cross-posted from: https://beehaw.org/post/21928426

I spent so much of my life trying to shout my truth loud enough that no one could take it from me. I thought if I didn’t fight for every inch of who I am, the world would snatch it back while I slept. Maybe I wasn’t wrong. Maybe that fight was needed for me. But him? He doesn’t shout. He doesn’t bargain with the world for permission.

He just is.

He knows who he is in a way I never did. And in that calm, he’s teaching me a freedom I never thought possible: the freedom of not needing society’s permission.

Still, I am terrified. I watch laws get drafted by people who’ve never met him, never sat across from him at breakfast while he laughs about Pokémon or asks for more syrup. I watch grown adults spin cruel stories about kids like mine, and I want to roar, raise my fists, stand between him and a world that wants him small, hidden, undone.

He just shrugs. They can’t make me not me, he says.

He’s right. Laws can make his life harder, crueller, less safe, but they can’t strip him of who he is.

I saw and was upset by the way trans men are treated in some of the other trans spaces on this platform about a month ago, and it has been making me think about yall a lot. It made me do some introspection about my own experiences, and I realized that trans men were either not present or not visible in the male spaces I (a cis man) was part of growing up. I saw another meme about gender affirming male lonliness, and it hit me with a "bro, you're just like me" kinda vibe.

My conclusion is that like... I want to try to more proactively accept and advocate for trans men. This is somewhat hampered by the fact that ive never known any trans men well, and I dont really know much about your experience. Bluntly, I'm a bit ignorant and I'd like to change that. I've got a few questions that I'll list below, but also like I'd love it if you want to just say hi and chat and tell me about yourself. Anyway, here goes

1. Do you engage in or participate in traditional male spaces?

2. If yes to 1, are you open about being trans in these spaces? Do you feel excluded or discriminated against in these spaces due to being trans?

3. If no to 1, do you want to be part of these spaces?

Finally, I want to apologize if this post is offensive. I promise that is not my intent, and if i am being offensive it is purely out of ignorance. If you do find me offensive, I would hugely appreciate if you explained how and why I am being offensive so I can try to learn from it and do better in the future

I try to be open about the fact that I’m trans on apps like Feeld, but it attracts an annoying amount of straight dudes/straight couples looking for fun.

Grindr is basically just guys looking for sex.

Taimi seems to want you to pay for everything, and it also seems entirely straight dudes.

I’m not really into the bar scene. I used to do art classes and stuff but I’m broke now and those are mostly women.

If you haven’t read about Lou Sullivan, you are missing out. Getting access to HRT and surgery was historically contingent on you presenting as heterosexual and conforming to rigid gender expectations. Lou fought against that, he fought for gay trans men, and really trans men in general.

I have a copy of his diaries, which inspire me when I read. It’s transness as desire rather than rejection. That above all the want to be a man, rather than the movement away from being a “woman.”

Not me, but if you’ve been following the drama, they removed this post about the unique issues we face as “divisive.”

It fucking sucks. There’s been a lot of discussion in other trans masc spaces about “transandrophobia” and this seems to absolutely demonstrate it. We aren’t treated seriously in spaces that should be welcoming for us.

People assume “trans” means trans woman. Spaces for trans people are often for trans women. Jamison Green wrote a while back about us not really having our own community, decades ago, and it still feels true today.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/28783084

How trying to define ourselves or others define us by assigned sex at birth doesn't serve us and is generally oppressive and incorrect, both scientifically and socially.

Is it legal in the US to get mail delivered to your chosen name when you haven't changed it legally?

Ever since I was around 16, I started to feel different. I had this urge to become really buff and more of a tomboy. While this itself doesn't indicate me being trans, and I was very much a woman, I then started to feel like I wanted to take testosterone at the end of age 16/beginning of age 17. However, I was still a minor and my parents would have thought (and I thought right that they would say this) that it would mess me up forever, even if I'd still be their kid.

Lately, I created a persona, a sort of manifestation of my thoughts: a persona named Oliver. He's how I express my urges and feelings. My feelings to be a buff prince or some sort of gentleman. I know I for sure want to take testosterone.

when i was around 7 or 8, i was convinced i was actually born a boy and my family was lying to me. i wanted short hair too. i didn’t like to wear dresses or stereotypically girly stuff and i wanted to wear men’s clothes. i wanted to hang out with the other boys and it always seemed like the “boy world” was more my thing at that age than the girl world i was expected to enter.

content warning: transphobia

i don't get why there will be some people will be like "i don't care what trans people do, it doesn't hurt me" but then constantly make fun of them, bully them, make memes about them, and talk about how trans women are men (since i see it with trans women especially). seriously, as a transmasc enby, you don't have to accept ME specifically but i won't talk to you. even though you should accept people, if you don't, at least try to be nice and don't make memes about them and bully them and call them delusional. i feel like i can feel their hateful personalities through the screen, ugh. be polite and show respect.

if i'm expressing myself, for example, why do you have to bring me down? i'm NOT hurting you. and why does it matter their assigned gender at birth? all that matters is how they identify now. respect should not have to be earned (though i believe it can be lost through people who intentionally hurt others, etc.). all people have irreplaceable value and deserve respect.

sometimes i feel like my mannerisms are too girly/unpassable even though im a guy (a trans one or under the umbrella like the community im posting in), like i know it doesn't mean anything, but someone told someone they wouldn't pass as male if they used emojis like 😭 or ☺️ even though my bf uses them all the time. idk, i know im a guy and there's nothing wrong with femininity, but still, this is a lil rant i guess

i always try to affirm other people’s gender and accept all people. however, this one person who harassed me, i blocked and can’t ask them directly. they used to be known as a girl named emma but they then said they were a guy with he/him pronouns named ethan. however, they then said that they were a troll and that they weren’t really a boy, even though they changed their snapchat avatar to a boy according to my fiancé who saw their profile and blocked them subsequently.

i’m using they for now but i will call them ethan whenever referring to them because that’s what their display name stated.

i’m still learning btw, don’t be rude pls 😓

Maybe some sort of hero who can save his princess (my gf) from danger? Hmm...

When I was 8 years old (I also have autism), I was different from the other girls. Not just because of my autism, but because I didn’t want to be like a girl. I was convinced that secretly, I had male parts. I could be like the strong, tough boys I saw. I didn’t want to be feminine and “put on makeup like a girl”.

I got my hair cut short and I was so happy. I looked like a boy. I would enjoy feminine stuff, like playing with dolls and wearing dresses, but I wanted to be like I thought my dad was: a tough, strong guy.

When I was 10 or 11, the feeling happened again. I wanted to be like my favorite make characters. A cool rockstar. I wanted to use he/him pronouns. My girlfriend at the time didn’t like that, but we broke up and we were both immature and toxic to each other at that age.

I didn’t mind wearing a binder, which I did when I was 12 with my dress. I forgot why.

I was trans as a teenager until I detransitioned one day because my girlfriend at the time was mean to me for it, along with this guy I was friends with.

At age 15-16, I started to use he/they pronouns, and started to identify as a bi, then straight nonbinary transmasc.

Starting when I was 17, I was more of a nonbinary fem type.

Now, I’m probably nonbinary but I’ve been identifying as a woman because it’s what most people see me as, but I’m questioning.

Am I feminine? Am I a woman? I showed signs of wanting to be a boy, am I transmasc? I know many trans people wanted to be the opposite gender as a kid.

right now, i feel more transmasc and like a guy with he/him pronouns named viktor. can you try it out on me so i can “taste” it? thanks!!!

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/27212381

We created a new community for all Trans and Queer people to ask and answer more personal and intimate questions! Hope this helps!

!tquad@lemmy.blahaj.zone

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/27207610

Is there a community here that's more appropriate for trans/queer folks to ask and answer more personal and intimate questions? If not would y'all like one created?

i know everyone knows it’s pride month but i like celebrating it as a transmasc enby :) 🏳️‍⚧️

Be sure to hit ‘Continue thread’ each time when you get to it, it continues further than Bluesky loads! I found the whole thing very thoughtful and knowledgeable.

Ralph was a mixed race guy who was living as a husband to a woman named Mamie in 1906, but eventually took a liking to a gal named Dorothy and decided to get proper married. Wisconsin had a eugenics test (eugenics was hella popular in the US - that’s where the Nazis learned it from) you had to take before you got married.

Ralph passed the blood test with zero problems, and got legally married to Dorothy. Mamie got jealous, and then outed him to the authorities.

I’ve been reading True Sex: The Lives of Trans Men at the Turn of the 20th Century. We have always been here.

got my consult for FMS recently and i was told something interesting: apparently, if i hadn't used braces to straighten my bite, we could have done surgery to bring the jaw forward (and improve my jaw/chin), instead of doing an implant (which i will now have to do)

kind of hit me like a "how the fuck was i supposed to know", but maybe this advice will come in handy for one of y'all

Okay so. Not sure if it's an age thing, or a hormone thing, or a me thing...

I'm post hysto + oorpho (not due to transition but cancer scare) and I've been on hormones for a few years now. Late 20s.

I CAN'T HANDLE SPICY FOOD ANYMORE. I was okayish with peppers and ginger before. Now my mouth explodes if I even get a whiff of the stuff.

Anyone else have changes?