submitted 8 months ago by Xenia to c/trans

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[-] onevia 3 points 8 months ago

Oh I get that :/ I still can't really practice in front of my wife which is definitely an issue I need to work on because I can't just... Drop it on her ya know? She even told me she couldn't handle that mentally, lol which I don't blame her for.

It's really hard practicing your voice in front of those that know you are intentionally trying to change it.

[-] dandelion 3 points 8 months ago

oof, it would be a punch in the gut for me if my spouse said they wouldn't be able to handle practicing with them. It also makes me wonder what they are thinking about the long term, you know ...

I've heard of someone whose spouse told them to only use one voice (the new voice) and not switch back and forth, but that seems almost equally problematic to me.

I've been looking for advice on how to overcome the mental struggles with practicing the voice, here are some things I found (mostly just laying them out for myself, but maybe sharing them here will be useful to someone):

read books aloud while practicing your voice
join an online community (like a trans voice discord) and practice there (Zheanna Erose from TransVoiceLessons would practice her voice while playing CS:GO)
find an IRL trans group where you can practice your voice in a non-judgmental zone, or otherwise make friends with whom you can regularly practice
when feeling insecure, motivate yourself by reflecting on the fact that sounding the wrong gender is the default, and it takes work to change that
commit to practice the new voice full-time and always use it (this is obviously the hard part, and I might as well just be saying "just do it" at this point)

[-] onevia 3 points 8 months ago

Oh no! Sorry, I didn't word that well. I meant my wife doesn't want me to just start using my new voice one day out of the blue without giving her some time to adjust.

She is very supportive but is also going to miss my voice as I work on it. So I need to gradually kind of work on it with her present that way she can be a part of the journey and get used to how my voice will change. Does that make more sense? O.o

That is a great list and I find it useful :) it does take a lot of work to get to a point where you're happy with your voice but it'll be worth it (I hope) 😅

[-] dandelion 3 points 8 months ago

oh, yeah - that makes more sense, and maybe that's what I would have inferred if I weren't so tired when I read your message, my bad 😄

That actually seems like a great situation because it promotes practicing with your spouse! Maybe they can give good feedback and being involved they can go through the adjustment with you.

These are such big changes, it's a lot for anyone.

Another resource I have outside the stuff mentioned in the /r/transvoice subreddit is The Voice Book for Trans and Non-Binary People, though I haven't finished reading it, so I'm not necessarily recommending as much as just mentioning it in case it helps you.

[-] onevia 2 points 8 months ago

Thanks! I'll definitely check it out :)

this post was submitted on 31 Mar 2024

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