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Rule 3 (self.trans)
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by cowboycrustation to c/trans

This is a reminder to follow rule three. Rule three says not to post negative news articles without a call to action or way to help.

Firstly, these posts attract the wrong kind of crowd. It tends to get into insult and negativity territory real fast. They get a lot more engagement from outsiders, and that leaves more chance for shitty things to be thrown at members of our community.

Secondly, these posts affect trans people's mental health negatively. If there's nothing we can do to help, it makes no sense to constantly consume media like that. It makes life feel hopeless. Digital self-harm is real and a problem for many of us.

There are many places to consume this media, and frankly it is rather hard to avoid in online trans spaces. This community is not the place to post them.

If your post is found to violate rule three, it will be removed.

Before you post a news article, think "How would this make other trans people feel? Does it promote anger, hopelessness, or negative reactions? Does it have a way to change this situation for the better?"

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submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by cowboycrustation to c/trans

First and foremost, this is a community to support, love, and provide resources for trans people. Anything that puts that in jeopardy will be removed.

This isn't to say cis people aren't welcome on here, but that most posts and discussions were made with primarily trans people in mind. It's okay to ask respectful, good-faith questions and to be genuinely curious about trans people. To be a good ally, you must listen with open ears and be willing to accept it when you're wrong. Remember that you are a guest here, and as such be respectful and kind towards the trans people whose home this is.

What this community is not:

  1. This is not a place to be a transmedicalist and gatekeep being trans. Trying to divide up the trans community to be against each other is a way to weaken us as a whole.

  2. This is not a place to "debate" being trans or trans people. Our existence and right to be ourselves is a given.

  3. This is not a place to be a TERF. You are not welcome here and will be permabanned for spouting TERF rhetoric.

  4. This is not a place to be a jerk and spread negativity. Don't say mean things or insult others, trans or not.

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submitted 17 hours ago by ProbabalyAmber to c/trans

Ok so a lot of people seem to think I'm a walking contradiction, but I'm trying to walk that as truthfully as I can on both sides of this divide. My lgbt friends are all like "we accept that you are trans but i dunno about this whole 'Christian' thing" and my Christian friends are all like "we accept that you are Christian but i dunno about this whole 'trans' thing"

So in attempting to reconcile all this, I came out to my pastor. In doing so, there's still a pretty big chance I'll be kicked out of my church, but that remains to be seen. But my pastor, my wife, and I have been chipping away at a document, back and forth, for like a year now. I don't know how to edit this into something resembling a blog post, and I don't agree with my pastor's assertions, but leaving out his response seemed unfair to him. Our conversation hasn't stopped, but we pivoted to talk about how this looks in reality instead of focusing on the nitty gritty theology, so there isn't a written "my response to his response" part, but there was a verbal part to that, both of us poking holes in each other's logic, it got very heated. Feel free to ask specific questions in the comments, I'm doing this for full transparency. So at the risk of losing some readability I'm going to try to keep this document in its true final form here, with as few edits as possible to still read coherently like some kinda blag post...

I'd like to get it out here on the internet, where maybe it can do some good and let some trans people know that their transness isn't keeping them from God, and help some Christians know that trans folks aren't the enemy, but some fellow broken humans that Christ calls us to love... and maybe the rare trans Christian will see this and can come out to whichever side they may be lying to.

I think that's enough ado.


What does the Bible say about being transgender?

Opening note from my pastor: This is a response to your more exegetical explanation of the topic from your perspective. I’m trying to be brief and objective, but I don’t want that to be mistaken as unfeeling. You will see that I disagree with the reasoning put forth, but you know my care for you. I’ll quote your main statements (giving them names for ease of reference) and then summarize and respond to the core arguments in each.


The poetry argument My statement: “The main argument I see used against trans people is that God created Man and Woman, and the natural order doesn't allow anything outside of that. My argument against that main argument is that Genesis 1 is poetry, and is not using binaries literally. If we say that Genesis 1 doesn't allow for anything outside of Man and Woman, then we have to say that Genesis 1 doesn't allow for dawn and dusk and bogs and beaches and fog and frogs and bats. Much of the theology of what it means to be male and female is built upon verse 21, and functionally adds an "only" to the text, that God created only male and female, and leaves no room for grey area. If there is no "only" then an intersex condition that doesn't require medical treatment and doesn't affect quality of life isn't necessarily a product of the fall.

My Pastor's response: The argument could be summarized this way: The binaries God created on the first days of creation have unmentioned transitional states (dawn and dusk, bogs and beaches). Therefore, the binary of man on the last day of creation could also have unmentioned transitional states (such as intersex). First, it should be stated that, at best, this only argues for the possibility of transitional states between male and female, not the certainty of those states. In other words, it is not conclusive proof. To argue for the existence of anatomical trans-individuals as part of God’s perfect creation would require other evidence, such as “in the image of God he created him; male and female, and combinations thereof, he created them.” That would settle the issue definitively. But there is biblical evidence that argues against this conclusion. I’ll point out three observations from Genesis that argue for the binary male and female as God’s only intended design for our biological sex. The nature of male and female is different than the nature of the other pairings. Day and night are cyclical phenomena whose transitional states (dusk and dawn) are the necessary outcome of an earth that rotates with respect to the sun. So also land and sea necessarily have transitional states (bogs and beaches) where the two meet. But there is no necessary transitional state between male and female (as in intersex for example). The binary couple is sufficient to “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it”, which is what they are commanded by God to do (Gen. 1:28). In fact, even after the fall, this is reaffirmed in the flood account, where only male and female couples boarded the ark to replenish the human race, and the command was renewed.
So, the relationship between male and female is not directly comparable to the other pairings in the Genesis account. This makes the created binary of the last day unlike the created binaries of the other days. The assumption that it should have transitional states is unjustified on those grounds. Second, we have a direct report that when God rested from his creation, there was only the binary of male and female, with no transitional states. When God said in Genesis 1:27 “male and female he created them” he was referring to Adam and Eve, no one else. And as if to double down on this fact, Genesis 2 recounts the creation of man in more detail, describing how God created the one man and then the one woman from that man. It is these two individuals who then sinned in Genesis 3 and were cast out of the Garden. This argues against the possibility that God intended to make transitional states of male and female. The actual result of creation before the fall was a male and a female, not intersex. Most importantly, Genesis 1 highlights in several ways that man – male and female – is God’s crowning achievement, unlike anything else he has made. First, God uses a term to describe man – male and female – which he uses for nothing else. Only man is made “in his own image” (Gen. 1:26-27). The terms “in our image” or “after our likeness” communicate that man is more like God than anything else he has made. This is why he is given dominion over the rest of creation. Man is to reflect the character and creative capacity and benevolent rule of God over everything else. Man, created in his image specifically as “male and female he created them” is like God and accountable to God, which is restoring man to the image of God (Romans 8:29; 2 Cor. 3:18) is the focus of the redemptive work of Christ.

The repetition of the term “created” also points to man’s uniqueness in creation. The description that God “created” something only happens once before man’s creation, which was the creation of the land creatures. But when man’s creation is described, it is with a thrice-repeated emphasis: “God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. In other words, everything else was “created” but man was “created, created, created!” This is like bold face and underlining to signify unique importance. Also, the progression of the value statements from ‘good’ to ‘very good’ reflect this unique creation of man. Everything that was created in days one through five received at best what we might call a 4-star rating, namely “And God saw that it was good” (Gen. 1:9, 12, 18, 21, 25). But only when God creates man as male and female does he give it a 5-star rating, namely “And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good” (Gen. 1:31). What made it very good? The creation of male and female. They are special in God’s creation. Everything else that was made was made was for them so they could “fill” and “subdue” the earth. The earth was like a stage set for the actors to arrive. What we can responsibly conclude from all that has been said above is this: There is no evidence for the existence of anatomical trans-individuals in creation; in fact, the evidence is strongly against it. What makes more sense is the simple solution, that the ‘poetic’ binary language in Genesis 1 is chosen precisely to build anticipation for the ultimate binary which is male and female in God’s image.


The variety argument My statement: “God created the world, and in his infinite intelligence he made it extremely complicated and messy and there’s always more to learn in any scientific pursuit, we never find the bottom or the top of Creation. We point Hubble at a dark patch of sky and find things we never imagined, we break apart subatomic particles and find things we don’t have names for yet. Any argument that hinges on downplaying the intricate details and incredible nuance that everything in Creation has, is missing a view of a God who loves variety.”

My pastor's response: The argument could be summarized this way: God made a world of great variety and complexity, the depths of which we continue to discover. To deny that he could have created trans-individuals downplays his creativity and amounts to a downgraded view of God. Again, this only argues for the possibility of transitional states between male and female, (i.e. a creative God could have created physically trans-individuals as part of his creativity). But this is unconvincing for the simple reason that God decides what shape his creativity takes, and what shape it doesn’t take. After all, he is the potter and we are the clay (Isaiah 64:8, Rom. 9:21). Who are we to tell him what he made and how it should be made? We aren’t downgrading God’s creativity or love of variety by appreciating an individual work of art that is unlike all the others. Man as male and female is “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psa. 139:14), his greatest work of art. The variety argument assumes God’s creativity must include intermediate states of human biological sex. But it does not. The variety of the species (dogs and frogs) does not necessitate gender variety within a species. From this it makes sense that conditions like intersex are the result of the fall. After the fall, the world is like a corrupted hard drive, with brokenness both of body and mind. Gender dysphoria and the blurring of biological sex is part of the corrupted hard drive. Therefore it can’t be relied upon as a picture of what God intended for man. Only the uncorrupted hard drive tells us what God intended to create. And that is man as male and female, in his image. Binary. Everything else is a deviation from God’s will.


The argument from texts prohibiting gender confusion My statement: “Smaller argument against: Prohibitions against confusing gender by one’s physical appearance apply to its practice in idol worship (Deuteronomy 22:5) or they address specific cultural situations and are not universal in scope, like the length of hair and covering or uncovering the head during worship in 1 Corinthians 11:14-15.”

My pastor's response: Let’s say for the moment that this is true. And as far as I know, these are the only two texts that specifically address confusing gender by one’s physical appearance. If this is the case, here is what we have: The only texts in the Bible speaking of confusing gender appearance are both prohibitions. The prohibitions are in both the Old Testament and the New Testament. The prohibitions are in the context of both idol worship and Christian worship. There are no positive affirmations of confusing gender appearance in the Bible. Now, if we are looking for what the Bible says about this issue, is it reasonable to conclude from the above that it affirms confusing gender appearance? Certainly not. The much more obvious conclusion is to say that the Bible doesn’t affirm this in any context, which is why the prohibitions are there. And that would be entirely consistent with what was said in previous points, namely that God created us male and female and he wants what he created to remain distinct according to his design. It could also be argued, I think appropriately, that the texts communicate a universal prohibition, not just a local or cultural situation, because both prohibitions are unqualified. But as you say, this is a “smaller argument”, so I won’t pursue that.


The inclusivity argument My statement: “My main argument for God allowing/affirming trans folks is: Who were the "gender non conforming" people of biblical times, and what does the bible say about them? The eunuch! Isa 56:3-5 - God has a place for us, a name for us. A promise of inclusivity. This also is the verse that finally gave me a place to stand in my theology and tell people what I was going through. Matthew 19:12 - Jesus giving a positive affirmation of the eunuchs, including those who make this choice themselves. I recognize this is in context talking about not being married, but it's the only time Jesus talks about the eunuchs, and he does so in a positive light. Acts 8:36-37 - The Ethiopian Eunuch is culturally as far from Philip as possible; he is of different social status, skin color, nationality, and gender presentation. He asks Philip what is preventing him from being baptized, and Philip sees past all their differences and baptizes him. Gal. 3:28 - Paul’s statement that there is “no longer male or female” is one example in a list of things that describe people, but should have no bearing on their status in the family of God. It suggests an affirmation of gender nonconformity, since it appears the Lord is downplaying sex identity as well as social standing and Jewishness.”

My pastor's response: There’s a lot in here to address, but for the moment I’m out of time to do justice to each Scriptural reference. So let me focus on a common theme in your argument. I would put your thoughts this way: God is inclusive of all kinds of people from all different backgrounds, including ‘gender non-conforming’, with the eunuch being the prime example. He speaks of them in an affirming way. This posture means he affirms their gender non-conformity. First, let me say that I have seen no convincing argument that a eunuch (as in Matthew 19:12) is anyone other than a man who is unable to marry and bear children due to: genital deformity (“eunuchs who have been so from birth”), castration (“eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men”) or voluntary celibacy for the purpose of gospel ministry (“eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven”). Jesus is speaking of all these men in the context of marriage, which is the subject of the previous verses. The disciples were aghast at the restrictions on divorce and exclaimed “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry” (Mat. 19:10). Jesus then says, “Not everyone can receive this saying [that it is better not to marry], but only those to whom it is given”. To whom is it given to not marry? It is given to eunuchs, because they are men who can’t marry for the three reasons he mentions. This is not an affirmation of gender non-conformity; it is an affirmation of the sanctity of marriage as a bond not to be broken. You mention from the Isaiah 56 passage that it is a promise of inclusivity, and it seems to me that this strikes at the heart of the pain you feel. You want to be included, you want to know that God loves you and that there is a place for you in heaven. Those are all good desires which God intends to fulfill through the gospel. But it seems that your concept of inclusivity means more than that. It seems that inclusivity also means God’s affirmation of your self-perception as a female in a male body. You want his approval of your gender non-conformity as essential to your sense of his love. The Isaiah 56 passage does not affirm that. Rather, it is one of many passages where God simply affirms that no matter what a person’s brokenness is, they will be redeemed through faith in him. It is inclusive in the sense that anyone can be saved, but it does not affirm the brokenness itself. God loves his people, but not their brokenness, which is what he intends to save us from. Let’s look at what Isaiah 56 does say. Isaiah 56:4 For thus says the LORD: "To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths, who choose the things that please me and hold fast my covenant… Observation: The eunuchs here are men who are unable to marry and bear children, and they are faithful God worshippers who want to please God. They are the objects of the promise that follows. Isaiah 56:5 I will give in my house and within my walls a monument and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off. Observation: The promise is that even though the ‘name’ of the eunuchs won’t continue in this life – because they have no progeny – they can be encouraged. God has a name for them that is everlasting. Because they trust in God, their name will be established forever in the life to come. This doesn’t affirm their ‘eunuch’ status as a good thing. Rather he gives consolation for their broken state. I would say the same thing about the Ethiopian eunuch. Philip baptized him because the man believed the gospel, and anyone who does that should be baptized, regardless of their background or brokenness. All may come to the living waters and be washed by the blood of Christ. God affirms us in his Son, but that does not mean he affirms our brokenness itself as a good thing. That is especially true for our sins. After birth, there needs to be growth in holiness. This is sanctification. The Galatians 3 passage is on similar ground. The subject matter in that passage is about who is justified before God and heirs to God’s promises. Answer: “In Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith” (Gal. 3:26). Faith is what connects us to Christ, who makes us sons of God in union with him. And who is “in Christ”? Answer: “as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ” (Gal. 3:27). Faith expressed in baptism is how we ‘put on Christ’. And are there any restrictions on who that can be? Answer: No, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:28). This is not a text about gender nonconformity as a good thing, or a downplaying of the very real differences between people. It is an affirmation that anyone can become “Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to promise” (Gal. 3:29). The main point here is that God’s affirmation of those in Christ is not an affirmation of the brokenness and sin that made us need salvation in the first place. He loves us, but not the things that break us.


The dualism argument My statement: “Secondary argument: Dualism! I have less riding on this, but this is what it feels like to be trans. The mind/soul and body don't connect properly. So is it ok to adjust the body to fit the mind? 1 Samuel 16:7 - God looks at the heart. He knows the real me, not the physical me that everyone else sees and judges me for. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 - Transitioning your body to align with your heart may not be sinful, but may even be a positive step in taking care of yourself, which we are commanded to do. I have trouble taking care of this temple of the Holy Spirit and would take better care of a more feminine me.”

My pastor's response: We can affirm that God looks at the heart and knows our inner life (1 Sam. 16:7 as an example). We can also affirm that God created us with souls and bodies, the immaterial and material ‘you’. The immaterial ‘you’ is referred to in Scripture as heart/mind/soul/spirit. But the question is this: when the heart/mind doesn’t agree with the physical body, which one is most likely to be right? In other words, what is most likely to be the positive step of taking care of yourself? Do you change the body or change the mind? Scripture says we change the mind, not the body. Here’s why I say that. One of the frequent descriptions of how we are fallen is in our hearts and minds, in how we perceive things, what we value, and what we believe. For example, Ephesians 4:17-18 “…you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart.” This is a sweeping indictment of man without God: our hearts and minds are fallen. We also have commands not to trust our heart/mind, but to trust the Lord’s word over our own understanding. For example: Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 28:26 Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered. Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, These and other texts show us why we can’t trust our own thoughts about who we are: we need God to tell us who we are. And he has said what we are: male and female and nothing in between. Our biological sex is what God created; it is not a result of the fall. So if our bodies and minds don’t agree, the body is telling the truth, not the mind. That means transitioning your body to align with your heart would not be a positive step in taking care of yourself, for it is contrary to God’s will for how he created you. Rather, through the word and the Holy Spirit, we gradually are transformed by the renewing of our minds.


The asthma argument My statement: “Asthma Test/Sliding Scale of Medical Care What sin is being committed by transitioning? Lying to oneself? Idolizing one’s appearances? I've never seen a good answer to this question. Only people saying It's a sin because they think it is. Is body modification like tattoos/piercings a sin? Why or why not? What about altering one's physiology like taking asthma medicine?”

My pastor's response: Here I think we need to make a distinction between the categories of sin and disability. Asthma is a disability that is a result of the fall. It is not sin itself, and the pursuit of alleviating the pain is not wrong. God intends to heal us from all disability in the new creation. We are aligned with his will when we use the common grace of medicine for that. But biological sex as male or female is not a result of the fall; it is not a disability. It is God’s design. If a person is born with a distinct bodily gender as male or female, that is not brokenness; that is “fearfully and wonderfully made.” That is not a ‘condition’ that needs to be treated. [Intersex might be, but that is a disability and not a case of gender dysphoria.] To intentionally change one’s biological sex to the opposite sex would be to reject God’s design. And as a side note, tattoos and piercings don’t change a person’s gender, so that is not fundamentally a sinful thing to do. That brings us to the big question: What sin is being committed by transitioning? It would be twofold. First, it is sin to reject God’s design for our life, to reject his choice of our gender. That is like saying to God, ‘You made a mistake, and I am going to fix it.” And that cannot be. Second, it is seeking from transitioning something that can only be found in Jesus Christ: rest for your soul (Matt. 11:28-30). That makes it idolatry, for it is seeking life from something you can do rather than from what God has done, which is to send Christ to die for you and to dwell with you by his Spirit. Consistently the Scriptures point us to Christ and all that we have in him to alleviate our distress. And many people who have taken that path to alleviate their pain, even gender dysphoria, have found the help they needed. I believe you will also.

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submitted 4 days ago by Xenia to c/trans

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

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submitted 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) by Sasha to c/trans

I was meant to record a segment for a radio program to discuss some of the unique implications that being trans can have for your mental health. We'd decided to talk a bit about how I'd ended up getting an ADHD diagnosis as a result of starting feminizing hormones, they'd made it significantly worse and I was struggling to keep up with daily life.

Now I've ended up having to put that recording off for a while because I was struggling with some pretty severe depression, but it seems like this is probably borderline personality disorder. I saw a few Reddit posts where some said they'd had noticed theirs get worse after starting hrt and I'm wondering if anyone here has experienced anything like this, or knows about research into it?

Could be any disorder or condition, it's all good to know about as there doesn't seem to be that much info out there beyond people's experiences, it could help others to hear yours. (I'll add mine to the comments)

I won't share any details on that program beyond what I get your consent for or anything reasonably vague such as "I spoke to x other people who've had similar experiences."

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submitted 1 week ago by captainjaneway to c/trans

My wife and I have life plans that make HRT unrealistic in the near future. We're mostly concerned with fertility and my wife is still coming to terms with my identity. She understands it - she's just grappling with the possible future changes.

In the meantime, I'm starting to do what I can to transition without HRT. Shaving. Exercise and dieting. Growing my hair out. Facial routines and hair routines. Etc.

I found FaceApp (like many other trans folks) and I've become a little obsessive. I take at least one photo a day and I've experimented with using the generated photos in private accounts for a euphoria hit. But I'm feeling like it's making me constantly obsess with transitioning. I'm perusing trans timelines, MTF fashion, etc. on my phone a lot more than usual. Before using the app, I didn't really have "goals". I just wanted to get as close to feminine as possible. Now, I see this other face and I want to be her. I feel trapped in this body.

Anyways, I guess I'm just venting here. It hurts to feel this way.

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submitted 1 week ago by Xenia to c/trans

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

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submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by MysticMushroom1776@lemmy.dbzer0.com to c/trans

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/43713029

Some idiot told me that I don't talk like a woman, that I talk like a man. Not that my voice sounds masculine (it doesn't) but that I "use masculine words or phrases" what the fuck does that even mean?

If there's a better community to post this please let me know and I'll delete this and post it again there.

Edit: They aren't a man, they're a woman. She definitely gave off the JK Rowling TERF vibes though.

Crossposted this here just in case anyone here has anything to add the the other community didn't say. I know trans experiences can bring new perspectives.

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submitted 2 weeks ago by Five@slrpnk.net to c/trans
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submitted 2 weeks ago by Xenia to c/trans

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

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Binder suggestions? (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 weeks ago by JayJLeas@lemmy.world to c/trans

I hope it's okay for me to post here. I really want to wear a binder but I struggle with the ones you pull over your head. I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions for ones that you can wrap around sort of? I know there are some with zips or clasps or other methods, I'm just not sure what's good. I'm a bit overweight, so I'm worried that it might sit weird or roll up or be uncomfortable, and I worry that ones with underarm fastening would be a sensory nightmare, but also that front fastening would be visible. Does anyone have any experiences to share that might be helpful? Thanks in advance.

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submitted 3 weeks ago by Five@slrpnk.net to c/trans
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submitted 3 weeks ago by Xenia to c/trans

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

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submitted 1 month ago by EmilyIsTrans to c/trans

Increasingly, authoritarians are likening ‘genderism’ to ‘communism’ and ‘totalitarianism’

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submitted 1 month ago by Five@slrpnk.net to c/trans
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submitted 1 month ago by compostgoblin@slrpnk.net to c/trans

So, over the weekend, my wife and I went back to visit our families for Easter (even though neither of us observe).  

I’m not out to my family yet and still present very masculine, although the changes I’ve made to feminize were definitely being commented on quite a bit (painted nails, shaved legs, ear piercings, short facial hair (that I wish I could shave entirely)). So I was feeling a bit insecure. And I was cuddling with my wife and was trying to be cute and get reassurance at the same time, asking like “would you love me no matter what?” Because my wife and I have an ongoing joke that we would only stop loving each other if one of us becomes a Nazi (which, obviously, neither would ever do). But then at one point she said, “…or if you were a girl!”

And I was/am just devastated. She realized as soon as she said it how badly she fucked up, and she apologized profusely. She said she was just joking and it was her autism not doing her favors with social dynamics, but damn, it’s just been echoing in my brain ever since. Like, why would she even have that thought, let alone say it out loud? That’s my single greatest fear related to transitioning - losing the people I love, especially my wife. 

But it started a whole conversation about how we’re both feeling with everything that’s happened over the past few months since my egg cracked. And it was some good, some less good. 

She’s been really supportive of the nonbinary aspect of my identity, and with stuff like trying girl clothes, but it’s starting to feel more to me that she’s not as supportive as she thinks she is. Like, once again she said “I think he/they makes sense for you, in my mind”. Which, to me, feels like it’s not her place to try to tell me what I’m allowed to identify myself as? Because I put that in the context of her being pretty opposed to me going on HRT or getting surgeries (HRT is something I want soonish, surgeries I’m more ambivalent about right now). Like, anything permanent, she doesn’t want me to pursue, and she says she would have a much harder time with. 

Part of it is because we want to have kids, and her best friend just had a baby, and her sister is pregnant, so that’s on her mind, and I am obviously a bit preoccupied with other things. And when it comes to doing cryo storage and IUI, I’m fine with that! I feel like plenty of cis couples get medical help like that, and as long as the fertilized egg ends up in a uterus, great! My wife seems adamant that she wants to conceive “naturally” though, and says she doesn’t want me to start HRT until we’re done having kids. 

I don’t want to wait another 5 years of aging with testosterone in my body. Not only would that be 5 years of dealing with a male body and all the dysphoria that entails, it would also mean being 5 years of progress feminizing that I’d be missing out on. I would like to lose some weight before I start HRT, but that’s more of a 6-12 month timetable, in my mind. 

I obviously don’t want to lose my marriage. That is the absolute last thing I want. My wife is my best friend, and I felt like since she’s bisexual, she wouldn’t have as hard a time with this. My transition is really important to me, and I feel like I’m finally living for myself and not suppressing and tailoring myself to make other people happy. And I’m not prepared to give that up. And I recognize that I might be pushing things fast, and maybe I should slow down for her sake?

I don’t know, it’s just been a really difficult and overwhelming few days. Any advice or thoughts are welcome, because I’m at a bit of a loss for answers here, and I don’t have therapy for another two weeks.

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submitted 1 month ago by Xenia to c/trans

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

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I run a small community here on db0 where I post images of the AI horde and one of the users I recently banned decided to come back on another account and spam me with hateful messages, saying they think I'm pretending to be trans and that they think I'm a pedophile. They also decided to come back again after getting banned for that and spam posts in every meta community about how they think I'm a pedophile and deserve to be banned. I don't care what your opinions of AI are, that's not acceptable. It's not okay to accuse people of being pedophiles or accuse them of pretending to be trans.

This is one of the worst days ever in a long time. I'm having a drink tonight, screw sobriety, I need it.

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submitted 1 month ago by Xenia to c/trans

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

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submitted 1 month ago by kittenz to c/trans

I recently started transitioning and it was pretty overwhelming. As to my knowledge (please let me know if I am wrong) there are few widespread studies about the practical experience of transitioning (including but not exclusive to information about hrt). Right now, for myself, some of the most valuable documentation on what to do is on reddit, specifically discussions in the comments.

Because of this I am proposing a community just for documenting and asking questions about the actual processing of transitioning. I have never made or moderated a community (and would greatly prefer if someone that knows how to do so does as I am more interested helping documentation), as I see the need for having knowledge about transitioning on an open platform.

Here is the community: !TransitionQuestions@lemmy.blahaj.zone

I would appreciate any thoughts about this and/or help to get such a project going. Especially would appreciate if there is already a community for this on lemmy.

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submitted 1 month ago by Xenia to c/trans

If you are thinking about harming yourself — get immediate crisis support. Connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat, or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

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submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by dandelion to c/trans

I was having breakfast at a restaurant, and seated at the table nearest to me were two older ladies, one of whom was loud enough that I could hear what she was saying.

She was saying "females" need to do more to reach out and grab opportunity like they used to (I assume she was referring to second-wave style women's lib, breaking into the workplace, etc.? very confusing tbh). This was after some comments about female athletes that I caught the end of, she was saying how crazy the world is now and I think she was saying now that trans women are being included in women spaces.

I'm sitting to her left, and more than anything else I just wanted to ask her if she thought I was a woman. Instead I sat and listened to her talk at her friend about how much a victim Zelenskyy is because he didn't get enough support from Biden (!?), and that the U.S. military has fallen behind other countries and we're losing arms races (!!??), how she prays to God about it all, etc.

I think there's something wrong with me if my reaction to publicly aired transphobic comments is the desire for validation from the transphobe.

First of all, she's clueless and didn't clock me so I should have some sense of whether she perceives me as a woman, and second of all, her opinion is worthless precisely because she didn't clock me.

I tell myself what I want to know is what I'm doing wrong, so I can finesse my passing or at least be aware of my limitations & weaknesses and mitigate them. I've realized most cis people (and maybe especially older, conservative, or transphobic people) notice minor gender differences less and are more likely to overlook those differences.

But maybe this is less rational and more psychological, maybe it's just more satisfying to pass in front of a transphobe, maybe it's more emotionally validating if the person who thinks the world is crazy for letting men into women's restrooms sees that "man" is a woman.

Sorry, this story feels self-absorbed. I think this is like a confessional or something.

Some possible discussion topics:

  • tips or observations on how to overcome these insecurities?
  • any stories of interactions with transphobes of your own you want to share?
  • thoughts on Biden's absolutely tragic failure as a president to provide sufficient aid to Zelenskyy in his moment of need?

EDIT: oh, and I remember her talking confidently about how the pilot who crashed the helicopter was a DEI hire

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I mean I am AFAB and I do identify as a girl but also I don't feel entirely binary. I guess I wasn't assigned Nonbinary at birth but it still feels weird to say I'm trans when I'm AFAB and present and act like and call myself a girl. I don't know, help me out here people.

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submitted 1 month ago by EmilyIsTrans to c/trans
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Retroactive fear (beehaw.org)
submitted 1 month ago by apotheotic@beehaw.org to c/trans

A person I've shared circles with and considered a friend for years, today said the quiet part out loud and spouted transphobia.

I feel like I'm experiencing years of retroactive fear for my proximity to her all at once and its incredibly overwhelming.

If anyone has any good vibes to send my way I'd be so grateful.

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Trans

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64 users here now

General trans community.

Rules:

  1. Follow all blahaj.zone rules

  2. All posts must be trans-related. Other queer-related posts go to c/lgbtq.

  3. Don't post negative, depressing news articles about trans issues unless there is a call to action or a way to help.

Resources:

Best resource: https://github.com/cvyl/awesome-transgender Site with links to resources for just about anything.

Trevor Project: crisis mental health services for LGBTQ people, lots of helpful information and resources: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

The Gender Dysphoria Bible: useful info on various aspects of gender dysphoria: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en

StainedGlassWoman: Various useful essays on trans topics: https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/

Trans resources: https://trans-resources.info/

[USA] Resources for trans people in the South: https://southernequality.org/resources/transinthesouth/#provider-map

[USA] Report discrimination: https://action.aclu.org/legal-intake/report-lgbtqhiv-discrimination

[USA] Keep track on trans legislation and news: https://www.erininthemorning.com/

[GERMANY] Bundesverband Trans: Find medical trans resources: https://www.bundesverband-trans.de/publikationen/leitfaden-fuer-behandlungssuchende/

[GERMANY] Trans DB: Insurance information (may be outdated): https://transdb.de/

[GERMANY] Deutsche Gesellschaft für Transidentität und Intersexualität: They have contact information for their advice centers and some general information for trans and intersex people. They also do activism: dgti.org

*this is a work in progress, and these resources are courtesy of users like you! if you have a resource that helped you out in your trans journey, comment below in the pinned post and I'll add here to pass it on

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