I sent her a coming out letter while I was in school. Later I saw that she sent me a message but I was too scared to look at it at first.

She said that she need some time to clear things in her head but will always support and love me, that she will help and that everything will be good. She also said that we will talk about this when we are alone.

It made me so happy. Knowing that at least one person will support me makes things easier. It's such a big step.

Edit: After I finished my launch she hugged me, we stayed like that for a long time. From her breathing I knew this is hard for her as I expected. She said same things she said in her messages and added that she is happy I told her how I feel.

If you are having issues finding housing as a trans person or would like to help others, consider joining this new matrix chat room.

I’ve recently been helping some folks with their housing needs and thought that creating a network could be incredibly helpful. By pooling our resources, whether it’s sharing links, tips, or even just advice, we can support each other more effectively. ❤️

We have a privacy-focused collaborative document to organize our resources and ideas. It'll grow over time. 📄

Let’s make this a supportive space for everyone! 🌸

Sharing and updoots appreciated!

    Question

A question fills my head.
Were I a girl instead
-- Same book, but different cover --
Would you become my lover?
Or would we still be friends?

Now, I ask: don't get me wrong.
I love our friendship, and it's strong.
I love it when I make you smile,
Even for a little while.
I love it when I'm at your side.
Our conversations make my day.
And nothing makes me feel more pride
Than impressing you some way.

Now, I wonder: can you tell?
How you make me feel so well?
That this smile is just for you?
And if you knew, then what you'd do?

Now, I know that you are straight.
And we're both guys, so we won't date.
So a question fills my head.
Were I a girl instead...

Note: I wrote this poem before realizing I'm a trans woman, which is why I'm calling myself a guy in there, but I'm absolutely not one. I have since learned that gender isn't just a matter of a "different cover" -- it's definitely part of the book.

-- Lady Scarecrow

Hi, I'm the total mess known as Emma, and I'm currently a little overwhelmed with things.

So, long story short:

• I started HRT January 2023

• I desperately need bottom surgery as soon as possible

• I'm worried that I should have been doing electrolysis instead of laser

• I'm worried about wait lists for surgery

• I'm worried about the costs of surgery

• I need to find a surgeon

• I'm interested in evacuating to a safe state on the west coast

• I feel overwhelmed with everything that I need to do

There's so much going on for me right now, and I'm seeking input from everyone here with something to say about any of my struggles.

Thanks ❤️

So my wife and I have been trying to work through the practicality of me coming out. She's been having trouble perceiving me as female, which, like, I still have a beard, so I get it. She's bi, but also believes that homosexuality is a sin, so she's been trying to work though what we would look like. I've been trying to break apart the rigid gender roles a bit, and told her last night that I don't mind our kids calling me "dad" even if I go full fem, I have no problem with she/her/dad. Like, I'm the sperm donor, not the one who carried them for nine months. She thought that was great and asked about husband, because she really would rather have a husband than a wife. I told her that I'd really prefer wife, as husband is rather ick for me, so we are still working on that point.

Long preamble, sorry, but this morning as we were telling each other about our dreams last night and our visions for the future, she said "I envision myself in the future with my husband, and she's beautiful"

I think that's the first time I've been gendered correctly by my wife, and it feels so good. I think we are going to make it. I'm going to have my kayak and heat it too. I'll be able to transition without losing those closest to me. My vision of the future has never looked so bright, growing into old ladies together and showing people with our lives that "Queer Christians" is not an oxymoron.

I don't know why I keep this mask.
It doesn't fit me -- it never has.
And now I've figured out this mess,
It seems to fit me even less.
I would much rather wear a dress...

But where I'm from, the risk's too high.
When I still look like a guy
(In many ways -- I hate them all),
If I step outside the door
With these clothes that I adore,
What sort of danger would I call?

But I can't waste my life away
And live a lie until the day
I'll get to look a certain way.

In the end, it's up to me
To find the courage that I need
And be the girl I wish to be.

-- Lady Scarecrow

Did you have a tipping point between realizing you were trans and you started HRT?

As in, when you de oded to start, what did that moment look like for you?

I think I'm a point where I'm more interested in trying, but have a lot of fears holding back, which I think makes it feel like I want it less than I do.

I was talking to some others about this and it made me realize I think I want it a lot more than I thought.

Does any of that make sense, or am I just rambling? 😅

started HRT in January of 2022, is it safe to say all major changes are done, and I'll always kinda look ugly and there is nothing HRT can do.

Also sorry I made a similar post where I had the years wrong I think.

https://imgur.com/a/6JkRV6X

I've been on HRT for 3 years, and I really have lost all hope that I will ever look like a girl or be gendered correctly or even just be treated with dignity. I'm really ugly and honestly I can tell, people lie and say well it's your personality that matters. It's really not that hard to see, and I am wondering if there is a point to spending 120 dollars a month, just for peace of mind.

I decided to come out to my mom by sending her a "letter" to make it easier for me but I'm not sure is it good enough. Main things I want her to understand are how I feel, that this didn't happen overnight and that it's a big problem for me. This is what I wrote (translated to English):

"Something is bothering me for some time now, I want to explain everything here. It’s hard for me to start conversation about this so to make it easier for me I wrote it. I know this will be hard for you and I want to give you as much time as you need to process it. Only thing I want is support, all of this is already very hard for me so if we made negative atmosphere it would become even worse. So, I’m pretty sure that I’m transgender. I don’t know what you heard about trans people in media so I’ll try to explain how I feel. To put it shortly, it’s awful. I don’t feel good in my own skin. Whenever I’m not distracted by school or hobbies I feel really bad. I don’t like how I look and sound and how others see me. I can’t dress how I want. I feel like I’m wearing a costume because of others. A costume that I want to remove but can’t. I feel envy towards women, sometimes I can’t even look at them because of it. As times goes things become worse and my wish to do something about this is growing stronger but I’m scared. I’m scared of potential reactions of others, especially family members, and that I would be rejected. I wanted to come out to you first because I think you won’t disapprove me immediately and at least try to understand me. Like I said, support is really important to me at the moment. If people reject me things would become worse. I want to go to a therapist as soon as possible, that would be the best solution, but I wanted to tell you everything first. I don’t want to do something like this behind your back. I also want to tell you that this isn’t something recent, I’m just able to better understand my feeling now that I’m older. For years I wondered how it’s like to be a girl, I wanted to experience it for a short period. I had dreams where I became a girl. I thought it’s normal and that everyone experienced it from time to time. Anything that has something to do with changing gender was interesting to me, especially male to female. I thought it’s just a fetish. When I realized there is more to these feelings I tried convince myself I’m just making it up and that I can’t be trans. It was hard for me to accept myself as transgender but after some time I couldn’t find a different explanation. Stubbornness and fear were only reasons why I couldn’t accept myself. I’m sorry for not telling this sooner, I want you to understand that it’s hard to talk about this. I’m scared that others will reject me but I also want to do something about these feelings in order to be happy. And, again, support means me more than anything. I’m sure that you have feelings of loss while reading this. I’ll always be me, things like this won’t change that. If you blame yourself for this, please don’t do it. You and dad, or anyone else, aren’t blameworthy. No matter what you did in the past I would get here at some point. If you read all of this, I want to let you know it means a lot to me. When you are ready to talk about this just tell me, it’s easier now that I shared these feelings with someone. This should remain between the two of us, others shouldn’t know about it at the moment."

Is this good? This is really important to me so I want to approach it in a right way and feedback would be really helpful with that.

Important note: Verbs and adjectives are gendered in my native language. I used masculine forms because I feel like that would make things a bit easier for her. Should I keep that?

    Like a girl

From the beginning, girls and boys
Are raised in wildly different ways:
We're meant to play with different toys,
We're shamed or praised for equal traits.

Though I've been groomed to be a man,
Deep down, our nature can't be changed.
They hope I'm careless and brave,
                and aggressive and bold,
                and well-spoken and suave,
                and detached, even cold.

But I'm sensitive and frail.
I'm not an alpha male.
Whenever I try it, I hopelessly fail.

Girls have plenty they can wear
Cute or stylish -- it's all there!
A fine dress, and heads are turned;
A cute skirt, their frown's adjourned.
The gray manhood can't compare,
And it frankly isn't fair...

I can't think of a plan
For what's bound to unfurl.
They're expecting a man,
Yet I think like a girl.

Note: I've written this poem before realizing I'm a trans woman. I have since learned there's nothing wrong with manhood -- the problem was that I'm not a man, myself.

-- Lady Scarecrow

Today I was scrolling social media and saw a trans gal who used to weigh 280 but now weighs 175 it reminds me that I'm 200 and raising (I don't have a scale currently) my HRT hasn't been working properly so I know that fat is going to masculine areas. Every time I inject I'm reminded what I'm doing is useless and my body will just raise my T or whatever the hell it's doing. I likely am just resistant to estrogen but I'll never know since I can't afford an endocrine doctor (maybe I should be on hrt if I can't afford that I don't whatever the fuck liberals (non leftist) say) I don't really have a community anymore, I'm set to have to move back to my hometown and I have nothing there. I just feel like my life never was worth living to start with but I feel like I've just lost interest in waiting and trying. 2 years ago I started HRT and my E levels are so off and on, it's never consistently working. I just feel like there isn't really any reason I want to be alive.

It's a designer knockoff I bought online. Crossbody, 28x18cm (10x7 in), and I guess chains are a thing now because most bags have them in some form of a handle nowadays rather than old school leather or fabric straps?

Also, hi blahaj! I'm Kelly. Long time lurker, first time poster. 49, transwoman. Egg shattered into a million pieces last November and have been on a wild ride of self disco with the wife. What an experience it is, learning how to be yourself.

But seriously, this bag. This beautiful, fabulous, shiny bag! How much does this bag rock my face? Omfg I love this fucking bag

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Do I see myself at all?

Why's this beard so thick and vast
In my image that you cast?
Why's there so much body hair?
And the breasts that I should bear?
And these arms so far from slender?
Where's the sight of my true gender?

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
What I've seen has made me crawl.

All I wish you'd show to me
Is the woman I can't see.
Not the fairest of them all,
For whom anyone would fall,
Nor a pretty one, indeed.
Just a woman's all I plead.

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
I can't blame you, after all.
You're a physical device
Meant to show what's in their eyes.

Mirror, mirror on the wall.
You can't hear me as I call.
But I'll ask you anyway:
Will you show myself one day?

-- Lady Scarecrow

[Requesting engagement from trans-feminine people on HRT]

I don't yet know when I will begin hormone replacement therapy, but the anticipation leaves me prone to developing expectations I worry are unrealistic.

Not sure how best to explain. My emotions, and sometimes my expression of those emotions, will feel masculine when heightened. Feeling intensely happy or angry about something even unrelated to my identity, those feelings give me dysphoria because of how masculine they seem. It's not that being happy or angry is inherently masculine, of course. The dysphoria comes from the emotion's manifestation seeming masculine.

I don't know if this makes sense, but has anyone experienced something similar and/or seen changes to these sorts of things?

I'm so ugly and It keeps getting worse since I binge eat, I just fucking hate myself. I keep eating and I know it's actively making me look more masculine. And feel worse.

I'm feeling so much more confident in my trans identity, I te s kind of crazy. I'm at a point where I'm getting more confident removing hair and such.

I'm getting to a point where I'm getting super interested in makeup, especially foundation and contouring to cover my nasty shit and hide my big nose and all..

Also, I so want to get more feminine clothes. A skirt, a dress, something, but idk what, or how to get something to fit my shape?

Basically, I want something new, I have a couple avenues, but I strongly don't know how to do either.

As a transfem, it's probably not a surprise that I get disphoric about a certain area. Tucking normally doesn't really work for me because it leaves tape residue everywhere, hurts like hell to remove the tape and is super inconvenient (even though it's medical tape). My idea: there has to be at least some underwear that is specifically designed for tucking.

After googling for a good while, I found a couple of sites offering tucking underwear. The only issue is: the price is extremely high. Does anyone of you have experience with tucking underwear? What are your thoughts and can you recommend them? I don't wanna blow a ton of money on something that turns out to be only mediocre at best.

Along with that, does anyone have any sources to buy from in central Europe (online or in-person), specifically Austria/Vienna?

I am not affiliated with this person. I have spoken to her in passing and she is a great gal in a tough spot.

 If I could donate I would, but I am hoping maybe someone more well off might be able to help. I don't think she's even expecting to get any donations, but maybe a surprise would turn things around for her.

https://gofund.me/c2152e1d

Thank you all for your consideration.

EDIT: I think I should clarify as well, she did not even share this gofundme with me, nor her Twitter, but I noticed a Twitter link on her profile, and within in I found a post linking the gofundme. It doesn't seem like she has tried to push anyone to give her money, it seems to me like a quiet call for help, especially since the post didn't have any activity so far. I only spoke to her throughout one night, and she did not ask me for anything but conversation the whole time. I do believe anyone who met her would agree she is someone who could really benefit.

Hi!

tl;dr after injecting the same amount of estradiol valerate (subq) for a month or so, I started to experience more dysphoria and signs of testosterone (esp. mental) started to come back. Any reason this might be?

Longer version / details:

I injected 5 mg (0.25 mL) of estradiol valerate subq into my thighs every four days for a while, and for a couple weeks I started injecting into my abdomen instead to avoid blood supplies.

This dose seemed like more than enough. In the past 3.4 mg every 3 days gave me blood estradiol levels of ~350 pg/mL at trough. Recent labs showed 5 mg every 4 days had ~300 pg/mL at trough for me, which was lower than I expected.

It's a good level, but I was having weird dysphoric experiences that commonly happen when my hormones are out of wack (usually when I'm taking too little estrogen). Things like really doubting my gender identity, depression (lack of motivation, lethargic), anhedonia (little pleasure, flat affect, often leads to craving short-term reward behaviors). Physiological signs of T were not as evident in this case, and the dysphoria was not as severe as in the past when my estrogen was too low. Still, it seemed a lot like my estrogen was too low.

I increased my dose to 5.4 mg and the dysphoria went away within a day and I felt amazing and continued to feel amazing. I intended to switch to 5.4 mg / 4 days instead, but on day 3 I could feel my hormones coming down and trusting my experience I injected 5 mg a day early with the intention of trying 5 mg / 3 days (which is a lot more than I have taken before in terms of what this should do to my overall levels). Still not sure what I will do next. Part of me wants to stick with a 4 day cycle to keep lower peaks and to minimize overall levels (out of principle, I know injecting is not as risky as oral routes).

I'm trying to figure out why a stable dose that seems so high and was for the most part effective would suddenly not be "enough" (assuming that's indeed what's happening).

For context I'm close to 4 months on HRT, I took bicalutamide for a bit but stopped because I don't think it helped my mental symptoms and that's the most important therapeutic goal for me with taking HRT. I switched to monotherapy after 2 months which is when I started the 5 mg / 4 days.

I've heard sometimes the body can go through phases as it adjusts to estrogen early in HRT, so maybe this is just one of those lurches or adjustments?

Anyway here are some guesses I came up with:

• I gained some weight (like 15 lbs), some maybe I need a little more EV than before?
• injecting into abdomen depots the oil differently than the thigh, so maybe I am seeing a slower or lower circulation of EV (or alternatively a much faster circulation that is causing a crash earlier?)
• maybe the estrogen receptors are downregulating due to taking too high of a dose too regularly? (I see lots of debate about whether this is a thing, mostly people on Reddit rejecting the idea that this has any clinical relevance.)

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this or has suggestions.

Thanks so much!

I feel like I am at a point in my transition where I might benefit from adding progesterone into the equation. However, I have heard wildly different opinions on whether it has any impact at all, and criticism of generally available creams on amazon for not being the same as human progesterone, since they are often derived from plants.

What do you girls think? Are they junk, or are there some out there worth trying?

I thinking about trying to start with HRT earlier than I previously planned. My plan was to start transitioning after I become financially independant but when I think about that it would take at least 5 years until I start taking hormones but 6 years looks more realistic. Not sure that I can wait that long. This options isn't out of the question because it may actually be the best one but I'm not so sure about it anymore.

Main problem is that I really want to be feminine but my musculine body is getting in my way all the time, no matter how feminine I feel from some things my body still brings dysphoria. I can't feel like myself because of it.

I searched for stories of trans women from my country to get more information about the way trans women are treated here and it looks like situation is better than I tought, coming out might not be as bad as I expected. From what I heard even older people in rural areas were supportive of trans women.

When I look at my situation only person I could come out is my mother if I approach the conversation in a right way. I know that it would be hard for her, but if I explain to her what being trans actually means and how I feel about myself she might come around it. Not really sure what's the best way to do it. I can try giving some resources to her but that wouldn't be that easy because she knows only 1 language and it's not english. Connecting her with other parents of trans girls could also work. Also, I'm not sure is it good idea to don't force her on using different pronouns and name at first to make things a bit easier for her.

One important note is that even if I decide to come out that won't be now because I'm not ready for it yet, I would wait for some time (not too long thou).

Reason why I'm talking about coming out here is because doing that first would make medical transition easier. In my country, gender affirming care is only available in capital. Since I'm 18 going there isn't really a problem but the fact that it would mean going there often and I don't do that normally is a problem. If I started seeing a therapist my parents would quickly think that something is odd basically forcing me to come out, that would be much worse than coming out when I'm ready. I'm still considering starting without anyone knowing but in that case I would quickly come out to avoid worst case scenario.

Basically, I'm not sure how to go with this. Should I wait? Should I come out (and how)? Or should I start in secret and come out quickly after that?

In case it matters, gender affirming care in my country includes seeing a psychiatrist for at least a year, after that you start with hormones and after 1 year of hormones and more talking with psychiatrist you can do SRS. After SRS you can change gender marker and name (you can't change musculine name to feminine one before SRS).