So I (30mtf) got picked up by my girlfriend last tuesday to go to a bar for my first time (yeah, I know lol), and to join their roommates (a cute couple) at the bar while they sing kereoke. Planned on staying one night, buuut at some point I checked my texts, and wow.
For a tiny bit of applicable backstory, I live with my mom, whom I instead call my roommate for soon to be obvious reasons- she does not act like a mom, or even an adult. We have the general agreement that if I have someone stay over, she gets a gram of her favorite wax (Oregon, weed stuff) so that she can not worry about someone else in the apartment that she doesn't know. Totally cool, makes it easy. No sort of inverse, she doesn't have to give me a thing- also totally cool, since she has no friends anymore (she keeps chasing them away) and she pays the rent. And, she's terrible at just... communicating like an adult.
So, I checked my texts while out, and wow. What I assume other moms might send, after their kid's mentioned going out, you'd think it'd be stuff along the lines of "Hey, hope you got there safe, and are drinking responsibly!", "How're you doing? You and your friends make it there safely?", or even a "Do you have a safe ride home set up?"... buut no, of course not. Somehow, she turns it into me "abandoning my obligations" to her... but actually, no, she had mentioned wanting help with her car sometime that month. That's not a specific day, she can't just be mad because I did something THAT day, when she did not schedule it or even mention it in the last week, you can't have it both ways, that's a trap, I'm "in the wrong" either way, the second she decides I've wronged her somehow.
Oh but that's not even the best part. She, for no reason, before I even respond to anything she said, brings up:
- her dying mother (actually old, yes, she got a letter that was mentioning that it'd be REALLY nice if she stopped by before it was too late... mom thinks it's 'cause she's dying, and uses it as ammo not even two months later. Actually, I'm sure it's because she's gone to visit them twice in the last decade and a half, and yeah, at THAT rate...)
- my alcoholic father (who has had literally nothing to do with anything for the last decade, I had left at 18 because of how abusive and narcissistic he was... HAHAHA how little did I know I was walking into literally the same thing all over again...)
- a vaguely mentioned shopping trip where I help carry a bag of pellets to the bus stop (not planned on any specific day, or even week, and she can't do stuff on the hot days, sooooo I had literally planned to be back the next afternoon)
- working on her car (which she's been avoiding doing for literally years at a time, this time it's been over four months, so there's no reason it suddenly had to be NOW)
- Her being on the spectrum and speaking directly, and not trying to sound mean, but blablabla (I know literally firsthand autism doesn't turn you into an asshole- it can make it hard to communicate, or possibly understand pending the situation, but it doesn't make you bring up every single piece of ammunition you can scrounge for just to hurt the other person as much as you can, before they even respond...)
- Accusing me of being an alcoholic "just like your father" (I've literally had less to drink than her in the entire last decade, she misunderstood me and my girlfriend sharing seven shots between us, and me throwing up three times in a row out of nerves AND MOST IMPORTANTLY (and ironically) because I hadn't drank in several months, and was really nervous about having a pretty girl over and talking in my good voice for so long, all night... she misinterpreted it as though I had seven shots of hard liquor and got so drunk that I threw up three times... two VERY different scenarios. Oh, and at the bar, I had a single can of cider, a shot of henny on the way out, and maybe a quarter of the roommate's girlfriend's can of cider as we were heading out and passing it between everyone because she didn't wanna finish it.)
- how oh so very accepting she has been of my gender and asexuality (...she doesn't use my chosen name, that I've had for more than half my life, over 15 years, she doesn't even know that I'm greysexual, agender, and panromantic because she doesn't even ask, but also why bring that up if it was honest acceptance and not just performative tolerance?)
Like, she somehow turned me going to the bar with my girlfriend all about her, with her saying "I'm just sad that I am not even thought about" like... yeah, I'M going to the bar with MY girlfriend and HER roommates- oh and how "You made commitments you walked out on. If I can't depend on you, how can anyone else?" Like what the actual fuck mom, that's some borderline emotional incest shit, get your shit together before you literally chase me away from trying to clean up your messes and keep the apartment clean enough to pass inspections, and fulfill your own prophecy of me abandoning you.
Also, yeah, I'm looking at apartments with my gf and the rest of the squad, because I cannot live another year here, 12 was far too long but it allowed me time to grow as a person and make the connections that are my squad, my support network, my two girls and my man. I moved here because I wanted to live and not just survive, but it appears that's what the NEXT home will be, where I can finally live instead of barely survive.
Here's hoping she does what she always does and leaves me alone for a month or three, so I can get the plans together and start packing, and be gone before she can even start complaining like she does every five or so months. I can't handle HER bs, and my own bs, AND all the stuff that comes with being a few months on E, and being in a relationship with an entire quadratic polycule, my squad... and also teasing a few others, I can't help it, but that's neither here nor there... :U
Life is getting really exciting, due to my transition and my relationships, but also... mom just HAS to go and ruin it. But she can't, because she's shown that I don't have to care what she thinks anymore. I'll mourn the mother I once loved so dearly, once I'm far enough away from what she's become. c':
OH I FORGOT and her using my nonbinary-ness for internet clout literally the same week I told her, when... it has NOTHING to do with her internet friends, she hasn't supported me and earned the "I supported my nonbinary child through their gender struggles" badge, literally the only thing she did was... let's see... not yell at me, go "ok" to the whole thing when I told her (and not say anything else until DAYS later, and not ask a SINGLE QUESTION ;w;), and hand down a pair of tall socks that didn't fit her. That last one's actually nice, one of the few nice things she's done over the years, nice black and purple striped socks that'll be good in the winter 'cause they're thicker.
