I read the sidebar, and it appears comments from everyone are welcomed here as long as they're supportive, so I hope you don't mind a cis guy chiming in.

What I've said to friends and family of various persuasions is that there's someone for everyone, but your preferences and attributes can greatly change the viable pool for you. If I understand your post correctly, what you'd prefer is a feminine or androgenous guy who wants to top. That's a somewhat small pool. But on top of that, you say you're too busy to care about anyone, so you're asking for someone who wants a relationship with you, but not to expect much from you in return. I'm sure there are people who would be fine with that combination, but it's a really small pool.

Maybe you're in a phase where you should focus on yourself and whatever it is keeping you busy, and just go on occasional casual dates if/when someone catches your eye. When you're in a place to care for another person, maybe you'll have worked out what type rings all the bells.

It's rough when you're in a needy phase. It may be worth reducing the number of partners so you have some energy to create a real partnership which requires more effort. I like to break relationships into components. Usually acquaintance/platonic, romantic, and sexual. Each relationship can be any combination. Acquaintanceship is just general hanging out without really caring deeply about the other person. The platonic/friendship part replaces that and tends to be the hardest because it's more about solid connection, really caring what happens to the other person, supporting them and being supported by them when things get difficult as well as enjoying the connection when things are good. This is something I've noticed most cis-men don't have with each other due to societal toxic masculinity.

Romantic is then more about individual acts of romance, planning romantic dates, making out for long periods, that kind of thing. And it requires some level of physical and/or emotional attraction usually and is about fulfilling those kinds of needs over a medium term. It is best when the types of needs of both parties align, so you're fulfilling theirs at the same time they're fulfilling yours.

And sexual is obviously more fleeting and is better with physical attraction and matching needs, but mostly is just about fulfilling very immediate needs.

Each relationship has some combination of those things. But I find that I need at least one with strong platonic connection or I get lonely. That requires energy in both directions over the longterm to work, so it's the most rare. These you really need to nurture as they are the most valuable IMHO, and easiest to lose if you take more than give. Sexual you can find easily in clubs or whatever and can be fleeting, and romantic takes a lot more to find, but tends to be easy and shorter lasting without the platonic.

So dating cis-men tends to lack the platonic part in my experience due to toxic societal norms. So although I'm pan, I also tend not to date cis-men.

Hmm, I think you should forget about dating and focus on yourself. The dating market is really bad because 85% of people are not worth dating. The only way to get a good mate is to become the best version of yourself and it will come to you. I don't know how the hormones are affecting you but for me it took the little sexual desire I had and made it nearly non-existent, which is nice for me because I dont feel nearly as lonely as I did with testosterone in my system. I mostly just talk to people for the social interaction at this point.

I also have two lovely kids so maybe some of that is out of my system.