I'm 24 and I recently got kicked out, me and my roommates spoke and they want me out by the august. I first wanted to stat with how we got here, around 2 years I would move in my roommate K and her wife Z, things were overall going well but it became clear I was neglected as a kid, and chores were not my strong suite. I could do them but not very well. eventually K got another partner F and between the three it became rarer and rarer for people to depend on me for chores. I felt bad but admittedly did not whole a lot to handle it. K would start to get really upset with me and It spawned fears I would get kicked out to the point where I would have long periods of depression, eventually we would move to Nola, and things only got worse from there, I told K I wanted to as go to therapy but K said she did not believe I was going to get better and that I am focusing way to much on clinician diagnosis and I could of just googled autism hacks or adhd chore hacks and that I was being terrible cause I wanted to be terrible, I overall got a point where I would constantly self deprecate as K would really only be mean to me and we would fight non stop every single day, I was never invited to do anything, and my life sucked. I got the the point where I started to dissociate and it got to a point where I could not function at work, my depression was severe and I would mostly sleep during the day, I finally did get into therapy and on some good meds but it was too late, one week ago I was informed due to my actions I am getting kicked out, while I was offered a couch in Shreveport to sleep on, and maybe a roommate situation I was still very upset. I am at the point where I feel like I lost everything that matters to me, I did not want to go back to Shreveport and I feel absolutely devastated. I applied for jobs in Seattle, and Denver but I have not even gotten a call for interview yet, and I honestly lost hope. I just don't know, how does one rebuild from nothing, like I dont have a job, friends, family really anything. I have a car that everything I own fits into thats it. What do I do now??

I feel like I'm def the asshole here, but I dont know. Me and my roommate K, have been roommates along with her two partners, things have gotten really bad between me and K to a point where K would yell at me a lot cause I wasnt doing house chores when I would get depressed or overwealmed. It got to a point where K is now kicking me out and the only thing I got offered was a mutual friends couch in a different city. K says I'm horrible and I'm playing the victim card, and I'll never get better, and I could of just googled everything ive been trying to go to therpy for it and I focus on clinical stiff to avoid the turth thay I'm just choosing to be a horrible person. I honestly feel like I should jump off this really tall bridge in my city and I keep thinking about it, I doubt anything in my life is gonna improve, the only real thing on my bucket list at this point is trying heroine, and hoping to overdose from it. I just dont want to live anymore, there's nothing for me. I have a useless IT degree, no friends, no family, I legit have nothing. I have BPD from years on childhood abuse and neglect, I'm autistic too and can't adapt to living in a world that isnt built for me, ive never done anything of note with my life. I did the math and bridge is definatly high enough to kill me, its also realtively dead at night. I plan just parking my car, emergency flashers, places my ID, keys and a note on the passenger seat and walking uo to the railing and taking one last look over and falling. I might get really high before I do it. I just keep feeling like I will never get out here, no one will ever love me again. I just stare at my phone and there isnt even a single friend I could call that would just listen to me, and hahg out with me and make me feel okay. I have online people but admittly it doesn't change the material reality I'm in.

So I got kicked out for being horrible, I have BPD and I just suck horribely. I'm a piece of shit by every measurable amount, I parentofied everyone cause I was neglected and autistic, I didnt do house chores without being asked, I would ask things to people before googling them, I'm a literal piece of shit, and I fear if I live with other roomates which is basiclly required in our economy I'll just fuck it, like ive dome twice. Thats why all my friends could offer me is a couch in the corner for 3 months, I'm a piece of shit.

I wanted to run away to Seattle and try to start again since there isnt anything for me in new Orleans anymore. Getting kicked out was the last straw for me, I balled and begged like a dog but nothing changed. I want to get help but I fear if my roomates arnt aware and are super honest with me I'll just end up living in my car. I'm scared and I want guidence, I'm autistic and this is the biggest leap for me. I was living with childhood friends for the longest.

Basically I was told that I parentify everyone I meet, I got kicked out because of that. I just feel horrible. Ive been sobbing. I also have BPD most likely but I was in therpy, they kept telling me they didnt think I was gonna get better, and how I dont want to get better.

I found out from a friend of friend there is going to be a large discussion, and it might include discussing options of other places I can live, I know my BPD is bad, and I'm a piece of shit, I mean look how pathethic my post history is.

I'm just upset cause no matter how I cut it mentally its unideal, its better than homeless, but still very depressing.

I'm honestly just done with living, its pain, I enjoy nothing. Everything feels like just checking the box. Nothing is eniohable anymore

I just dont see a point anymore, I applied to every IT role under the sun and nothing, IT was jut step down cause I grew up and realized, I had better chances of winning the lottery than getting a game Dev job, or hevk really any cs gig that did anything cool. I tried to make the best of that decision, now I'm realizing there is a very high likelyhood I just work at Walmart forever, and I'm like fuck that. My firnefs tell me thats okay everyone hates their job I need to grow the fuck up. Like dude what the actual fuck. Your telling me I'm gonna spend 40 hours week of my life, not be able to afford anything nice or even have time. And die alone at 70 fuck that. The second my parents die, I'm the literal second I get the call, buying a gun, and driving out in the middle of no where, eating my favorite food I bought on credit card and pulling the trigger. There ain't nothing to live for, I'm autistic anti social, fuck this shit. I didn't habe fun, the past 24 years have been shit. No one cares about me, fuck it. I'm done. I cried for the past 6 hours the only thought of joy I fucking had was blowing my brains out. To not have to do this fucking shit anymore. I fucking hating it. I hate myself too.

I just feel so alone, I fucking hate BPD, I hate how my father neglected me so now I can't even do basic chores corrrctly, I hate bring autistic, I hate being a failure of a FUCKING trans women I'm sick and I'm tired of it.

I'm 24 nearly 25, I have an assosites in computer info systems, never once got a job that wasnt retail. I live with roomates who I used to be friends with but now hate me because I'm fucking horrible, and self depericate all the time. My mental health is horrible, I disassosite constantly, its gotten so bad I forgot three entire weeks of my life, just gone. I have basiclly no short term memory. I went on leave from target since I kept getting written up for not working fast enough and I had zero perception of time, it took me multiple days to recover. My relationship at home are cold and to the point no one likes me, because meltdown constantly and cost everyone emotional labor. I'm a fucking werido basiclly. My transition is a failure, I look so masc and I'm just gross and disgusting. I drive the most beat up Prius ever, frontend is gone. I genunily get joy from nothing. I scroll endless for hours, sleep 12 hours a day. I tried to go back to school spiloer alert I'm failing everything. No one fucking cares. When I try to talk no one responds. My mom tells me she has dreams where I killed myself, and worries. I plan on ending it once she passes. There so much more I want to say but I genunily can't string the thoughts together.

I'm a piece of shit, I'll never get better. Me self depericating cause I didn't do the dishes, was not a dilleribte choice so I didn't have to do anything, it was me being vocal about how I am horrorible cause I needed to do the dishes again. Its me understanding how I'm a fuck up who can't do anything right, its me being focal that I hate myself

I'm really fearing being thrown into a hosptial, so ive been disassositing a lot at work, I definatly have anextity and dread about going to work, and I'm definatly burnt out. What feelsl ike 5 minutes to me is 30, and I'm genunily dealing with being disabled. My fear is if I dont say enough my leabe won't be granted cause burnout isnt a reason to not go to work in the southern united states, meanwhile I worry if I say too much she will call up cops and I will be dragged to a hosptial and stay for 10 days and be immediately cleared to go work afterword not only defeating the purpose, but leaving me worse off than before. I keep feeling if I get 2 months off at least I can maybe formulate a plan to avoid burnout and get therpy. Vs if I get thrown in the mental hosptial , I will get kicked off medicaid following an income review, while I will likely be granted leave, it will be an unpaid week and I will immediately repeat this cycle.

I'm in louisana so I'm not exactly sure how broad the definition is of harm to myself, or like can she just say oh me going to work is self harm therfor throw me in the mental hosptial. Genunily conflicted on what to do here. My appointment is Monday. I'm going on telehealth so I doubt she will tell me if sue is going to call the cops, I'm sure they will just show up. Cause if she did, I'm gonna go out of town. Last time they nearly put me in the mens ward. I'm a trans women. The only reason they didn't put me there is they were out of beds in the men's ward.

I feel nervous cause I'm at the point where I will loose my job if I dont get supoort, ive had two documented conversations about performance. Next is a writeup than I'm fired for it.

I just feel honestly really scared, going back to school has so far sucked bombed all three of my test 1s, already falling behind. Between this and target I just feel so overwhelmed, I don't know what I want at all, bit just to feel like I don't need to run every single day, or rest fof long periods of time if I need to, SSDI would be nice but that's only 950, things I enjoy I would have to give up like driving, given my insurance is horrible. I just feel incredibly sad, posting this, rolling over, knowing when my alarm goes off, I'll need to get dressed and drive to target, just to repeat the same stressful expersize I did the other day, I'll get home aware I have class at 8am, I'm not even sure what to do now, IT was bust, I already have a degree no job, I'm just so burnt out. I'm so tired.

I've been on HRT for about 4.5 years now, and I still don't really feel any better, I'm still very depressed and dystphoric. I know I dont put a ton of effort in, but when I for help cultivating an aesthetic, people tell me to go on tiktok, or just Google it, I suffer a lot as a result cause due to my ADHD I just can't pay attention or I dont do anything and I just keep suffering, I've honestly considered just ending it since my dysphoria has been strong and consistent my entire life. I'm just tired, I want help but I just feel alone in this journey since I can't just google it, or look it up on tiktok. I feel like I'm a hopeless person and I'm honestly annoying to the trans community and huge part of transphobia

A couple of weeks ago I pulled out without looking, this is the second time this has happened since I have started driving, a car flipped and ever since than all I get is bad news, nothing has been good. My friends are more distant, I considered sucide a couple of days ago and my friends stopped me. I recently found out I am getting sued on top of everything. I just feel like I deserve bad things and my existance will be pain for as long as I keep walking this earth. I work a souless retail job, and my friends are tired of hearing me complain cause it's easier than their jobs.