You lost me at "retirement".

You mentioned it, and have thus cursed yourself to more printer troubles.

5. Just the slightest bit goofy

I legit have a playlist called GSD (Get Shit Done).

I never got around to filling it up with songs 🙃

Nintendo smiles at this.

Spicy version, they hit the bun with pepper spray and yell "stop resisting"

Nope, not following any routine or anything. so far the extent of what ive done is a good amount of cardio on an elliptical machine and lunges on a weighted lunge machine (no idea what type the one at the gym i go to is called, couldn't find it on a google images search) that had a sticker on it saying it works the Glutes. I guess i'm focusing certain muscle groups like legs and back (and my ass, of course)?

All the ones at my gym have stickers that show the muscle groups they focus.

Edit: I will say, the pain/soreness got drastically better after the 4th or 5th time going regularly. I stopped taking ibuprofen for it. Regular joint pain also improved. It was worth it for that alone and I'm a little mad about it taking me this long to start going.

I'm about 240 pounds and almost 30 so really need to lose weight and actually be reasonably fit. My parents are at the age where lack of exercise really caught up to them, so that kinda scared me into action.

Celeborn twerking in the background for Galadriel

Probably other brits...

Worse, these ones can show their face in the sun.

I regularly pass by a house with a giant "He Won" flag with string lights in the front window thats been there since 2020.

The palantiri (Tolkien) are not evil. Literally just a magic viewing orb.

I'm baffled the Tolkien estate didn't sue them into oblivion for using the name.