Disassociate and make funny small talk while i internally have an anxiety attack.
Pro move.
Classic cousin of the "realize a week later they were hitting on you and you blew it monumentally"
A week? What is this, professional hour?! Try a few years.
The best way to talk to a woman is to treat her like a person
Bingo. My approach to this is being really honest. Just tell her you're interested and how you're interested. See where the conversation goes from there.
Bitches love cheese.
Real talk though, a wine and cheese date is amazing especially if you get wild with moldy cheeses and you both end up laughing at each others “weird cheese faces”
Make them laugh, easy day.
Become a ball of anxiety, never talk to them, remain alone.
"Hi, I'm an ultra boring nerd girl. I'm on several Fediverse platforms. ...No, I don't know Nicole. Please don't follow me. No seriously please don't."
I'm not very good at socialising, sorry
swoon
My technique is to not be interested in the person. Not like ignoring them or being mean or anything. But... when I like someone, I get all shy and awkward around them and I tend to screw up any attempt at socializing.
If I'm not romantically interested in them, I can be myself, which I've been told is naturally very funny and flirtatious.
Every person I've ever dated was a friend long before I started a relationship with them, because I took the time to know them and eventually developed mutual feelings for them. By the time I was asked out, I already had deep respect for them and felt comfortable being myself around them, so dating was just the next step in our relationship.
And yes, I've always been the one asked out. I asked out a girl once, and instead of just saying no, she made a public spectacle about how creepy I was and how she would never date me. I was extremely shy back then and my failed attempts to approach her apparently came off as me creeping on her, so by the time I actually worked up the courage to talk to her, she gave me a traumatizingly public "hell no." I never asked anyone else out again after that. I've dated close to a dozen people in my life and every single one of them asked me out.
You hear about Pluto? That's messed up.
Being near them for 4 years as a casual acquaintance and hoping they eventually initiate something.
And how's that going for ya?
This would be a huge turnoff for me, letting me know I'm dealing with an immature conceited person. Maybe forget "techniques" and be real. If they like you they do, if not who cares? Someone else will.
I hate flirting. I just don't understand it. It's this weird social dance that no one explains but expects people to understand. It all feels hypocritical that comes with unreasonable expectations.
The biggest source of frustration for me comes from the fact that I have to act in a way that says I am interested while not saying I am interested. That just does not work for me.
I don't flirt. I don't even try. I don't want to be with someone flirty because from my past experiences, flirty people are also not straight forward about other parts of their true selves.
Flirty people also misinterpret a lot of my actions as a result of me not understanding flirting as well. Many flirty people from my experiences have assumed I am flirting. I was just being nice. I was treating them like a person. Just like I treat family like people. And friends like people. And strangers like people.
As a not flirty person, the number of times people have pushed me up against a wall and kissed me, or just jump to kissing me has been way more than I ever expected out of life. Each time has been equally confusing. I wasn't flirting. I was just treating them how I wanted to be treated.
I have no advice to give but I have some thoughts to share from my life experiences. People like being treated like people. People who make mistakes. People who have their own thoughts and feelings. People who are themselves. I've made more genuinely close connections with people, intimate or not, by just treating people as people. And it's really something as simple as that. Also having a genuine smile helps quite a bit too. When I smile because I'm enjoying the moment, I notice that it draws people towards me. It's a type of energy that draws people in and it makes me feel even better about myself too.
I can relate to everything you've said here. You seem like a genuine and decent person, one I might like to have a conversation and exchange ideas. You seem like a person who, of our ideas on topics don't align perfectly or at all, would make arguments that would be worth considering.
Thank you for letting me know you exist. I already feel richer, for it. 🪷
Maybe forget "techniques" and be real.
For many people, being playful, like on OP's example, is being real. I'm a playful person. I have generally been a class clown my entire life, and I'd even say it's a pretty core part of my personality and my identity.
I've been married over 10 years, with kids, and I still do this kind of stuff with my wife. I enjoy being silly with my kids, too.
And when I was dating I'd rely pretty heavily on humor for flirting throughout all stages, from meeting a stranger to setting up a first date to being on a date, to going on multiple dates. The other person's laughter was an indicator of whether we were making a connection. And then, later on, I learned that I could expect my partner to be funny too, and actively make me laugh.
Being fun and flirty is a legitimate strategy for making sure you have the opportunity to connect with people. It is, in itself, attractive to some. And it might be unattractive to others, but it's better to be attractive to some and unattractive to others than it is to be forgettable and unnoticed.
If they like you they do, if not who cares?
I think this is a pretty naive way of looking at relationships. Connections require some level of effort, especially in adult life. As much as we'd all love to just naturally have friendships, romantic partners, and other relationships just fall into our laps, that's not really how that works. Most connections require a bit of work to find others, to find commonalities, to develop interest, to have some give and take of making a deeper connection, to have some vulnerability and growth and change as that stranger becomes an acquaintance and develops into someone close.
For younger people, especially under 30, looking for a partner isn't just about looking for someone they like now. It's also someone they want to grow with and experience things together with.
This is true good advice. Being your actual self, while not always producing results will give you an actual connection when it's real.
The thing is flirting is expected. It's part of the communication. If you are not obvious enough things will not move on
Aybe a good way to get a foot in the door as an ice breaker.
Once there, you can do the actual communication, no?
I don't think this is really a good way though. Perhaps with some small subset of people. I also don't believe in repeating the same jokes every time. The delivery starts to feel too professional after a few repetitions and it shows the communication is not authentic.
Prize, not price. And thinking unrealistically high of yourself will only attract low self-esteem girls. If that’s your thing, great for you.
The best strategy in my experience is being yourself, not artificially bending towards what you think will look attractive. Self confidence is more attractive than narcissism, at least for my type of girl.
is being yourself, not artificially bending towards what you think will look attractive.
If I'm understanding you correctly. Those things aren't necessarily exclusive to each other in my opinion. I am constantly thinking of something funny to say because I like saying funny or flirtatious things. And you can learn these things, yet still hold true to oneself.
Yes, there is overlapping. You make an effort to say funny and witty things, partly because you think it will make you look smart, hence attractive, and partly because you enjoy making her laugh. Which part is the biggest influences how confident you seem.
The closest I've ever gotten to intentionally flirting and it succeeding was playing "Questions Only." with someone who didn't know I was playing this. My friend, who dared me to play, had to tell the target my name since I couldn't say my name since I had to respond to everything with a question.
So, um, learn to listen?
"Didn't I already tell you my name is HobbitFoot?"
In my experience flirting effectively has been about being open to possibility without becoming attached to any particular outcome. Someone sent me this video as a joke years ago and I've come back to it dozens of time because there's a lot of truth hiding behind the silliness. We view flirting as thing you do, but I prefer to see flirtatiousness as a mindset I sometimes embody. https://youtu.be/B4g-IlGtpZg
What a cool video, thank you!
Completely ignoring and never talking to them.
Her: So, you want anything to drink?
Wait are you hitting on them at their place of work, as a customer? Don't fucking do that.
as a customer?
No, no, as her supervisor.
Ok, that's funny. I'd go on a date with you.
So, tell me, have you ever seen a grown man naked?
Do you like gladiator films?
Step 1. Spend stupid money on a supercar rental
Step 2. Drive up and down the high street. Getting stuck in standstill traffic is a plus so i can rev my engine next to the ears of the shoppers
Step 3. Profit??
Actually nevermind, i never actually do this and walked past a lot of this recently and it makes me wonder
Ever seen birds doing their best to attract mates?
That is what they are going for and it is just as obnoxious.
Like a Peacock with glass packs.
Here is my favorite technique:
"First treat a woman like a person, then a princess, then a Greek goddess, then a person again." -Shawn (Psych)
Treating some like a person first is really the most important thing. Everything else is optional but people like to be treated special for a while before being a person again.
For guys, saying "hi".
For girls, I have to go hunting a Dragon with the sword of King Arthur to be considered worth of a cup of coffee.
Must a be one hell of a coffee.
I show her my card collection.
Be best friends with her for yyears. Then literally just look at each other, shrug and say "Meh...might as well fuck".
I'm kind of bad at actively flirting with someone. My flirting technique is to be interesting to look at while I listen intently. But it's kind of worked out for me so who knows?
be interesting to look at
Do you mean, like, facial expression, makeup, or...?
I find that cringe tbh. Just be curious about the other person and talk like a human, not like a creep. Asking shit like "are you trying to get time drunk?" might sound funny to a man, but it is a legitimate concern for women and makes you sound like an arrogant teenager.
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com.
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
