Fine i guess. Stressful amounts of schoolwork, tests etc. waiting next week, and ive barely been able to study. A massive need for love and touch is turning me feral af. Like these thoughts have just been hanging on rent free for a week now with no end in sight. Feeling so fucking miserable during the evenings especially, but atleast my trusty body pillow is keeping me company.

I have a sinus infection that i started to feel the beginnings of during thanksgiving dinner, couldn't get to sleep till like 4am that night. I think I'm through the worst of it now but I'm still pretty stuffy and foggy.

Being bedridden does seem to make me very aware of being uncomfortable with my own body shape 😶

Very, very good! I received news that bottom surgery will be in three weeks, what the hell? Someone canceled and they basically told me "we have this one spot in three weeks or else you'd be in July" so I obviously went with "in three weeks". This means I'll spend Christmas and New Year's Eve in a hospital at the other end of the country, but I'm not that bothered about it. Christmas with family is a hassle anyways since transition and I hate New Year's Eve. I already have some friends who want to come visit me during the hospital stay and I'm currently very busy with life admin to try and not have any missed appointments in the recovery period! Life has turned around completely in these last few weeks and I couldn't be happier about it. I'm in absolute bliss and so, so relaxed. Though there is that nagging feeling that something will go wrong last minute and I can't have surgery. But realistically, there's nothing that could go wrong. I'll take extreme care of not catching a cold before, my train is booked for a day early, the date is set.

i've discovered that i'm on a biweekly cycle of moods, one week i feel ok-ish and productive, next week i'm depressed as hell. i don't know what causes this "cycle" but my guess would be the endocrine system.

this week was a "sad" week, couldn't really focus on things, there's not much to say about it

got an appointment with my therapist on the 3rd of this next month, i'm going to tell her about my chosen name and ask for hrt. i don't care how i'll hide it's effects, i just don't want to disassociate all the time

looking forward to next week!

also guess who's top of their class!!!

Better, still stressful.

Not bad, and I'm one week closer to the comforting embrace of the grave