My laser place also tells me not to apply any creams or product, etc. - it's a liability issue for them, and it is a real risk. However, the pain from laser is so bad that I would rather take the risk by applying the cream and just doing my due diligence by thoroughly cleaning the skin right before the appointment (I walk into the place, go to the bathroom, use paper towel to wipe off all the excess cream, then I wet a rag and get it all soapy and then scrub the area well, then using a clean towel to wipe the skin completely clean - then right before, the laser techs use alcohol wipes as a last measure - so far, over a year of doing this, I've had no complications or issues).

The 20% cream is expensive and it comes in very small amounts, so I only use it on the genitals and my face. For other areas I just settle for a grey-market South Korean 10% lidocaine cream called Anesten, which mostly works - at least enough that I'm able to sleep the night before appointments and I don't have too much anxiety about it.

Normal lidocaine creams have 5% btw, I found them unhelpful (practically no better than not using it).

haha, magic wand with a cord (not battery) and an amp speed controller

EDIT: I found orgasms became a lot more mental / emotional for me, so exploring literary erotica or other means of supportive fantasies might help? Especially helpful to look for erotica or material made for women and/or that centers women's pleasure.

ha, like boats passing in the night, I just got rid of mine 😝

just scheduled the hotel for my upcoming vaginoplasty, I think it's two months away now

Electrolysis is painful! I use a 20% lidocaine BLT cream from a compounding pharmacy and apply it hours before the appointment, usually around 40 - 45 minutes into the session it starts to get what I would consider "too painful". At first I thought it was because the lidocaine was wearing off, and the pharmacist switched from 20% lidocaine to 20% benzocaine thinking it would help it last longer, but it made absolutely no difference, I get around the same pain around the same time. So now I wonder if it's due to the accumulation of damage and pain over the session, esp. as she begins to cluster the places the hairs are removed.

Either way, it makes me wish lidocaine injections were more common - this pain is unnecessary, more a consequence of falling through the cracks of the local government and medical establishment which just hasn't prioritized the legal pathways and training programs that would enable lidocaine injections for these areas and in these contexts. You can get your mouth numbed for dental work, for example (and you can get trained and certified to numb patients for dental procedures), but for electrolysis it's just not an option here.

spot on as usual 😄

I can't help but wonder sometimes if some of the obsession with passing overlaps somewhat with the intense pressure women feel to conform to femininity, I sometimes wonder if I would struggle with some of the same feelings even if I were cis (and my cis sister does have some of the same insecurities that I have).

Maybe the bigger problem, as you and others are pointing out, has to do with rooting my sense of identity and validity in other people ... I struggle with having a strong sense of who I am, so that makes sense - but I need to figure out how to work on that 😅

Thank you for your wisdom and kindness 💕

oh, thanks - I think this is not unexpected for where I live 😅

Still, it did make me feel a bit antsy to leave ... I appreciate your kindness ❤️

OK, I asked my partner how they would describe my style in 3 words and they said:

classy, smart, boho-chic

They pointed out that I wear lots of flowy wraps and skirts. They also strongly disagreed with my own description of my style, lol

I don't understand your response, why is acknowledging the political aspect to contemporary Western queer identity upsetting to you? I'm just trying to explain why queer conservatives might not identify as "queer" or "LGBT+" - because of their political associations. It's similar to how conservatives might remain in the closet about their sexuality.

The comment I was responding to just said they were surprised that the arrested trans person prayed the Rosary in the bathroom before being arrested, i.e. they were surprised a trans woman could be a devout Catholic. (Admittedly, I think people who do successfully transition are maybe less likely to be devout Christians, considering Christianity's role in conversion therapy and the anti-trans movement, so it's not entirely unreasonable to be surprised.)

Yes, the Catholic Church is anti-trans, but you have to understand that trans people are just like everyone else, they are subject to the same influences and pressures as cis people, and they come from the same backgrounds - from religious families, from conservative families, etc.

While trans people in the U.S. form an alliance with lesbian, gay, bisexual, asexual, two-spirit, and intersex individuals - this does not mean every trans person accepts the label "queer" or thinks of themselves that way, let alone how they think of other trans people. There are many self-hating trans people, and lots of trans people who hate other trans people.

Caitlyn Jenner is a Trump supporting Republican who went on Fox News to deliver anti-trans remarks about a trans athlete.

Blaire White is a Trump supporting Republican who makes a living supporting right-wing and anti-trans talking points on YouTube.

The Log Cabin Republicans are mostly LGBT+ folks who are Republicans, and they show up to support anti-trans legislation, like in the recent California vote to ban trans athletes.

I think you have to understand that labels like "queer" and "LGBTQ+" are political identities, and lots of people who are descriptively queer based on their sexuality or gender identity refuse to identify that way for political reasons. Some people remain closeted and hiding, but other people are open about their sexuality and just don't connect the dots between their sexuality and the political struggles of people with those sexualities, refusing to identify as gay or queer and instead just insisting they're "straight" even while openly engaging in queer sex.

Sure, it boggles my mind too, but it's unfortunately very common. I think a lot of this has to do with the dominance one identity has, like one's identity as a conservative or as Christian, over another, such as one's identity as a queer person. When those conflict, it's not surprising that sexuality or gender identity are not always the winner - especially in cases like Christianity where the religion can have a hold on your entire life (your job, your spouse, your whole family, your entire community - everything might depend on a religious identity like that and it's very difficult to escape). This is especially the case for a binary trans woman who transitioned so young and can live as a cis-passing woman, there might be very little visible about her trans identity at that point, making it easier to live as a conservative Catholic.

Why is it confusing? The woman who was arrested, Marcy Rheintgen, is a conservative Catholic who thought when push came to shove, they wouldn't actually arrest her ...

~~Does Olivia know you're not a cis man? If they know you're genderfluid, they're basically 1. denying your identity and 2. outing you to others, both of which are concerning.~~ It looks like Olivia is trying to affirm Alex's gender (Alex is transmasc, not transfem).

Emma is not just inappropriately sexing in a group chat (presumably without consent) and when that makes you (reasonably) uncomfortable they 1. dismiss your boundary and 2. insult you. This is the behaviour I would expect from a sexual predator.

Personally I wouldn't want to continue interaction with either of them ...