I’ve been on HRT for two years, why do I still look like a man, why do I still look like this, why is my dystphoria worse than ever. Why do I hate myself so much. Why haven’t I’ve been loved and snuggled. Im just so sad with everything honestly can’t sleep.

So I've spent the last few decades with very short hair. It's naturally quite wavy, and now I've started growing it out, it's sticking out in all directions and looks a total mess, particularly around the ears. What do?

I know what shampoo and conditioner are, and I think I have a comb somewhere. Can anybody point to some good absolute-beginner tutorials, or give advice? I'm sure someone's been through the same thing...

Don't give up. Eat your breakfast. Be ready to open the door. Sometimes I just can't take it anymore. A shoe lace here, a shoe lace there, all tangled up and poor.

I ruminate in the deepest point of darkness. In the eye of the singularity and at the heart of warmth. Thuds of fire strike upon the distant shore.

I pull and I pull, but I cannot free my neck. And my face runs pale, and my experience runs thin. I gasp for air, and I let it in.

An oasis in my breath. The orange of orange juice. And I, and I can be found in the blue sky, by the grace one cannot lose.

When last night I lay in pain, I snapped this just for you, as the moon came.

Today I played Super smash bros with my 8 year old cousin, when I picked Rosalina he refered to me with feminine pronouns during that match. It was weird because this is first time I was gendered correctly but also felt great. And he isn't aware at all about my gender identity issues so I wasn't expecting it at all.

As of a few days ago, I am now 1 year on HRT! I typically don't like posting pictures of myself, but I also wanted to make a transition timeline and share my progress, so here it is lol.

Estrogen is amazing. I finally feel like my body is mine and something that I need and want to take care of. Sometimes, I randomly think about my gender and being a woman and it makes me so happy, but overall I don't really think about my gender as frequently as I used to years ago.

I also started progesterone last month and luckily I am one of the people that respond well to it. My overall mood has significantly improved since I started it, and it also helps me sleep a lot better. I am now waking up early in the morning feeling energized which is something I have not experienced in a very long time lol.

I've also been working on my voice as well. I did make a post here about 6 months ago where I asked for feedback on my voice (which was really breathy and did not sound good). I think I have improved quite a bit since then. I'd really appreciate your feedback on it if you would like to critique it.

My voice training progress (youtube link)

A user posted some incredibly good science on DIY HRT, I have verified them, they wish to stay anonymous.

Please take a look at their post! I know people have a vendetta against hexbear yada yada yada but please take a look at the post, it is very good information.

I'm attempting to make a lil Vivian character over here. Here is the link if someone is interested.

(I hope this kind of post is allowed on this community)

In early June I went to a local drag show at a bar my friend's mom owns. It was her first time seeing me since my transition, and she was surprised with how happy and lively I was, compared to the masc person she had previously known. One of the songs the queen sung was very sad and she was deeply moved, and ended up crying on us pretty hard.

Apparently after that, she resolved to make a little care package for me to help me along in my transition. After all, buying a whole new wardrobe for yourself is very expensive lol. She sent me a message asking to meet her at the bar, and we ended up having drinks together and unboxing all the lovely things she got for me.

She got me two bags, two skirts, a dress, some boots, a pair of heels, fishnet tights, makeup, a target gift card, SO much stuff. I was really moved; nobody has ever done something like that for me before.

Anyway, I did a little mini photo shoot to show her how everything fit, and to tell her how much I liked it all! I think the pictures turned out alright, and felt like sharing.

Hey ghosts in my machine! I promise not to spam post but I made a body progress college I wanted to share with you all. It's from the day I finally decided I was tired of how I was presenting and needed a change from around 8 years ago. It took my first weight loss transition to reach my goal and realize I still hated my mirror to finally be absolutely certain I was trans. It took another 7 years after that to know I couldn't just let it go.

It's been a worn tooth and nail journey, and I'm not where I want yet, but when I see myself now, I finally see me. I hope the same for you.

Around 1.5 weeks ago I had entrance exam for university. I used 1 month I had after school finished to spend more time to prepare for the exam. During that time I ignored my feelings regrding my gender identity which made me feel better at the time but things got worse after finishing exam. I'm desparate for HRT at the moment and I even considered DIY (I'd rather go to endocrinologist before HRT but DIY would allow me to start much sooner). At this point just the idea of living rest of my life as a man makes me feel dread. It's not any better with clothes. I'll probably order some feminine clothes, maybe even a wig, just to feel better about myself. Tomorrow I'll have to wear shirt and pants, had to try them today and for the first time in my life I hated it (before it just made me feel uncomfortable). Time that I spent preparing for exam now feels wasted because I didn't get any gender euphoria during that time. Even tho I did exam well at the end and I'll go to university I wanted that didn't make me feel happy at all because of dysphoria. Everyone else is more happy and excited than me about university. At least I have a session with my therapist soon to talk about all of this. I'll also talk with my mom about this, didn't do it yet because of some events that don't have anything to do with my gender identity. I just hope that everything will go well until I start HRT.

from this video: https://inv.tux.pizza/watch?v=fi7_6SqretM

annnndddd I'm wearing it to go pick up my first batch of hormones in a couple hours 🥰

I was at this fry shop today and the owner was teaching his new minions how to make what I had ordered. He said sir in the background. Well, I'm used to it, so whatever, I plopped my butt down and waited for that golden finger lickin' goodness.

Eventually the guy awkwardly comes to the front through a door. Acts out of place. Says something nice to this person and that person, dunno what he was up to at first so I just did my thing.

At some point he works up the courage and walks up to me and makes some small talk. Then he asked me my pronouns, so I'm like she/her. He apologized that he misgendered me before and called me adorable! 😭

Now, just yesterday someone called me a trannie before riding off on his bicycle, but that's a story for another time. Safe to say I'm a fair Claire ⭐

After much consideration and fighting with my brain, I've decided that it's okay to ask for help in hard situations. So, I'm making this in hope that I receive at least a little bit of help. I'm asking for money, friends, and any advice you can give me. Everything counts and will help me during this rather terrible time. I'm Uni (name TBD) and I'm a 16 y/o transgirl unfortunately situated in the USA. You may know me as a regular on the Blahaj Matrix chats going by "Miss Universe".

So a little bit (a lot?) of backstory to sort of explain my current situation. My egg cracked October last year and it was both the best and worst thing that has happened in my life so far. Being a minor means that I can't really do anything about the fact that my egg cracked, I'm fully relying on the people around me to help me (which has failed). Put simply, as a minor I have absolutely no control over my body or my life, I have no money, no experience, and nowhere to go.

I came out to my mother and step-father (my parents are divorced) February this year, and while they seemed to be supportive at first they semi-recently turned on me and have been mostly unsupportive since then.

As for my father and step-mother, they are both actively transphobic republicans. I have no plans on coming out to them until after I turn 18, and it would be unsafe to do so before then.

Basically, as of now I have basically no support from anybody in my life and I'm completely trapped as my dysphoria gets worse with each passing day.

With my situation sort of explained(?), why am I actually here? Pretty much I'm here because I need money. Money for clothes, makeup, just stuff that can hopefully help me alleviate some of my dysphoria until I'm able to afford to do so myself (which as a minor is difficult). And also I suppose gas, in case it comes to it and I need to run away, even for a short period. I'm also looking for advice, I don't really know what to do and it would be really nice to have at least some semblance of what I could be doing right now.

I don't really know if any of that made sense, I'm bad at organizing my thoughts and even worse at asking for help. If you have any questions post them in the comments and I can probably answer them.

You can support me here on Buy Me a Coffee if you so wish, and/or with advice in the comments. Every donation counts.

Hey, so I [17 MTF] have now known I'm trans for a bit over 1.5 years. Still, I have only come out to precisely 2 friends and my parents, even though I am a member of several groups that are trans-supportive. I have extreme anxiety when it comes to that.

Some reasons that I believe are part of why: (CW transphobia included)

• My parents didn't take it super well and are kind of on the edge between transphobic and supportive. (They have a lot of transphobic views but are generally not malicious about it and try to use gender neutral terms for me most of the time.)
• One of the friends turned out to be quite transmed despite being trans herself, and has invalidated me on several occasions for not having enough dysphoria at the time.
• I'm scared other people won't take it super well and I have no functioning support network.
• I'm scared I'll be seen as some kind of abomination
• I don't really feel like I "deserve" to come out since I haven't started HRT yet (and my parents do not support me starting, so I have to do this in secret) and don't feel like I pass well enough. I know I don't need to, but telling my anxiety any of that has no effect

This anxiety is absolutely crippling my progress. It extends not only to coming out but also leaves me too scared to even make an attempt to pass. I look pretty fem already and have sufficient voice training for most situations, but I don't even attempt to use that voice in public just in case it might slip. For this reason, everyone assumes I'm male very quickly upon me saying anything, which also leads to the anxiety worsening because now I'm also scared it was the looks and not the voice.

Additionally, I am non-confrontational to the point of fawning a LOT, which means I end up trying to appease anyone I have a conversation with even when there is no reason to. If someone criticizes the way my walls are painted for example, I will always agree with them to at least some extent, even if I actually like the way the walls are. This also makes coming out super hard because there is absolutely no way I will stand up for myself if someone reacts negatively. And that'll of course validate them in their negativity.

As I've said, I have multiple groups that I know to be trans-supportive. But there, I am afraid coming out might still lead to disapproval due to me "not passing enough". (Once again, I know this is a harmful way to think, but that's what I'm here to fix.)

I'm on a waiting list for a therapist, although I don't know how trans-supportive they are. I'm primarily there to help fix the anxiety and possibly get the autism I suspect to have diagnosed. I do hope they're good with trans stuff too, but it's not a requirement as I've already sorted the medical things out with slightly less-than-legal options.

So, my question is: Do you have any tips on how to reduce this anxiety and expand my support network by coming out in more places?

I've been lurking here more lately, but I haven't been completely absent. It's been around a year since I joined lemmy, and just over a year since I came to the conclusion that I am indeed trans.

It took a while, I've had a few big steps up in feeling comfortable with being trans. I spent 6+ months on a kick of "I'm not cis/I might be trans" and a bit later to "I'm trans, but embarrassed about it" but in the last couple of months keep getting more, almost, proud to be trans. A couple months back I finally accepted calling myself a trans-woman. Still a bit of a shock to me 😅

I finally started pulling the trigger and started buying some stuff from the women's dept, mostly just lounge and sleep wear. But feel somewhat less uncomfortable about even looking at it.

I told my therapist a couple months back I had started more seriously researching hrt and she asked how it felt. I said something like, "nervous, but a little excited.." more recently, it's been more like "excited, with a little bit of nervous. Like waiting in line on a new roller-coaster"

My spouse had some struggles at first, and is still also figuring things out with me, but sounds super accepting and has talked about hrt and other ideas as if it's any other typical big relationship topic.

Also, lately, euphoria-wise, I realized, I fucking love sleep shirts and sleep dresses! It's been just over a year since I cut my hair and occasionally, it sits around my face just right I can see a woman beginning to appear! ☺️ Its getting long enough to be able to do the little head shake/flip to get the hair out of my eye and it's kind of euphoric to be able to do that.

ANY-WHOSE how are things going with the rest of you girls? Any new, unexpected euphoria lately? Any tips or tricks? I feel like I'm past so much fear and almost ready to come out to some people

Oh! BTW, I did actually come out to an old friend and an old coworker who both understood and accepted, which was awesome!

Edit: also, fun fact! I have red hair. And about as much body hair as is possible. I've been trying to remove it, never really liked it, convinced myself I was fine with it. I'm not anymore. Either way! Found out from an estatician that apparently redheads have deeper rooted hair. 🤷‍♀️ Also! I already knew redheads were less sensitive to anesthetics. So, I have tons of body hair, deeper rooted hair, and numbing stuff doesn't work that well... It fucking *sucks" but I'm trying my damndest to power through.

First, if you have any interest in seeing this movie, do not read anything about it, just go see it as soon as you possibly can.

What did y'all think of it? Any film recommendations in a similar vein?

That is, wife (43) and daughter (12). Told them I was re-evaluating myself and who I wanted to be, and that I wanted to try being "cuter" (didn't quite have the courage to go further), and that perhaps men's clothing didn't suit me.

The wife was mostly "yeah, right" -- seemed happy that I was trying to improve myself but seems to think it's just a phase (maybe it is? idk).

But my daughter was right on board! Came up with a load of outfit and makeup suggestions, and proposed going to an anime convention together, dressed up. I asked her if she'd think it was weird for me to go about dressed as a gothic lolita, and the response was "no, I think it'd be cute."

So next step is maybe cute anime girl cosplay at home, with an ally!

I'm literally shaking with ... excitement? fear? relief? I have no idea. Ohgodohgodohgod what am I doing...

I spent this last weekend partying at a cabin, then came home and immediately had to do a 5:00am video shoot for work come Monday morning, so I had no energy to put into my appearance today at all; I have been a walking husk, just carrying this fresh-outta-bed disheveled look through my day lol.

Once my shoot was over, I decided to get myself some McDonald's breakfast and went through the drive through. I made my order in my very deep voice, and was told, "ok, that will be $7.50 at the next window, sir." That's what I expected, because I have quite a manly voice as default, and I am not confident enough in my voice training to use it out in public.

However, I get up to the window to pay, the lady takes one look at me, and says "Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry, ma'am! Of course, ma'am!" That had never happened to me before, where somebody heard me speak, sees me and still decides I'm a woman. Getting misgendered did not bug me at all, since it was what I expected in my unglamorous presentation today, but hearing her be so sure that "ma'am" was the right word for me even in my husk state really just made my day.

I spent the next hour just saying "Wow, holy hell. Whoa. That's crazy," in joyful disbelief. Early shoot be damned, today kicks ass! I just needed to tell somebody lol

archived version

AMAB kids love wearing the Elsa dress too!

(Crass commercialism, and blonde haired blue eyed white lead character issues aside)

Hopefully this indicates that diverse gender expression becoming even more socially acceptable as the Frozen generation matures into adulthood.

Just wanted to share my 8 months mark.