OOTD for a date with my fiancée and a night out with friends.

Don’t judge the repeated pants… laundry hasn’t happened yet 😅😬

Thank you all for the support yesterday and the day before! All the love, the understanding, the support, the encouragement, and most of all the stories reeeeeaaaaallllyyyy helped me. I spent a good chunk of my day yesterday playing starfield and looking at trans/egg memes, and I think yall maybe right. I still am not sure who I am but I can say with a bit more confidence

Hi, I'm Nissa!

I talked with my wife last night, told her I thought I was trans and let her read my post and all of your comments. I sat there scared and crying while she read. She gave me a bit hug and told me she loved me no matter what. She said even if it turns out she married a woman, she will stay by my side and support me with anything and everything thing my future might hold. I showed her a brallete and panties set I thought was really cute and she bought it for me.

Right now the only thing I know for sure my future holds is talking to my therapist and loesing 30lbs, but for my health not because I'm trans.

When I woke up this morning my first clear headed though was "ugh I don't want to get up". My second clear headed thought was "I'm Nissa, and thats okay." and to thank you for being here, listening to me, and helping me. It really means the world to me.

I occasionally whisper in my head, 'I'm Nissa, and that's okay' and it makes me smile. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart, today is a bright new day and I have a bright future ahead of me!

• Love Nissa

I bought it a couple of weeks ago, and I wore it today for the first time to visit the in-laws

Hey everyone, I'm new to all of this and I'm still trying to figure things out. Maybe a year or so ago my egg cracked and I've been trying to figure out what to do about it. I've got a therapist in talking to and she's great. My wife has been struggling a bit with a lot of the stuff I'm going through but is trying to be supportive. I also want to take her comfort into account with anything I do.

My therapist talked about maybe making a list of clothes that might lean more to either extreme end of the gender spectrum and maybe talking to my wife about how comfortable she is with me trying those things, but I don't really even know where to start on that list. I feel like I have no idea what kinda stuff to wear. Do any of you have any suggestions?

Ya girl is back again with another lifedump :3

On the good news from this week, I've found a new primary doctor nearby! Even though I totally don't look the part, the staff used my preferred name and the doctor started out the visit confirming my name and pronouns. I felt totally comfortable and respected by what were essentially strangers to me to start and it gave me some sort of hope... I want to be addressed like me in the future with anyone new I meet. We discussed things like my dysphoria and my own plans to get started on HRT. At no point did he undermine my feelings or try and push back (I'm healthy all else considered), and he even gave me tips on looking for a therapist that has experience with trans people, since it can be hard to find one, much less one that is actually helpful. I'll be sticking with this doctor and location unless something weird happens.

After my appointment was done my friend called me and while we were talking he complimented my voice!! I've been testing it when I'm out and about but especially with my closer friends because I know they'll provide feedback. In all honesty I don't think I've gotten super far with it, but I'll continue working on it in short bursts whenever I can :3 All of the positive stuff has been affirming to me every step of the way and helped my imposter syndrome quiet down.

But what goes up must come down...

Following from my last post, I sorted out a lot of things with my mom. We're on good terms again, but not in the way you'd hope. After her very averse reaction to my coming out to her, we talked more. She gave a lot of selfish reasons for why I shouldn't be the way I am, quoted her God, and continues to send me old pictures of myself and talk about the man she needs in the house for now and later when she gets older. She even had audacity to reiterate her hope of me finding a (girl) partner and marriage later in life as if those were still a possibility, completely undermining my negative feelings on romance and relationships. She repeats that "I'm too young to know what I want", that this will pass, and that I just need to find the right girl to date. I'm honestly glad she's told me how she truly feels about "me" and what that fantasy version of my happiness looks like in her head, because we'd never talked about it before now. I know now that she doesn't want me to be myself, she wants me to have success in her very specific idealized way where she can hold "me" up as a trophy to herself and others.

Honestly, in those moments I lost all my endearment towards her. I never thought I'd ever feel this way about my mom. I don't feel sad about it, but it's crazy that any true relationship with her is just... done in my head. From that moment on, I knew that being around her would simply be a game of survival and nothing more. So I started by playing the game.

I told her that everything would be ok and that "I'm honestly quite over it." I told her that we didn't need to worry about this anymore and that our lives would continue onward. To end it off, I told her that I made a promise to myself to stop lying and avoiding her questions and concerns, and that I would continue with that promise moving forward. Nothing like a bit of irony to soften the mood... but nonetheless she was satisfied. From now on I’ll continue to draw out my life with as little of her as possible, without feeling any guilt for it.

I've never told her that my friends already know and call me by my real name. She doesn't know about my clothes. She doesn't know what I've discussed with my doctor or why I'm really searching for a psychiatrist (besides my potential ADHD). She doesn't know that before I told her I'd already taken a look at so many resources linked from this community and you all (❤️❤️) that helped me realize that what I feel is real, that following her advice will make me suffer, and has helped me plan out my transition. Best of all, I have no obligation and vow never to tell her the truth until it's plainly obvious and she can't stop me. She had one shot to support the real me and it's blown.

In the short term, I’ll need to continue “playing the game”, keep up appearances at home no matter the cost, lie whenever I need to make things work and take advantage of the privilege of family I took for granted, because I know now that I'm on borrowed time. I’ll have to keep my friends who support me the closest because at this point they are the only ones I can trust to keep me sane in my day-to-day. I’ll need to keep any clothes, accessories, tools or medication I get related to transition hidden, and there’s no room for error. I'll need a more consistent job to save more money for later. I need to head off to college and will most definitely find a place I can stay/dorm because I need space to grow.

In the long term, I'll need to find a place for myself, and I'll need to get full control of everything I don't already, slowly, like my phone plan, my homelab, health insurance, etc... not trying to place deadlines or make any specific plans because so many things can change and progress isn't linear, but I need to be quicker about it than most.

It feels daunting but at least I can see a future for myself, my true self. In a fucked up way I'm again glad I know that my mom doesn't want the best for me. It's helping motivate me towards becoming independent, which in itself is a good thing but now that it's required... gotta get to it!

what stopping me - idk only p a r e n t s

im tired of boymoding

school - next year i will go to home education so no problem

society - idk im seems pass now especially with long hair and baaaaaangs

i remember prev year i switched to another class to end 9 classes of school because of bullying, new classmates was cute pretty femme(even boys) weird and im come out to some of them AND THEY ACCEPTED me, this was so comfy to go school but mom was against to going school because of that SUPPORTIVE classmates...... but now in mine class are fucking terrible now and im not going to school THEY ARE toxic im not even come out but they calling me "опущенный" (prison slang for gay bottom men), "оно"(some like "they" in english but not multiple "oни"), and strictly use insult variations of dead name eg deadnamesik, usually they thread me like 3rd sort but opposite with ugly toxic masculine boy classmates, some try to press sensitive information from me

what my goal - just expression, wear that i want, look that i want, name change(but cant change gender marker)

it will be easy - i have no friends etc, most ppl dont know me, the shit from school definitly go away from this city because it small(140k population) and there no education options

i even can change name right now but im minor and need parent approval of BOTH parents (i didnt live with dad and he doesnt know anything) so problematic and plus school will see change

my parents accept transition & name change after 18 BUT NOT NOW, and even sometimes i wear neutral clothes from women section and THEY SO MUCH BETTER and clotches from men section I CANT WEAR THEM my hips are too big, i tried jacket from men section oh fuck it so tight in hip bone BONEEEE and too loose in shoulders IM SUCCESSFULLY MALEFAILING

so i think i should slowly transitioning

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/40724826

Hows everyones day today? Been pretty busy but still have time for a cute dress! I need to work on selfies my god, this is 50 pictures later and is just "good enough i guess" I NEEEED a mirror with lights ughhghh

Hiiiii!! It occurs to me i havent inroduced myself, im Brooke, 32 years young, and starting to get more serious about my journey. Im so inspired by people like Nikki and i want to put myself out there with that much confidence, but im such a nervous one. I gotta build to it ig, but today is a great day to start! Happy trans day of visibility everyone! And ill try to not just lurk anymore 😁

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/40659926

happy trans day of visibility y'all, its been a journey to say the least! ive never felt so comfortable in my body, despite the shit that the world throws our way always remember that you are loved and we will prevail.

keep your chin up and fight the good fight, see you folks around :)

This was me yesterday, for TDOV (It's already April 1 here in Australia) sitting in front of the worlds largest trans flag. Photo taken by the wonderful @supakaity@piefed.blahaj.zone.

Today is 9 years since I came out to my then 11 year old kid, and tomorrow is 9 years since I started medically transitioning.

I was 41 years old then. Trans awareness was just on the upkick. Everyone knew Caitlyn Jenner. Laverne Cox had appeared on the cover of TIME magazine... Yet I was still the first trans person most people had met.

At the time, my understanding of gender was very binary, and my own goals pretty much consisted of "Get transition out of the way, blend back in to the world, and get on with life without much talking about the trans thing"

But, I went to my first Pride, and I was changed forever. I was surrounded by my people, which wasn't something I'd ever felt before. And with time, I came to have a more nuanced understanding of gender, and the artificial nature of the binary. And I also came to appreciate my own queerness, and completely lost the desire to blend in and hide amongst the society that had made it so hard to accept myself in the first place.

And now, I can't help myself. I run gender diverse events, I create spaces and help foster queer communities. I stand loud and visible and proud, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I see all of you glorious bitches, bastards and ne'er-do-wells, and I love you all!

Hi! I'm planning on purchasing some feminine clothes to see how I feel in them, but I still need a way to wash and dry them unnoticed as I'm still closeted & living with my parents.

For the drying part: my room has a lock which my mom doesn't mind me using, so I can keep clothes out in the open in my room while drying, but I also can't really buy something like a drying rack because it would lead to too many questions.

For the washing part: I know that the washing machine is an option but would rather just hand-wash, because our washing machine is really loud and I would have to find a time in which no one was home to use it. We don't have a tub though, so I wanted to ask how effective washing with running water would be instead.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/40725810

it can be specific to body features common with being trans or just general photography technique in general, no matter how basic. example photos are ok, but we do not demand them. just thinking this would be a helpful thread to have !!

a tip of ours (for those femme-leaning at least):

having the camera from a more top-down perspective seems to make the jawline look a little nicer. this is true of most others in that they look skinnier, but it especially seems to bring out the femme look in our experience.

my mom have very smol breast, dad sister also same even after lactation soooo im have same? definitly i have same and im ok with it

Not totally thrilled with the packaging though.

Yesterday, I came to a break. I saw and felt the thick hair on my face that I left intentionally, wanting to maintain some sort of normalcy. I didn't like what I saw. I couldn't take it anymore. I spent a good amount of my afternoon getting it all off (self care takes a while hehe, still getting used to it).

Only after I finished did I think about it. It's gone now. The last bits of "guy" that I could meaningfully control right now were gone. I could finally look in mirrors, blank computer screens, reflections and not feel frightened! But it also meant that I had to answer to the most important person in my life, my mom. I could either bullshit it again or just tell the truth.

Walking into it, I set my expectations straight: I wasn’t looking for full acceptance or understanding like with my friends, at least not right away. I just wanted to stop lying. The one thing I can't force myself to do consistently is lie and avoid. It feels horrible to lie, it feels horrible to push the people I love the most away from myself.

I explained a lot of the way I felt before I accepted myself. It was a super slow process, but I finally came out to her. There’s still confusion and uncertainty, mostly about me being “too young” to know whether I wanted something like this, no partner (I also explained my aro/ace feels), or no children. I made it clear that I wasn’t backing down from my realization or trying to convince myself to “try being a man”, again. I already tried and that wasn't a me I could love. I can’t see a future where I live and present as a man, I can only see myself going through college, city life, new friends, a good job, and everything in between as a woman. If I can’t have that, I don’t see the point.

In the end, we did agree that what makes me happy is what should matter the most, and in the end she can’t truly stop me from doing what I want for myself as long as I don't hurt myself or others. She still worries that this will somehow impede my plans for the future or make me distracted from “bigger” things, but I’m not sure how to quell her worries because I don’t know what preconceived notions she has. I worry that the indifference/dismissiveness might turn into something worse if we don't talk more. I don’t know if I’ve made the right decision in the long term or not, but I don't regret being honest and truthful. It's really helped me feel less guilty. For now, I guess I could say I'm in the clear.

I’m not at a stage where I feel I can tell her about clothes I’ve bought but hidden, new name/pronouns, my upcoming HRT consult, or any other affirming stuff I’ve done. I want to take this slowly because I feel the ball is in my court now. Besides all the stuff I’ve read about and the medical/science support of transition, is there anything I can say that might meaningfully help someone that is somewhat confused/averse but willing to listen?

Hi, I'm not completely not ok, but my headspace is a mess, so I'd like to ask for media recommendations and tips for the panic I'm going through.

I've kinda known I am trans for years, but only in a dissociated, intellectualized sense, while living as a man. And recently I've gotten a tiny extra amount of monetary safety, enough to make me emotionally relax, and the realization of my transness hit me.

I was unable to imagine my self 5 years down there line. I drew a complete blank. My imagination suffocating between dysphoria and denial.

I've been seeing myself only as a girl in dreams for a week, and it has felt wonderful, and when I'm awake I'm paralyzed in dread of the amount of work in front of me, my deeply internalized misogyny about my appearence, my bigoted (though "safe enough") surrounding people...

Question, what have you watched that brought you trans joy? Encouragement to go on towards something worth it.

And, in more mentally panicky matters, what do I do about an incredible amount and thickness of body hair? I know that the very dark coloration of it makes laser an option, I've heard electrolysis is underrated, but those seem like absolutely enormous steps right now. What can be easy, early, discreet steps I can take for some euphoria?

(my english isn't very good, this post was machine translated.)

hello! I'm a transgirl who just started using lemmy. 🥺

Today is my 21st day on SRS. I've felt very comfortable and happy during this time, even though I'm in a lot of physical pain.

I went out for breakfast with my fiancée today and accidentally confused a guy in the restroom 😂

I still use the men’s restroom (not quite ready for the women’s yet), and when I walked out this guy saw me and went straight to the other restroom (the women’s)… then he noticed the “M” (for mujeres), looked at me again like he was processing it, and wondering why I was coming out from the men’s restroom 😂

supposedly they were closing until the 30th. their website still is down for me tho

Hi!

I was wondering about experiences with wigs? Specifically wearing them out and about.

Unfortuntely my hair is just terrible. Oiley as hell, and now I am balding to my horror lol. So wigs it is.

I have a cosplay type wig. Fantastic for reducing dysphoria and getting that euphoric feeling but its just impratical to wear on the train for example.

Anyone had success with them? Do synethic wigs work well or should I be looking for really high quality ones?

I've been taking oral prog (200mg) for about 2 years now, and e for about 3.

I've been wondering if I still need prog, and if the positive effects outweigh the bad. I've heard conflicting information about breast growth, libido, weight gain, and its effect on the liver, so I'm not really sure if prog is something I want to take long term or not.

I'm content with the breast growth that I've had, and they seem to have stopped growing (or at least I haven't noticed any changes). And I don't really care about my libido tbh. Since I started taking prog I have been having weight gain issues but idk if that's the prog or just me, but I do try to be healthy.

Also I am aware that oral prog doesn't do much because it has low bioavailability and I don't really feel like doing rectal prog.