I hope it's okay for me to post here. I really want to wear a binder but I struggle with the ones you pull over your head. I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions for ones that you can wrap around sort of? I know there are some with zips or clasps or other methods, I'm just not sure what's good. I'm a bit overweight, so I'm worried that it might sit weird or roll up or be uncomfortable, and I worry that ones with underarm fastening would be a sensory nightmare, but also that front fastening would be visible. Does anyone have any experiences to share that might be helpful? Thanks in advance.

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Increasingly, authoritarians are likening ‘genderism’ to ‘communism’ and ‘totalitarianism’

So, over the weekend, my wife and I went back to visit our families for Easter (even though neither of us observe).  

I’m not out to my family yet and still present very masculine, although the changes I’ve made to feminize were definitely being commented on quite a bit (painted nails, shaved legs, ear piercings, short facial hair (that I wish I could shave entirely)). So I was feeling a bit insecure. And I was cuddling with my wife and was trying to be cute and get reassurance at the same time, asking like “would you love me no matter what?” Because my wife and I have an ongoing joke that we would only stop loving each other if one of us becomes a Nazi (which, obviously, neither would ever do). But then at one point she said, “…or if you were a girl!”

And I was/am just devastated. She realized as soon as she said it how badly she fucked up, and she apologized profusely. She said she was just joking and it was her autism not doing her favors with social dynamics, but damn, it’s just been echoing in my brain ever since. Like, why would she even have that thought, let alone say it out loud? That’s my single greatest fear related to transitioning - losing the people I love, especially my wife. 

But it started a whole conversation about how we’re both feeling with everything that’s happened over the past few months since my egg cracked. And it was some good, some less good. 

She’s been really supportive of the nonbinary aspect of my identity, and with stuff like trying girl clothes, but it’s starting to feel more to me that she’s not as supportive as she thinks she is. Like, once again she said “I think he/they makes sense for you, in my mind”. Which, to me, feels like it’s not her place to try to tell me what I’m allowed to identify myself as? Because I put that in the context of her being pretty opposed to me going on HRT or getting surgeries (HRT is something I want soonish, surgeries I’m more ambivalent about right now). Like, anything permanent, she doesn’t want me to pursue, and she says she would have a much harder time with. 

Part of it is because we want to have kids, and her best friend just had a baby, and her sister is pregnant, so that’s on her mind, and I am obviously a bit preoccupied with other things. And when it comes to doing cryo storage and IUI, I’m fine with that! I feel like plenty of cis couples get medical help like that, and as long as the fertilized egg ends up in a uterus, great! My wife seems adamant that she wants to conceive “naturally” though, and says she doesn’t want me to start HRT until we’re done having kids. 

I don’t want to wait another 5 years of aging with testosterone in my body. Not only would that be 5 years of dealing with a male body and all the dysphoria that entails, it would also mean being 5 years of progress feminizing that I’d be missing out on. I would like to lose some weight before I start HRT, but that’s more of a 6-12 month timetable, in my mind. 

I obviously don’t want to lose my marriage. That is the absolute last thing I want. My wife is my best friend, and I felt like since she’s bisexual, she wouldn’t have as hard a time with this. My transition is really important to me, and I feel like I’m finally living for myself and not suppressing and tailoring myself to make other people happy. And I’m not prepared to give that up. And I recognize that I might be pushing things fast, and maybe I should slow down for her sake?

I don’t know, it’s just been a really difficult and overwhelming few days. Any advice or thoughts are welcome, because I’m at a bit of a loss for answers here, and I don’t have therapy for another two weeks.

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I run a small community here on db0 where I post images of the AI horde and one of the users I recently banned decided to come back on another account and spam me with hateful messages, saying they think I'm pretending to be trans and that they think I'm a pedophile. They also decided to come back again after getting banned for that and spam posts in every meta community about how they think I'm a pedophile and deserve to be banned. I don't care what your opinions of AI are, that's not acceptable. It's not okay to accuse people of being pedophiles or accuse them of pretending to be trans.

This is one of the worst days ever in a long time. I'm having a drink tonight, screw sobriety, I need it.

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

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I recently started transitioning and it was pretty overwhelming. As to my knowledge (please let me know if I am wrong) there are few widespread studies about the practical experience of transitioning (including but not exclusive to information about hrt). Right now, for myself, some of the most valuable documentation on what to do is on reddit, specifically discussions in the comments.

Because of this I am proposing a community just for documenting and asking questions about the actual processing of transitioning. I have never made or moderated a community (and would greatly prefer if someone that knows how to do so does as I am more interested helping documentation), as I see the need for having knowledge about transitioning on an open platform.

Here is the community: !TransitionQuestions@lemmy.blahaj.zone

I would appreciate any thoughts about this and/or help to get such a project going. Especially would appreciate if there is already a community for this on lemmy.

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

I was having breakfast at a restaurant, and seated at the table nearest to me were two older ladies, one of whom was loud enough that I could hear what she was saying.

She was saying "females" need to do more to reach out and grab opportunity like they used to (I assume she was referring to second-wave style women's lib, breaking into the workplace, etc.? very confusing tbh). This was after some comments about female athletes that I caught the end of, she was saying how crazy the world is now and I think she was saying now that trans women are being included in women spaces.

I'm sitting to her left, and more than anything else I just wanted to ask her if she thought I was a woman. Instead I sat and listened to her talk at her friend about how much a victim Zelenskyy is because he didn't get enough support from Biden (!?), and that the U.S. military has fallen behind other countries and we're losing arms races (!!??), how she prays to God about it all, etc.

I think there's something wrong with me if my reaction to publicly aired transphobic comments is the desire for validation from the transphobe.

First of all, she's clueless and didn't clock me so I should have some sense of whether she perceives me as a woman, and second of all, her opinion is worthless precisely because she didn't clock me.

I tell myself what I want to know is what I'm doing wrong, so I can finesse my passing or at least be aware of my limitations & weaknesses and mitigate them. I've realized most cis people (and maybe especially older, conservative, or transphobic people) notice minor gender differences less and are more likely to overlook those differences.

But maybe this is less rational and more psychological, maybe it's just more satisfying to pass in front of a transphobe, maybe it's more emotionally validating if the person who thinks the world is crazy for letting men into women's restrooms sees that "man" is a woman.

Sorry, this story feels self-absorbed. I think this is like a confessional or something.

Some possible discussion topics:

• tips or observations on how to overcome these insecurities?
• any stories of interactions with transphobes of your own you want to share?
• thoughts on Biden's absolutely tragic failure as a president to provide sufficient aid to Zelenskyy in his moment of need?

EDIT: oh, and I remember her talking confidently about how the pilot who crashed the helicopter was a DEI hire

I mean I am AFAB and I do identify as a girl but also I don't feel entirely binary. I guess I wasn't assigned Nonbinary at birth but it still feels weird to say I'm trans when I'm AFAB and present and act like and call myself a girl. I don't know, help me out here people.

A person I've shared circles with and considered a friend for years, today said the quiet part out loud and spouted transphobia.

I feel like I'm experiencing years of retroactive fear for my proximity to her all at once and its incredibly overwhelming.

If anyone has any good vibes to send my way I'd be so grateful.

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This helped me procese some of my worries and fears, so I thought I'd share it here. Rather old article, but surprisingly good.

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

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Does anyone have a link to the robot comic, the one with the war robot that wants to be a civilian robot and is trans coded. I saw it on blahaj before but can't find it again

Tell us what songs that aren't explicitly trans resonate with you!

For example, I challenge anyone to listen to Dream Theater's The Spirit Carries On, imagine it's your old self singing to you, and tell me you don't get The Feels (that includes you, boys!). And alright, I admit that album's pretty borderline, but I hope you get the point.

im so confused, in my source im a guy and i’ve never questioned it but i love having a feminine body. i don’t really feel like a girl as a gender but i feel really good in a feminine body.

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

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