Congratulations! I"m happy to hear that you've decided to help yourself out. There's a wonderful journey ahead of you! I'm only a few months ahead of you on that journey, so please feel free to reach out if there's anything you want to discuss. Welcome to the rest of your new life, sister!

I wish my body were feminine enough,

I am only 3 months into medical transition, after 40 years in an enormous male body. I went out to appointments and ran errands in femme clothes (high waisted pants and flowy tops are fabulous) without makeup or a wig. When it's your livelihood it's different, but I just stopped caring. My doctor, my brilliant neurologist, my dermatologist are all trans women and they are going to work every day as their real selves. Why shouldn't I?

Welcome to the fold, sister! You'll find your situation isn't so rare, here. There's plenty of experience and resources around, and I share many of your concerns! I'm on my 3rd month of HRT in my 40's, also in the US, and also recently changed employers in the past year. It's difficult, but you CAN do it! You can start voice training anytime, and there's plenty of YouTube and some Discord/Matrix/Other places for practice and critiquing. You can also get 1:1 sessions online, or get local training from a speech pathologist, but find one that specializes in voice feminization! Makeup isn't as difficult as it seems, either. You can get lessons at some places like Ulta, and there are a lot of YouTube videos for this, as well! I personally recommend Stef Sanjati's videos, since she did this professionally and really digs into technique and explaining the reasoning behind what she does.

HRT is a pretty slow process, especially as your age increases. You can hide many of the effects for a while, too! Some of use start failing at boymode 6 months in, some are still able to pull it off up to two years in. Look into starting it sooner than later, because it's a big change, especially mentally, and it takes so long to affect anything!

Hang in there! I'm hoping things can be salvaged here in the land of the Freedom to be Told Not to Use Any Restroom, but I'm also thinking about backup plans, and looking for ways to organize. The more of us that are vocal, the better chance we have of being heard.

I had a week! I went to the salon with my spouse for their appointment, and chatted up the front desk and my usual stylist. I've been getting crew cuts with clippers here for 15 years. I told them I was transitioning and needed help growing out and styling and THEY. WERE. ECSTATIC! I spent almost an hour talking with everyone at the salon about hair, clothes, makeup, an upcoming pride festival, and just generally enjoying life as myself for once! What an affirming day :)

I followed that affirming day up with heart problems and a cardio visit that pointed the blame at anti-androgens, so I finally convinced my clinic to switch from spiro, finasteride, and oral E to EV injection monotherapy. I hope that stabilises my mood, accelarates my changes, and finally kicks the T to the curb. Otherwise I'm going to beg for orchi next.

I went for another run this weekend, and realized I finally had a physical body change. I also realized I needed to buy a running bra way sooner than I expected, because that HURT. I'm happy that my body is finally starting to change almost two months in to HRT, but I was not prepared. At least it was only a 5k. I cannot imagine what it would have been like if I had signed up for a half marathon this weekend. I might have gotten my first DNF if I had!

I also realize that I'm part of an extremely lucky small group of trans women. I have an absolutely loving and fantastic spouse that has been nothing but supportive through this entire process. They stand by me, cover for me when I need it (they even go with me and "pick out their own makeup" for me when we're shopping together!), and accept me for who I am. They're also not shy about calling me out when a style is a definite no for me. It's nice to be able to just cuddle up on the couch with our cats and enjoy some tea together. We've been together for a very long time, but I'm falling in love all over again!

I'm 7 weeks in to HRT and have no changes yet. How? How do you already have this feeling? I'm glad you're euphoric. I'm just jealous.

There's a lot of great advice here already, so I'm not going to reitreate. Instead, I'm going to offer an anecdote:

My egg cracked 11 years ago. At the time, my spouse and I had been married for 5 years and together for 10. They meant the world to me and were the only thing driving me every day. I always said that my career was second; they were the smarter one (higher academic degree, more published papers, more detailed mathematical work) and so I could pick up anywhere and do whatever as long as they were doing what they wanted. I would then and would still, now, gladly take a bullet to keep them safe.

I put this out there to lay the foundation for my decision when I discovered, cognitively, that I was transfemme. My immediate and lasting reaction was to shove that in a box and bury it. I refused to harm our relationship or my spouse in ANY way, including but not limited to: socially, emotionally, economically, physically. I was thinking about the direct and indirect effects on them from knowing, and dealing with, me, my transition, or the way others would react to it with them or to them.

I missed a very important factor in all of this: me. Forgetting, just for a moment, how miserable it is to live through over a decade of dysphoria without help or even a verbal outlet, I harmed my spouse by being absent from life in general. I was always stuck inside my own head thinking about how life could be instead of how it was at the moment. After I came out, received a diagnosis and eventually began HRT, they told me they could tell I was actually with them again. I was there. Physically, sure, but also mentally! I was aware in full of the world and events around me and actively taking part in life again.

Did I do some damage? Yes. Some of it is yet to be realized, since I still fully pass in boymode and am sticking to that in public for quite some time. The difference is that the issues we face now and will face in the future are ones we'll face together. I won't face them alone inside my head and they won't face them without me really being in the moment. We're actually a couple again, everyday, and I wouldn't give this up for anything.

I have one regret. I regret not doing this a decade ago.

Go read the entire Gender Dysphoria Bible to start. You may be able to start HRT sooner than you think, depending on where you are. There are programs that may help, or specialized clinics that offer cheaper care. A therapist, if you can afford it, is highly recommended!

If you can't or don't want to medically transition, that's totally valid, too! You could socially transition. Choosing a new name can be super difficult (ask me how I know) and voice training is likewise difficult and a slow process, and neither of these require anything but you and your mind. Clothing helps with dysphoria, as well as makeup/hair/nails/jewelry or even just social groups and hobbies. Thrift stores are likely to have cheap options for beginners.

The other thing I would suggest is figuring out your support group. You do NOT have to do this alone. Whether it's online communities like this one (<3 Blåhaj!) or real world friend groups or support groups, go find peers or allies.

Welcome to the sisterhood! I hope you find yourself soon :)

I had a double whammy of "phantom pain" and it's opposite of somehow also having parts that shouldn't be there. It feels like the vagina that I should have been born with is aching to just be there and that the parts I do have are always just somehow in the way. They feel foreign, like a transplant that's being rejected. The awful part is that the latter started when I was a very young child. I kept trying to "move it out of the way" and was always getting yelled at.

It took almost 30 years for me to fully grasp why these feelings were happening, and then I spent the next 10+ in an internal battle over whether to just give up on life or to keep going to keep my spouse happy. This essentially manifested as a kind of depression where I was withdrawn from everything that was happening around me. I just went through the daily motions with occasional small glimmers of the outside world, usually when something really good happened with my spouse around.

After starting GAHT, they straight up said to me "I'm glad to have you back! You're actually here with me now". Sometimes it's almost a physical pain, and sometimes it's a mental disconnect, and sometimes it would qualify as clinical depression. However, like everything else in this journey, we all go through the process differently. Your mileage may vary in transition, but it also likely varies on the way to starting, too.

If you haven't read it yet, I strongly recommend reading The Gender Dysphoria Bible

It's natural to be afraid of change, but I can tell you from someone in her 40's, it's never too late. Your family will love you for who you are, and your identity is something that YOU know. Life gets better when you can be yourself. Don't do what I did and wait a decade to do something about it. There are people everywhere just like us and we help each other. There are professionals who can help you, and this path has been blazed by many before us. Stay on it, find yourself, and life gets so much better from there. Congratulations, sister!

I realize that everyone's situation is different and you may have valid reasons preventing you from transitioning. That said, you should consider doing it now. I figured it out at 30, and 11 years later I am bitter that I waited to begin. Don't regret the missed years and experiences. Also, I am causing my spouse a lot of grief and self questioning. They constantly ask if they are the reason I didn't do it sooner. They're not at fault, but they will always have that nagging thought in the back of their mind. I realize everyone is in a unique situation and that the timing is very much terrible, but do consider it, at least. Whether you do or not, you're still valid and you matter!

The issue with this thinking is that it ignores that elected officials are proposing this legislation at all, usually to whip up support in their voter base. Which means that their voters want it, or they believe they do. Some part of the population wants it to happen, and those people are dangerous to us whether bills like this pass or not. Texas still belongs on a "do not travel" list, even if there are internal enclaves of sanity and compassion within the state.

Well, I finally came out to my spouse after a decade feeling trapped. The support I received was more than I could have ever hoped for from them! And this community seems pretty fantastic. So for once in what feels like forever, this one was a good week. There's always hope and someone who will love you for who you are. You just have to find them! ;{