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submitted 4 months ago by Wahots@pawb.social to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
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[-] neatchee@lemmy.world 65 points 4 months ago

No, it's not socially acceptable. Yes, I wish it were. I don't know if I'd go for full on snuggling but I come from a physically affectionate family and in general wish people were more comfortable with that kind of thing

[-] fmstrat@lemmy.nowsci.com 7 points 4 months ago

I mentioned in my other reply that my hiking group hugs when we meet, which started as a joke when the women did, then stuck. Now, when someone new joins you can feel the emotion of missing out when they arrive, and the acceptance when it happens as they leave.

Next time a mixed gender group meets, and the women hug the women and men, etc, start a ridiculous laugh and pretend to hug one of the dudes. If he does, you may have started a trend.

[-] TranscendentalEmpire@lemm.ee 6 points 4 months ago

No, it's not socially acceptable. Yes, I wish it were.

Like, does this mean you are afraid of other people you don't know judging you, or that you or your friends find it socially unacceptable?

Either way that seems to be more of an individual problem rather than a social one. I am physically affectionate with my friends and have never been confronted about it by a member of the public , not that I would really care if I were. People be dumb, I'm not going to let someone else's projected homophobia dictate my friendship.

[-] neatchee@lemmy.world 7 points 4 months ago

That it would be viewed as awkward and unwelcome by the other participants. Consent is key, yo

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[-] tfowinder@lemmy.ml 34 points 4 months ago
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[-] Chairsareoverrated@lemmy.world 31 points 4 months ago

Wait, so you all are telling me that you don't kiss the homies goodnight?

[-] Fern@lemmy.world 30 points 4 months ago

I'm a big hugger. I wish that there was more affection between men, I often worry I'm making other men uncomfortable and then in turn I get uncomfortable about it. The whole thing makes me far more stressed than I wish it did honestly.

[-] Nachorella@lemmy.sdf.org 13 points 4 months ago

There's one guy in my little group of friends who is an unapologetic hugger, even though the rest of us don't really hug he'll always hug everyone goodbye. I'd say it's possible some guys don't enjoy it, but I actually really appreciate it about him, it's nice getting a hug and sometimes I really need one.

For anyone who really doesn't like it they can always offer their hand first, but on behalf of all the guys who need a little affection from their buds sometimes I wanna say thanks for being there for the friends who need it. Even if they never say so I'm sure some of them appreciate it.

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[-] friend_of_satan@lemmy.world 20 points 4 months ago

Hugging, definitely.

Snuggling, maybe? Like maybe we both fell asleep in the back of a van and ended up snuggling a bit and when we woke up we're not weirded out by it.

Wrestling, maybe, but it would probably be with kids or pets around. I can't remember doing it but I wouldn't be weirded out by it.

It wasn't always this way though. I was raised southern Baptist. Becoming OK with male physical interactions and homosexuality was a journey, and I am much happier with how accepting I am now than when I said I was as a Christian who had this low-key hypocritical "I know the truth of god and accept everybody" while also looking down on sinners.

I have a gay friend who came to visit me and we went around the city and to a house party and had a great time and then fell asleep in the beach. The next day he said "that was one of the best dates I've ever been on" and it caught me off guard because I was just "hanging out", but if it had been a girl, it would have been a great date, and I thought "ok, sure, it was a 'date' with a guy friend and that's ok." It was a big step for me.

[-] HonkTonkWoman@lemm.ee 16 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Not really a response related to the post prompt, but more your comment…

I grew up on a farm in rural NC. Graduated college with a film degree & headed west to LA. I wound up rooming with a friend a from high school, his girlfriend, & her friend from fashion school…

…who turned out to be a 6’7”, 225lbs, gay volleyball player & ex-cheerleader from Korea.

My friend only knew me as the little redneck kid who used to throw rocks at rabbits & swore too much growing up. He lectured me on behaving around a gay man & really made a big deal about not being ass to our roommate.

4 years later I transitioned & got my first makeup lessons from that roommate. He became my drag mom 🤣

Time is a mindfuck sometimes…

[-] interrobang 6 points 4 months ago

Thats a super cute story 😁

[-] Dirk@lemmy.ml 17 points 4 months ago

I dislike touching people or being touched. Not that I have a phobia is suffer from, I just don't like it and try to avoid it when possible. So no, I am not physically affectionate with other friends (male or female alike).

Before there was a pandemic, touching people for welcome or goodbye was common (i.e "shaking hands"). But fortunately this is no longer the case. There are still some disrespectful and non-considerate persons around who want to touch you just to say hello, but they're in the minority.

[-] Trollivier@sh.itjust.works 17 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Hugging yes, but with a very limited range of friends, and I don't have much.

I'm okay with a guy initiating a hug, but sometimes it takes me by surprise. But it's a good surprise.

I feel it's acceptable, just doesn't happen often.

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[-] MigratingtoLemmy@lemmy.world 17 points 4 months ago

I can't seem to shake off the loud "It's Gay" inside my head when something like that happens. Now if it's a kid or a senior at work patting me, sure no problem. Occasional hugs upon meeting friends after a while, handshakes etc are fine. Anything else is too awkward for me

[-] eldavi@lemmy.ml 5 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I can’t seem to shake off the loud “It’s Gay” inside my head when something like that happens.

a very small part of me is glad i'm gay when i encounter one of the many ways that straight men are so terrified of being perceived as gay. it's a bit like watching the video of a child freaking out in shallow water because he couldn't touch the ground only to be corrected by being pushed into standing; except that this casual homophobia has MASSIVE impacts on people's psyches and how they treat others.

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[-] Squirrel@thelemmy.club 15 points 4 months ago

Nope. Nope.

I don't mind a hug, but I have zero desire to snuggle or wrestle with my friends, male or female.

[-] Blizzard@lemmy.zip 14 points 4 months ago
[-] datavoid@lemmy.ml 13 points 4 months ago

I have friends I will happily hug if we've been apart for a while.

Snuggling definitely sets off some kind of panic reaction in me however. Also, when unknown guys get too close, fight or flight immediately kicks in.

I'm sure there is nothing to unpack there.. nothing at all

[-] andrewta@lemmy.world 13 points 4 months ago

No I'm not.

And honestly I'd say no I wouldn't want it to be.

[-] verdigris@lemmy.ml 12 points 4 months ago

Hugging, definitely. No playful wrestling since high school, and what there was there was definitely more motivated by competition and testosterone than affection.

As for snuggling, I wouldn't want to snuggle with anyone that I didn't have at least some sexual attraction to, unless I was in serious emotional distress and just needed it for the reversion to childhood. So I don't snuggle with guys. I don't know of many straight women who snuggle with their platonic friends either, beyond like sharing a blanket for a movie.

[-] ggwithgg@feddit.nl 12 points 4 months ago

Yep, a greeting hug when you meet a friend is very common here. Sometimes it is a handshake with pat on the shoulder, or just a handshake.

Don't really think about it much

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Hug long term friends if not seen for a while or if any of us need a hug.

Wrestling and snuggling, erm nope.

Me and my homies always put kisses on texts and have for a decade at least. We will tell each other we love each other too.

[-] FookReddit69@lemm.ee 12 points 4 months ago

I'm not physically affectionate with anyone. I hate to be touched, especially by men.

[-] Reygle@lemmy.world 11 points 4 months ago

I haven't had anything beyond a hug from my mother in 10 years.

A boss of mine some time ago would sneak up and pat me on the back, scaring me most of the time. Back then I hated it.

These days something like that would make my whole week.

[-] moonburster@lemmy.world 11 points 4 months ago

Hugging yes, "playful" wrestling no. When we wrestle we do it hard and I 8/10 times come home bruised

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[-] Modva@lemmy.world 11 points 4 months ago

Snuggling? Uh, that's a hard no. I can't imagine that. I'd be extremely uncomfortable.

Hugging? Yup, lots of hugging in my friends and family.

I don't wish for more physical affection among males, seems good as is.

[-] aphlamingphoenix@lemm.ee 10 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I am bisexual and somewhat poly. With some of my friends I have a more publicly physical/intimate relationship. We may hold hands, hug, or kiss. In private, we cuddle and... do other things as well. I imagine the straights of Lemmy will largely tell you they don't cuddle their male friends while the queer folk will give a different answer.

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[-] ristoril_zip@lemmy.zip 10 points 4 months ago

Is the implication here that adult women snuggle/wrestle with their friends? Outside of porn videos?

[-] Wahots@pawb.social 7 points 4 months ago

Not necessarily. I've noticed female friends tend to be much more adept at physical affection on the whole. Men tend to have a much wider range, with some hugging you (male) like a 2x4, whereas others shimmy over to you and rest their head or arm around you on a chairlift.

Mostly, I wanted to hear how male-male friends and family treated each other physically, without the complication of SOs or romantic partners fuzzing the responses (since people tend to already be physically affectionate with romantic partners).

It's been really interesting to hear, the responses are much more diverse than I was expecting, and it's really heartwarming to see.

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[-] hperrin@lemmy.world 10 points 4 months ago

I hug my friends. I don’t want to snuggle with them.

[-] Grimm665@lemmy.world 10 points 4 months ago

I (from the US) visited my cousins in Italy, and as we were driving around, my cousin and his best friend were joking back and forth in Italian, and it ended with him just kissing his friend on the cheek out of nowhere. It was very cute and entirely non sexual lol. Got a kick out of it since i don't really see that at all in the US.

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[-] teawrecks@sopuli.xyz 10 points 4 months ago

When I was in highschool, it was normal for everyone in my mostly male friend group to greet each other with hugs. I remember my dad saying he found it weird. Didn't change anything.

[-] AFC1886VCC@reddthat.com 8 points 4 months ago

I'm not no. I'd give my buddies a hug if I haven't seen them in a while, but that's really it. I think it should be more socially acceptable but I don't personally feel like anything is missing from my own relationship with them. It's fine for me how it is.

[-] SnotFlickerman 7 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Somewhat. Hugging yes, snuggling no, playful wrestling when certain friends are particularly drunk.

Yes, I do wish it was more socially acceptable

Frodo and Sam should be fucking role models, especially the book versions who were even more deeply close than the films.

I mean, honestly, for fantasy, the entire Lord of the Rings series is replete with strong men expressing emotion in healthy ways to deal with the horrors of what they were facing. They sing deeply loving songs for fallen comrades, notably Boromir even after he makes a grave mistake, already forgiven, while giving him the best of funerals they can (In their song for Boromir, Aragorn even calls Boromir beautiful[^1]). They cry for one another and feel great distress at the suffering of those in their fellowship. They carry each others' burdens up to Sam literally carrying Frodo up Mount Doom. Anyway, they weren't unwilling to show physical affection or speak highly of another's beauty.

[^1]: "His head so proud, his face so fair, his limbs they laid to rest," In every context of Toklein using the word "fair" in LOTR, it has been taken to mean "beautiful."

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[-] DV8@lemmy.world 7 points 4 months ago

I do more than playfully wrestle with my friends. As I do BJJ. I actively try to choke them out or try to break their limbs or try to tear their ligaments apart. It's very fun for all. Though while it's open to anyone I do get most people wouldn't enjoy it. It's personally physical to the extreme since on top of the close physical contact you're also sweating all over each other to the point sweat dripping in your eyes or mouth will statistically happen at least once.

Honestly if you feel like you miss playful fighting with friends, do a trial class of it.

[-] hexabs@lemmy.world 6 points 4 months ago

Very poor phrasing at the start there.

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[-] MudSkipperKisser@lemmy.world 7 points 4 months ago

I was just watching Love Island (don’t judge) and noticed two of the guys who are very good friends were sitting with their legs sort of crossed together. Like the way girls who are close friends would. It stuck out because you don’t really see that much but I was like hey that’s pretty cool, kinda more masculine (at least from my girl perspective) than guys that are all afraid to touch each other

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[-] JayDee@lemmy.ml 7 points 4 months ago

I'm becoming more comfortable with shoulder pats n shit, hugs too. Wrestling isn't my jam anymore. Gimme a dagorhir sword, or some other foam sword and let's have a no-holds-barred swashbuckle.

[-] KRAW@linux.community 7 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I hug my guy friends when I haven't seen them in a while (e.g. my friends who live far away). Snuggling is super weird, and I don't know of any guys who have done that. Feels like if I did, my wife would not be very happy. Affectionate fighting seems just over the top. Seems like something limited to children and movies.

I think the amount of physical affection I get from other men is fine. Don't really need more

[-] Wytch@lemmy.zip 7 points 4 months ago

No, I don't have close friends. I prefer not to touch or be touched anyway, particularly by other men.

I don't mind if it became more socially acceptable, probably would be healthier overall. As long as it's also acceptable to be able to request no touching.

[-] jol@discuss.tchncs.de 7 points 4 months ago

I have hooked up with several of my friends, we cuddle often, and are not afraid so show affection, but we're all homos so I guess that's less odd. But I have met straight guys who are very confortable being platonically affectionate with us. I feel like society prevents me from being touchy out of fear of being called gay. It's not gay to lay your head on your bro's lap. Those thick tights are comfy af.

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[-] random_character_a@lemmy.world 6 points 4 months ago

Local culture is not touchy feely, but we have no problem being naked around strangers in sauna/spa environment.

[-] match@pawb.social 6 points 4 months ago

buddy I'm a furry I'll hug strangers

[-] Aussiemandeus@aussie.zone 6 points 4 months ago
[-] JimmyBigSausage@lemm.ee 6 points 4 months ago

You guys have friends?

[-] Decency8401@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

In my culture, it is almost weird for men to have feelings. Everybody knows that men aren't emotionless machines, but they sometimes forget that. So you can guess that hugging a man as a man is somewhat weird. Before COVID, it was common to give handshakes; after that, pretty much every interaction stopped. Yes, I would really wish that it became more socially accepted. Because I think, When everybody interacts on a physical level, people will be less tense and more relaxed.

Edit: Well I need to correct myself, I think it is not really a social problem, but it rather is a me problem. I'm not very comfortable with touching somebody so it could be that I've been ignoring those interactions for years.

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[-] MudMan@fedia.io 5 points 4 months ago

I don't do that with anybody, normally. People of all genders will sometimes give you a hug here if it's been a while or if they're happy to see you. Cheek kissing is mostly a women thing, though.

[-] vritrahan@lemmy.zip 5 points 4 months ago

Hugging as a hi and bye, yes. It is okay in my country.

[-] Naich@lemmings.world 5 points 4 months ago

An occasional hug if we are drunk enough, and I don't want anything more than that.

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this post was submitted on 18 Jun 2024
203 points (100.0% liked)

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