I'm not gonna repeat exactly what I said last time about your appearance, because that's not what this post is really about. You're being hopeless and annoying right now by complaining that you might as well detransition, despite it being unlikely that you'll ever do so without external pressure.

I think deep down you know how miserable it'd make you, and you only wanna detransition because you feel like hurting yourself. It's not that your struggle isn't valid, as this struggle is worth talking about in more constructive ways; it's just that you're not helping yourself in any way by complaining about it on social media.

Nothing we say will fundamentally change that being the right gender isn't a cure all for all mental problems. Before I transitioned I grappled with the fear that I just wanted to transition as an escape from my mental health issues. Eventually I realized that while transition was necessary to help myself, it was not everything I needed. It makes them solvable and worth solving, but it isn't the ultimate solution.

I literally didn't realize this was a post in a trans community. Saw the pic, was like "oh, cute girl" and then saw it's a trans community.

You're doing good lass

I remember your old post, glad you're still around

I’m also struggling with ADHD and actually committing time to self care and “cultivating an aesthetic”. That being said you don’t owe a particular look to anyone. Of course if it’s what you want for yourself that’s fine, but just know we don’t owe society passing. I also find the usual, mainstream parts of the internet largely unhelpful for things like makeup and fashion. Part of that is my anatomy (very pronounced brow bone and “sunken” eyes) but a big part of that is the “rest of the fucking owl” problem. People on the internet honestly do a pretty shit job explaining stuff most of the time. In my experience the best way is to just experiment.

I know clothes shopping in public can be a nightmare, but thrift stores are for the queers, and most towns have at least one decent store. Thrifting is great because you can experiment a lot, with often odd items, but spend very little. Once you start to develop a sense of what you think looks good on you using the weirder items, then you can begin to consider some targeted new clothing purchases. Some good basics and a couple high quality statement pieces can go a long way.

For makeup the hardest part for me was finding the line where the wing for eyeliner wanted to land. This just took time, experimentation, and the odd friend doing it for me to see how it looked done by someone with a more deft hand. Eye shadow was fairly easy for me personally with just a few general rules. Lighter color near your nose, a darker shade toward the outside of your eye and along the crease of your lid and the eye socket, blending a mid tone between the two. Something a bit shimmery over the top and maybe a few well placed dots of liner, or some thin lines near your tear duct to play with the size your eyes appear to be. I really only just started using foundation, but I try to keep it mostly to my chin and jaw as that’s where you can see some dark ends of hairs when I’ve shaved. I’ve got naturally fairly rosy cheeks, but I’ll sometimes bring the foundation a bit further up my face and then do blush.

That’s sort of my “simple” look, is really the only thing I practice right now. My goal is to be able to do that within 15 minutes, and I’m sitting at about 20-25 right now. Similar with fashion. When I’ve got a well curated capsule wardrobe, picking an outfit doesn’t cause as much executive dysfunction. Basically I’m looking to make the task of self care less daunting and thus more likely to happen. I still want to get medicated for ADHD as I think I’d become unstoppable, but in the mean time this is helping a bit.

I got adhd meds pretty much the same time as estrogen. get ADHD meds, seriously. There are literally days where I take Ritalin and life just suddenly becomes so livable, I can't even describe it

If it helps, I think the people telling you to "Go on TikTok or Google it" are giving you bad advice anyway. I tried that for years and never got anywhere. Social media can be a really toxic place where there's always someone prettier to make us feel insecure. I'd go on Pinterest and find really cute outfits the influencers were wearing, spend hours upon hours trying to track down their outfits at clothes stores, and inevitably get sad when I couldn't find anything that was close enough to the reference, or even that actually fit. It didn't help that I'm tall. And then when I could finally recreate an outfit, it would be Shien fast-fashion garbage that fit poorly, felt bad on my skin, and just didn't look the same on me as it did for the Pinterest models. I wasted so much time and money on clothes back then, and social media had me chasing a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow only to find cornflakes. I think this is something all women, cis or trans, have to deal with to some extent in the modern era.

I've learned the hard way not to rely on other people to create my aesthetic. I've figured out which brands fit my body well and are high-quality, and I've built a wardrobe I'm proud of around those constraints. Sure, that means I'm not the perfect image of a goth girl or #darkacademia or whatever subculture is trending on Instagram these days, but goth is just whatever black clothes you have, makeup, and the right state of mind. I don't have to be perfect or compete with actual models to be pretty or feel comfortable in my outfits and skin.

I'm not trans but the texture of your hair looks like mine. I struggle with it being unruly and frizzy, so up until recently I had been keeping it short or in a bun or something.

What I found worked for me was to try to only detangle my hair in the shower with a wide-toothed comb while it is wet. I use conditioner to help me detangle it.

I let my hair air dry now instead of blow drying it. Apparently my hair dryer came with an attachment called a "diffuser" that I should have been using. I lost it.

I wash my hair once about every 3 days with shampoo. On non-wash days I keep it in a shower cap when I take a shower so I don't have to blow dry it and avoid the frizz. So, my hair is only ever wet once every 3 days or so.

If my hair looks greasy on non-wash days I use dry shampoo on my roots.

I keep my hair braided when I go to sleep so it doesn't tangle and I keep the brushing I need to while dry at an absolute minimum. I still brush it when dry if I have to. Those days I usually put my hair up in a pony, or half up half down to manage the frizz.

This help me cut down on the frizz and helped me stop fighting the natural texture of my hair. My hair is longer than yours and I have ended up spending a lot of time taking care of it. Think of chopping it off again honestly.

Anyway I typed more than I meant but I hope that was helpful. I can't speak to advice about finding an aesthetic, can't say I really have one myself. Maybe this is all off topic...

Idk what you are talking about lol. You look like a nerdy girl in every way, and I have to double check the community to realize you are trans.

You are very precious. Go talk to a psychiatrist and get some medication for your depression/ADHD. Take some personal days and take care of yourself ~ 💜

I'm sorry you've been feeling this way! You look super cute and super sad. If you aren't already, you could cosider dating a girl who could provide some affirmation and help with beauty and such. From that photo, everything seems physiologically perfect, but I do get a certain vibe that is consistent with the things you've said. If you want some advice from random people here, I have some pointers:

• The emo/goth look does nothing to make you less depressed
• Try dyeing your hair
• Try wearing lighter colors
• Smile! :)

For the dysphoria, I know it can feel crippling and make you want to give up. For some trans folk, it takes a lot of daily work to present how they feel. It can be really hard to want to keep it up when you feel like it’s still not enough. I’ve been there many times.

However, the best thing you can do to drive back the dysphoria (and depression in general) is to take those steps—put in the work and do the things that bring you euphoria. It may not get you to where you want to be, but it’ll get you a whole lot closer, and every little bit helps.

It might help to identify, specifically, what about your body/life is bringing you dysphoria. Start with small things. That way you can make some concrete goals to work on rather than the big nebulous cloud of “I look wrong and I don’t like it”.

Also, I don’t know your life, but I suspect there might be more contributing to your depression than dysphoria. It’s definitely worth some introspection to identify and work on those other areas of your life. ADHD especially often comes with a whole host of (treatable) struggles that make life in our society extra challenging.

I'm cis female but I just wanted to say you're really pretty and cute. I get nerdy girl vibes from your photo.

I used to have certain aesthetics but I've realized I like too many different things, so instead I focus on getting clothes for different outfits, that way I can dress however I feel at the moment. Sometimes I dress goth or emo, sometimes I'm a 90s girly pop with pastels and light baggy jeans. I don't really wear makeup much so I can't help with that.

If you ever want to talk about clothes or aesthetics or anything really, send me a message!

I get a little gender euphoria kick when I see a trans woman that I think "hey, I kinda look like her!" It's like a way of tricking my brain into thinking positively about myself. Anyway, you're one of those women :)

I'm really sorry you're feeling that way. Do you have queer community IRL?

Your aesthetic is skymtf and no one does it better than you.

I can’t solve your issues, but you sound unmedicated or like your meds are mismatched. I’m far from “meds solve everything!” and strongly believe that talk therapy is the best route forward (with a competent therapist, because I’ve had bad ones). Having said that, with what you’re communicating, I get the sense that meds could help.

Hoping you feel better, homie. Sorry you’re going through a rough patch. I lost my sister to suicide 2 weeks ago, and I hope you never take that route.