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Reflecting on my transition hiatus (self.mtf)
submitted 5 days ago by possumparty to c/mtf
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An analogy: knowing that I'm transgender and unable to transition due to my career is like water dripping into a cup, there's a few drops in there already, enough to cover the bottom, enough to go "well, there's definitely something in there" but sometimes random waves of dysphoria come and drip more into the cup. The tap is usually dripping, sometimes it doesn't drio, but usually it does. Eventually, that cup fills all the way up, and it starts overflowing, that's when it becomes too much to ignore, and it's sitting right there in front of you demanding you to do something. Sometimes you can dump some water out, sometimes you can nearly empty the cup, but there's always some drops left in it.

I think I need to get back in touch with my doctors, but the US is a hostile place and I'm stuck in a progressive industry surrounded by right wing chuds. My company has a strong DEI policy, but it's still a tricky position to be in knowing that even in the early days I'll still have to change in a locker room with co-workers and breast growth/shaven legs are hard to hide. I'm considering just going with compression tanktop and a compression sports bra with cooling base layer pants in the summer. Idk, being a thirty year old technician on an offshore rig while dealing with all of this is intimidating.

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[-] dandelion 21 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

All I will say is that you should take whatever steps you can towards transition, especially getting on hormones (doubly so if it turns out they help your mental health, which is common).

You don't have to socially transition immediately, and it is smart to pay attention to locker room interactions, etc.

You might also need to recognize the trans stuff won't go away and it is worth considering that when charting the course of your life - maybe consider a career change, make concrete plans that allow you to transition.

Be smart and aim for your well being, you don't have to make any drastic or immediate changes - but be persistent in making changes in the right direction and investing in your well-being.

If the dysphoria is too much to handle and progress is too slow, you might have to take more drastic changes - but you will probably always have wished you went on hormones earlier, so my advice to anyone is to start HRT as soon as possible.

In my experience, living as a man socially was easier to bear than being in a male body and having large amounts of testosterone coursing through my body, ruining my brain, etc. Some of the urgency of transition might be stemmed by alleviating enough of the dysphoria with HRT.

I wish we could culturally come to a place of recognizing that HRT is not the big or final step, or even a permanent commitment, but instead it should be the first step, a diagnostic step, and recognize it as the very low-risk and low-cost step it is.

And it doesn't require you take everything on at once - I know people IRL that have stayed on HRT for years and haven't socially transitioned, who live and work in conservative places.

Anyway, the U.S. is still objectively one of the best places in the world to be trans, we enjoy greater rights and greater access to gender affirming care than in most other countries. Yes, there is a trans moral panic right now, yes we are a scapegoat of a far-right administration that increasingly disregards the rule of law and the constitution, but for now trans healthcare is intact for adults and they haven't succeeded in criminalizing us yet.

And we have to remember that until very recently it was much worse than this, trans people continued to exist and transition even in the 1970s in the U.S. when most jurisdictions had laws on the books that criminalized "crossdressing".,

Like I said, the trans stuff won't go away - so it's best to recognize the reality of the situation and take steps to secure our well-being.

[-] birdwing 7 points 5 days ago

can rec starting with hrt asap!

social transition is indeed not something u need to do immediately;;; safety first

[-] ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org 4 points 5 days ago

start HRT as soon as possible

Yup. The question to OP is: are you willing to risk large aerolas? Other than that, taking estrogen has no lasting effects if you decide to take a step back.

[-] dandelion 2 points 5 days ago

even those permanent changes could be addressed with surgery later on, but I generally consider that permanent enough to feel like people should be warned the first 2-3 months are the trial period with estrogen, after that you risk having enlarged breasts

[-] possumparty 3 points 5 days ago

hey, thanks for taking the time to reply!

It's been about five years since I was last on estrogen and spiro. I can't necessarily recall a ton of mental health changes at that time due to being in a less than preferable living situation but I recall being really excited about having some breast growth and some lactation.

I didn't do a lot of social transitioning around that time either so can't really comment on how that would go for me. I know that the majority of my coworkers are transphobic and that they're not necessarily accepting.

Dysphoria really comes in waves, sometimes I don't think about it at all, and others it's on the very forefront of my mind. I'm looking into reaching back out to our DEI representative and asking for some advice within navigating this within my technician role, or possible new career avenues within the company as we're a global fortune 100.

HRT is definitely in the cards due to living in an informed consent state in a fairly progressive city, but it's still tricky trying to navigate living with everyone for weeks on end and not being able to do much about it. Even when I was on HRT I was still socializing as a man so that wasn't anything too crazy, but yeah, as I get older I start seeing more thicker body hair growth and I'm pretty unsatisfied with all that so I'd like to kinda nip that in the bud. I do IPL for hair removal and that works great but hormonal hair is a bastard to try to evict.

It's just y'know, again, living with the people and needing to use a locker room with them that makes it so intimidating. I don't want to cause damage to breast tissue with binders but I'm not sure how else to navigate that one comfortably when it's almost required to wear a short sleeve at certain points of the year. Same with being mostly hairless in the body department.

I don't think that HRT will be restricted in my state, but I also do a lot of international travel for my job and I have some concerns about ports of entry being a gender non conforming person when it comes to ICE harassment and foreign countries border controls. I'll figure something out. Every time I walk by a store and see a cute outfit I'm just internally dying a little bit..

this post was submitted on 27 Sep 2025
46 points (100.0% liked)

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