Edit: If you're missing family support check out our twin community !dadforaminute@lemmy.world they're really inclusive and they'll step in
no i have to tell them they are cute and loved
We highly appreciate this.
🏳️⚧️ - the only flag worth going to war
Nice flag you got there!
:3c
My mother told me last night that she’ll never give me she/her, as “she knew what she gave birth to,” and that I should consider myself fortunate that she’s trying to use they/them on me.
My pronouns aren’t they/them; my pronouns are she/her.
https://reductress.com/post/they-them-pronouns-suddenly-easy-for-person-misgendering-trans-woman/
I'm so sorry. I genuinely don't understand why people see they/them as a compromise. It's just misgendering.
It's gender-nonspecific.
While I agree that using it while knowing the chosen pronouns of someone is a dick move, “they/them” is what you use when you don't know.
Yes, that's true. There are situations where it can be a sign of respect, I agree.
However, as a binary trans woman, it'll never be that simple for me. If I get they/themmed by a stranger who doesn't know, I spend the entire day worrying about what I did wrong in my presentation to not be simply referred to as "she" that time.
This isn't anyone's fault. No one's a mind-reader. And overall I think this practice is good, though not without some minor criticisms that probably aren't worth mentioning since it would take an essay to unpack.
For me it means “not clearly someone who gets offended when I don't use their assigned-at-birth pronouns”.
I use it by default for anyone reading in any way leftist or alternative or queer or in any other way cool.
I'm not cool then lol.
I'm sure people other than me have different heuristics!
Point is that they/them is a perfectly fine set of pronouns to use by default for everyone, with no implied judgment.
I get gendered more when I wear a they/them pronoun lanyard, but had to add a she/they pin so people would stop apologizing for she's.
There's no good answer that's going to work for everyone, I just wish the world was kinder about speaking up for ourselves.
Got something similar from my mom, who told me, that she will not bother getting used to my new name/pronouns since I'm not visiting that often .__.
One up her and never visit until it's at the funeral.
Would like to do that, but can't since I'm financially dependent on them (my parents; both are equally unaccepting) and will be for the next few years.....
Also I have not given up them completely.
I get that family is complicated. There is nessesity, and there is hope for the future. I wish you the best this holiday.
It’s all terribly complicated to navigate, isn’t it?
Makes me want to push her away again, and I’m fighting my base instincts from doing just that.
That's rough mate, she's your mum and you need her to be supportive. Christmas is symbolic and she's not even going to try at Christmas. You're her daughter and you deserve to have her support. You don't need to be grateful to someone who is misgendering you, and her thought processes are totally wrong.
Have you checked out !dadforaminute@lemmy.world they're substitute family for people that don't have the one that they need. They're really inclusive
I mean, I’m also forty years old and getting by with the help of my wife, so I think at the end of the day my mom is a nice bonus to mood and happiness, but not strictly necessary. I’m trying to keep up good relations, but what she said last night fucking hurt.
I get that totally and it's really hurtful. No trans+ person should ever hear that from anyone especially not their mum
Let's compromise and do what you hate.
Why does it always feel this way though?
Or like I'm always defending something someone else did or said.
I see. So your mom just wanted to go on record that she's wrong. Twice. And wants to continue being wrong because her pooping out a person gives her... Ownership?
I'm just not going this year. My parents voted for trump and the last time I went home they were disappointed in me getting some piercings (ear lobes and septum). I don't know what they'll do when I tell them I'm an audhd, bi, trans woman. Something tells me they won't approve.
lobes are LITERALLY the most common piercing, and septums are FULLY INVISIBLE if you want em to be. they were being dumb and i bet your piercings look fucking awesome on you ^^
Piercings in the septum?? Yegads I may have to ban you for that, the horrors!! But seriously... I'm sorry your family won't accept the real you. You're amazing for finding the real you in the middle of all that shit and being strong enough to own your true self. ❤️
Japanese Jesus Christ on a Cracker. Reading some of these comments guts me.... I I'm afab, nb but so tall and thin that since 12 I've looked "suspicious" for a woman. Because of that I'm deeply in tune with the trans-fem issues and part of the struggle. I can't imagine having to deal with the family pushback and shit on top of everything, dammit. u_u and I've questioned my gender a fair bit as it is so, I kind of know that part as well. I'm sending a big hug to all of our trans sisters in this comm. And fuck the transphobes!
Tall NB AFAB trans allies rise up!
My house is open to any trans peeps who need a family for the holidays ... but I live in the middle of nowhere so that's of limited use ...
Don't actually fuck them though, I can't imagine it's a good time. Those people are incapable of shutting up.
All trans people can eat Christmas dinner at my house
(I don't have a lot of food but we can try)
Love this comment! It genuinely is what Christmas should be about
Oh so I brought this obsidian dagger for nothing? And my building's elevator is really tiny with a 'tall people need to be skinny' weight limit; how the fuck do you think I got this stone altar up here?
Fuck you and your prescriptive bullshit.
Am I welcome too? I'm not trans :(
Sure stranger
My wife's side of the family is weird. We don't have to go to their Christmas, but we did get dragged to their pre-Christmas party, which is supposed to be just for the couples with kids, who get together and then the kids make cookies. My wife thinks it's my mother-in-law's revenge because we can't have kids. We were so out of place there.
So many Christian relatives. So many weird looks. One person asking if my wife's hair is real. (It is.) But we did get ourselves cookies by ourselves after the party, because the Christmas cookies weren't for adults 🙃
One person asking if my wife's hair is real. (It is.)
Oh, I so badly want to know why they asked.
I'm 50/50 on afro, or blue. EDIT: probably not the former since its your wife's famile...
Just straight, brown hair, oddly enough. I think some people don't really know the difference between drag queens and trans women, and then assume that all trans women wear wigs because drag queens tend to.
that all trans women wear wigs because drag queens tend to.
??? That- just doesn't make any sense. Yeah yeah bigotry is always irrational yadda yadda but why the hell would anyone think that? Like, with drag it makes sense, because they need to be able to "turn it off", but a woman who dresses and presents herself as a woman 24/7?
A lot of ignorant bigots think that trans women are "advanced gay"
They can't be asked to tell the difference.
I haven't heard of that, but if it's similar to leaving everyone alone then I'm on board.
I'm blessed to have a very accepting family, with a few notable, and easily avoidable exceptions.
Not going to be seeing any of them this year, which is quite nice.
I am not out to my extended family and it is like having the social equivalent of a nuke in my back pocket. I could cause a major diplomatic incident whenever I please! The only issue is that I'd really rather not...
My best friend's partner is trans.
The three of us had drinks and grub in his (my friend) local pub.
this year is the first since we cut my mom out of the family. Also the first one where I'm a woman. We can't afford much with the divorce, but it's gonna be 100% worth it 😊
The holidays are super rough. Thank you for making this post.
You're welcome you need and deserve our support right now
I'm with my inlaws, and it's pretty much unironically dandy. Wore them down with puns over the last 10 years or so
Leave them alone? So... no huggies?
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