I stopped fighting. Trying to be someone I wasn't was literally killing me.

Sure, there's a lot to learn at first about How To Girl, and the dysphoria sucks until the hormones work their magic. But now I can just be me, no filter. Life is so much easier than it was before. And that means I can deal with any shit that comes my way without it overwhelming me.

My reward for compliance is a burial in a cheapish business suit and it’s the only part of me that everybody around would know.

I took estrogen and things started to feel normal, so I kept going. Its not strength. Its not a battle. Its following a new path at your own pace. Eventually you figure out what you need to do to keep going.

The first day felt absolutely divine and I do not want to stop

You've almost answered your own question. I cannot speak for all trans folk, so I'll just speak for myself.

I'm not strong. I get exhausted. Sometimes I feel like giving up or hiding. It's a lot of work even if there weren't people trying to erase us.

But when I give up; when I stop making progress, the dysphoria comes back, and it only gets stronger the longer I ignore it. It's the reason my egg cracked in the first place. Once I experienced life as myself, I can't go back.

No matter how hard it is to push forward, going back hurts even more.

FWIW, I live in a trans sanctuary city so I don’t have to be brave. I just dress up cute and my doctors give me cheap estrogen and nobody cares. It’s practically boring to people here. Hope you find your way here someday!

I ain't strong. And I'm trying to move the political landscape so others don't need to be strong either. I'm fine where I am for now but it's getting real bad in some places and I don't know how I'm gonna be if it gets that bad here. Best I can do is try to turn the tide.

Jumping out of a building gets a lot easier when you feel the fire at your back

I have two people who seriously matter to me, my boyfriend and my bestie. To them, I matter. I have to keep hobbling forward through this batshit insane garbage evil world no matter what the fuck happens, for them. But I also just want to be the person I deserve to be, I want to fully self-actualize as myself, you know? And so, for those who want to stop me, I live to spite.

How did you figure out that this is the battle you want to fight?

It’s not a battle I would choose to fight, but I don’t have any other choice. I know who I am, and I’m going to live as who I am, and I’m not going to let anyone stop me. I grew up in a very repressive environment, where I was taught to accept that I had to be who others (especially authority figures) expected me to be. And through a lot of therapy, I discovered that that was the root of a lot of my personal torment. It isn’t always easy, day to day, but I’m going to keep pushing every day to love and celebrate the person that I am, because I can’t stand to live any other way.