Hey, folks. So to start this off, I'm going to say that I am trying to be respectful, polite, and sensitive. I try my best to live my life in such a way that I never intentionally or unavoidably harm someone. So that said, I just want to apologize in advance if anything I say is insensitive, and with the caveat that I hope everyone understands it is coming from a place of love and respect.

I am posting this for my 'neice.' She's my best friend's step daughter, so I'm not a blood relation, and we've only known each other a few years. I'd like to think we're fairly close, though. Friends in our own right, as well.

I'm not going to include any identifiable information, and I'm going to be showing this to her, so if you want to phrase your reply as a reply to her, that would be cool.

She came out several years ago as trans, has occasionally gone out dressed as a woman, and gone by her female name (we'll say Nicole), but in day to day life, she lives as Nick, in full boy mode. I was unaware until last night that she was still in the closet with a lot of people. I knew, her parents know, her ex wife knows. I assumed she was out, and had honestly wondered (and made assumptions, because humans are flawed) that it was an enby situation, or like a back and forth "today I feel like Nicole, today I feel like Nick" type of deal. I've been pretty much exclusively using Nick as the name unless she's dressed as Nicole. I feel really badly about that now.

But the thing that gets me, that really hurt me last night, was she telling me now that's she's getting divorced, she's wondering if she should just go back in the closet and not mention it while dating, because dating is hard enough already. It broke my heart. We talked, she always feels like Nicole. She wants to transition, she wants to live as Nicole, as that is who she is. I cried on my drive home. I'm a 34 year old gay cis man, I'm 6'3 and 270lbs. My egg cracked years ago, and I've never done a thing about it. I'll never pass, I'll never be able to explain to my family. So I've just repressed it.

I don't want my undone things to influence the way I approach this situation. I don't want to push Nicole because she has an opportunity I feel I didn't and don't. But I also want her to live her life in the best way for her. I want her to be happy. And when she told me she was thinking about going back into the closet, it hurt something deep inside I didn't even know was there.

All I could think about was that lesbian friend when I was 14 who got sent to the convent for nearly a year, or that stupid Pray Out The Gay bullshit I went to in secret at the mall when I was 16. Or my uncle, who was so terrified of coming out that he lived with his "roommate" for 15 years before they ever said the word gay to anyone besides my mother (who was an ally, and an incredible person. She did not send me to that pray out the gay thing).

All of these thoughts, these people from generations before me and from my own that have been unable to live their truths, all of them terrified and shunned, and here Nicole is, having to make the same stupid fucking decisions because of stupid fucking stupid jerks. It breaks my heart. It hurts my soul. I don't want that for her. I want her to have better. She deserves better. But I don't know how to help, or what to do. And I am aware that I have a bias here, and that it's easy to try to live vicariously through someone else, and I don't want that for either of us.

So that's basically it. I'm not sure what the question is, exactly. But if you read this, and you have any general advice for Nicole or me, please let me know. We live in a fairly conservative state. Her parents are supportive, but both her parents and I are moving about 8 hours away soon. That's a big chunk of a support network gone. She also has two kids to think about, both under 5. She does have friends, and I believe most of them know and are supportive, but I don't know for sure.

If I was born a boy, my parents were planning on naming me Michael. I chose Mikey for short at age 13, but before then, I had a (girl) OC named Rowan, whose name could suit either gender.

i (37, bigender/f) have a wife (37mtf). now i guess she has always been my wife. even as a teen, she identified as trans before detransitioning. she wanted to join the girl scouts, too as a kid. i feel like as the wife of a trans woman, she has always been a woman. however, we are so used to her being a guy. i have heard many stories such as "it's awkward for me because my dad is now my mom" or "i refuse to call my 'dad' by 'his' correct pronouns and 'he' is a trans woman", stuff like that.

our three kids have always been very supportive of the lgbtq community, though, knowing we are and 2/3 of them being lgbtq themselves.

Perhaps it’s just the circles I run in (like Fedi, for example), but I noticed a significant percentage of trans folks are really into computers, even before they knew they were trans themselves.

I suspect these are some primary reasons:

1. Computers (esp video games) are a socially “acceptable” hobby that alleviates dysphoria in trans people by enabling disassociation from their body. When we’re enraptured with a computing device, we’re often completely unaware of our bodies. We can, in a way, become pure consciousness and personality. If you’re feeling uncomfortable in your own body for whatever reason, this can be liberating.

2. In many cases, computers are a safe way to explore gender expression through various digital avatars. Whether playing a character of a different gender in a game, or completely adopting a different gendered persona on a social platform, trans people can experiment with their gender expression completely free of the context of their body or existing social expectations.

3. The internet allows connection with communities that are often inaccessible through in-person networks. This appears very well-known in the queer community in general. As trans people are an even smaller subset of this group, finding each other for community and support would be incredibly difficult if not impossible for many without the internet.

I’m sure I’m not the first person to have these thoughts. What are your thoughts on the matter? Am I way off base? Have you experienced any of this?

So I have accepted for some time now that I am a trans woman. I wear feminine clothes in public from time to time and it’s at the point that I don’t in the moment care if somebody stares at me. I have been voice training also for about a month and it feels great to be a woman among accepting people. I have also tried (DIY) estrogen and I love its emotional changes. The first day felt absolutely divine and I do not want to stop, however I am scared. I am lazy and I am not sure if I can do it every single day. These thoughts have been hunting me every day for the past week for multiple hours a day. Yesterday I was completely paralyzed by my own thoughts and I couldn’t do anything for 12 hours (-> I have probably failed my exam today), because the choice of facing the world or giving up estrogen is too hard. It got to a point that even suicide came to mind, just so I don’t have to choose. My gender dysphoria boy modding exists but it’s not strong. I am going to visit an uni psychologist soon because of this.

My question is: How did you figure out that this is the battle you want to fight?

Image from: https://br.pinterest.com/pin/39758409204847070/

That you would like to share, of course.

I grew up with a family who didn't really like transgender people or identities. They were fine with gay or bi people, just not trans people. They thought they were their birth gender, that they were delusional, and wanted to "shield" me from learning about it or people who were trans.

In second or third grade, when I was eight years old, I really liked tomboy characters. I, for example, had watched To Kill a Mockingbird (the movie) and really liked Scout Finch.

As a kid "shielded" from learning about trans people, I didn't quite know the term to describe myself. All I knew was "tomboy", so I thought that my desire to be a boy, be mistaken for one, cut my hair short, and play boys' sports and hang out with only boys was a common "tomboy" desire, so I must have been one.

When I was around eleven, I was still shielded, but I learned from a 13-year-old kid who bullied me at school (who was sometimes nice) what genderfluid meant. I, of course, didn't understand, so I tried to talk to people in my family and verify the information, but they wouldn't give me an example and said I shouldn't know what it means and that it's bad.

Later on, I read that it meant "not having a fixed gender" and took the kid's information that it was "some days being a boy and some days being a girl" and realized it applied to me. I was really into Danganronpa at this time and Leon Kuwata was a huge "role model" of mine. My whole life, my favorite characters, or "role models" (not really, but I wanted to base my personality off them) were men.

I wanted to wear a hoodie to hide my long hair and boobs, and be called "he". My girlfriend at the time just laughed at me (she wasn't very nice at the time but oh well, she was ten).

I wanted to prevent my boobs from growing as a child going through puberty, and when I was young, was convinced I had a penis (as I knew boys had penises), just a really, really small one. I thought in the future, it would even grow into one or I could "stretch it out".

About the "role model character" thing, I wanted to make my personality like them and be like them, which I thought was "just a fictional crush" just like my family and others thought.

When I was twelve, I would sometimes, again, feel like I had a penis.

When I was thirteen, I identified as a trans boy named Mikey. I met a girl (14) online and she confessed she had a crush on me after we were friends for several months. We dated, but she then spread/heard a rumor about me that I said something mean about her, so she broke up with me and started to say some nasty stuff about trans people after that. I felt so bad after the breakup and what she had said, that I detransitioned.

I began to question again before realizing that I actually am trans, and no matter what pronouns change, "he" was always one of them that stayed the same, so I guess I can mainly use that (they and he are of equal preference, though sometimes they or he are slightly stronger, then she).

So whenever people think I was "influenced by drag queens and trans people" and that my family "abused" me, no, they had the same mindset. I, in fact, didn't know what trans people were and was not exposed to them. I was instead exposed to other boys and girls at school and knew I wanted to be a boy, I just didn't know how to describe that feeling.

I had a dream last night that the sex characteristics of the genders were switched, so women had penises, facial hair, etc., and men had vaginas, boobs, etc., but in every other way (e.g. socially) everything else was the same. In this scenario do you think you would identify as the other gender?

I'm a trans man, and though it feels weird to think about, I think I would identify as a woman in that scenario, but I found the concept interesting and wondered what other people would think.

I’m not asking to create drama but rather out of genuine curiosity. I will give big hugs to anyone who says their family is unsupportive. Mine is very much supportive and love me no matter what.

An acquaintance who I knew in highschool has since transitioned. Before publicly identifying as a woman she had a relatively neutral British accent with a some with a slight hint of Scottish. Since transitioning she has a full on lilting highland accent. Which i found odd. I have a similar accent to her original accent and decided to try doing a girl voice to see what it would sound like. And i too developed a strong Highland accent. Why? I was specifically trying not to.

It felt for a few years that things were looking up. No one really cared when I transitioned, people were largely supportive.

Since 2016 though, things have been in a rapid decline. I’m exhausted, I feel like I have a target on my back, and I’m terrified.

I want to move but the economy is crashing and I have some semblance of stable work now. Not enough to save for a move, not enough to get above water on the debt my ex left me, but enough that hopefully I’ll be able to keep paying rent and keep food in my fridge.

I just can’t imagine another three years of this.

Want to know some of the weird and wrong things you believed back then. I used to believe a lot of dumb things, some of them were dumb in a funny way, others in a hurtful right wing way, but many of those things were wrong and pretty dumb looking back.

I really want to use all 3 threadverse platforms as they all have their own strengths!

We created a new community for all Trans and Queer people to ask and answer more personal and intimate questions! Hope this helps!

!tquad@lemmy.blahaj.zone

I'm curious about people's experience on silicone breast forms. I've been using them for a long time now, and they work well for me, but I find that they are all a tad bit too firm for my liking, they lack a bit of that natural jiggle. What has your experience been, and can you recommend any brands that might have a bit more of a natural feel to them?

My insurance sucks. I've just been denied coverage for:

• Therapy (I appealed that)
• Dental work (out of network even though they "take my insurance")
• Planned Parenthood gender affirming care meeting

Furthermore, my doctor's appointment with Doctor's on Demand was cancelled with no explanation (I was going to go with a primary care physician to ask some questions about HRT).

United Healthcare sucks and I need help. I've heard of DIY HRT but it sounds sketchy to me. I'm willing to get there, but I'd like to exhaust all possibilities before I go down that path. I picked Planned Parenthood because they seem like a safe space. My current primary care physician is sort of conservative coded. He made some comments at our last appointment that made me feel like HRT would be hard to acquire under his care or - in the very least - awkward.

I've looked at Plume and FolxHealth, which say they take my insurance, but I'm dubious. I feel like it'll be a bait and switch. They'll take my insurance, but I won't actually be covered and I'll end up paying an arm and a leg for boobs.

Anyone else have United Healthcare and have navigated HRT. I pay a decent amount for medical coverage under a PPO (PPOs tend to have larger networks). I would have thought HRT was easy to acquire since it's - essentially - a cheap medicine. But I'm running into road blocks early on that are making it difficult to figure out what to do. Should I just go through a primary care physician? Just make another appointment with Doctors on Demand? Can I just jump to FolxHealth or Plume? Is requesting Gender Affirming Care via Planned Parenthood the wrong way to go about this?

I hate insurance.

I swear on my life I'm not trolling. And I don't know if that word is offensive. Last I checked it was the actual medical term, but I think I've seen people take offense, so I'm sorry if that's the case.

When I was young, maybe 12-14ish, I always felt I was kind of incomplete. For a while I sincerely wished I had been born with both sex characteristics. After a while I figured it was just a phase of adolescence and went on to live a happy cis life.

Since then I got my gene sequenced for one of those ancestry things, and they didn't tell me I had Klinefelter's or anything. But I always kind of wished deep down I had a penis, testes, vagina, womb, breasts, and a beard. Maybe I might just be some kind of transhumanist, cyber prosthetics seem cool.

But I can't shake that feeling, like loss, like I'm supposed to be both. Is this a real thing? Is it valid or just natural human curiosity?

I'm fine being cis, I don't think my spouse would find me as attractive if I were to get affirming surgery, if that was even an option. And life would be way more difficult for me being so conspicuous, especially since I live in the US right now. I'd stick out anywhere though. I could go my whole life without pulling on this string, but I feel compelled to.

Again, I swear I'm not trolling. I really feel this way.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/26381236

We have searched the internet and looked in a lot of places in it, however, we cannot find any non marketing or general information about them and since we would like to get bottom surgery, it would be very useful info to have.

So we were wondering what they are like, from hopefully people who have actually had the surgery or know somebody who has.

What are the various surgeries results, either penile inversion, ppt, or suporn etc?

Now obviously clitorises of them do not function exactly the same as endogynous ones since they do not extend all the way inside, but is there a hood that they expand out of, and what is the feeling like just in general and when touched?

Do any methods apart from ppt and the other one where they put anal tissue in have lube occur naturally? If so how does this occur?

Does the inside of any of the methods feel like endogynous vaginas over time or does it feel like flat skin or whatever no matter how much time there has been?

Does anybody have any pictures of what they look like? Not asking for anything personal or porny, just, we have never found any pictures online except for surgery pictures and thus are not sure what the various methods might look like after (without all the blood and stitches etc) and since we plan to get bottom surgery in the future knowing the various results visually would help a lot to help us decide which to go for and probably ease our anxiety.

Thanks so much for reading and hopefully answering these questions.

I don't have a lot of time to play game these days. I usually play games like Cities Skylines where it's easy to pause and exit. I basically have 1-4 hours to game a week - depending on the week. But ever since coming out trans, I've wondered if there was a game that casually was affirming. I realize I could play an RPG where you can design your character, but most of those games have you spend 2 hours designing and then you never really look at the character again. Baldur's Gate was a lot of fun, but it's a little too deep to play casually on the side. I strongly prefer a non-NSFW game. I realize a lot of NSFW games exist on Steam that do explore trans concepts (I assume), but I'm looking for a more positive, gentle, affirmation.

But I don't want to knock down too many ideas! What do you play?

Edit: I realize I made it sound like I've excluded all RPGs which I don't want to be the case since - inherently - anything affirming will have some RPG element to it. I just don't think first-person RPGs really work since I spend most of my time looking at my hands and I don't get to see my character.

I am asking this question based on a Reddit post that I saw. Why do black people (and non united-statesians) have less presence in the community? It feels super rare to see a person of colour getting mentioned, as I mostly see people of no colour. Is this some lack of vision that I have? Or is it really this way?

I believe there has to be a better way to refer to our community than an initialism list approach, which is structurally exclusive: that's why we've seen various groups rightfully seek increased recognition and try to change the most popular term - LGBT, LGBTQ, LGBTQIA+ and literally dozens of other variants. That indicates that an initialism is an exclusive, rather than inclusive, route which will always fail to represent everyone as our understanding of sex, sexuality and gender change over time, and it possibly encourages accidental erasure.

Are there any recognized alternatives which capture the full breadth of this community?

• Explicit terms are particularly tough because the community isn't simply defined by a single concept like sexuality (gay, lesbian, bi, asexual, etc.) gender (trans, non-binary, etc.) or sex (intersex, etc.). Some academic institutions have used terms like "sexual and gender minorities" (GSM), which I think is a huge improvement, although even then we see that term evolve as more factors come to light ("gender, sexual and romantic minorities", GSRM). Are there any criticisms of those terms we should be aware of?

• I've heard using "queer" as an umbrella term remains controversial for its historical use as a slur, so using it in wider contexts might be inappropriate?

• I've heard "rainbow community" once or twice, which seems is clear enough that it doesn't need an introduction, with the great symbolism of a rainbow covering all the colors. But I wonder if rainbow symbolism is considered inclusive, or considered specific to certain subgroups. Especially how the "progress flag" contrasts against the rainbow flag.

• Any others you like?

.....

I ask this question out of ignorance: while I am part of my local community, we generally aren't very familiar with the broader community in other countries and their diverse perspectives yet. So I hope I haven't accidentally said anything careless!

Also sorry if this is comm is specifically for trans questions. Let me know if I should ask this somewhere else instead, I just didn't want to put it on a general instance and have too many over-confident outsiders and trolls answering.

I'm a Software Engineer and I want to feel closer to the trans community. I live in a rural, remote, area and I don't have much of a chance of meeting fellow trans folks. I was wondering if there are publicly "trans" software. E.g., web applications that might help trans individuals, software that's just branded LGBTQ+, trans developers that need help in their repositories, etc. I don't have a ton of free time, but after my child goes to sleep (around 7pm-8pm) I find myself a bit idle. It might be nice to work on something passively a little here and there that supports the trans community in a small way.

Hi all,

I'm going on a backpacking trip in a month, and the only tucking underwear I've ever heard of is LeoLines and TomboyX, but I might as well ask if there's anything else. Bonus points if it uses a material like merino wool.

I use both brands for normal daily use, but Leolines is made from cotton and TomboyX is polyester, both of which are quite bad for temperature and odor control.

Tucking the old-school way sounds super confusing, so I'd rather not resort to that.

Has anyone here heard of it before, if so what are your opinions on it? I'm curious to hear what you have to say because I've mentioned it in the past and have received hostility from people either saying I'm crazy or that I'm "making fun of trans people".

I think some people deny that I really have it but I'm certain that is what I have since I literally have phantom limb sensations from a tail that I just don't have, including phantom pain which really sucks actually.

I just wanted to talk about this a bit. I'm not sure if this is the right community but the otherkin communities are very empty.

I haven't been very active lately and I'm sorry, I don't have as much free time these days as I'd like to, so I need more moderators. If anyone can volunteer at all, even if it's just on the side it would really be appreciated.

First, forgive me for a mostly political post, and if political discussions aren't welcome I have to problems deleting this.

I live in a highly conservative, sports loving area and I'm tired of listening to all the obviously insincere hand wringing and lies about safety and trans athletes in women's sports. Sometimes, changing the subject or leaving isn't an option, sadly. I was hoping you all could give me a little advice on how to respond as I'm tired of being silent.

Instinctively, I want to try and derail these arguments by suggesting that collegate and youth sports implement something like the "red stripe" rule from youth football. In pee wee football, if a player is growing faster than their peers then their helmet is marked with a red stripe and they're no longer allowed to carry the ball or play certain positions. This is both for handicap and safety reasons.

And just to be clear, I think the safety/unfair advantage argument is bullshit.

However, suggesting a red stripe rule could be a way to answer that argument without conceding their point and move a debate on to other topics. If a bigot still wants to press the sports issue, they're have to find other reasons to do so, and likely have to reveal their prejudice more openly.

But, I'm hesitant to use this argument, because at its core, such a rule still singles out trans athletes. So while it seems like a great debate tactic, I can still see how it could come across as offensive and transphobic, despite my intentions.

I don't like the idea of simply dismissing the issue as only affecting a tiny percentage of the population because that, to me, shouldn't matter.

So, what approach would be best? How would you all respond in this situation? How can I speak out on your behalf without speaking over you or for you?