[-] pixeltree 17 points 18 hours ago

Look if I tell you about my impending suicide it's going to make everything worse for both of us

[-] pixeltree 20 points 1 day ago

What does this have to do with egg_irl

[-] pixeltree 12 points 3 days ago

Lmao I've almost done this with my friends

[-] pixeltree 5 points 4 days ago

Willing to bet at least two are though and that's all it takes

[-] pixeltree 5 points 4 days ago

They're definitely littermates that stuck together

[-] pixeltree 4 points 6 days ago

I mean, why not?

[-] pixeltree 9 points 6 days ago

I'm concerned girls not getting enough sun, she's quite pale

[-] pixeltree 87 points 3 months ago

That's why I chose blahaj zone as my instance. It's nice not having to justify my existence

48
submitted 7 months ago by pixeltree to c/mtf

In it, I was trying to sleep on my couch, miserable and hating myself, when I heard someone moving around my apartment. At first, I was worried about an intruder, but that was quickly replaced by gladness. The only person it could be is my one friend who lives within an hour of me. They must have gotten concerned I haven't been on discord or steam in a while and come over to check on me! The door to the apartment building is supposed to lock when it closes but it sticks open half the time and I don't bother locking my apartment door half the time as well so that's definitely it. Suddenly, there's a gunshot, and I feel the impact in my abdomen. I'm too shocked to do or say anything and after a second or two, the rest of the magazine follows into my chest. For a instant, I panic. A flash of betrayal, a million thoughts about how I can stop the bleeding, how much it's going to hurt, am I going to survive. Then, I realize that I'm a dumbass. I shouldn't (and with this realization, don't) feel betrayed, I want this. I've wanted this for so long. I can finally let go. I don't need the panic, I don't need to think about how to survive, I can just be calm and let go. She's better than being the only friend to check in on me, she's the only friend who was willing to put me out of my misery. I hugged my stuffed animals tighter, relaxed, woke up, and freaked out a bit.

Not over the passive suicidal ideation thing, that's just reality for me and while living through it in a dream really makes you confront it, it's just... normal at this point. It was just an awful lot of emotions all at once when I'm number than I've been in a while, which is saying something. I got up, checked whether my door was locked (it was), had a cup of tea, and went back to sleep on the couch again.

I wish there was a moral or pleasant conclusion to this, I wish I could be like "and I that moment I realized I really wanted to live!" but there isn't. I'm just to be bringing more negativity and worry into the lives of those reading this. Sorry. This doesn't even really belong here but I can't think of a place it does and I feel compelled to tell the story.

[-] pixeltree 102 points 7 months ago

The community isn't something that fucking belongs to you.

134
Peanut farm rule (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 7 months ago by pixeltree to c/onehundredninetysix
[-] pixeltree 134 points 7 months ago

I went to a board game convention a month ago, it was the first time I've girlmoded for something major. They put their own signs over the bathroom signs explaining that both were gender neutral and the only difference was urinals vs stalls. That made it soooo much easier on me and I was very glad

[-] pixeltree 89 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Ok, I'm going to step up to the plate here. I'm an experienced butt stuffer. There are two main safety concerns -- having your body move things further in than you can retrieve, and unsafe materials giving you ass cancer.

You've probably heard the adage, without a base, without a trace. In essence, your pelvic floor muscles will move objects around without you being aware or being able to stop it, and it can make things very difficult to retrieve. Your rectum is actually split into two by a muscle known as the inner band, which technically isn't a sphincter but is in practicality. When we squeeze stuff out, we're compressing the bottom half, squeezing the band and loosening the anus to push stuff out. If something untethered or without a base makes it's way into the upper half, you're not just going to be able to squeeze it out like when you shit, it's in the wrong place for that. You're in for an anxious fishing trip or wait, or a very embarrassing er trip. And this movement isn't something that happens by accident, your rectum actively moves stuff back up if it's not expelled.

Second, material safety. In the US, it's perfectly legal to sell toys that aren't body safe. I don't recommend plastic for anal use at all. Silicone is safe, but it has to be platinum cure or medical grade. These use platinum as part of the silicone curing process and is incredibly resistant to breaking down, which tin cure silicone will do. So, even a silicone egg with a tether might not be safe for butt use.

Ultimately, I honestly don't think vibrating butt toys are all that great. I highly recommend getting a "big" (large as you can fit) squishy plug like a square peg egg plug or a topped toys gape keeper and doing kegel exercises with it in. That's been far better for prostate stimulation in my experience.

25
submitted 10 months ago by pixeltree to c/depression_now@lemmy.world

I'm always the one trying to put stuff together and nothing ever ends up happening. It's clear I matter a lot less to everyone than they matter to me and that hurts. I really really wish that giving up on having people in my life would stop me from craving social interaction.

Mentioned feeling suicidal to the wrong friend and he freaked out and gave me the classically unhelpful/actively harmful pep talk and advice without ever trying to fucking understand and it makes me feel so fucking invisible. Like, people only care about me when I impact them by upsetting them at the thought of me harming myself. They don't actually care, they just want to make themselves feel better, so I get the "be better, I don't want to hear about you being suicidal anymore" talk so they can put my mental illness in the "done" pile and go back to not thinking about me. I do have a couple friends who will actually listen and empathize and understand, but there's only so much you can lay on someone before it drives them away.

I'm going to delete or abandon this account soon. Trying to be social on Lemmy kind of is worse than having no social interaction at all, the internet in general but more specifically this corner of it is just filled with arguments and negativity and I end up dreading seeing inbox notifications. So, if I stop posting, I'm probably still around, not that anyone's checking

135
submitted 10 months ago by pixeltree to c/femcelmemes
204
Wuff :3 (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 10 months ago by pixeltree to c/femcelmemes
236
This post hit me like a bus (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by pixeltree to c/femcelmemes

Shame I can't get hit by an actual bus

25
submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by pixeltree to c/depression_now@lemmy.world

I'm so tired. Why bother struggling to find insurance that lets me continue with my therapist. Why bother finding insurance at all. Why bother look for a job. Why put so much effort into a life I'm so tired of living? I know things won't improve. That they can't improve, really. Sometimes it might feel like things are better, but circumstances haven't changed, it's just the drugs making it not feel like it matters. I've given up on all these things that other people take for granted, and yet it still hurts to think about how I'll never get there. I'm so tired of it, and I don't see any way it ever changes. I just don't want to continue on. Why do people have to care about me? If they didn't, then I could just leave and not hurt them. Why isn't acceptable for me to just say "actually, nah, life isn't for me, see you never" and fucking die?

I'm pretty sure suicide's inevitable. At some point, I'm just not going to care enough about the guilt and go through with it, it's more just a matter of when that'll be. Makes me sad my online friends won't know for sure, but they'll probably guess after a few weeks of being offline. At least I don't have to worry about leaving work on short notice.

34
submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by pixeltree to c/mtf

Hey all, as I've been thinking about who I want to be and how I want to transition, I've gotten to wondering about people's transition timelines in general. If it's something you're comfortable talking about, how long did it take you from realizing your trans to taking steps to transition? When did you start using different pronouns, when did you come out to people, how long did it take you to know you wanted HRT and then to start it?

I realized I wasn't cis a few months ago, and have been growing my hair out and experimenting with clothing. I know I want to get permanent facial hair removal, and am interested in HRT but have reservations, and would value hearing others experiences about how long it took them to know what they wanted. I'm a very hesitant and self-doubtful person in general, and I guess just feel a bit lost in how to go about self discovery here.

Editing to say thank you very much all for sharing, seeing how different everyone's experiences can be is honestly really comforting.

45
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by pixeltree to c/depression_now@lemmy.world

When I can't find another and run out of savings in a few months, that's when Ill kill myself.

Honestly did a bit of a trial run last night, fastened a bag over my head and snuggled my stuffed animals on the couch to see what it would be like. It's definitely something I can go through with if/when it comes to it. Taking other steps to make life less unbearable first, hence the title. I don't really see my life ending any other way though tbh, just more of a question of when. If I'm lucky, it'll be when the climate change induced famine prices me out of being able to eat and I chose not to starve. Anyways, sorry for making you read this. Fuck.

Edit: should have killed myself

16
submitted 1 year ago by pixeltree to c/tomswifty@midwest.social
465
submitted 1 year ago by pixeltree to c/196
291
Butt full, head empty (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 1 year ago by pixeltree to c/femcelmemes
[-] pixeltree 118 points 1 year ago

What I love about AI images like this is that it looks like there's so much detail and you could spend forever taking a closer look and then when you try there's nothing there

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pixeltree

joined 2 years ago