19
submitted 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) by dandelion to c/mtf

Get your HPV vaccine, and if post-op, see a gynecologist!

30
submitted 1 month ago by dandelion to c/mtf

when dilating, often I have a lot of pain around what I suspect are certain scar rings in my neovagina, basically areas where it's much harder to push past, almost like a sphincter but without control to tighten

I have discovered that after pushing painfully past certain points I can experience painful burning sensation, but if I pull the dilator out, put a horizontal ring of lube on the dilator around the threshold of how deep it goes in, and then put the dilator in, I often manage to get the same depth as was painful before but experience less pain and burning. I think this is twofold, maybe relaxing and re-inserting helps reduce tension, and maybe the lube at the edge helps prevent pain from pushing deeper.

26
submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by dandelion to c/lesbians

Was wondering what people think about the label "lesbian" and what it means, and who should or shouldn't use it.

There was someone on Bluesky who was upset when they learned I sometimes identify as a lesbian because I'm a woman in a long term relationship with a woman, even though I'm technically bisexual. (I've only ever dated women, would only ever want to date women.)

They said I was appropriating the label "lesbian", that I was lesbophobic, and that I was communicating that it's shameful to be bisexual. (For clarity, I don't hide that I'm bi, I will identify that way in some contexts, and in others I will identify as a lesbian - usually I identify as lesbian around straight people, and among LGBT+ folks I'm more likely to identify as bi or communicate more about my sexuality; tbh it doesn't come up much, and my sexual orientation not a big part of how I like to identify).

I tend to think a label like "lesbian" communicates a sexual or romantic relationship between two women, so I'm surprised to interact with someone who was so rigid about the label that it cannot apply to someone who is even capable of opposite-sex attraction ...

I'm not sure I would ever date a man, so sometimes "lesbian" or "sapphic" are labels that feel more accurate to who I am than a term like bisexual, which implies more openness than I actually have. It's also irrelevant for me since I'm in a long-term monogamous relationship with a woman, from the perspective of others in my life, I have been and will continue to be a lesbian ...

I just wonder where the rigidity comes from, and why the person thought I was lesbophobic. I wasn't able to ask her or learn about her perspective, so I was hoping someone would help me understand wtf just happened, lol

44
submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by dandelion to c/womensstuff@piefed.blahaj.zone

Feminine-named hurricanes (vs. masculine-named hurricanes) cause significantly more deaths, apparently because they lead to lower perceived risk and consequently less preparedness.

...

We use more than six decades of death rates from US hurricanes to show that feminine-named hurricanes cause significantly more deaths than do masculine-named hurricanes. Laboratory experiments indicate that this is because hurricane names lead to gender-based expectations about severity and this, in turn, guides respondents’ preparedness to take protective action.

underestimate a female hurricane and die, I guess

75
submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by dandelion to c/mtf

so, I should start by saying vaginoplasty significantly reduced my genital dysphoria, and in general has helped me feel more like a woman - it's overall quite clear it was the right choice for me (and same with transition overall).

... but I've struggled a lot with continued bottom dysphoria and anxiety that I made a mistake or the surgery was problematic or wrong in some way

for example, my labia continue to look and feel like scrotal tissue, and I feel insecure about this - they can sag and look wrinkly at times, which makes them look scrotal to me.

I also seem to have no labia minora as far as I can tell, or perhaps it's too early post-op to tell, the clitoral hood is just a tighter part of the same labia majora - so maybe as swelling goes down there will be more of a sense of inner folds vs outer folds?

Anyway, lots of insecurity and concerns that my genitals are still male. Any time I'm aroused and my clit becomes engorged, it feels so much like an erection that I become dysphoric and I struggle to stay in the moment and maintain arousal.

Last night I had a dream that a stitch popped or something changed in my recovery overnight, and I woke up with my labia sagging even more and bunching into an empty scrotal sack, and my clit when engorged would become erect and push out several inches into an erect penis. It was very distressing in my dream, I was panicking and trying to find a private place to capture photos to send my surgeon. (In some ways this nightmare was clarifying or affirming - knowing my unconscious is not secretly coveting having male genitals again makes me feel more confident I made the right choice.)

I guess I never expected to have so much bottom dysphoria post-op, or to struggle so much to see my vagina as female. Sometimes I even wonder if this is what it's like to be a trans man, to "feel male" internally and to have female genitals (though obviously this isn't how trans men feel, trans men generally want to feel male in body and mind, something I don't experience - and my "feeling male" is more like insecurity and imposter syndrome than whatever trans men experience).

It still hasn't been six months since my surgery, and I'm so early in my transition in general - I just trust it will get better over time ... but right now anyway, I am struggling more than I expected with challenges I perhaps naively expected or hoped the surgery would just immediately solve.

I have noticed that the dysphoria I would feel when I lay on my back and twist my lower body in a way that allows me to feel the length of my clit embedded in me, and it would feel like my penis was sewn onto me, has gone away - with the healing I think inflammation has gone down and I no longer notice that sensation of length in me, and when I do twist or pull in a way that seems to engage my clit, it feels more "normal" and doesn't create dysphoria. So already the dysphoria I had earlier in my recovery is subsiding, which is good!

I think this was mostly a vent post / brain dump, but I did want to ask about others' experiences - I wanted to invite general sharing of what surgeries were like for others (esp. what wasn't expected or isn't commonly discussed).

If anyone has advice for me, I'm completely open. Thanks for reading 😊

26
what mastodon rule should I join? (self.onehundredninetysix)
submitted 1 month ago by dandelion to c/onehundredninetysix

joined bluesky to stay in touch with a friend

I've never understood Twitter, but I think I'm starting to understand

getting pulled in kinda makes me feel like I should be on mastodon primarily instead, so I was wondering what the "Blahaj" of Mastodon is, what server should I join?

15
submitted 1 month ago by dandelion to c/main

was trying to find out if we are intentionally defederated, I don't see any hilariouschaos communities showing up in the Blahaj search, so I assume they aren't federated - just not sure why and was hoping to learn the lore 😅

49
submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by dandelion to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

Just wondering what the experience is like for cis men who have experienced estrogen dominance...

I've read that there are accounts of side effects in men who take estrogen for prostate cancer and who experience depression.

There are also the famous cases of Alan Turing and David Reimer. Was hoping for more first hand accounts of what the cis male experience is like on estrogen.

Just wondering if anyone has experiences they're willing to share. Thanks!

122
submitted 2 months ago by dandelion to c/trans

this is along with name, race and other demographic information

They don't have a gender field, and it really feels like they are just reducing sex and gender down to "you are what you were assigned at birth", and then hiding behind amorphous medical "reasons" as justification ....

193
submitted 2 months ago by dandelion to c/lemmybewholesome@lemmy.world
62
submitted 2 months ago by dandelion to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

Why or why not?

43
submitted 2 months ago by dandelion to c/mtf

In my experience, dysphoric thoughts can be contagious in a way, a particular, dysphoric way of seeing can transmit to other dysphoric trans people who may have not have considered that way of seeing.

(I am of course not implying gender dysphoria is contagious, just that my experiences with dysphoria have in the past caused other dysphoric people to have worse dysphoria.)

So as a precaution, I'll put my cognitohazard dysphoria thoughts behind a spoiler.

dysphoric thoughtsSince vaginoplasty, my bottom dysphoria has been vastly improved - but I continue to feel remarkable "sameness" in my genitals, and that continues to be unsettling.

Even this week, twice when aroused my clit felt engorged, which I experienced as being erect, just as I was pre-op. Each time it creates a rising, panicky fear that I actually am erect down there, that I still have a penis.

Other times my labia can feel like a scrotum - they can kind of sag sometimes and look and feel like a scrotum (because that's what they are made of), and that can be unsettling, too. I used to have the worst feeling when I could feel my scrotum slap against my thigh, and sometimes my labia can almost reproduce that same "loose" feeling down below that I dread.

These feelings have improved somewhat over time, and it's only been three months since my surgery, so it's still recent-ish. I don't know how long these dysphoric feelings will continue, but I assume they will get better.

I guess I'm looking for reassurance, or at least someone else who has had similar experiences to chime in on theirs.

[-] dandelion 74 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

more importantly he peddled neo-Nazi conspiracies and claimed Jews control the media, education, non-profits, etc. and are pushing "cultural Marxism"

this guy was pushing neo-Nazi and anti-Semitic conspiracy theories - it's so much worse than comparing abortions to the Holocaust, lol

[-] dandelion 63 points 7 months ago

All dates should be formatted according to ISO 8601 standard (YYYY-MM-DD).

Months should be adjusted so September, October, November, and December are the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th month respectively (so the literally meaning of the names accords with their actual meaning).

Not cleaning your kitchen knife after sharpening is trashy and contaminates your food with metal shavings.

[-] dandelion 68 points 7 months ago

yes, she's involved in the production and will definitely profit from it

[-] dandelion 86 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Considering dolls is a term applied only to trans women, he should have just said "a term of endearment for trans women". The only reason he didn't is because he's anti-trans, and maybe he doesn't even understand that "dolls" is a term specific to trans women, or that trans men even exist, a lot of anti-trans bigots are obsessed with trans women and think the only trans people are trans women; there are estimated to be equal numbers of trans men as trans women, they just don't get the same attention.

The bathroom debate shows this mindset, anti-trans activist want trans women to use men's restrooms, but they aren't thinking about the fact that those same laws and policies force trans men into women's restrooms, leading to this kind of situation:

So the anti-trans movement claims they are keeping men out of women's restrooms, while doing exactly the opposite.

I think the anti-trans movement wants to claim that the entire idea of trans people is ideologically driven, but they have it in reverse - the gender binary and anti-trans movement is ideologically driven, while the position that trans people exists and should have gender-affirming care is based on actual empirical evidence. The science shows reality is much more complicated than the gender binary, and that being trans is biologically determined, genetically inherited, and part of natural human variation throughout our history as a species.

So it seems acknowledging the reality and gender of trans people is not so much ideologically driven as much as it is more aligned with reality than the status quo of assigning gender according to a model of binary sex based an a quick inspection of genitals at birth, which we know is ideologically driven. The only reason to reject the undisputed science is for religious and political reasons, there is no actual debate or ambiguity about the science. Every single major medical and scientific association endorses gender affirming care for minors and adults, there is a firm consensus on this. These organizations are typically conservative, not "woke", and they only support those treatments because they are the only known effective treatments of gender dysphoria.

The anti-trans movement has more in common with young earth creationism, the anti-vaxx movement, and other anti-science movements, which are often politically motivated and intersect with conservative forms of Christianity. These are truly ideologically based movements, and they support views of reality based not on what is empirically demonstrated but rather based on a dogmatic interpretation of religious texts.

For example, Matt Walsh's anti-trans film What is a Woman was compared to antivax films like VAXXED or the anti-evolution film Expelled!.

[-] dandelion 67 points 7 months ago

they're no longer following the Constitution, in case anyone has noticed ...

[-] dandelion 63 points 7 months ago

Meaning there isn't an instance for women, nor are there multiple communities - as far as I know there's just this one community.

[-] dandelion 73 points 8 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Trans bathroom bans are ultimately just a means of driving trans people from public life entirely.

This is not an exaggeration, the anti-trans movement literally aims to "eradicate [trans people] from public life entirely", those are their words.

Here are some citations, numbers, and evidence to back up what you're saying and why we should view trans bathroom bans as genocidal rather than about safety, like anti-trans activists claim:

When laws permit transgender people to access sex-segregated spaces in accordance with their gender identities, crime rates do not increase. There is no association between trans-inclusive policies and more crime. As one of us wrote in a recent paper, this is likely because, just like cisgender folks, “transgender people use locker rooms and restrooms to change clothes and go to the bathroom,” not for sexual gratification or predatory reasons.

Conversely, when trans people are forced by law to use sex-segregated spaces that align with the sex assigned to them at birth instead of their gender identity, two important facts should be noted.

First, no studies show that violent crime rates against cisgender women and girls in such spaces decrease. In other words, cisgender women and girls are no safer than they would be in the absence of anti-trans laws. Certainly, the possibility exists that a cisgender man might pose as a woman to go into certain spaces under false pretenses. But that same possibility remains regardless of whether transgender people are lawfully permitted in those spaces.

Second, trans people are significantly more likely to be victimized in sex-segregated spaces than are cisgender people. For instance, while incarcerated in facilities designated for men, trans women are nine to 13 times as likely to be sexually assaulted as the men with whom they are boarded.

...

In society at large, between 84% and 90% of all crimes of sexual violence are perpetrated by someone the victim knows, not a stranger lurking in the shadows – or the showers or restroom stalls. But trans and nonbinary people feel very unsafe in bathrooms and locker rooms, though others experience relative safety there. In fact, the largest study of its kind found that upward of 75% of trans men and 64% of trans women reported that they routinely avoid public restrooms to minimize their chances of being harassed or assaulted.

from: https://theconversation.com/baseless-anti-trans-claims-fuel-adoption-of-harmful-laws-two-criminologists-explain-206570

These laws aren't designed to protect cis women, they are designed to police gender (this impacts cis people too!) and eliminate trans people.

[-] dandelion 69 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Relevant facts:

  • she self identifies as a "moderate conservative", also identifying as a "centrist" who cares about "family values"
  • she is a devout Catholic
  • she lives in Illinois and traveled to Florida just to do this
  • before going to Florida, she sent letters to lawmakers stating her intention to break the law, including when and where she would and a photo of herself (police were thus posted at the location and time she indicated, hence why she was arrested)
  • she explicitly identifies as not a "political activist"
  • she is breaking the law because she thinks it is wrong (she is engaging in civil disobedience), though she did not expect to actually be arrested
  • she didn't consult any legal or advocacy groups before doing this
  • she was arrested upon going into the restroom and washing her hands, after cops posted at the bathroom told her not to; she was held in the men's ward of the Leon County Detention Facility overnight, and she faces 60 days of incarceration if convicted
  • she is back in Illinois but will have to fly back to Florida for hearings
  • she didn't expect to be arrested and regrets doing it

source: Tampa Bay Times (archive.ph link)

[-] dandelion 61 points 11 months ago

How would people who live outside of Europe know what Europeans are not ready to hear? As someone who lives in the U.S. I know only a couple of people IRL who live in Europe.

The thing my European friend was not ready to hear was that all his complaining about the social programs in his home country and the high taxes and so on comes across as entitled and spoiled. Because he's never lived without the benefits of a state that will provide healthcare and so on, he is free to complain about his privileges and glorify the U.S. as a place where individual citizens fill in the responsibilities that the government should fulfill. He sees this as an unmitigated good, because he thinks it means more civic engagement.

What he doesn't understand is that this results in most people falling through the cracks, and until he falls through one of those cracks himself it won't be real to him how bad it is to not be able to afford losing wages because you are sick or injured, or what it's like when you can't afford to see a doctor when you break a bone or get so sick you can't leave your house.

That said, I'm not sure every European needs to hear this, or that they're not ready to hear it - just this one person seemed to be a little delusional and to have idealized the U.S. as some kind of right-wing libertarian utopia.

[-] dandelion 62 points 11 months ago

I think the point of the joke might be more that an attempt to start a matrilineal naming scheme is foiled somewhat from the fact that the maiden name of the mother is derived from her father, i.e. you can't escape that the last names all come from patrilineal sources for generations.

[-] dandelion 67 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

I think the "left" they are talking about are more like tankies or at least socialists who lean towards authoritarianism.

I know some people in my local DSA who uncritically support the idea that Russia is incapable of imperialism and who probably would have supported Assad because they were an ally of Russia.

[-] dandelion 70 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

This article is written by James Hayton, a professor at a business school focused on "innovation" and "entrepreneurship", and who received funding from the Nuffield Foundation, founded by William Morris, one of the largest financiers of the British fascist movement.

Just to be clear about the ideological commitments of the author and his financiers. I would suggest taking this article with a lot of skepticism.

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dandelion

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