[-] dandelion 3 points 1 hour ago

the passion that drives me is the desire to not be homeless or hungry, and that has basically informed what I did with my life - I got the basic education needed to get a good paying job without going into debt ...

[-] dandelion 1 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 1 hour ago)

the fee you pay is different than the total costs, I paid $1,000 for my PIV, but the total costs were still over $100,000. That's not including the thousands I spent on a hotel room for the week after I was discharged but not permitted to go home yet.

Edit: I should say I'm in the US, there are cheaper options elsewhere like Thailand. There is even a very cheap option in Thailand where they don't put you under general anaesthesia to keep costs low.

[-] dandelion 1 points 2 hours ago

As a kid I loved how morbid and dark Halloween was, as well as the fact that it was the only holiday that allowed me to escape my house and family for the evening, rather than be held captive to their dysfunction. Holidays were hell, but Halloween was sweet escape.

Today I'm depressed at how few kids trick-or-treat, I've never been able to give out candy and that makes me really sad. The holiday is somewhat dead for me - and I don't know how to revive it.

[-] dandelion 4 points 2 hours ago

+1 to this, each transition is different and dependent on what is necessary - I know a trans girl who has no intention of ever getting an orchi, but would like to get breast augmentation.

Vulvoplasty is also a cheaper and easier surgery than vaginoplasty that more and more patients are getting - I know a girl IRL who decided to get a vulvoplasty and not a vaginoplasty, she recovered fairly quickly!

I wish I could get FFS, but have no intention of getting BA.

[-] dandelion 9 points 2 hours ago

the numbers last I checked were something like around half of all trans women want a vaginoplasty but haven't had it, but only around 10% have actually had it - so obviously the costs, the preparation, and medical gatekeeping are all barriers to many people getting the surgery they need ...

[-] dandelion 6 points 2 hours ago

these numbers are super inaccurate, lol

PPT vaginoplasty is probably going to be a lot more than $20,000 (with anaesthesia, a week recovery in the hospital, etc. that total is going to be a lot more, $100,000 - $150,000 is more accurate, but that's why you get it covered by insurance).

You can get unlimited laser for all body parts at Milan for like $10,000, so $22,000 is more than double what the most expensive laser option should be.

[-] dandelion 10 points 5 hours ago

ha, I'm already unemployed, they screwed themselves on that one

[-] dandelion 1 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago)

that changes, though - there is a tipping point for many where all the collective effort and changes from HRT finally coalesce into passing as cis, and then people (at least strangers) are more comfortable around you.

Some people who knew me pretransition still seem to see me as male, but whether they are comfortable is more about them - one friend felt so much relief at how feminine I was because she was worried about messing up my pronouns, and by passing and being so feminine, I made it easier for her to pronoun me correctly.

Others are obviously experiencing cognitive dissonance in direct proportion to how much I change from my pretransition, male past.

This is why I feel like not spending time with people who knew me before, and why moving to a new city was so helpful. Now I live as a "cis" woman full time, "being trans" is a part of my past in a way. (Obviously I'll always be trans, but I no longer live as visibly trans - I'm free to live stealth now, which motivates not gender rotting, as well.)

All this to say, keep making effort because eventually it can really improve your situation. Cis people are uncomfortable with people transitioning, but they don't understand what it's like for us, or how important it is for our health. So ignore them, and then enjoy the irony when you start to pass when it seems so impossible for that to be true - cis people are also blind and gender-naive in a way.

[-] dandelion 4 points 1 day ago

they seem to come up with non-standard definitions and just live by those, e.g. Matt Walsh denies the existence of intersex people by claiming the only way to be intersex is to produce both kinds of gametes ... but that's not really the definition of intersex, so it's just weird that he uses it anyway (and of course for political purposes, he is essentially a science denier).

[-] dandelion 23 points 2 days ago

the anti-trans activists who push the narrative that kids are being mutilated with gender-affirming surgeries are essentially lying, surgeries are not offered to kids at all. The closest to that is that a minority of 17 year old trans boys have been able to get top surgeries (breast reduction), but this is again a small minority, and these are people on the cusp of being the age of the majority.

Meanwhile cis children are permitted access to surgeries like breast reduction, breast augmentation, and nose jobs without the gatekeeping or moral panic associated with gender affirming care for trans patients.

The very same activists pushing to deny trans people access to life-saving care under the guise of protecting children from mutilation are also the same people who support non-consensual surgeries on intersex children and babies ...

You can't make this up folks, the anti-trans activist Matt Walsh who held a protest called "End Child Mutilation" to protest surgeries that don't happen also supports the unethical and non-consensual mutilation of intersex babies and children.

(Presumably he also supports circumcision, but people seem to feel that kind of gential mutilation is acceptable, and it's less relevant to the hypocrisy of supporting the mutilation of children to force them into one gender or another while making up stories of genital mutilation so he can deny people access to surgeries when they choose it for themselves.)

[-] dandelion 5 points 3 days ago

Thanks Ada - this was really helpful context.

For others and myself, here's the evidence presented about it being an exploding heads community: https://hilariouschaos.com/comment/9332

The community also doesn't remove transphobic posts, e.g. tahira's transphobic posts haven't been removed, and Alice (the instance admin) only asked tahira to ease up on the "trans stuff" to keep things "chill and open for everyone".

Still trying to find evidence about the admins being transphobes themselves - having a harder time finding that (maybe it was an admin that left?).

For what it's worth, the community is pretty quiet and most of the content does not seem to be right-wing, though there is a conservative community there with a single user that posts regularly there. (But just leaving the transphobic content up is enough to warrant defederation from Blahaj; the question about the community's character is more relevant for other instances considering defederation.)

Thank you Ada for having standards and protecting the community ๐Ÿซถ

[-] dandelion 8 points 4 days ago

ah, it seems to be a right-wing instance: https://lem.lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/16819648

got it โœ…

thanks!

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submitted 4 days ago by dandelion to c/main

was trying to find out if we are intentionally defederated, I don't see any hilariouschaos communities showing up in the Blahaj search, so I assume they aren't federated - just not sure why and was hoping to learn the lore ๐Ÿ˜…

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submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by dandelion to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

Just wondering what the experience is like for cis men who have experienced estrogen dominance...

I've read that there are accounts of side effects in men who take estrogen for prostate cancer and who experience depression.

There are also the famous cases of Alan Turing and David Reimer. Was hoping for more first hand accounts of what the cis male experience is like on estrogen.

Just wondering if anyone has experiences they're willing to share. Thanks!

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submitted 2 weeks ago by dandelion to c/trans

this is along with name, race and other demographic information

They don't have a gender field, and it really feels like they are just reducing sex and gender down to "you are what you were assigned at birth", and then hiding behind amorphous medical "reasons" as justification ....

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submitted 3 weeks ago by dandelion to c/lemmybewholesome@lemmy.world
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submitted 3 weeks ago by dandelion to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

Why or why not?

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submitted 4 weeks ago by dandelion to c/mtf

In my experience, dysphoric thoughts can be contagious in a way, a particular, dysphoric way of seeing can transmit to other dysphoric trans people who may have not have considered that way of seeing.

(I am of course not implying gender dysphoria is contagious, just that my experiences with dysphoria have in the past caused other dysphoric people to have worse dysphoria.)

So as a precaution, I'll put my cognitohazard dysphoria thoughts behind a spoiler.

dysphoric thoughtsSince vaginoplasty, my bottom dysphoria has been vastly improved - but I continue to feel remarkable "sameness" in my genitals, and that continues to be unsettling.

Even this week, twice when aroused my clit felt engorged, which I experienced as being erect, just as I was pre-op. Each time it creates a rising, panicky fear that I actually am erect down there, that I still have a penis.

Other times my labia can feel like a scrotum - they can kind of sag sometimes and look and feel like a scrotum (because that's what they are made of), and that can be unsettling, too. I used to have the worst feeling when I could feel my scrotum slap against my thigh, and sometimes my labia can almost reproduce that same "loose" feeling down below that I dread.

These feelings have improved somewhat over time, and it's only been three months since my surgery, so it's still recent-ish. I don't know how long these dysphoric feelings will continue, but I assume they will get better.

I guess I'm looking for reassurance, or at least someone else who has had similar experiences to chime in on theirs.

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submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by dandelion to c/trans_joy

I was getting ready to go out. I put on a bra, and slipped on a pair of jeans. It was a mundane moment, but I felt the jeans snug around my butt and hips, and as I pulled the jeans up, I felt the material pushing up into my groin where my genitals used to be, my body fitted the jeans, finally.

Walking across the room to get the rest of my clothes, I suddenly felt so extremely and inexplicably happy, even doped - the feeling of a good pair of jeans made me feel better than drugs do. It took me by surprise, I never expected to feel this way.

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submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by dandelion to c/femcelmemes
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submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by dandelion to c/mtf

just feeling unusually happy today, but I attribute most of my happy days to transition (particularly estrogen), and in case it's helpful or motivating, others should know it really can get better, just keep trying

๐Ÿ’–

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submitted 1 month ago by dandelion to c/lesbians

It's so good I had to stop watching it so I watch it for the first time together with my partner ๐Ÿ˜Š

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submitted 1 month ago by dandelion to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

Politeness norms seem to keep a lot of folks from discussing or asking their trans friends questions they have, I figured at the very least I could help try to fill the gap. Lemmy has a decent trans population who might be able to provide their perspectives, as well.

Mostly I'm interested in what people are holding back.

The questions I've been asked IRL:

  • why / how did you pick your name?
  • how long have you known?
  • how long before you are done transitioning?
  • how long do you have to be on HRT?
  • is transgender like being transracial?
  • what do the surgeries involve?

For the most part, though, I get silence - people don't want to talk about it, or are afraid to. A lot of times the anxiety is in not knowing how to behave or what would be offensive or not. Some people have been relieved when they learned all they needed to do is see me as my gender, since that became very simple and easy for them.

If there are trans people you know IRL, do you feel you can talk to them about it? Not everyone is as open about it as I am, and questions can be feel rude, so I understand why people would feel hesitant to talk to me, but even when I open the door, people rarely take the opportunity.

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submitted 1 month ago by dandelion to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

been thinking about all the little moments tucked away in my memories that are a world unknowable to those younger than me, so consider this an opportunity to reminisce over old times, but also to ask those about the times you did not live through.

I guess my question for those older than me is: before computers, how did you learn to do something?

Did access to knowledge change your life, was a constraint lifted when you no longer depended on having found the right books or people to learn tips on how to cook a new dish, or how to fix a plumbing problem, or how to plant a garden?

Was life more simple, did you have fewer problems to solve without technology in your life, or did technology make life easier?

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dandelion

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