somehow my lesbian awareness predated my awareness of myself as a woman 😄 (ok, I hear how that sounds impossible, but I think through repression many such contradictions can come about)

I remember telling my boss (who insisted I was a gay man) that I'm really not gay in the way she thinks because I'm barely interested in men, but I am gay in a different sense because I like women, and that I feel like a lesbian on the inside ... my boss was a lesbian and had a wife, and when I asked her if what I was saying made any sense, I remember she sighed, shook her head, and quietly said "no" 💀

but for some reason it was easier for me to feel connected to or own up to a sapphic identity than permit myself the natural conclusion of what this must mean 🙃