I was having breakfast at a restaurant, and seated at the table nearest to me were two older ladies, one of whom was loud enough that I could hear what she was saying.

She was saying "females" need to do more to reach out and grab opportunity like they used to (I assume she was referring to second-wave style women's lib, breaking into the workplace, etc.? very confusing tbh). This was after some comments about female athletes that I caught the end of, she was saying how crazy the world is now and I think she was saying now that trans women are being included in women spaces.

I'm sitting to her left, and more than anything else I just wanted to ask her if she thought I was a woman. Instead I sat and listened to her talk at her friend about how much a victim Zelenskyy is because he didn't get enough support from Biden (!?), and that the U.S. military has fallen behind other countries and we're losing arms races (!!??), how she prays to God about it all, etc.

I think there's something wrong with me if my reaction to publicly aired transphobic comments is the desire for validation from the transphobe.

First of all, she's clueless and didn't clock me so I should have some sense of whether she perceives me as a woman, and second of all, her opinion is worthless precisely because she didn't clock me.

I tell myself what I want to know is what I'm doing wrong, so I can finesse my passing or at least be aware of my limitations & weaknesses and mitigate them. I've realized most cis people (and maybe especially older, conservative, or transphobic people) notice minor gender differences less and are more likely to overlook those differences.

But maybe this is less rational and more psychological, maybe it's just more satisfying to pass in front of a transphobe, maybe it's more emotionally validating if the person who thinks the world is crazy for letting men into women's restrooms sees that "man" is a woman.

Sorry, this story feels self-absorbed. I think this is like a confessional or something.

Some possible discussion topics:

• tips or observations on how to overcome these insecurities?
• any stories of interactions with transphobes of your own you want to share?
• thoughts on Biden's absolutely tragic failure as a president to provide sufficient aid to Zelenskyy in his moment of need?

hi, I suspect if I did some searching I could find my answer (so apologies up front for being lazy and not doing enough research up-front 🙊) but I have noticed every time I type : and then start typing the name of an emoji, for example :sob: (i.e. 😭), there is a list of emojis that start to match what I'm typing:

The emojis rarely match the auto-complete I'm expecting (which is based on doing this in other contexts like Slack with standard unicode emojis), and often there are custom emojis in addition to the standard ones that if I accidentally tab and hit enter to accept, results in an embedded image.

Incidentally, my fingers somewhat automatically start to type emojis like :sob: and this auto-complete feature is essentially "broken" for me by the large number of custom image emojis (notice the emoji I'm looking to autocomplete when I type :sob isn't showing up in the top part of the list).

Admittedly this breaks my flow, but I'm not complaining as much as wondering what this custom image emoji feature is, whether it's a Lemmy thing or an instance specific thing, and how much other people use it (do other users like these custom emojis, and their easy / automatic finger flow is accustomed to these options)?

The custom emojis are cute, tho 😄

content warning, I'm going to be glib and talk about misogyny and transphobia in a joking manner - I don't mean to harm anyone, and I don't want to upset anyone.

OK hear me out: trans-exclusionary radical feminists, at least the actual radfems who are often middle-aged and still stuck in second-wave feminism, should love gender-affirming care ... doesn't it do exactly what they would love to do to men? Like, a lot of these women are cultural feminists, they essentialise men and women and view women as superior and men as inherently violent, oppressive, and bad. At least that's been my experience.

So, for example, if a man wants to suppress testosterone and take estrogen, shouldn't TERFs' fear about violence from men and the (admittedly simplistic) narrative that testosterone is responsible for that violence and aggression motivate them to embrace enabling as many men as possible to suppress their testosterone and chemically castrate themselves with estrogen?

Even if they don't believe that makes the man a woman, shouldn't they believe it's an improvement?

It just sounds like a revenge fever-dream concocted by second-wave lesbian separatist: a woman goes about secretly injecting abusive men with estrogen to calm them down ... it just sounds like a revenge fantasy they would be into.

The plot of The Gate to Women's Country literally centers around this fantasy of castrating men to make "good" men.

And if that's not compelling, I know they love the stories about chopping off dicks - come on, if they really believe trans women are a bunch of men, shouldn't they support access to gender-affirming care like vaginoplasties that do exactly that?

TERFs should support gender-affirming care even if they don't believe trans women are women. If men are the enemy they should be the biggest fans of chemically castrating and cutting the dicks off men.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

just kidding, this isn't from a dream, it's real

(I missed April fools by a day.)

according to nookipedia, blue roses are the result of hybridizing two 1110 hybrid red roses, which are produced by cross-breeding a yellow rose with a 1011 hybrid pink flower.

You can get a 1011 hybrid pink rose from cross-breeding a store-bought red rose (2001) and a purple rose. There is also a chance that you get a 1011 hybrid pink rose from breeding store-bought red and white roses.

Here is the chart from Nookipedia:

It's not clear to me whether this is accurate, however - I have successfully bred each of these necessary roses, and so far none of the 1110 hybrid red roses have produced a blue rose ... They have produced more black, white, and red roses, however.

Maybe it's just a matter of time, since the blue rose is a 1.56% chance ...

new contrapoints just dropped

they're not even half frosted anymore

I'm always wanting to learn and I don't feel qualified to actually share tips, but here were a few things I wish I had known earlier:

• when my mascara was drying out, I went too long before learning I could spray a little sterile saline on the brush (shaking off any excess drips of saline), and put the brush back into the bottle and work the brush a bit - then it would apply to the lashes perfectly without clumps (I've enjoyed mascaras like Mineral Fusion and Better Than Sex).
• lash curlers are a life changer, I have long lashes but they're heavy and droop down, and I thought it was a mistake with how I was applying the mascara (and the mascara weighed them down even more!!); maybe this is just obvious, but I went too long without using one and they really lift my eyes, even just the curler without the mascara is a big help
• foundation can really age you, so it's important to prioritize skin care and "natural beauty". It really sucks when my skin is breaking out and I have to cover up with foundation because it ruins the natural, soft look of my skin; I wash my face every night with a cleanser (occasionally using a more exfoliating salicylic acid cleanser on my nose) and use a night cream with ceramides. Hydrating throughout the day is also important to healthy skin. (As is diet, tbh.)
• I had no idea that cosmetic sunscreens existed, I wish I had known there were sunscreens that didn't feel like covering my face in grease, I've gone without sunscreen for decades because I had no idea. Discovering Japanese and South Korean sunscreens that function as a makeup primer, and aren't greasy and absorb into the skin, completely blew my mind and made it so much easier for me to put sunscreen on every day. I have really enjoyed CANMAKE's Mermaid Skin Gel and SKIN1004's Madagascar Centella sunscreens in particular.

What beauty and makeup tips did you wish you knew earlier?

following this recipe: https://www.fromthecomfortofmybowl.com/vegan-red-beans-and-rice/

Was reading the rules and they said that anyone that is a victim of intersexism can identify as intersex, and I just wonder what intersexism is exactly and how it would differ from, for example, stigma against trans people who appear with ambiguous or mixed gender.

I assume intersexism is something more narrow than merely the way anyone with ambiguous or mixed gender traits might be mistreated in society.

Just wondering if there is a book or article I should read to learn more, basically.

Last night I had a dream where I was socially interacting as male, had male anatomy, etc. - it usually disturbs me when I wake up and realize my unconscious is operating this way, it feels like I don't see myself as a woman, which is true on a conscious level but it's painful when I don't even see myself as a woman in my dreams.

Sometimes even before transition trans women see themselves as women in their dreams, and I marvel at that. I think part of my denial was integrating every internal part of me that felt female as being actually authentically male, that all men are actually feminine in this way or that. So the authentically feminine parts of me still feel "male".

Anyway, I just wanted to do a quick poll and see:

(if any transmasc folks or enbies are reading this, I would love your input too, even though I'm using gendered language, I don't mean to be excluding)

• did you have dreams where you were a woman before you transitioned?
• what was the process like of your internal concept changing as you transitioned?
• when did you start appearing as a woman in your dreams post-transition? (did the frequency increase post-transition, what was that change like?)
• how do you relate to your self-conception, does it disturb you to be a man in your dreams, is it a relief to be a woman in your dreams?

Polenta and mushrooms in wine sauce, loosely based on this recipe: https://www.rabbitandwolves.com/vegan-creamy-polenta-red-wine-mushrooms/

I felt like mushrooms were not sufficient, so I added tofu (which was too soft, I think maybe soy curls would have been better?). Also didn't have red wine, so I used white wine + red wine vinegar + raisins blended in water to replace the red wine, lol.