it like - hurts. like it usually jus hurts wheb crying. bt kinda constantly..,..

it hurts n feels awful n makes me look down a lot so peeps dun see it,...,...,,,...

i cnt.,.,, i cnt do dis,,.

UPDATEUPDATE :o

by sad i dun mean im sad (im jus down is all) bt i mean im sad cuz of evil throat!!,.,.,. yis, the throat is the evil! n im sads becuz if it bein so evil n hurtin su bad.

I know that it's an awful and homophobic slur but it made me feel weirdly validated to be called a slur that's usually only used on women (lesbians). I don't know, it's weird. Part of me is upset that they called me a homophobic slur but a part of me is also euphoric for being referred to, even indirectly as a woman. Does anyone else relate to this experience?

(By the way I'm a transfem lesbian.)

As the title says, what are your usual ways to deal with acute phases of dysphoria. For me its currently either going to sleep, weed, or trying to do something different so I dont feel like a complete piece of shit and just feel shit a little bit instead.

I had my epiphany moment about 2 weeks ago, and that lead me to explore any resources I could find to help me determine if I was actually trans or just conforming with my friend group, which has an abundance of trans girls. I've considered the question of my gender dozens of times over the years, and always came to the conclusion that I was a man, and I was happy with that, but in retrospect, I was probably just telling myself that because I wasn't "allowed" to be trans because it would take attention and support from my trans friends. The experiences I read here, and especially the link to the gender dysphoria bible let me finally identify what I had been feeling was wrong my whole 31 years of life without knowing what was wrong, like the guy from spongebob who's just standing there on fire. Since then I figured out I am a woman, and because of that I was able to come out to that friend group, I'm sharing clothes with my wife, using a new name and she/her pronouns, I shaved my denial beard, and I've been able to cry. So. Much. Crying. As a man, in almost 10 years since my wife and I started dating, she saw me cry 3, maybe 4 times, but I have been a goddamn wreck since I started questioning because of all the gender euphoria and worry for my wife, who I am forcing to question her sexuality. She previously identified as bi, but felt more and more straight because she only felt attraction to me, but she has started fantasizing about how I'll physically be in the future and is getting more turned on than usual, so the scared tears are over for now and we are still very much in love. It has been an intense, insane, exciting, terrifying, and validating 2 weeks, and without the information from all of you, I would still be in limbo and more confused than ever, so thank you all so much for existing in this community and sharing what info and experiences you can! 💕

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/30659090

Hi everyone,

I hope it’s okay to post here again. I’ve been reaching out because the situation my trans sisters and I are facing is becoming more desperate by the day. I’m very mindful not to come across as pushy or as if I’m harassing this community I just don’t know where else to turn.

We are still stranded in Gorom, South Sudan, after being chased out of the refugee camp by the government. We have no shelter and are struggling to survive there is no food, no medical care, and no safety. We are sleeping outside, exposed to violence, fear, and the elements. Being visibly trans in this environment puts us in constant danger.

We are asking for any kind of help whether it’s direct support, sharing our situation, or advice on organizations that might assist us. We are simply trying to stay alive and protect one another.

I’m grateful for the kindness and strength in this community. Even just being seen and heard here gives me a little more hope.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.

I'm curious about people's experience on silicone breast forms. I've been using them for a long time now, and they work well for me, but I find that they are all a tad bit too firm for my liking, they lack a bit of that natural jiggle. What has your experience been, and can you recommend any brands that might have a bit more of a natural feel to them?

Hey y'all, this is a bit of a personal rant and maybe a space for other people to share their experiences in the comments. I'm just looking for some advice on how to make the wait for bottom surgery more bearable.

Mine is probably about 6-8 months away, though I don't have an exact surgery date yet. There are some days where it's really fine and I don't even notice my parts down there but then there are others where it's unbearable to even get out of bed. Sometimes I just want to cut the damn thing off myself, I feel like I can't bear to lug it around for even one more day.

I know that I'm a woman (ish) no matter my genitals but it just pisses me off so much that I'll forever be an experiment for people (especially men) when I try dating as long as I don't have a vulva. That I can't go to women's changing rooms without having a complete breakdown (I did it once and have avoided them since in the last 1.5 years). That I can't go swimming in the same clothes all my friends can. That I can't enjoy buying nice underwear because it always looks so horribly wrong. That I feel it every second of every day, that I always have to cover it up when I wear tight bottoms, that I always have to worry and think about it. I hate it, I really do. Every time I touch it, it feels more like a tumor or some kind of demon that has manifested in my body. My bottom dysphoria has become worse and worse the better everything else gets. You win some, you lose some, I guess. All in all, life has gotten significantly better in the last two years for me. I feel like I still have the same amount of dysphoria as I did before starting HRT, only now it's concentrated more on this part of my body.

Okay, rant over, haha. Hope to hear some of your experiences and what helped you through the wait.

We survived the deadline but we are not safe.

Yesterday, May 23rd, was the government’s deadline for all LGBTQ+ refugees to leave the settlement. We are still here, stranded, frightened, and uncertain of what will happen next. We’ve heard nothing yet, but officials made it clear: when they act, the UNHCR will not be there to protect us.

We are living in constant fear, unsure of our fate. Some of us are trembling, crying quietly in corners, praying for help, hoping someone out there still cares.

We found a small place in Juba city a landlord agreed to rent it for $1,500 USD for 3 months. It could be a safe temporary shelter for us. But so far, we’ve only raised $265.

Please, I beg you share our story, remind others, speak our names. We’re not just refugees. We are humans, trans, queer, and trying to survive another day. The clock is still ticking.

We need your support now more than ever. Link to the fundraiser

https://gofund.me/bd40a4f9

I've been doing some voice training by reading to my mum from a book (Cornelia Funke's "Drachenreiter" in German) and I've recorded me while reading 2 chapters each in these recordings:

https://files.catbox.moe/u4kpop.mp3

https://files.catbox.moe/j0iejo.mp3

I just wanted some feedback from people who don't know me personally on how it sounds. If it sounds feminine or if you have some tips on how to improve maybe.

We have searched the internet and looked in a lot of places in it, however, we cannot find any non marketing or general information about them and since we would like to get bottom surgery, it would be very useful info to have.

So we were wondering what they are like, from hopefully people who have actually had the surgery or know somebody who has.

What are the various surgeries results, either penile inversion, ppt, or suporn etc?

Now obviously clitorises of them do not function exactly the same as endogynous ones since they do not extend all the way inside, but is there a hood that they expand out of, and what is the feeling like just in general and when touched?

Do any methods apart from ppt and the other one where they put anal tissue in have lube occur naturally? If so how does this occur?

Does the inside of any of the methods feel like endogynous vaginas over time or does it feel like flat skin or whatever no matter how much time there has been?

Does anybody have any pictures of what they look like? Not asking for anything personal or porny, just, we have never found any pictures online except for surgery pictures and thus are not sure what the various methods might look like after (without all the blood and stitches etc) and since we plan to get bottom surgery in the future knowing the various results visually would help a lot to help us decide which to go for and probably ease our anxiety.

Thanks so much for reading and hopefully answering these questions.

They stayed up late putting in edits that bans Medicaid from covering gender affirming care even for adults now. They said they were going to. It may be voted on in the house Thursday, May 22nd. Trump is pushing this massive spending bill to be passed ASAP.

The House needs to vote on it, it succeed, it go to the Senate, they vote and it and it succeed there, then the president accepts it, for it to become law.

Republicans hold majorities in both the House and Senate.

They will likely try to pass through the filibuster in the Senate with Budget Reconciliation so as to not require 60 votes, and therefore just a simple majority. That has its own rules though.

Edit: This morning the house voted for and passed the bill. Off to the Senate it goes. This is where everything happens.

My name is Cyara Kaira, and I am a transgender woman seeking safety in South Sudan. I never imagined I’d have to beg for my life like this, but today, I have no other choice.

I am currently living in a refugee settlement, but I’ve just been told I must leave within 10 days not because I did anything wrong, but simply because I am queer. The government held a meeting and announced that all LGBTQ+ people must leave the camp. Those of us who remain after Saturday will be forcibly evicted or imprisoned.

I am heartbroken. I am terrified. I have already suffered so much from rejection, from violence, from being treated like I don’t belong anywhere. And now, once again, I am being pushed out with nowhere to go.

I want to live. I want to be safe. But I have no home to go to. I am trying to reach Juba city, where I hope to find temporary shelter, but even there, life is dangerous especially for someone like me. If I end up on the streets, I don’t know what will happen to me. I fear I will be harmed or even killed.

Please, I’m asking from the depths of my heart:( Help me find a safe place to stay before Saturday. Help me survive this. Help me hold onto hope.

Your donation could save my life. Even a small amount can help me find shelter, food, and safety in these critical next days.

Please donate. Please share. Please stand with me. https://gofund.me/bd40a4f9

Things I should bring, or shouldn't bring?

What I should do before and after, or not do?

What are your experiences and sage advice (or just gripes or personal experiences you want to share)?

EDIT:

Related previous posts:

• Home after bottom surgery
• Week and a half post op. The realization still hasn't kicked in.

When I decided to finally begin medical transition, I agonized over where to even begin. I had a post here about finding medical professionals, and I did finally find somewhere that seemed like a good fit for me! Opened somewhat recently; a local university and teaching hospital started a "pride clinic" that was supposed to be a safe space for people who needed care that may have needs outside of the realm hetero-normative and cis-gendered people. The staff is (as far as I can tell) all part of the LGBTQIA+ community, or at least allies. I like going to this clinic because I don't just feel tolerated; I feel welcome!

I started HRT a few months ago. I was excited for estradiol no matter what form it came in, but they went with their organization's "standard of care" that was spironolactone and estradiol oral tablets, and some finasteride thrown in because, well, I'm old enough for hair loss to be a thing. I asked them if we could discuss injection monotherapy, and got a reply of "Sure, after your 3 month blood work". Two months in, I had to have a second set of labs done because the anti-androgens were wreaking havoc. Dizziness, fainting, high heart rate, low blood pressure, and several other issues. While I was generally happier and able to actually feel and express all the emotions that I couldn't before, the mood swings were so strong and so spikey that even my spouse was commenting on them. I was also frustrated with the lack of any physical changes to speak of, out side of maybe my scent changing for the better.

I started to pester the clinic to change my mode of therapy. After seeing a cardiologist who actually agreed with my concerns, I finally had my teaching appointment for estradiol valerate recently. I am in such a better place now! I have no mood swings, though I still get to keep my range of emotions. There is less random dizziness and no fainting. The best part is that there are physical changes coming along with the rest within a week of starting the injections. The litany of medications I took every day are gone, and the only thing that remains is a small shot once a week.

I'm celebrating a bit here, but I'm also recalling all of this to tell you that if you need something from a doctor, remind them that it's your healthcare you're looking after. Take an active role in it, including reading up on the benefits and drawbacks of what you're after and why. Sometimes you need to be your own advocate. I also want to point out that I'm still going to the same clinic. They're wonderful people providing great care in an environment that I have yet to find anywhere else! But, they're doing the job for so many patients that they sometimes just have to follow the guide book. Your care is for you, so make it personal

Basically, how long would you have to be on estrogen before you could start getting some of the mental and emotional effects, but before you would start having any irreversible physical effects?

I am pretty interested in starting HRT, but I don’t necessarily want to go through the whole hassle of freezing sperm first if I end up not liking how HRT makes me feel. Nor do I want to wait a long time before starting HRT just to find out that it me feel like garbage. So I’m thinking about potentially taking it for like two or three months as a “trial run”?

Would that be enough time to get some clarity on whether or not I like how it works on me? And then I could stop it for long enough to freeze some sperm and then go back on, or just stop entirely, depending on if I like it or not.

Thanks friends 🙏💜

Hi,

I'm a recently cracked egg, and I figure I might as well introduce myself here.

I made it to age 31 before I figured it out. I've been dating a trans girl for over 3 years before realizing that I also am one, so I'm coming into it with a lot of knowledge, and as soon as my mind was opened to it I very quickly became sure of it. On the plus side, that means that I don't have any doubts about it myself.

So far I've told my girlfriend, therapist, parents, and some online friends. Mostly they've taken it well (My therapist and girlfriend were apparently expecting it before I realized it myself), although my dad has been somewhat resistant. I've been trying to convince him that it's right for me, with moderate success. I think I will be able to bring him around, with some more time. I've been too chicken to tell others that I know IRL, so far.

Also... now is not really a great time to be transitioning, given the current state of the world, especially the US (where I live). I think I definitely want to go ahead with it anyways, but I'll probably take some time before I pull the trigger on a social transition, and try to prepare some things beforehand. In particular, I want to do voice training in advance, and probably work on some fashion and makeup skills so I can immediately transition my voice and surface level appearance when I social transition.

I don't know if my new employer (starting next month) will be accepting of it, either, so maybe I want to work that job for a bit to get experience and test the waters before I decide how to proceed. I probably want to get some experience from that job before I bounce from it, so it would be ideal if they are accepting.

Closeted transfem person here who's Closeted because I want to become independent and get my own stable place to live before I come out.

I just had a few questions and wanted to ask them in one post instead of multiple posts

• Closeted transfem women pre physical transition who are also lesbian, for those of you that do feel this how do you deal with that wierdness that you feel when calling yourself lesbian and identifying as lesbian even though you look down and see a male body?
• To Transfem women with autism, I'm also on the spectrum. Is there anything I should know?
• Closeted Transfem women still living with parents, how do I secretly be feminine without my parents finding out
• Transfem women who moved out of their hometown to a more progressive city, What steps did you take? I currently don't like my hometown because of its voting demographics favouring the political party equivalent here in Australia that mirrors right wingers & terrible people from america and my local crime watch group on Facebook which has a large amount of my hometowns population in it has a percentage of awful members in it
• Closeted transfem women who can't go to see therapists due to living with parents, how do you self manage your mental health and self therapy yourself

Sorry in advance, I'm pretty exhausted emotionally and I'm not sure what I'm doing. Just needed to spill some thoughts somewhere.

I'm finally having my orchie next week and even though I'm a bit anxious, that's more about the recovery aspect. I'm so happy to have something out of my body that's caused me so much turmoil since 2004. It's hard to be excited after all of the insanity to get me to this point though.

It seems like nothing was able to go right for me. I knew in 2004 I "wanted to be a girl." I knew in 2011 I was trans when I first came out to my parents. They stonewalled access to HRT. In 2012 I moved across the country to transition in private. Dad disowned me, mom and I spoke but you could tell there was tension. My brother was fairly absent, as he is. I wound up struggling by being alone in a new city so far away, so I detransitioned and moved home.

Shortly afterwards I reconnected with a friend from school, we dated and got married. I became a stepparent to her son. Life was happy, but, it wasn't quite the life I wanted. I didn't like being husband and father. I hated the skills I was learning to be "man of the house." I hated the expectation of being the stern parental figure. I hated feeling like my sole purpose was to provide stability and just be invisible otherwise. I drank beer or rum and smoked weed every single night. Some nights I added in sleep meds to help me rest and drown out the noise in my head.

She knew my history. She knew I transitioned before. She had told me over and over and over in our marriage that she was supportive and didn't mind. When I realized I was trans and needed to transition again, she said "I knew this day would come. I'm your #1 biggest fan and you have my full support." I thought I finally, FINALLY was getting the life I dreamed of. My best friend from childhood as my life partner, her beautiful son, the body and role I needed in life, and importantly, support for who I was.

She asked me for a divorce last year. She stopped letting me see her son. She's moved on and is seeing someone else. I couldn't keep hiding from my father, so I told him I was transitioning again. He took me out of his will and is planning on leaving the state when my grandmother dies, saying "he has nothing to stay for" after that. Said grandmother also stopped speaking to me. When a friend rescheduled plans on me and I dared to vent about the losses in the same conversation, they came back with "manipulating them will only push them away." I explained that I wasn't manipulating them, but they were welcome to add onto everything too if they'd like.

He stopped speaking to me. I left the group chat because I couldn't be around that nonsense. No one has checked on me in a month. I just up and left and no one cared. I imagine a story was told to make me look like a bad person again. I don't think I care anymore either.

I'm finally having my orchie next week, and I'm so happy, but it's so hard to feel excited when I understand it's cost me my wife, son, father, grandmother, and so many other things I haven't touched on. It's a win that doesn't feel like it compensates for the atrocious amount of bullshit the last 13 months has given me. I know, it's a marathon, but come on. I don't get parents who care? I don't get a spouse? A family? Nothing? Literally, my goal post surgery is to save money and move to the city and have a clean slate. My goal is LITERALLY start fresh with nothing, for the second time in my life.

What a joke.

I tried very hard to match the aesthetic of the game so closely when I went on this trip.

Also I found out only about one-in-three pictures that come out of a Polaroid are worthwhile, and most of my Arcadia Bay trading cards are chaff that won’t get into my binder.

Pictures from the road trip are in my user history!

Trying hard to trust the process, and while I have seen other expected changes in skin, hair, and mood, I am getting anxious that nothing is happening under my shirt. I had some minor sensitivity within the first two weeks, but never anything painful.

This Friday will be 6 weeks on HRT. 2mg Est, 4mg Prog, 200mg Spiro daily.

Edit: thanks for talking me off the cliff everyone, I'm much less anxious now 😅

Three months on and I've definitely improved since last time. This was the best of several takes, and although I was trying a bit harder than usual it's not too far from my usual zero-effort voice. I just need to remember to keep the resonance tight and stay bright.

I'd give this a C- "almost satisfactory", so let it rip!