Survival is always the highest priority.

The world is changing. It's slow, but it's happening. Those who can fight are fighting for folks like you. Don't forget that they're still fighting, and don't forget that not every person can fight every battle.

We got you.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with all that, internet sibling.

Putting on a mask, even if out of perceived convenience, is not cis privilege. If you’re still trans, you’re still trans.

I’m lightly out at work, or at least it’s not exactly a secret (in how I dress, refer to myself, etc), but I’m still constantly referred to by my birth pronouns and I don’t bother fighting it, either. It’s hard navigating a society that doesn’t take you seriously to begin with, so it’s understandable to pick your battles.

This community is a safe space for a reason. Hopefully you feel a bit better after venting. You’re definitely seen and your experience is very relatable. You’re not alone. Internet hugs your way if you want them 🏳️‍⚧️🦋

Hey man, that sucks. I won't claim that things will be better because I can't know that for sure, but it does seem times are changing. When I was a kid a trans person was a punchline. When my parents were kids a trans person was a pedophile and worthy of death. The kids I work with now are aware of trans people and just accept it as part of human diversity, like hair or skin colour.

If you can't be out now then don't be, you are the judge of that and nobody should be telling you what to do. That doesn't mean the future will be like today. There may be a day where it seems more possible or you find a new friend group. You may find that you can be more flexible in that group and take the risk, making yourself more comfortable. I would recommend not closing yourself to the idea, just accepting that right now it isn't working for you and you are putting on hold for a while. We all wait for things, that doesn't mean giving them up or never trying again, it just means waiting and making the best of your time now.

Thank you so much for sharing! If this isn't the place to ventilate, then I don't know what is.

I agree with, and cannot possibly say anything more apt than, the previous commenters. You are not betraying anybody, not giving up in any condescending or deprecating sense of the word and you are not "riding cis privileges". You are surviving, period.

Give yourself time to accept your current situation. Maybe verbalize, talk to yourself, give yourself a hug. Your feelings are valid. Your needs are valid. You are valid.

Hugs are on their way, if needed and wanted. 🩷🩵🤍

Sorry to hear you're stuck in that situation, it sounds awful

I only figured out myself a couple years ago. I already hit middle age. Im not in a position to transition. I live in a place that is actively hostile to the lgbtq community. It sucks.

I know you dont want to deal with medical shit anymore, but it sounds like you need therapy. Even if it's just to have someone to scream and cry at.

I get it, cis privilege is real, for me living as a man is both what im used to, and requires minimal effort. Right now I dont have the energy for much else. Even though it hurts to know that ill never really be myself. Do what you can. Make little changes that youre comfortable with. Learn how to be a good ally.

I hate that you have to go through this sibling. Its tough out here and we cling to anything positive because if we lose that we lose us. So many of us hide just like this because of lack of support or positivity and it genuinely sucks, trans people should be able to see the sun too

This hits with me because of recent events that have me considering the same thing. Having no support is a big influence, and having a mandatory class to go to with the worst types of people has me thinking i should stop HRT. This decision deeply depresses me. I think you hit the nail on the head, it does feel like giving up. Like youve come all this way just to falter because its easier to be comfortable to be happy. Its not. Comfort comes from happiness, its not mutually exclusive. Atleast thats what ive been telling myself

You know what tho? You survived CANCER! thats huge! That means youre a tough one, and i wouldnt wanna mess with you. I think that makes you one of the strongest people i know of, and thats no small feat at all. So uplift yourself, recognize youve already been through what for some would be the hardest of times

You ever need to talk, my inbox is open. Keep your light ahead of you, and dont let the bastards grind you down ❤️

🫂 im sorry things suck right now. i was in a similar situation for a while, holding on to work as my one source of joy but not able to be out and happy as the real me. eventually the weight of it combined with work treating me badly forced me to quit for my mental health. unemployment is at least providing some time to transition more socially, which has helped my mental health a ton. im still not out professionally. im interviewing as the wrong gender because of how i present and leveraging male privilege to bypass trans misogyny in the hiring process. it hurts because i know its a lie and im being misgendered all the time, but it makes surviving so much easier. do what you need to do man. youre on the road whether it feels like things are moving or not, because you know what you want and youll take it for yourself eventually.