Non-binary seems like it could have several non-compatible meanings, so I wanted to list some of those meanings and see if there are any others out there I don't know.
One way I could think of non-binary is as being a kind of third gender category, like there are men, women, and non-binary people. In this sense of non-binary a butch woman who considers themselves a woman would not be non-binary because they are a woman.
Sometimes non-binary is used like "genderqueer" is sometimes used, as a generic description of anyone who doesn't fit perfectly in the narrow confines of the binary genders (i.e. men and women). In this sense a butch woman could see themselves as a woman, but also as genderqueer and non-binary, as they do not conform to binary gender norms for women.
Another way non-binary seems to be used (related to genderqueer in its historical context) is as a political term, an identity taken up by otherwise cis-sexual and even cis-gendered people who wish to resist binary gender norms and policing. In this sense even a femme cis-sexual woman might identify as non-binary. Sometimes this political identity label might come with a gender expression that cuts against the gender expectations for the assigned sex at birth, but it doesn't have to. (I recently met two people whose gender expressions matched their assigned sex at birth but who identified as non-binary in this political sense.)
I was wondering what other meanings of non-binary are out there, and how they are commonly used.
Note: gatekeeping what is "really" non-binary seems pointless to me, since I agree with Wittgenstein that "language is use".
I know people get heated about policing what a word means (and I am guilty of this myself), but in the interest of inclusion, pluralism, and general cooperation in our community I think we can find a way to communicate with overlapping and different meanings of a shared term.
Non-binary is an umbrella term that covers a wide variety of experiences.
Within the umbrella there's more specific identities and language people might use if they want.
Many don't want. Umbrella terms, like the very broad meaning of "Queer" are very useful for people that don't feel like explaining or justifying who they are is needed.
Makes sense, I think being an umbrella term makes it a rich environment for a wide variety of meanings. I guess it's not surprising then that we would end up with radically different accounts of what it means to be non-binary.
Sometimes it seems to me that "non-binary" as the broadest umbrella term might technically fit everyone, since there are always ways that people diverge from a strict set of gender norms.
You could, the reason people generally don't is because people get to choose their own labels.
Yeah, there is a pressure to conform to social expectations, so if anything people who experience dysphoria are more likely to try to identify as cis than the other way around. I guess the exception to that is in subcultures where an environment is created where the values are inverted, like what Julia Serano describes in Whipping Girl as subversivism: