It was a good week! Mostly because last night I went to a concert and dinner dressed up. First time out in public and while at first it was nerve wracking it ended up being a good night!

This is my first time replying to one of these threads, but I've been doing fantastic!!! I have been experiencing what I would consider real "gender euphoria" for the first time in a big way! (after 6 months HRT lmao) It might not sound like much to some, but I have reached a point that I am feeling more confident with the idea of "coming out" to more people IRL, including my mom who I plan on coming out to next time I see her. I already came out to one coworker I particularly trust, and I finally changed my name and pronouns on discord, so some ppl that I'm not out to yet will see it. And my 2-year-old daughter has taken it upon herself to start calling me "Mommy Daddy" most of the time which feels super great. So yeah! Good vibes all around!

edit to add that I got invited to be a nonbinary friend's "Them-maid" in their wedding, which is (1) my second time ever being invited to a wedding, (2) my first time ever being part of someone else's wedding, and (3) probably the first and only time I'll ever feel 100% comfortable wearing a dress in public.

My wife and I decided on how we want our son to call us. She'll be mama, and I'll be wama, like Mario and Wario.

We have a recurring joke in our family where lots of things get called wa-something when it's different, not just bad like the original name implies.

It's small, but was super validating especially since she is the one who pushed for a new name for me.

Enjoying the wonders of capitalism. Just got the last payday before rent is due, and I need new shoes. New balance apparently no longer makes the only "reasonably affordable" shoe that fits me (at a low $200, genetic lottery tax) in any color other than bright gray. Oh and it's an "updated" model so it might not fit me now anyway.

Tonight I dropped a plate and a shard somehow nicked my big toe, I'll have to see how that looks/feels in the morning. Was hyping myself up to start going to the gym, so I guess I was due to somehow injure myself and put a stop to that.

I'd like to not feel broke, for like, a week. I bet it feels nice. Haven't had savings since I moved out of my parents house, any time I try something happens and I have to spend it.

Heeeeelp. 🤷

Pretty great so far!! Back in my hometown, which of course brings some mixed feelings, but I'm hanging out with my sister (also trans) and her furry friends. went to a rave for the first time last night, went out riding motorcycles with em today. We had a really rough go of coming out near when I saw her last so it's just amazing seeing her really grow into herself, feeling the same myself too, and seeing more of her world. Also queer people are just cool as hell and maybe I'm a furry now? 🤔

My week is good! Weather is warmer over here, so I got to try out some of my new summer outfits, which was very affirming. I also took some measurements to determine my cup size, which according to the calculator is 32DD. Pretty pleased with that! I know cup size is meaningless without band size but it is funny to tell my friends that I have double Ds lol.

Other than that, just been gardening and working like normal!

Follow up on that post about my depression healing plan. Tldr fell back into hole after hrt euphoria, made a plan with all my issues causing anxiety. 3 page long list.

Applied SMART. Looked at it and genuinely asked myself if I wanted to give up or give it another spin. Would be stupid not to given that hrt has had such a massive mental impact and I want to see where this is going.

I've been chipping away at it and feeling progress. I've also been reaching out for help here and there. It has created a few minutes of space here and there but in all honesty I am anxious 24 7. Which is good in a way because before hrt I didn't feel anything at all and it's motivating.

What was rather funny was that I forced myself to go to the cinema and watch Dune and I had a deeply peaceful feeling during that movie, but I also felt a strong anxiety at the same time. I didn't know that was possible!

Tomorrow I'll visit a district help team to see if they can help me writing a letter to get my tax fine forgiven. I might ask my gp to write something to proof that I've been utterly sick before hrt, which got in the way of my responsibilities.

It's gonna take months but I know it'll get rid of my anxiety, giving me space to focus on healing emotionally.