there was a very recent post here about people's first clothing choices after transition, and i figured in line with that post i'd write something up myself that covers more broadly my appearance in general. i did post there though so you can read that too if you want!
(future me here! this ended up at 2196 words somehow, i guess thats just how i am hehe)
as noted there also, i live with both my mother and sister, and we frequently share clothing, much of which is baggier due to having lived in a COLD climate. i sometimes also share clothing with friends too! (and vise-versa)
my strategy is, broadly, take what others are wearing and fit it to my own style and needs.
what garments do I wear?
starting with bottoms, i personally love waist high women's pants, but early on did find them a little too masculine.
jeans are also a great go to for me! but, they are a two-edged sword, in that they can they amplify the masculinity/femininity/androgyny of whatever you're fit is. if i choose to wear a more masculine coat with them, for instance, i usually will take care to ensure i wear a bracelet or other jewelry as well as a little bit (or lot) of makeup and some pretty glasses.
during the summer, i love wearing shorts! often i pair them with some nice stockings or leggings—i also keep a pair of looser denims on my bicycle, which have quite literally saved my ass before when i've crashed.
i love t shirts as well (especially graphic tees!), but there are absolutely differences between "women's" and "men's" t shirts, notably the sleeves of the latter emphasize the bicep muscles much more. i personally like either! sometimes i might wear a white long sleeve shirt under for sun protection.
on the topic of sun protection, while i do not like sunshades much at all, infrared/UV blocking glasses are still nice to have, even if they let all the visible light through. often i wear something like a brighter color fedora; a shop where i live also makes their own cowgirl hats!!
an aside for automobile and house owners:
- if the prospect of something that blocks IR/UV light while letting near all visible light through sounds like something you would want your car or house windows to have, it exists, and is super awesome! look up "infrared and ultraviolet blocking film". for structures, it means more efficient cooling, and for cars, it means faster, more effective cooling!
for dressing in slightly cooler weather, i own lots of sweaters and a few hoodies too. with hoodies, i find pullover ones mess up my hair, and i've never been a fan of hoods that aren't standalone (think hijab). more often than not i actually end up using zipper hoodies as a more casual looking overcoat! knitted sweaters are also especially wonderful, i have a really thick comfy camo one.
during a nice, breezy, but cooler day, i enjoy longer skirts, frequently with some knitted stockings and/or leggings. i don't wear much fancy stuff with them, usually just something that feels nice to the skin that somewhat matches color-wise. i have a few thinner, tighter but still warm sweaters that are especially great for this!
if i'm going out for something fun, i might grab a dress. most of ours are like really long sweaters, but i own a couple proper ones too. never really bothered with getting them correctly sized or tight fitting; the stuff i do is more "casual" anyways!
what accessories and makeup do I use?
as previously mentioned, i often use hats to help with sunlight. i do also own a baseball cap, but i often forget i have it to be honest. i can't remember the last time i wore it. maybe last summer...? who knows :)
my mother is also a jeweler! thus, i get to have lots of fun necklaces and stuff, and even those little things go a long way with my appearance i find. bracelets are really fun with friends as well—you just drill holes through some cool looking stuff you find, run some elastic through it, and you have a bracelet!!
i also love using found objects to attach keys/USB drives to so i don't lose them (and because pretty).
makeup-wise, most often i use lipstick, sometimes nail polish or false nails, and occasionally foundation and eyeliner. generally i find that lipstick is really effective for making me look more feminine! it does take a little practice but i don't find it hard at all. as for the eyeliner and such i've always asked for the help of my sister.
to carry my stuff around in—since i don't often have pockets!—i have what is basically a slightly oversized purse, made of tan cloth and leather, got it from a secondhand store for as much as a large hot cocoa. i put a fair amount of stuff in it, including my laptop!
what do i keep in my bag? (plus a tidbit about medical first response)
for my daily tasks and such, i carry around a laptop, couple notebooks, graphing calculator, and writing implements, plus an extra thumb drive.
for myself, i also keep on hand my lipstick and some petroleum gel if i need it that day, as well as a medication to reduce inflammation in my nose that i just find really nice to have (oxymetazoline hydrochloride sinus spray). of course also my keys, cell phone, wallets, and a book to keep myself busy, currently one about sausage making! (The sausage-making cookbook. Jerry Predika, 1983.)
i'm a trained medical first responder, so i carry some lifesaving (and other medical) goodies on me, including:
- nalaxone/narcan
- drug overdose is more common around where i live. i picked up two doses for free at a local health center!
- CPR mask
- also got for free, same place
- tourniquet
- nitrile gloves
- gauze (normal, hemostatic, and in a couple rolls)
- adhesive bandages
- ointment for burns
- antibiotic ointment
- benadryl
- aspirin
- surgical scissors and forceps
- both are metal, for sterilizing with a flame
- isopropanol (isopropyl alcohol) and iodine wipes
- lighter
- swiss army knife
even if you aren't trained, narcan is super easy to use, and you can and should absolutely read up on CPR and first aid if you aren't able to get yourself trained (unfortunately it can be expensive).
the most important thing with CPR is bad CPR is better than no CPR. if you find someone not breathing and unconscious, and not waking up no matter what, and nobody else is doing CPR, as long as it's safe around you please just first, ask for help (or call emergency services yourself if no-one is nearby), then try giving it your best effort.
there are definitely better ways to go about it, but really the essence is to get blood pumping around. if you don't know any technique, get the person on a flat, rigid surface (that weird office "carpet" is OK, couches and such are not), put two hands on the sternum (between the nipples), and try and aim for at least two inches of compression 120 times a minute. it will be tiring, but will at least give the person a chance of living.
if you hear cracking or other bad noises, that's okay, and expected! continue on. broken bones suck, but dying sucks a whole lot more. even if they don't seem to come back to life, try and do CPR until someone else gets there. if you get too tired, ask someone else to do it.
if you wanna do rescue breaths—aka "mouth to mouth", and not actually wholly required, the compressions are much more important—make sure to pinch the nose. do two every thirty compressions. if they are sick, or if you're just uncomfortable with this, you don't have to do rescue breaths, although they do help.
on that note, take care to not hurt yourself! two people are much harder to deal with than one. in addition to reading, ask someone you know who is trained! they should be able to provide resources.
CPR has saved the lives of multiple of my family members and friends, so i really do encouraging learning even basic technique. but regardless...
in general i find a purse helps a TON with my appearance. consequently i noticed people also seemed to respect me much more when wearing it? probably makes me look like i do more important stuff than i actually do hehe.
where/how do I get my stuff?
as previously said, much of it is borrowed from my family. but, i still do have plenty of my own clothes! there are plenty secondhand shops where i live, and i find the variety of them the best place for clothing i actually like. i have gone to "proper" clothing stores, but their stock is much more cookie-cutter, not to mention the price.
i live in a place with a lot of university students, so the summer is an especially great time for clothing for me. your municipality or even just neighborhood (if you live in one) may have some fun clothing-related events, and i encourage going to them if they are friendly!
i find too that if you give your friends cute clothing, they are also likely to do the same for you, it's great fun :3 (and surprisingly competitive, holy!)
what other stuff might be helpful to know?
first, my style has changed a lot. like a lot a lot. some clothes i really liked a couple years ago, i absolutely hate now, and some i never would have even considered then i now wear super frequently! and, some days, i just am not feeling certain clothes for little reason in particular.
if you are on or soon going on HRT, clothes that fit you might not anymore in some time! i found this out the hard way hehe.
when starting out, i found it helpful to dress in ways somewhat familiar with my previous experience. for me it was a super gradual transition clothing-wise.
regardless, if you wear sweaters, experiment with ones patterned with flora, ones that are higher cut, and so forth! for those that enjoy trousers, maybe some tighter, shorter ones could feel better? it's not just about looking femme, you will end up also finding your own style! this may be worthwhile to consider even if you aren't outwardly transitioning, if you wanna feel more comfortable in your body. this was how i did it.
i also found getting rid of the just plain masculine clothes better for me, which for me was mostly just sweatpants i didn't like, some pairs of really baggy shorts, and some formal male dress stuff.
what should you, dear reader, take away from this?
i would say this: you should experiment with new clothing that you haven't tried before, but you should also try shifting your current wardrobe to something that butters your biscuit more nicely too. do try on those stockings, do try on that dress, do try on some makeup, even if you think you'll look goofy or dumb or whatever!
but also, use this to play around with what you currently often wear. you may be the type to wear just some jeans and a hoodie, but perhaps get a more brighter, cuter or tighter looking hoodie. or perhaps put on a necklace, or some cute glasses! maybe earrings too? some pins to put on the jeans? possibly all of those combined?
or maybe you ride motorcycles, and have to wear clothing that guarantees more protection. maybe get a nice looking bag, or put cute fun stickers on your helmet, or your bike! maybe sew something similar on that bag, maybe do all of those, and while you're at it do a burnout in the shape of the >:3 emoticon!!
maybe you run mail throughout the office, and are a bit more conservative appearance-wise. try a nice overcoat, or some cuter shoes!
do you see all the possiblity?!?!! Lao Tse, as an ode to the usefulness of newfound opportunity, writes:
Mold clay to form a bowl;
It is the empty space which makes the bowl useful.
and to the regard of opening yourself to new opportunity, and the unfamiliar but soon to be valuable:
Cut out windows and doors;
It is the empty space which makes the room useful.
so however you do or don't identify, go and have fun. if you haven't already, open up that room to enjoyable, new stuff, but still consider the value of what is already present, and give it a new coat of paint. you may still completely throw all of it out—maybe have remodeled it entirely—by the time you're satisfied. but, having utilized your opportunity, you will have gained something far more valuable: insight about not only style, but the structure behind it all... that's you! your own person!
but i digress—above all, try out what makes you feel happy!
best wishes and have fun you all <33
