Trying hard to trust the process, and while I have seen other expected changes in skin, hair, and mood, I am getting anxious that nothing is happening under my shirt. I had some minor sensitivity within the first two weeks, but never anything painful.

This Friday will be 6 weeks on HRT. 2mg Est, 4mg Prog, 200mg Spiro daily.

Edit: thanks for talking me off the cliff everyone, I'm much less anxious now 😅

Three months on and I've definitely improved since last time. This was the best of several takes, and although I was trying a bit harder than usual it's not too far from my usual zero-effort voice. I just need to remember to keep the resonance tight and stay bright.

I'd give this a C- "almost satisfactory", so let it rip!

I want to say it doesn’t hurt, but it does.

It's nice to know that they don't even have the propensity to care if I'm trans. They aren't perfect (my cat is a gremlin and my dog loves to dig), but I don't care. They are the best. My dog and cat have comforted me in my worst moments.

We are so lucky to live in a world where pets exist. Domesticated animals weren't a guarantee for us; especially cutesy predators. It's pretty awesome that we have mini wolves and tigers that hang out with us. Their love is pure <3

Well, I finally gathered the courage to have my coming out to my mother. Overall I would rate the experience a solid 4/10. The first reaction was kinda trash (She replied with, "does that really have to be") and then later complained, that I told it to her at around 8pm, because now she will think about it and probably wont be able to sleep that easily. Some of her not so nice other reactions:

• You wont take surgeries (I replied with we'll see)
• I shouldnt have dressed you as a girl that one time in my last week of school (I told her that I have indications of me being trans before that)
• But maybe what you feel isnt what you interpret out of it

After the last thing I wanted to explain, why I am devinetively sure I am trans, but she interrupted me with "I want to take a shower (bruh) now and you can tell this when the rest [of the family] is there too, so you dont have to tell it 3 times (She kinda got a point there)"

But luckyly enough she seemed willing to accept it ("We dont really have any choice"), and agreed to tell the rest of the family (yay). She also said, that I will continue to be her child, so I guess thats a win. She was absolutely shocked, but she will get over it.

When taking into consideration, that my parents are conspiracy theorists, this is about the best possible outcome I could have hoped for. It could have been much worse, especially when taking into consideration, that there whole social circle are also conspiracy theorists, of which some are right wing and I also heard such nice statements as "The WHO wants to make us all gay" (or something like that) from one of their friends.

Well, as the title said: I got the courage to finally go out with a skirt. Specifically i would meet up with a friend and his girlfriend in the next city, eat something and then go to the club. The worst part was, when I had to walk through my city wearing it, since Im absolutely paranoid, that anything about me being trans comes to my family through some of my brothers fellow students (he studied at the same University as I do and I am active in the same social circles as he was), since Im not out to them already. The only reason I was able to go to the train station was, since I smoked some weed to be a little bit more relaxed, wore it over my pants (also because it would be cold at night when I was coming back and I also needed them for the pockets), listened to unhealthily loud deathmetal, wore my most comfy hoodie and pulled the hood over my head and completely hid my skirt with a jacket I knotted around my hips. The walk to the train station was pure stress for me. If someone would have poked me with a needle i would probably have exploded like a baloon. After I arrived in the city I was getting a little bit more comfortable and started not covering my skirt completely all the time.

After we arrived at the club me and my friend + his gf had a little chat and I said, the name that I previously told them I thought about is the one I wouldlike to be called, and so they did. We then went into the club, where I first started not hiding my skirt in any form at all. The next few hours were the best of hours of my life. It felt soooooooooooo good getting called my new name and being referred as "she" and knowing that I really am seen the way I am (it also massively helped, that the club wasnt that full, that there werent any weird people and noone cared about me wearing a skirt) and getting supported my friend and his gf. The only bad thing was me getting short bursts of dysphoria from knowing that my apperaence doesnt match what I feel like and how i am being seen, but aside from that it was pure happiness.

Today was also probably I have been the happiest Ive been ever. Even when I tried LSD for the first time I was just at the same level of happiness. I just felt loved for the first time ever (again, without taking LSD). Devinetively a truely beautiful day. Later I went out to grab some Icecram, socialise a bit with some other cool people from my town (to whom Im not out yet, but they are still completely cool and tolerant) and grab some pizza. The euphoria ended around evening, but it was still a very good day.

Mods, please lmk if this post is not appropriate for this community

My dream is to have someone—anyone—see me as more than just a friend. To have someone who wants me, in more than just a sexual way. That dream haunts me.

The only attention I receive is from Grindr. I see my worth as how much I can starve myself to stay thin. I figure at least if I’m petite, pervs online will want to use me as part of their fetish. I oblige them because they desire me in those fleeting moments. After they get what they want, they never contact me again. That is my value as a person.

I’m so insecure, so unconfident. I see people like my best friend, who can get any guy she wants without even trying, and I have only envy and resentment. What’s worse, I think I have feelings for her, unrequited love that will only serve to hurt more as she explores her new life as a single woman. I don’t think even she sees me as a woman, but as a feminine man who lies to himself in the mirror each day. A pretender.

I don’t even try anymore. What’s the fucking point?

Clearly I’m not in a good place mentally/emotionally. I’m tired of therapy; it has not helped me. I feel like a failure in almost all aspects of my life. I can’t even get high anymore, so now on particularly bad days I drink instead. Today I’m getting drunk. I don’t care to tell anyone IRL how I really feel these days. It’s just a waste of breath on my part, and a waste of time on their’s. No one I care about wants to hear about my problems, feelings and fears anymore. It’s best to accept this bitter reality—better to be the funny person than to share my internal struggles and profound sadness.

I’ve got my son, and he is going to venture out into the world on his own in a matter of a few years. Then I will truly feel alone. His love is what keeps me on this earth, nothing else.

Edit:

I told my best friend how shitty I’m feeling over text, she said she’d call me. She didn’t. I waited all day for her call. I’m always there for her, but when I really needed her today, she was nowhere to be found. That really hurt. Like really bad.

Now that I have been freed from the shackles of my mind, I am on quest to pursue the desires that have been hidden from me. I have been obsessed with getting this for my new feminine wardrobe. Not a weeb thing, just think it looks cooool. Where can I buy, or do I need to beg my sister to help make it (she's never sewn clothes).

Someone at work that used to be my direct manager had a meeting with me to introduce themselves. They didn't recognize me at all and I didn't want to out myself by disclosing who I was, so I went along with it.

I don't like lying, and when they asked about my work history I was honest even though it created immediate suspicion (how could we have not worked together given when I started working and my job experience?), and I just shrugged. It's obviously a kind of deception to not out myself, and I don't like that - but my instincts say it's better in this context to not out myself.

Probably relevant to the context is that the boss is male, older, conservative, and an immigrant from a non-Western culture that is not open minded about these things.

I am pretty sure based on things they have said in the past that they wouldn't be tolerant of a trans person.

Anyway, to my trans elders: how have you handled situations like this?

As the title says, do you have any tips and tricks that you think are good for dealing with sudden outbursts of Dysphoria, so you dont feel like shit until you fall asleep (at least that's when the Dysphoria ends for me usually).

So I started oral estradiol 2mg and bicalutimide 50mg about 2 weeks ago. A week in, I started feeling these weird pains in my body. They felt like small stabbing pains that immediately dulled - almost like the pain of getting an injection, and were always in my legs, arms, or chest.

I asked my doctor about it, and he had no idea. He just said they weren't a reported side effect of either med, and the only way to tell if it was the meds was to stop them.

I'm really paranoid about, like, fucking dying, so I stopped my medication 3 days ago and the pains have subsided. I was just wondering if anyone here has shared my experience. I'd like to know what the hell that was, and if it's safe to continue treatment.

Hi all,

I’m going on a backpacking trip in a month, and the only tucking underwear I’ve ever heard of is LeoLines and TomboyX, but I might as well ask if there’s anything else. Bonus points if it uses a material like merino wool.

I use both brands for normal daily use, but Leolines is made from cotton and TomboyX is polyester, both of which are not great for temperature and odor control during outdoor trips.

Tucking the old-school way sounds super confusing, so I’d rather not resort to that.

Well, so yesterday night i had tthe "luck" of getting to feel what depersonalisation and derealisation (DPDR) actually feels like.

I got woken up in the middle of the night to do something quite short and i almost instantly realise "Something aint right. Everything feels weird". And then slowly I realised, what it was that I felt. It felt like I was watching someone control my body. If I wanted to lift my arm Icould "feel" felt how my brain sended the command to my body execute, and suddenly my arm moved. I felt like my true self was a few centimeters below my skin, waiting to get released from its fleshy vehicle. Everything i touched felt like i touched it with a quite big glove on. If I walked i felt like watching a stream of my body moving while sitting somewhere else with a VR Headset. Luckyly it faded away quite fast, after I was finished with what I had to do (it took 5 Minutes at max) and laid back in an attempt to sleep (which of course didnt work that well, since my mind was still processing the experience it just had).

This was devinetively the weirdest experience I had in my lifetime.

I recently asked this community how you experience dysporia, however it seemed like no one had the same "symptoms" that i am currently experiencing and Im not really sure what it is.

Currently it happens somewhat regularly that I feel like someone ripped a gigantic hole into my chest. It is this type of hole that cant be filled. It devinetively is caused by my quite big desire to be a woman. So becoming what i dream of is the only way of combating this. "The hole" (I named it the void) fluctuates quite a lot in intensity. sometimes its relatively small and on other days it feels like an flesh made nightmare that you cant escape. There are the feelings of needles punctuating my chest or the feeling of an iron ring, thats wrapped around my chest that i have to fight against with every breath. Whenever the void appears, it is guarded by this huge desire to transform into a woman.

Currently I dont really experience the typical symptoms of dysphoria (hating yourself/your body...). I only sometimes have it, that when i look into a mirror, that I cant really connect to the face staring back at me. This lack of obvious signs of dysphoria is the reason, why i am starting to think, that what I experiience is my bodys way of manifesting dysphoria.

Edit to save you the effort of typing:
I have devinetively come to the conclusion that I Am trans. I have accepted it and i am actively working towarda my transition, slow but steadily. You also dont have to recommend the Gender Dysphoria Bible, since I have already read it. I have also watched the video series about MTF folks by the transition channel. I am just absolutely confused what this is, that I Am experiencing. I will try to find a therapist.

Well, the egg "cracked" I guess. After 24 years, I've realized that I'm ~~probably~~ NB or trans. Looking back, I think that for a long while now, there's been something in the back of my mind. Like a seed of doubt. I can think of any number of things that could've contributed to it. And it's weird to me because I haven't really felt any dysphoria, at least I can't think of anything off the top of my head. But I know that there's something off.

But anyway, over last weekend I was thinking about it a lot and after I came to that conclusion it was like this buzzing in my head that I hadn't realized was there went quiet. And now that I know that... I have no fucking clue what happens next. The only people that know are close friends and I will absolutely not be letting anyone else who knows me know. HRT may be a very long ways (potentially 2 years, haven't looked into it too much yet) away depending on a pending federal job.

the label and the manufacturer of my een say not to expose it to light. what happens if it is? last week i did my injection, but forgot about the warning and was holding it up near my bathroom light while i drew the needle. is it still safe/effective? tonight's my next shot, probably should have asked sooner :P

edit: only realized my mistake after finishing the injection and noticing the label had turned red

edit 2: pic of the label bein red

edit 3: got a pretty quick reply from the manufacturer. label turning red/black is normal actually, from heat/moisture, which makes sense. also according to the manufacturer, the e is slightly pink: normal for mct oil when exposed to light, but as long as it doesn't get worse it should be fine.

Yesterday I was in a car accident. I'm really OK (some mild brain injury and bruising), the car is not.

I had gone running, so I was wearing a t-shirt and leggings with an athletic skirt to cover my bits, I had no makeup on and was perhaps the least feminine I could be.

What surprised me was that the EMTs, firemen, and police all saw and interacted with me me as a woman, and not in that "being polite" way that some trans affirming liberals can be, I just think they had no idea I was trans. My gender survived even having to talk to the emergency responders, answering questions, etc.

In some sense none of this is new, people on the phone have correctly gendered me as a woman for maybe six months, but it doesn't stop my brain worms from making me hear a boy. Likewise with countless interactions in public now where people seem to see a woman. Still, all I see in a mirror is a boy most days.

In the ER, the nurses and office workers all assumed I was a woman. I was asked twice by the doctors if there was any possibility I could be currently pregnant.

All I'm saying is that yesterday was one of the most gender affirming days in my life. I don't think if they suspected I was trans they would treat me the way I was treated, I just managed to seamlessly navigate the world in ways that I never thought was going to be possible. It's not real to me, but I'm definitely just going to keep replaying those interactions over and over again. Maybe it will sink in.

Less than a year ago, the equivalent experience would have been very difficult, I was very much not passing and I looked like a man dressed as a woman to most people. I assumed it was just going to be like that the rest of my life, and that's still what it's like in my head.

I felt pretty emotional about it yesterday, about the culmination of so many hours put into voice training, struggling without a sense of hope about the future and arriving here anyway. I feel like I owe the trans community my whole life.

Well, as the title says, I Am curious what Dysphoria feels like for you? When/how did you realise, that certain feelings are in reality Dysphoria?

Edit: Damn, some of you really have lived through a lot. I Am very happy that I can't really relate to quite some of the comments here, because that sounds horrible.

So I got home and was taking off my makeup. In the mirror I saw a girl taking off her makeup, and I thought, I wish that was me.

That is all.

I keep thinking about the experience of feeling body envy towards cis women. Since I cracked my egg I've started to notice I have two distinct sets of feelings towards cis women, which can sometimes overlap, one being romantic/sexual desire and the other being envy for their body and femininity. I think for a long time I conflated those feelings and thought I felt sexual desire towards women who really I just wanted to be, and at other yet more unfortunate times didn't recognize my sexual desire for someone as such due to the lack of envy. It's made me wonder how much of my sexual life and awakening has been colored by my desire to be the women I thought I just wanted to bone. Definitely some at least.

Title. Does anyone have advice? I can find jeans long enough no problem, tall options are fine. But anytime I find an appropriate waist measurement (~35") the hip measurement is 7-8" larger than mine.

Edit: to clarify, I would want a little extra in the hips to help give the impression of, well, hips. But 8 extra inches seems excessive.