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How's your week been?
(self.trans)
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this post was submitted on 31 Mar 2024
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I'm a few months into feminizing HRT, and while at the airport I was referred to as a lady by an elderly woman working at a pretzel shop. I'm in that awkward in-between state where I get gendered differently by different people.
Right now my biggest struggle is updating my mental habits (the way I think of myself and thus interact is still rooted in trying to pass as a man) and mustering the courage to practice and use my new voice in public.
I just hit 2 months for HRT and am already noticing I'm starting to hit that awkward stage. The voice challenge is huge. I can't help but feel like I'm talking to my toddler when trying it out, lol.
Have to be conscious not to overly patronize strangers when they pick up their trash or are polite (Good job buddy! I'm so proud of you for cleaning up after yourself!)
Today my vocal coach is going to be teaching me how to add more breathy -ness to my voice after resonance so it doesn't sound so nasally and pingy.
Hope you're doing well Dandelion ❤️
For me it's hard because most contexts for practice are not with strangers, but with people who knew me before transitioning. Psychologically it's much harder for me to use a "fake" voice with people who know it's fake than to practice feminine speech patterns with strangers who might not know better where my "normal" masculine voice would threaten passing.
Unfortunately my speech therapist already says I'm doing a great job and wanted to reduce frequency of lessons, but I feel overwhelmed by this and like I'm entirely failing to modify my voice. The problem seems to be more psychological than technical. :-(
I hope your vocal lesson goes well - it can be a lot of fun to learn new techniques and experiment with them!
Oh I get that :/ I still can't really practice in front of my wife which is definitely an issue I need to work on because I can't just... Drop it on her ya know? She even told me she couldn't handle that mentally, lol which I don't blame her for.
It's really hard practicing your voice in front of those that know you are intentionally trying to change it.
oof, it would be a punch in the gut for me if my spouse said they wouldn't be able to handle practicing with them. It also makes me wonder what they are thinking about the long term, you know ...
I've heard of someone whose spouse told them to only use one voice (the new voice) and not switch back and forth, but that seems almost equally problematic to me.
I've been looking for advice on how to overcome the mental struggles with practicing the voice, here are some things I found (mostly just laying them out for myself, but maybe sharing them here will be useful to someone):
Oh no! Sorry, I didn't word that well. I meant my wife doesn't want me to just start using my new voice one day out of the blue without giving her some time to adjust.
She is very supportive but is also going to miss my voice as I work on it. So I need to gradually kind of work on it with her present that way she can be a part of the journey and get used to how my voice will change. Does that make more sense? O.o
That is a great list and I find it useful :) it does take a lot of work to get to a point where you're happy with your voice but it'll be worth it (I hope) 😅
oh, yeah - that makes more sense, and maybe that's what I would have inferred if I weren't so tired when I read your message, my bad 😄
That actually seems like a great situation because it promotes practicing with your spouse! Maybe they can give good feedback and being involved they can go through the adjustment with you.
These are such big changes, it's a lot for anyone.
Another resource I have outside the stuff mentioned in the /r/transvoice subreddit is The Voice Book for Trans and Non-Binary People, though I haven't finished reading it, so I'm not necessarily recommending as much as just mentioning it in case it helps you.
Thanks! I'll definitely check it out :)
I just hit my three month mark for HRT. We're almost twins
Congrats friend! Have you noticed many changes yet? I don't know much about tHRT because well, I already went through male puberty and it just wasn't for me :P
But I'm interested to know what some of the first changes folk tend to notice on T :)
I'm on a low dose cuz I don't want my voice to change too quickly and damage it, but the first thing I got in the first couple of weeks was significantly improved mood. I'm still way less depressed than I used to be even three months later and haven't changed my lifestyle at all. Had ADHD medication issues which did impact it some. Got some belly hairs and my leg and arm hair are getting slightly thicker and darker. I have more acne than I used to. My face looks slightly more masculine. My voice has occasionally started to crack and feel different. I stink way more now and sweat mainly in my armpits. The main thing I want is body fat redistribution but that hasn't come yet, unfortunately. Always have to wear shapewear so I don't get debilitating dysphoria around the bottom half of my body. But hey, something's better than nothing. I'm so thankful I finally get to be on T.