Before I discovered 4t4, I was mod in small trans community in matrix, but I left because I hated how everybody had too much toxic positivity. And they were banning everybody all the time. I just couldn't handle that. I hate seeing people banned for minor offences. I like teesing, expressing opinion even if it's against majority and not beeing affraid of that.

Later I tried IRL support group. That one smelled from the start, Even before first session, I've got like 4 e-mails and in every single one was mentioned it's "safe zone", and no bigotry will be tolerated, and even before session started IRL, we were notified about that 3x. It was very unconfortable, first, I'm huma, I'm trans, I understand that I have to be nice to people, and I do always try to be better to people than they are to me, that's my rule of thumb. But if somebody is saying to me several times that I have to abide rules, and how I should behave, I feel it at first as personal attack, that they by default asume everybody is a* hole, and second, I feel like they are giving me warnings that other opinion than theirs is not welcome there.

First people I felt like at home were 4t4. I personally don't share lot of their opinions, but they never let me feel bad about that. It was also great place to vent, because I knew everybody felt as I do. And one thing that I really liked tha they are activelly trying to separate fetishes from lgbtq (or at least from T). which I can't say about r/mtf on reddit.

oh, and IRL, this weekend I was on pride... one one hand it was very nice to see tranners from around city. but also, when I see trans 3m on E looking way way way better than i'll ever look... It didn't felt good. like, durrung pride week, I cried at least 2 nights. (not sure what's happening with me past few weeks, I feel like I'm starting to spiral)

though fair warning, I have found IRL support groups even more toxic than online spaces. It's important to go anyway and make connections, especially to find people in your local community - this is a good way to find safe doctors and other service providers (e.g. hairdressers, etc.).

Thanks, I was looking at femcelmemes... I think it's closest.

But also... I don't wanna just stupid memes... What I need is this emotional connection with people struggling and reading their venting posts.

I was also thinking, I would just create here on blahaj.zone my own, write manifesto there, I would hope that Admins would not jusge it from the start, and while I don't expect anybody would lurk, I would at least use it as a blog for venting.

and !femcelmemes@lemmy.blahaj.zone (which is the closest we have I think)

You almost got it.

It's !196@lemmy.blahaj.zone