this post was submitted on 23 Dec 2025
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It's gender-nonspecific.
While I agree that using it while knowing the chosen pronouns of someone is a dick move, “they/them” is what you use when you don't know.
Yes, that's true. There are situations where it can be a sign of respect, I agree.
However, as a binary trans woman, it'll never be that simple for me. If I get they/themmed by a stranger who doesn't know, I spend the entire day worrying about what I did wrong in my presentation to not be simply referred to as "she" that time.
This isn't anyone's fault. No one's a mind-reader. And overall I think this practice is good, though not without some minor criticisms that probably aren't worth mentioning since it would take an essay to unpack.
For me it means “not clearly someone who gets offended when I don't use their assigned-at-birth pronouns”.
I use it by default for anyone reading in any way leftist or alternative or queer or in any other way cool.
I'm not cool then lol.
I'm sure people other than me have different heuristics!
Point is that they/them is a perfectly fine set of pronouns to use by default for everyone, with no implied judgment.
I can get behind that. Have a nice day!
I get gendered more when I wear a they/them pronoun lanyard, but had to add a she/they pin so people would stop apologizing for she's.
There's no good answer that's going to work for everyone, I just wish the world was kinder about speaking up for ourselves.