I don't know whether I'm butch or not, because I don't really try for a butch look. What I do know is that I don't really "get" femininity and masculinity. I can perform either or both, but they both feel like I'm acting, rather than expressing something from within myself.

I don't have pierced ears, I don't wear makeup, I don't do my nails, I don't do skin care etc, and I'm just as likely to be found in jeans and a tshirt as I am in a dress. With clothes, my goals are as few layers as I can get away with, and as easy and comfortable as possible.

I know I've sometimes felt like the odd one out, because I don't really connect with femininity, but on the other hand, I've been in the community long enough to realise that every one of us has an something that doesn't fit the narrative, and we nearly all struggled with feel disconnected because of it. These days, I still scratch my head and wonder what I'm missing, but I don't feel disconnected or othered because of it. I've been in the community long enough to know that it's my community, and to feel it in my bones.

It kinda feels lonely as a butch transbian. Most transfemmes go cute/floral/alternative. I love wearing my cargo shorts and pants. Tank tops that show of my impressive delts and biceps muscles. But I switch it up with dresses and skirts sometimes. Half half or full femme because I still got that need for it.

I am so grateful for the boob job that health insurance paid for. It gave me the confidence to do most of that.

I am rarely in spaces where cis lesbians are, never really interact with them. I feel a bit alien around them. I grew up very differently than them. Noone forced feminity onto me as a child.

I love skirts, and camisoles, and anything and everything pink. But, I also love looking androgynous/masc-ish.

External factors like passing* do suck, but I think that'll get better with time, and so will my dysphoria (grow faster, breasts!)

I really love femme clothing, and I greatly enjoy wearing it. If that excludes me from being a butch, so be it: I don't really care that much.

As for compliments, I like being called a pretty girl :3 I've also experimented with being called handsome, or being referred to as a boy. It doesn't feel bad like it did earlier on. Maybe I'll be a butch someday.

* I know, I know, it's stupid. Please inform me of an alternative to the term, if you have one.

@PurpleFanatic

I‘m not shure, if i‘m fitting in your question or how good i‘m fitting.

I‘m a bit irritated about your wording „butch transfemmes“ but it can also be a thing with my not nativ semi-good english.

I understand „Butch“ as mostly lesbian but always AFAB who feels good in male-cloth and „transfemme“ as AMAB with opposite preferences.
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