After nearly 10 years of waiting, it finally happened for me on Monday. Today (Thursday) I had my first sit out of bed for 30 minutes and it was painful. Tomorrow I do it more and the day after, I get my bandages off. It's all a bit unreal for me still. I kinda thought I'd never reach this milestone. The easy part of lying unconscious is done, now for the deliberate work of recovery.

+1 for Anne Heathcare (UK).

woke up. hair messy. super warm. lazy. :3

(also why does this mirror make me look twinky asf 😭😭)

So ive been out as trans for about 3-4 months. Everything has been great so far in terms of coming out and trying out new things. Ive spent quite a bit to switch out my wardrobe and there will be more.

For some context. Ive been basically dissociating my whole life. Theres never really been a "me", ive just been following societal expectations and returned to the computer whenever my presence wasnt obligated or expected elsewhere. This has made it very hard to navigate life after coming out as trans. What do I even have to compare to? Do i feel better now than before? I know ive always been intrigued by feminine clothing and makeup and never felt "at home" /"at ease" with boys being boyish. I usually ended up in "the weird kids corner" and initially had no thoughts about being trans for many years. At first I thought I just had autism, and i still do, for several reasons. But when i realized thats probably not the entire puzzle things started to make more sense.

Anyways. I just went on vacation with some friends and we roadtripped down to another friend in Germany. While there her girlfriend kindly gifted me 2 3-packs of Gynokadin, 0.6mg/g estradiol gel. Now I just keep staring at them unsure of what to do. Ive been considering for the last 2 months whether it is time to get on to HRT but something in my brain is very afraid.

The one who gave them to me is now doing DIY injections and just didnt have any use for them. She basically told me "you can just try it". And I dont know, im afraid i'll feel nothing at all or even worse, bad, on it, and im just afraid everything will come shambling down? The dream is ofcourse to have my mental state improve and actually become a person but I have no idea where to go right now.

My original plan was to maybe start HRT via a private clinic (public healthcare has about 3,5-4 years wait time here) and just pray that improvements to mental health could prove my point but that feels like an extremely unwise diagnosis-by-medication strategy my brain tells me is stupid.

What would you do? Tips? Struggles? Experiences? Anything is welcome ❤️

started on 4mg/wk injections and spiro ~3 months ago and Wednesday my bloodwork showed <3ng/dL for T and 485pg/mL estradiol, probably bc it's my peak since I inject on Monday. but YAY!!!!! NO MORE T!!!!

I'm not sure why I thought starting at 18 might be too late for the effects I wanted, but I was so wrong. I love everything...

the mental clarity, and subsequent end of my disassociation was the best.

the fat distribution. I was a healthy weight to begin with (leaning on the lighter side, 136lbs) but holy shit. my hips. my thighs. my butt. mmmmmghhhh.....,, AND IT'S SUPPOSED TO GET BETTER FROM HERE??!

my skin and hair. are so soft. but probably in part because I actually take care of them now!! I love sugar scrub :3

my smell!?? that one I DIDN'T know about!! my clothes, my towel, my bedsheets, they all smell like... girl....., that means... I smell like a girl...,.,

and my chest is... apparent now... which also isn't something I expected so early but I'm not complaining :3

in life, I'm just out and about as a girl all the time. I already pass pretty well with a face mask on, so why bother boymoding when there's no point? hehe :3

there's more I still have to do, mainly figuring out what I'm doing to get rid of my facial hair. but I just love myself so much..., and yet it's still supposed to get BETTER from here! maybe not exponentially, but I'm soooo looking forward to it.

and to end the night I'll eat up my own spicy savory meat pasta!

and yes I did type this up last night, but I fell asleep 😭😭 that is something that happens quite often now. but gm!!!!! (for me at least)

still a little bit eepy sleepy but I'm gonna head out soon :3

this is a bit of a mixture between personal blog post and AMA (ask me anything) post. i'm just sharing my experiences of the last few years / months just because i want to connect to other people through my views and stories.

i've basically known my whole life (or at least since i can remember, i gained consciousness at around age 12 and that's where my earliest memories are from) that i'm "more in touch with my feminine side than most guys" (what a nice phrase, thank you musical on ember island from the legend of aang). also btw aang from atla was long my favorite character - something like a spirit animal, just a person not a non-human animal.

anyways i've always thought that living as a woman is bullshit and impossible anyways (EDIT: for me because i can't do anything about it anyways. this was before i learned about HRT and that it exists so it's more of a "i wish there was a juice that turned me into a girl" egg moment) so i should just grow up and fit into my role in society in a socially compatible way ... which means, grow old, grow grumpy, etc. . i've had a whole lot of positive experiences when i was 19 and bumped into a whole lot of very cool people (shoutout to the maths university where i live) and they kinda ... gave me hope for a better world. after significant internal emotional turmoil which included near-death experiences and lots of meditation, ... (that description doesn't cut it. it was more intense than i'm willing to put into words.) anyways i've started taking finasteride (which blocks a bit of testosterone in the body but not all of it) a few months ago. unfortunately the rumors are true, the body does not do well if you block all testosterone without adding estrogen at the same time ... i suspect that it's actually more complicated than that, the body just takes more time to get used to it. anyways i started with 1mg of finasteride / day for a few weeks a loved it, mostly the change of smell has impressed me. i'd love to meet somebody with the same smell as me, and i'd probably just devour them on-the-spot (jk). anyways i've had to pause it for 2 weeks after a month because i developed a heart-ache that made me worried. i started again, taking it for 5 weeks and now i have to reduce dosage again because i'm developing that heart-aching again. i suspect that it's not actually about the heart-muscle btw. people say that if you're close to a heart-attack, you don't actually feel it in your heart but in your left upper arm. but if you feel it in your heart instead, that means that it's not the heart muscle that's suffering but your emotions instead. and i suspect that the story is more complicated than that, involving the gut-brain axis. the brain is made of many parts (compartments) and they are switched on/off by hormones. and if you switch all of them off at once, there's a lack of drivers (just like computer hardware drivers) for the body and that causes the ache. so your body has to develop new, independent-of-sex-hormones, drivers before you can get the testosterone completely out of your body. i don't want estrogen (i think?) because i'm worried about boob growth (i don't want boobs). but who knows how this will develop in the future. --gandalf_der_12te (nikaaa for those who know me by that name :)

My understanding is that it is common to start with laser, then move to electrolysis. If laser has dealt with the majority of hairs, is the electrolysis tech able to "ignore" those follicles? If not, starting with laser seems pointless.
I have been doing laser for a while but am starting to think electrolysis will be necessary prior to surgery for some of the finer hairs.

Just need to vent. I realized I was trans and I have been repressing it for awhile. I told myself I wanted to start hrt by the end of the year. But I have been struggling with health issues too. To the point that I may have to go on disability and everything feels hopeless. My living situation puts me into a position where I cannot be open about who I am. Plus I met someone who I thought was a really nice person. I just wanted to be friends but they love bombed me until I gave in. Which broke my self esteem all over again. Everything just feels like too much right now and I have spent the last two days in bed in the fetal position not moving at all.

I'm planning on getting HRT in the coming weeks, at least just to try for a month or so to see its effects as I can't get blood tests currently. I'm going to be buying Climen tablets, which are pretty cheap, but in the guide I'm following it tells me to get Androcur tablets as well which are insanely expensive for me.

Is it absolutely required that I buy them, or can the small amount of cypro in Climen tablets be sort of sufficient?

(sorry if this is too much.)

Hi,

To start this off I'll say I very recently came out to both my parents as trans, they are supportive and I am very lucky to have them :)

I've been on/off questioning for 3 years, which I guess is indication enough, I remember it starting off as me joking that I weirdly fit lots of egg stereotypes, as well as just consuming an ungodly amount of trans content and information (mostly on YT), but I certainly couldn't be trans because I didn't fit an exaggerated binary, "I didn't hate myself enough to have dysphoria", "I never wished to be a girl" etc.

I came out to a friend as questioning around October of 2025, and somehow managed to not do anything about it until last week, where it felt like I only just cracked my egg despite "knowing" for much longer. For what it's worth I seem to be very good at putting barriers up in my mind, when I was talking to my parents I couldn't quite articulate my feelings or really even feel what I felt during the night before, and that made me feel like I was lying. I don't know what that means but I've learnt to keep track of what I would feel if there weren't any external pressure, as such I'm writing this at 2 AM.

I think I might be genderfluid/demi-girl? Based on the fact I can't really get a feel of an innate sense of gender and my feelings change too often, I only really have the dysphoria to guide me, I still hate mirrors/photos but less so since I have awesome hair now. I'm pretty confident I want to look/pass as a girl, and I like the idea of HRT and voice training, while pronouns and my name I can't feel much either way yet (all stuff I've told my parents).

Regardless, my original plan of just going with it and figuring out if I'm binary or not later is probably the best one. Also I just had one of the weirdest brain worms right now, that I can't be trans because "I've been looking up to trans women for too long", as if that means I can't be one??? like what lmao.

I think the next best steps would be getting to know queer people local to me as well as contacting the NHS. Although everything I've heard makes me very scared to talk to the NHS, given I might need to change my name, and the fact they aren't very supportive, plus the waiting list, oh and that the records will be shared with Palantir, it's just a lot and I don't know what I'm doing.

Thank you if you read through all of this, I'm not sure what the purpose of this post is, but any feedback is cool!

So I was like talking with a femboy friend and hugging and I made a joke about two femboys and he gave me a rebuttal that I don't count as a femboy anymore because I have boobs now. A bit less dysphoria, but more sad that I can't celebrate Femboy Friday the way I used to (dressing up as a femboy). GAHT was the right move for me though because my boobs are replacing chest dysphoria, they're not replacing a cute stereotypical femboy chest body type.

[i am unsure where this belongs, transjoy? mental health? here where i made the mentioned first post? ... idk how crossposing works here 👉👈]

you may remember me lamenting the loss of the 'gay' label since empirically i was usually atracted to men but due to me being mtf that's quite straight now ... well there's a lot to say about this. i might be best described as bi/pan actually.

anyhow. peeps, i met the bestest girl in recorded history. we've known each other for a while and shared a hobby, but recently found out we might like each other more, when we had a ridiculously romcom-esque weekend. so we started dating, and my heart is exploding. every day. i will see her again tomorrow, but it doesn't feel like i can survive that 24 hours. (yes, all very fresh.)

the only thing i am afraid of rn, is that she eventuall 'finds out' i am just three(+) diagnoses in a trench coat. i admire her and her work so much i don't know how she could be interested in me. i also don't want to make her reassure me all the time .. bc we don't feed the brain worms. but i feel like, i needed to tell someone. 😘

Honestly I still can't believe this is actually happening...

idk mine dysphoria not very much, is WEIRD!!, whole life i just wanna smaller pp (hope it will athropy) and its still like that

however still like idea of having clit, and now on prog: vajaja(again weird way)

dysphoria focused on balls, which i gonna cut next year, orchi would be very very very awesome

for bottom surgery, awwtisticly, i dont like idea of traveling another part of world(!!), that i need pay for this massive amount of money, i cant get good surgeoun except thai/serbian creeps, i feel uncomfortable by idea of being open, cut, blood, put in deep anesthesia shutdown, in any way, dont feel confortable getting surgery by not queer itself and which doesnt experienced this on themself, i feel dangerous what if i get damaged massive nerve and got put on strong meds forever(especially for them i need leave my asshole, either nevet get even neuropathic pain treatment, even just gabapentin, i will probably get prisoned for lgbt, trans laws/or psych ward if try get prescribtion, and worse 228 for transferring strong substances from another country), and correction is cost money too!!

if i relocate to another country, i probably wont get it covered as evil evil IMMIGRANT, and/or limited amount of surgeouns by incourage, and as person which doesnt wanna gain money for local billionaires at hard job

on prog my dysphoria episode shutdown, i actually "waow pp is cute", and anyway on hrt its not testosterone awful aaaaaa, actually "wa if vajaja" however pp is not annoying and feels cute except balls hehe, idk i started like my genitalia

in orchi way - there a absolutly simple surgery, with local anesthesia, affordable, close to me, and woke women surgeoun which ignores trans ban laws, and young girl friendly (not truscum like others), however other surgeouns are false-friendly, and forget about trans existence after law

seems like not worth it, and money worth put in hormones(which actually controls dysphoria), orchi, cute stuff long-term, relocation for cute catgirl antidepressants heheheh mrpmrprmr memwopow :3 even internet girls destroyed mine dysphoria/brainworms, then what its in irl mrpmrpmr moemwomeowmeom :33333, lesbians uwuwuaauwuu :33

I haven't posted anything in a while, but a lot has happened.

• I lost my job due to a mass layoff, the timing sucked so much, but I have some runway from the severance package, so it's not all bad.
• I got therapy after all, and it helps a bit.... but I also think I need a different therapist.
• I came out to my close friend groups, and they have been very supportive.
• Voice training has been going well, I've made some crazy progress in only 2 months, and I have a pretty dark/raspy voice.
• Getting called she/her and my girl name (that I chose), still feels weird, giving me doubts about it all.
• Still super excited for HRT tomorrow, so.... lol at the doubts.

Anyways thanks for reading all this.

this is gonna be a short one, trust me! >o< (im trustworthy, see my pfp waving to you... yes its waving!!!)
there is no content warning, this is all child-friendly content.

i - wow. i was playing a game to get my mind off of things. (playing osu... a game which needs quite the amount of realtime attention)

but then i thought of my crush a smol bit. not much, nothing spicy, nothing special, literally just us and another friend sitting and having tea.

but then!!!!! evil and selfish and uncontrollable as my thoughts are - i imagined them asking me something!!! >o< aaaa ohgosh.

wasnt even anything big, wasnt even like - exciting or anything. but!

my - (this sounds weird) my tummy and pelvis started like - bubbling and buzzing like crazy. like crazy. like - crazy.

its like roller coaster riding but only the part where u go straight down but without the gut-wrenching feeling and more positive and this might still be an understatement honestly.

i lost the level because i was pulling my hands off of the keyboard as i was - involuntarily squirming back and forth on the chair, moving away from the desk... this really does sound weird.

like - i had to actively distract myself to get it to stop. it wasnt a horny thing, it was very different.

(for anyone caring: am on hrt for 2 months)

wowie zowie. anyway, am i allowed to post stuff like this here, or is this maybe not the right place?

also, i hope u have a lovely day <3

I just wanted to share somewhere! I’ve been on a low-ish oral dose with a T blocker for a few years, and just last week finally talked to my doc about upping my dose, moving to injections, and swapping the blocker for prog.

I went back to their office today to learn to do my injections. The nurse was so nice and welcoming, and very patient. I’m not afraid of needles much at all, but I just felt nervous because I want so badly to do injections correctly for my own sake. I did really well, and when she stepped out to take care of the sharps I literally involuntarily did a little happy wiggle in the chair and stomped my feet!

I’m proud of myself for learning a new skill and putting it to use right away! Feels like my mind and body had been waiting for this moment for a long time!

Thanks for reading this. I’ve gotten so much second hand joy from all of your stories like this, I hope mine can do the same of someone!! Lots of love to you all!

Even though the roots of the word seem to stem from transphobic culture and pseudoscience, it was nice to be able to verbalize and better conceptualize the specific emotions that I had been feeling ever since I realized that my long suffering may have been caused by gender dysphoria: I could finally, for the first time in my life, feel a slight... Tingling? Infatuation? Just by imagining, envisioning, that someday I will attain a female body makes me feel lighter inside. I don't have to hate myself, my body, my gender expressions. And, on top of all this newly found freedom, I feel sexually viable. As a potential partner to others, as somebody that people can actually desire. It's an effect of the euphoria, of the realization that I can be something, or someone, else than what this ciscentric society has forced upon me.

Just venting thoughts and feelings that I cannot vent anywhere else. No need to reply! ☺️

For about 100% of my life I wore the same look: pants and T-Shirt/Hoodie. In Summer it was a short pair of pants and a T-Shirt. Another important thing is, that I rarely get sunburn, even when not using suncream, and I therefore rarely use suncream. These two things get quite funny, when You start to transition and start wearing more revealing clothes than usual.

So there was a pride parade a few weeks back and I decided to wear this very cool shoulder free top. Guess who forgot to wear suncream, and then burned all of her shoulders, because she never ran around shoulder free, and therefore her skin was not adapted to the sun?

So please for the love of god, when going out with more revealing clothes than usual:

WEAR FUCLING SUNCREAM

Sharing my outfit from Pride! To be honest, it felt like a pretty weird Pride this year. There seemed to be way fewer people than in past years, and I’m wondering how much of that had to do with the World Cup.

Usually, we always end up right in the Zócalo, but this time our usual route got cut short because of the FIFA Fan Fest setup. It definitely disrupted the usual energy.

But all in all, it was still a great day. Most importantly, it was my very first Pride since coming out of the closet, and my mom actually accompanied me! 🥰 That made the whole experience incredibly special, no matter how chaotic the city was.

For me to get HRT I need the gender dysphoria / gender incongruent diagnosis, then it would be covered by the healthcare system. So would be electrolysis, voice training and if necessary Facial feminisation surgery. It’s just that only a few places are allowed to give you the diagnosis and they do assess you for about half a year. I finally got into the place in my area and they sent me a letter that they might start the assessment in about 3 or more years. Yaaaaaaaaay…… :-(

So how has your week been?

I seem to be in a good place right now in regards to the general health of my larynx. A good time to start on my voice.

I can actually sound feminine with relative ease, but there's a catch: only with a strong regional British accent. Can I sound like a woman from Belfast? Yes! Glasgow? Absolutely! Birmingham? Yeah. Am I from any of those places? Nope!

I can also sound feminine while I'm singing, but I'm not going to go around acting like I'm in a Gilbert and Sullivan play, so I need to work on sounding like a feminine me. So I need a famous woman or character who has close to a relatively neutral RP English (leaning slightly towards Scottish but not much) and a large amount of spoken recordings like interviews and acting roles.

Any suggestions?

NB: my accent is in no way posh or plummy. Kind of lower middle class.

Came out to my mum, but will need to at some point come out to my dad.

Problem is, my dad, is straight up chronically online and is transphobic. Maybe not quite michael knowles transphobic but he thinks the whole thing is ridiculous and is just a fetish.

I'm planning to come out to my brother (who definitely isnt transphobic) before hand, to get as much "backup" as possible. My mum is ok with it so i have backup there lol.

Im considering just not telling him until ive moved out, so that I dont have to put up with him but idk, thats probs far out (at least a year)

Help :(

Seriously? Taking the advice from my doctor, im supposed to trash after 4th shot. He says there will be a bit left, but because of contamination(???) he wants me to switch vials every 4th shot.

Like, is that the real reason? Because it physically hurts to throw this away, knowing how much i and others have worked to get this stuff in the first place, and how many sisters cant access it 😭

Also really seems like a waste of time and resources. Like people had to make this, and that required time effort and money. Are we cool with throwing away the results of so much progress and effort?

Idk, its hitting me now that i have to toss one, these are all questions i have that my doctor will probly hear next time i go in 😂😂

PS. My nails look bad, its been a really rough month, dont talk about it 😂

After many years I'm finally trying to move toward transitioning ,but there's just so much to do that I don't really know where or even how to start.

I fear that going directly into HRT without doing anything else before will just make things harder. That I should get laser or voice training first or I don't know what else. I fear that doing it "wrong" will just make me feel awful and despite the mirror even more and push me back further into the "I don't need it" thing.

I also have no idea of what is the current standard for HRT or what to expect and whenever I find myself thinking all of these I end up just not looking for doctors or more info.

Any help?