More like, "are you sure?"

Are you really sure?

Okay, but, like, are you for real sure?

Sure, just… confirm your password

Confirmation code sent to your phone

Now, log out and back in, to be sure

You sure, right? Didn't change your mind?

Okay, confirm link sent to email

Okay, but, like, take a look at what you'll be missing. Are you really sure?

Oi, I'll let you in on a secret: we got a very special deal, just for you. How about that? Sounds good, innit? How about we stop this silly thing and get back inside, so you can enjoy this sweet, sweet deal?

Aight, get it. You hate good deals, and don't care missing out on what we have to offer. Please call us at 0118**************** and explain thoroughly why exactly you're leaving. Btw, can we get that written as well? Just, y'know, a little dissertation on the matter. Just mail it over to our headquarters

Aight, just so you know, we'll have to charge a little account deletion fee. Standard procedure, here.

Hate to see you go :(

We'll miss you tons. Come back anytime!

*marks account inactive*

I cahn't believe you've done this.

It costs the company millions a year but at least no poor person gets anything for free.

That pings your phone, you confirm that, which dispatches a dermatologist to your location to confirm your identity via birthmark. She hands you the frequency of a unique Chilean numbers station, you tune in to that and it reads off the one-time passcode you can use to login.