I just blurted this out, no editing, no pauses. I just wrote. I was feeling so bad these days and so doubtful and I don't know who I am but I just felt the need to post this somewhere that would be seen

A boy was pondering his orb and in the orb he could see all and all could see him. He could travel the stars or roam the lands, navigate the seas and burrow in the earth; in all those places he found many little figures, an ant or a bird or a man. All of them had a thought and all of them spoke. Some of them weren't even real, just a mirage from a mirror that stole the light from what was reflected, and yet even those would speak to the boy. And the boy listened and listened and listened more, and his head would grow larger larger yet larger but could not ever explode.

For you see, the boy's head was hard as steel, and he wanted nothing more to crack it open, and see what was inside.

The pressure kept building, his temples throbbing with pain. It was a grotesque sight, a blasphemous pregnancy, and yet he ate and saw and heard and touched and smelled everything he could from his little glass orb. The orb was a mirror too, and while it fed the boy the visions, it robbed him of his soul.

But that soul was infinite, and was about to erupt.

The orb fell, the boy too. The head cracked.

Among the debris of sloppy visions a flower rose, it blossomed, and grew. The most radiant girl came out, and the orb tried to charm her too, but she was just born, and sought the sun. She walked out, seeking her light and the orb, was no more.

Hi all!

My names Natalie, I'm a 34yr old male to female CD from Sydney Australia. I'm looking to make new friends, meet new people, and have some lovely discussions and convos with everyone 😊

The image posted was taken yesterday while I was out and about getting some day chores and tasks done

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/36503151

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/36503103

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/36502972

Hi everyone, my name is CyaraKaira a transgender refugee living in South Sudan.

Escaping from Uganda simply for being who I am. I believed leaving would bring safety but when I reached Kenya the violence followed me. I was targeted because of my gender identity. I was tortured, stripped naked, attacked, cut with machetes and forced to witness the loss of lives within our community. Those experiences changed me forever and left scars that are both visible and invisible.

With nowhere left to run, I fled again this time to South Sudan together with my sisters. We came hoping to find a place where we could at least exist without fear. Instead we are struggling daily as visible transgender refugees. We face discrimination most of the times. Accessing basic services is also really hard due to our visible identities. The current festive season has become even more dangerous especially for refugees and foreigners with frequent arrests and insecurity.

On December 24th our worst fears became reality. Our home was violently raided by an armed group. They identified themselves as military but it was later confirmed they were a rebel group known to the government. They broke into our house and demanded ransom, threatened to take us to the bush and told us they would kill us or make us disappear. For nearly five hours, we were tortured and interrogated. We genuinely believed we were not going to survive that day.

By God’s grace, I was able to call Tasha who immediately contacted a protection officer. The protection officer then involved the police, the chairman and other officials who came to our location and rescued us. We were saved but our lives remain in danger. If such a group could come once, they can return. Our shelter is no longer safe, and staying there puts our lives at serious risk.

Because of this, Tasha helped us escape and relocate temporarily. We are currently staying in a hotel that she paid for but this support ends tomorrow and we have nowhere safe to go next. We are traumatized, living in fear and running out of options.

We are really asking for you help, we need to shift and change location because our lives are really in danger and we are afraid that we might end up loosing our lives. Please any donations will mean a lot to us as we need to collect enough for the shelter. Please consider supporting us through the support link in bio/ Profile.

At the same time, I want to share an important update about my future. I am currently working with an organization that is supporting my immigration and resettlement to Canada. I have already gone through most of the interviews, including the Canadian immigration interview, and the process is still ongoing. It has taken several months but we are hopeful and patiently waiting for the next steps.

I want to sincerely wish everyone a Happy New Year. Thank you to every person who has supported us, stood with us, donated, advocated for us and shown us kindness throughout this journey. Being a transgender refugee in South Sudan is something no one would ever wish for but your support has kept us going.

Thank you for reading, for caring and for standing with us.

CyaraKaira

So as some of you might have read, my parents were not amused, when I started to correct them misgendering me (Quick recap: My mother told me "You cant expect us to get used to this [new Name/pronouns] for those few times you visit"

This kicked me finally over the edge. I planned on staying until the end of the first week of January. Now I am leaving tomorrow (I am helping a friend out which was planned, but I will not return to my parents which was not originally planned). I told them today, that I will not come back and that they are the reason. I told them, that I expect them to call me the right name/pronouns and that my motivation to come back to them as long as this does not happen is relatively low. I told them, that this is the basic level of human respect that I am expecting. I am not expecting anything else, but I am not accepting anything below that.

How did they respond to that? They did not get anything I was trying to say. They told me, that "they need time to adjust", while not making a single fucking move that even hinted that they are adjusting. Yes I did just tell them my name 4 weeks ago. They still had 7 fucking months to get used to the idea of me being trans. They did not do anything except watching horrible videos of detransitioners. They told me the most transphobic bullshit ever right to my face. If it wouldnt have been my parents i would have ended prior discussions about this after 3 fucking sentences. 4 weeks + additional 6 months of you doing nothing and not even trying and you are telling me that you need more time. They even dared themselves to talk about tolerance and said I should be glad, that they were "tolerant" enough to not kick me out like other parents do. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????? You dare to say I should be glad, that you are not completely heartless monsters? This bar is so incredibly low and you are using this as a comparison?

Nothing of this would have happened if they even showed the smallest amount of effort. I did not want to do anything of this. While our relationship has always been a bit tricky i still kind of liked them and enjoyed staying there to a certain extent. I do not want to cut them out, but I am not willing to give them a free pass for endlessly deadnaming/misgendering me.

I am so fucking angry and sad at the same time. Probably gonna cry myself to sleep now or something like that.

Edit: guess who only slept 4h at maximum.

Edit 2: So since yesterday evening my dad wrote me 3 Messages (each on its own is like a half book) talking a whole lot about how much he worked, so that his children will have it better than him, and that he does not want to loose me. About 5 minutes before I left today he called me and said, that I can take as much money as I need from them if I just come back and then started crying. Ending the call while your own dad Cry's on the phone felt brutal. My dad has been through a lot, so it takes quite a lot to make this man cry. What this shows to me is, that they are finally realising, that its getting serious. This also shows to me, that not all hope is lost.

I'm around 9 months of feminizing HRT, and maintain the opinion that it is one of the best decisions I've made. I know that a lot of long term changes won't kick in until the 2-3 year mark at least, and it can take 5 or more years before strength is comparable to a cis woman.

Yesterday I took some milestone pictures, and it was the first time I've seen my back since before starting hormones. Holy dysphoria Batman. Genuinely the most acute dysphoria I've experienced. I have had a day to cry, nap, and evaluate, and am back to trusting the process, but damn I want these lats to go away.

I powerlifted in my past life as a way to try and run away from the woman I wanted to become, but haven't done any upper body strength training in over 3 years. I'd have great genes if I wasn't trans ;-;

Me and my also transfem partner got married last week on the fourth anniversary of our relationship. I haven't changed my name yet, but I plan to take her last name at the same time as I change my first name, and if I do it soon enough it's cheaper and easier. So now I'm on a clock to get ready for that. Wish me luck!

Its hard to believe I started this community over 2 years ago now. I really love that its been able to provide a protected space for transfeminine and questioning people to experience, share, celebrate and commiserate.

I just couldn't be more happy that I've been able to help provide that to other trans and gender variant people out there. I lost my mom 3 years ago, not too long before I started this community. Christmas is a tough time of year for me, because of that and the complexities of being queer and what that means for family and friends.

I'm glad that people think to come here to vent about what theyre going through right now and support each other through it. That is exactly the kind of environment I wanted when I started this space. If the blahaj.zone transfem space has helped you in any way over the years then I think it has served its purpose well.

As always a huge thank you to Ada and Kaity for hosting, moderating and administrating the blahaj.zone lemmy instance. Theres no way something like this community would've been possible without all the work they've done.

I wish everyone a lovely holiday season and look forward to all the conversations we will have in the new year 😊💕

So I started HRT 6 weeks and it seems like, that the amount I have to sleephas skyrocketed since then. Before it was impossible for me to sleep more than 9-10h, now if nothing wakes me up I easily sleep 11-12h. If I wake up after 9h of sleep I feel like I barely slept at all and I get quite tired over the day. I know that this is an expected side effect of HRT (or puberty in general) but I did not expect for this to happen this fast. When did you started to get so tired?

I just want to wish everyone an acceptable wintervus and send hugs to those beeing deadnamed and misgendered by their families. I know this can be a difficult season for many of you, but freedom is just a few days away.

Hang in there!

Well, so its this time of the year again, where I am staying at my parents place for about 2 weeks. Due to the fact, that they were semingly unwilling to accept me and my new name/pronouns I decided to go the confrontational way and start correcting them when they misgender/deadname me. I knew that this would spark some discussions, but oh boy I was not prepared that this would bring out what they really think about me. My mom literally said "I will not do something that I dont believe in" (they always said, that they were "accepting" me (they didnt, but they at least said so, looks like they dont even try to hide it)), but even worse I got to hear "You cant expect us to get used to this for those few times you visit". Are you fucking kidding me? I am not more important than a slight inconvenience? You are really not understanding, that this isnt about something being worth it, but instead about your fucking child you raised? I have been here for literally one day and my motivation to stay has already dropped to zero. I am planning to leave at the end of the first week of January, but I guess I will probably leave shortly after new years eve (or maybe already at 30th since I have a perfect excuse for leaving that day). Worst of all: I dont even have weed anymore, so I cant even get stoned as fuck (even if it would only be in the evening) to make it a little bit more bearable. I had hope, that they somehow might still become more accepting once I require the new name/pronouns, but it looks like, this has only made them more hostile towards me. Only good thing is, that I will have the chance to avoid them for most of the day for the 25/26th. Wish me luck, that I can stand through this for one more week, I will try to get out of this as soon as possible.

Edit: Thank ya all for your kind words. I highly appreciate it.

Estrogen literally made me feel happy all the time in my day to day life. I started about 4 weeks ago and my dysphoria has literally evaporated. When the best feeling I could have asked for before estrogen was feeling kinda mid with the constant chance if dysphoria ruining my evenings without any warning I Am now not only not feeling any Dysphoria at all, but also I Am waaaaaaay happier. My "normal" feeling is now on the level of my pre estrogen "I'm feeling quite good". Its insane what the right hormones can do in as little as 3-4 weeks.

Dr Powers is dropping all out of state patients and multiplying fees by several times over. He cites the current federal administration and hints at litigation, as well as death threats and other violence, and losing one of his employees.

I'm so tired.

I recently got some bodysuits for the first time, and I'm really astounded as to how much they help with feminizing and making me look really super duper femme. A year of HRT and weight gain have helped lots too, but these just accentuate that and were really euphoric for me and hopefully to y'all too if you end up trying some!

p.s. Jeans/pants help in giving a more hour glassy figure too since top is tight and bottom is wider

if you have HRT Related queries or advice please check out !diyhrt@lemmy.blahaj.zone, an entire comm for HRT

I've been on HRT for about 4.5 years now, and I still don't really feel any better, I'm still very depressed and dystphoric. I know I dont put a ton of effort in, but when I for help cultivating an aesthetic, people tell me to go on tiktok, or just Google it, I suffer a lot as a result cause due to my ADHD I just can't pay attention or I dont do anything and I just keep suffering, I've honestly considered just ending it since my dysphoria has been strong and consistent my entire life. I'm just tired, I want help but I just feel alone in this journey since I can't just google it, or look it up on tiktok. I feel like I'm a hopeless person and I'm honestly annoying to the trans community and huge part of transphobia

I'm doing this for the first time, took a hot shower before.

And it hurts LIKE HELL.

I have a Braun Silk epil 7. So yeah if you have any tips on how to make this hurt less do tell.

I got a butt-butt-butt? I got a butt-butt-butt.

I gotta butt-butt butt-butt butt-butt-butt

So as some of you probably seen, I finally started HRT and I am absolutely loving it. I am doing some higher doses for the beginning to get my levels up fast (5mg every 3 days for 3 injections and then 5mg every 7 days) and I am starting to feel the first emotional changes happening. I am feeling my inner girl without drugs for the first time in my life. I have never experienced this level of joy and happiness before. The level of Euphoria just looking at my beautiful nails gives me is insane. Im also currently at the edge of crying just from listening to some music. It feels absolutely fantastic. I did knew roughly what HRT would bring me emotionally, but not even in my wildest dreams could I have Imagined this level of Euphoria and happiness. Theres no realy way to put this into words without repeating myself a million times.

Anyway, I wish all of you girlies a wonderfull day and for all of my sisters out there struggling with dysphoria and waiting for HRT: Stay strong, it gets better 💖🫂

For context: I'm visiting my parents for Thanksgiving and my mom has this stack of books in the spare room. I just noticed its perfect placement and wanted to share.

Edit: I also got my prescription for E renewed today. So I'm happy about that.