When I discovered I was trans. Because I didn't stop being attracted to women.
did you have any inkling or awareness of feeling like your attraction to women was "same-sex" before you properly discovered you were trans, or was this really the first time it came to your attention?
So, I always came out with the line: "I'm actually a hot lesbian trapped in the body of a lumberjack" as a sort of joke (or so I thought). I also pretty much only had bisexual girlfriends, which I put down to being more politically left leaning and not particularly masculine.
I have always had a sort of disconnect when it came to exclusively hetro women. I always saw them as "not for me, definitely not interested in me". When they actually took the initiative, they seemed to expect me to behave in a way that I wasn't at all comfortable with. I just put it down to being weird and awkward.
✨ There Were Signs ✨
you could very well be writing about me rn
That's very validating, thanks <3
Fucking saaaame. I told that joke about being a lesbian trapped in a mans body before I even had an inkling of being trans. I also only ever dated bi women. I didn't plan on it or specifically seek them out, but straight women never really did it for me. There was always something missing that I could never put my finger on, even if I was really attracted to them aesthetically. What really fucked me up before I cracked my egg was I was always really into lesbians and found myself vibing with them really easily, even if I didn't know they were lesbians. It always made me sad that I couldn't date them because they were always the hottest and most interesting women to me.
When I discovered I was a woman
somehow my lesbian awareness predated my awareness of myself as a woman 😄 (ok, I hear how that sounds impossible, but I think through repression many such contradictions can come about)
I remember telling my boss (who insisted I was a gay man) that I'm really not gay in the way she thinks because I'm barely interested in men, but I am gay in a different sense because I like women, and that I feel like a lesbian on the inside ... my boss was a lesbian and had a wife, and when I asked her if what I was saying made any sense, I remember she sighed, shook her head, and quietly said "no" 💀
but for some reason it was easier for me to feel connected to or own up to a sapphic identity than permit myself the natural conclusion of what this must mean 🙃
I always remember the south park episode where they get a hot lesbian teacher and all try to become lesbians. Cartman says " my grandfather was a lesbian, so that makes me a quarter lesbian". I take pride in knowing my own grandchildren will be able to use that line.
tbf, I'm not fully a lesbian, only primarily sapphic. I do relate to not thinking my "straight" attraction was straight, but when I was coming to terms with my gender identity, my sexual orientation was the last thing on my mind.
oh, I'm the same as you - I keep forgetting I am not supposed to call myself a lesbian (hard when I'm married to a woman and primarily sapphic, admittedly I think of myself as mostly a lesbian, even if I'm really bi).
I guess I also wasn't thinking about my orientation much because I was bi, it sorta felt incidental to my gender tbh. It's just interesting it was always those probes into my sexuality that caused me discomfort with my gender. Being perceived as a gay man really bothered me because it reified me as a man, which felt wrong, and so maybe that's why my sense of being a gay woman was bubbling up in those moments.
The trans contingent is strong in here today!
Coming out I had a brief moment of "does this mean I have to date men now?" But no, I'm just not interested.
I figured out my way of dating was different pretty early on. Things would probably have turned out quite different if I'd known any lesbians growing up.
Okay, it's been said before, but it was as soon as I discovered I was a woman (so almost 2 years ago). However, there's more to it for me! I can remember having lesbian fantasies as far back as middle school (where I was a woman in the dreams). In hindsight, it's incredibly funny that I thought nothing of that, and wouldn't realize I was a woman for over a decade afterwards. I just thought it was a fetish thing, and honestly it made me feel kinda guilty about myself. Later on, I'd take it even further by watching POV porn from a woman's perspective (which I also considered a fetish thing). It's obvious now why I enjoyed that POV more, though I stopped watching porn a long time ago now (before I transitioned, even).
As for discovering I was a lesbian specifically, I was pretty confident of that as soon as I started transitioning, though I did have a little bi curiosity with a trans man I met a few months after starting HRT. I've since reflected on the situation, and currently define myself as a lesbian.
Also, before my realization, there was some amount of time (around a few years) where I has this kind of resentment that I "couldn't be a lesbian". Somehow, despite not recognizing I was trans—or even understanding what it meant, since I had never been taught anything about what it means to be trans—I still resonated with lesbians. Which obviously, in hindsight, is funny now given that I am a lesbian!
I always had an interest in women even as a kid, but I discovered that it wasn't just idolization when I started high school. I thought I was aroace because I didn't really like anyone, and I started developing feelings later for a trans girl in my year. She didn't like me back, alas. :(
i've been homosexual for the longest time. however, prior to my transition, i felt pressured to be into ""other"" guys, since i perceived liking women to be very "manly" and didn't wanna be viewed that way! i don't mean this as in being gay = being effeminate, just that the prospect of "having" a woman is a common masculine ideal (which i of course disliked). when i realized myself as a girl—free of having to achieve femininity in the bounds of stereotypical manhood—i came to accept my lust for other women and fembys.
my attraction to those who are male/masculine isn't completely gone, but i'll likely refrain from any actual relationship with any one/many of them. the last time i tried being even a little cutesy but otherwise unserious with a "guy" the labours of t4t took hold (we did actually have a really productive discussion though!).
A community for lesbians, people whose loved ones are lesbians, people who want information about lesbians, queer people, and allies! Trans lesbians are lesbians and are welcome.