egg prime directive, and is considered invalidating as you are trying to say that a person is not the gender they identify as, that their identity is invalid. Don't call people eggs, like ever, it's extremely uncool.

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[-] germanatlas 69 points 10 months ago

Femboys are boys and transgirls are girls.

It’s even in the fucking names

[-] fellstone 52 points 10 months ago

Confusingly, tomboys are girls.

[-] Franzia 21 points 10 months ago

Another term is tomgirls. Now even more confusingly, many of the girls who appreciate this tomboy style actually call themselves "Bois"

[-] starman2112@sh.itjust.works 13 points 10 months ago

It must be difficult for straight people who have to navigate these terms before they allow themselves to want to put their dick in something

[-] livus@kbin.social 59 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Wait when did "egg" in the context of gender and sexuality become a thing?

"You egg" is an old insult in New Zealand since at least the 1980s meaning you are a dork or loveable idiot.

Edit: there's heaps of examples in Taika Waititi's NZ films.

[-] tb_@lemmy.world 41 points 10 months ago

Realising one is trans is often called "cracking your egg". Calling someone an egg in this context means insinuating the person is trans (and hasn't realised it yet).

[-] livus@kbin.social 5 points 10 months ago

@tb_ thanks, got it. Has it been a thing for many years or is it new?

[-] jawa21@lemmy.sdf.org 16 points 10 months ago

Not many years, but far from new in internet time scales. Maybe in the last decade or so.

[-] livus@kbin.social 4 points 10 months ago

@jawa21 now that I'm really thinking about it, I think I've probably seen people using it to refer to themselves but not using it on others as an insult.

[-] itslilith 6 points 10 months ago

That's how it's supposed to be used, r/egg_irl was pretty big, and now there is !egg_irl@lemmy.blahaj.zone

Both are mostly people suspecting they are trans, and coming to accept themselves

[-] Turun@feddit.de 5 points 10 months ago

Not necessarily trans, it's just being unsure about which gender direction you want to choose. Nonbinary and "actually I am cis" are also valid outcomes after cracking.

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[-] JohnDClay@sh.itjust.works 28 points 10 months ago

Shakespeare uses it too!

Stabbes him

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[-] Ookami38@sh.itjust.works 16 points 10 months ago

It's similar to being in the closet. When you come out as a trans person, you "come out of your shell" so to speak. As such, people who haven't are considered to be "eggs" still inside their shells.

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[-] porous_grey_matter@lemmy.ml 9 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I think if you make sure to call someone an "igg", or preferably, a "bliddy igg", then should still be fine

[-] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

Preferably while listening to Iminim's Lose Yoursilf.

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[-] Malgas@beehaw.org 6 points 10 months ago

Also Shakespeare:

What, you egg! [He Stabs Him]

–Macbeth Act 4, Scene 2

[-] crazyminner@lemmy.ml 53 points 10 months ago

Fem boys aren't an example of an egg anyways. If a person is calling a femboy an egg they are completely misunderstanding what an egg is.

Eggs are funny and sometimes adorable because they don't quite know who they are and they give hints at who they want to be. A femboy is someone who knows who they are.

[-] uriel238 39 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

There is a general rule in the LGBT+ community now we have a lexicon (and some indices) of terms by which you can navigate your desires, feelings and behavior.

That lexicon exists to help you sort out who you are. It's not there for you to categorize other people. People really don't fit into categories (in any sense) and there are always outliers and fringe cases.

If someone starts an I wonder if I'm an egg conversation, its okay to engage with awareness of comfort levels. We each are captains of our own respective identities.

The hardest thing for people to grok is identity ≠ behavior. The continued necessity of the closet means we are still not free to be our true selves in public. Yes, this can be weird, but even close friends can gatekeep by surprise. We need room to explore and be cautious, even if you, personally are dedicated to inclusion and tolerance.

So yeah, if someone seems enby or trans to you, they remain whatever they identify as, and only they get to decide when it is open to discussion.

[-] Kalkaline@leminal.space 18 points 10 months ago

I don't know why people can't just let other people live their lives in peace.

[-] CombatWombat1212@lemmy.ml 15 points 10 months ago

The hell is an egg?? I'm a fluid femboy and I stg we get so lost in semantics man like what is this? Is this really a thing thats affecting people?

[-] OneWomanCreamTeam 29 points 10 months ago

An egg is a trans person before they've realized/accepted they're trans.

[-] JackLSauce@lemmy.world 16 points 10 months ago

So still a good source of protein?

[-] Noodle07@lemmy.world 14 points 10 months ago

Yes, but both trans and cis are good protein source

[-] CombatWombat1212@lemmy.ml 5 points 10 months ago

And we're discussing this distant niche slur over other topics in the LGBT? I just dunno man:/ like you'd have to be so deeply in the know to call someone this

[-] themagzuz 7 points 10 months ago

it's not exactly about the term itself, but more that very often whenever a femboy makes it known that they are cis, people trip over eachother to reply with "for now" or "check back i 2 years and see if that's true" etc. implying that it's impossible for men to present femininely and just kinda reinventing the gender binary

[-] pancakes@sh.itjust.works 19 points 10 months ago

I call my cat an egg when he sits in his little basket. He looks like he's an egg sitting in an egg poacher.

[-] thefartographer@lemm.ee 14 points 10 months ago

Is this really real? Egg seems like such a fun and friendly thing to call someone, like saying they have a lot of potential! I don't want look it up now cuz I'm gonna get my heart broken. Thank you at least for the warning, assuming you are being genuine.

[-] betheydocrime@lemmy.world 56 points 10 months ago

It's ok to call yourself an egg, but calling other people eggs is like saying "I know your gender identity better than you do".

I'd say the only time it's ok to call someone else an egg is if it's past tense, if the person has transitioned, and if their transition is public knowledge.

[-] RenownedBalloonThief@lemmy.ml 9 points 10 months ago

I've always thought of it like the prime directive: you shouldn't interfere, you should only be there in a supportive fashion when it happens.

[-] thefartographer@lemm.ee 8 points 10 months ago

Oof, that sounds so horrible! I'm not even sure that using egg in past-tense seems right. That feels like drinking with buddies when someone who's known you your whole life starts regaling the group with the last time you peed the bed. Sure, it's out of your control and there's nothing to be particularly ashamed of, but why you gotta bring that up, yo?

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[-] rubythulhu 29 points 10 months ago

An egg is a term in the LGBTQ community for someone who is exploring their gender or is in denial of it. When an egg cracks/hatches, a trans person has accepted who they really are. Calling someone an egg is telling them they’re trans, and is not something anyone should dictate about someone else.

[-] thefartographer@lemm.ee 9 points 10 months ago

Thank you for explaining that. That's horrible and I'm saddened by how creative we are when it comes to tearing each other down...

[-] rubythulhu 10 points 10 months ago

it’s not tearing people down, it’s usually someone unintentionally doing something hurtful when they mean to try to help someone.

read the first section of this, it explains the issue (the egg prime directive) well: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/am-i-trans

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[-] cupcakezealot 14 points 10 months ago

egg should only ever be a self-label anyway

[-] tourist@lemmy.world 13 points 10 months ago

I didnt know that was a slur

[-] rubythulhu 39 points 10 months ago

It’s not a slur, the point is that you don’t get to dictate someone else’s personal journey. Instead we tell our stories, and if that helps someone relate, it’s because our story resonates with their story.