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submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by PeterPoopshit@lemmy.world to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world

I like women. I like the shape and curves of the female body. I like boobs, I like asses, I like pretty vaginas. I also appreciate and am aroused by a nice cock. I'm however not otherwise attracted to the male body. I like femboys as long as they have a feminine-like shape and curves, as many of them do.

WTF is my sexual orientation?

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[-] Today@lemmy.world 120 points 9 months ago

I once read a personal ad - "single white female, 8 inch clit"

We have too many labels. You're a human who knows what you like today. It's ok if something totally different floats your boat tomorrow.

[-] WeeSheep@lemmy.world 36 points 9 months ago

That is the best thing I've read all day. 10/10 personal ad

[-] Talaraine@kbin.social 15 points 9 months ago

Totally agree. I'm not sure why everyone focuses so hard on determining how many letters there are in their alphabet. 5 years from now it might be totally diff. It would be so refreshing if people simply said "Here's what floats my boat today"

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[-] ada 88 points 9 months ago

Strictly speaking, that's simply bisexual. Femboys are boys. That being said, there is no "correct" answer here that anyone else can give you.

The correct label is the one that helps you navigate the world and your own needs the best. If bisexual fits, congrats, that's it. If it doesn't, it's not, and your search continues :)

[-] insomniac_lemon@kbin.social 10 points 9 months ago

I wouldn't say bisexual makes sense categorically for anyone who dislikes half of the masculinity/femininity spectrum. I mean it is a bit different with femboys, but I also suspect attraction there is very superficial (esp. if the look uses silicone body stuff) and likely wouldn't work as much in-person especially on a relationship level.

There is the term gynephilia, though I also don't expect something like that to be casually mentioned/understood/accepted. In which case, no good answer I guess.

[-] ada 35 points 9 months ago

I wouldn’t say bisexual makes sense categorically for anyone who dislikes half of the masculinity/femininity spectrum.

Bisexual is simply someone that is attracted more than one gender. Nothing to do with masculinity or femininity, so in this case, as I said, it's a perfectly acceptable label. But if it doesn't help the OP navigate the world or understand themselves, then it's not the right label for them. If gynephilia does help them, then that's the right term.

[-] vexikron@lemmy.zip 7 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Its not bisexual, assuming bisexual means in this context a biologically born man who is equally sexually attracted to gay men and straight women, or bi men and bi women.

It also is not pansexual, as there's clearly /I don't actually have equal sexual attraction to literally anyone/ going on.

I am actually like this too, have been for a long time.

Now, I do not want to presume to speak for this person, so the rest of this is just me.

Maybe they can chime in and agree or disagree.

Absolutely not attracted to men, of any kind of presentation.

But... I'd love to fall in love with a woman who could peg me, or a transwoman. I'd fellatio a transwoman's unit no problem. But not a gay man, or a bi man.

So... by that, we've got what used to be called basically a kinky guy?

And while I am an lgtbq ally (or arguably member), Ive always been comfortable with my own male body, and basically present as a cis male.

So, its some new kind of sexuality/gender there is not really a name for yet.

At least for me, it isn't femboy, as I have 0 interest in being essentially a feminine cross dresser with very submissive personality traits and cutesy uwu affectations.

I have nothing against femboys, but I personally would not be interested in a romantic or sexual relationship with one.

[-] ada 32 points 9 months ago

assuming bisexual means in this context a biologically born man who is equally sexually attracted to gay men and straight women

Bisexual doesn't mean that... Bisexual means someone who is attracted to two or more genders...

At least for me, it isn’t femboy

The OP explicitly said they're attracted to femboys, so their experience is different to yours.

The only person who can say whether bisexual is the right label for the OP though is the OP. But if they feel it fits, it fits exactly the experience they've described.

[-] vexikron@lemmy.zip 6 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Hrm, every self professed bi person I've ever met described themselves the way I described them as, likewise with every pan person.

Didn't realize the the definition of bi had changed.

Today I Learned, I guess.

I'd call that polysexual, if it means attraction to 2+ genders, though I get that the term comes from back before gender itself was really widely critically analyzed.

And of course polysexual would be confused with polyamorous.

But yes, you are correct this is the modern definition, so I guess I am bi then.

But I'd never like identify openly as bi, because, again, everyone I've ever met /not on the internet/ would think that means I like dudes and gals.

[-] ickplant@lemmy.world 19 points 9 months ago

Bi has never meant “equal attraction.” Have you not heard of the Kinsey Scale? There are multiple levels of bisexuality.

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[-] ada 12 points 9 months ago

It hasn't. The bisexual manifesto, going back to 1990 for example, said the following

Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or dougamous in nature; that we must have "two" sides or that we MUST be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don't assume that there are only two genders.

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[-] Diotima@kbin.social 6 points 9 months ago

Bisexual is defined as attraction to more than one gender, where gender is a component of the attraction. So if you 96% like one gender, 3% another, and 1% yet another, that's bi. If you're 60/40, that's bi too. Bi = multiple genders where gender plays a factor. It has never meant only 50/50.

Pansexual is attraction to people where gender doesn't play a role. Pansexuals' patterns may look like a bisexual's patterns because they date across genders, but the attraction matrix is different.

Finsexual (Gynesexual) is attracted to feminine traits generally. Whether penis or vagina, it is the femininity they like. I can speak to this as this is me. I like feminity, not necessarily women particularly. I use bisexual as shorthand because most people "get" that.

Solid definitions:

https://queerdom.fandom.com/wiki/Bisexual
https://queerdom.fandom.com/wiki/Pansexual
https://queerdom.fandom.com/wiki/Finsexual

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[-] livus@kbin.social 54 points 9 months ago

Idk, sexual orientations are just labels we make up to make sense of the world.

"Femmesexual" sounds kind of cool though.

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[-] doggle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 44 points 9 months ago

I guess you're some flavor of bisexual as you are attracted to some men (based on the femboy remark) though you've got a distinct preference for femininity even in men. If you go scrolling through old Tumblr posts long enough you'll probably find a term someone coined back in 2013 for your exact orientation... But, like, IDK man don't overthink it. If anyone asks just say whatever feels right in that moment, straight/bi/pan/whatever.

And remember saying you identify with a particular orientation isn't some huge commitment. Saying you're bi (for instance) doesn't mean you're attracted to all men, and no reasonable person would expect that. We all have preferences within our orientation.

AITA?

No. You're figuring it out. It's okay to not have all the answers

[-] Septimaeus@infosec.pub 10 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Edit: dear learned and thoughtful internet friends, here “sexual” functions as a self-deprecating double entendre, the thinly veiled meaning of which is “attraction irrespective of sex or gender” or, in the common tongue, “colossal whore.”

So I am altering this comment for clarity. Pray I do not alter it any further.

If anyone asks just say whatever feels right in that moment, straight/bi/pan/whatever.

Especially in mixed company, my go-to is *-sexual where the wildcard * is silent. Those who don’t know will hear a non-answer to a rude question, but your friends will recognize it as candor.

It also sidesteps the tiresome bi/pan distinction and avoids the least favorable option: “straight.”

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[-] 0x2d@lemmy.ml 41 points 9 months ago

the joy of scrolling through everything feed

[-] taiyang@lemmy.world 7 points 9 months ago

Me too. Alllll the way to the bottom of Lemmy we go ..

[-] SVcross@lemmy.world 33 points 9 months ago

What you are today is not what you'll be tomorrow. Let yourself be. You don't owe explanations to anyone about what you like.

[-] Cowbee@lemmy.ml 27 points 9 months ago

Sexuality is a spectrum that doesn't have clean boundaries. Some people exist in an area that could be considered "straight," for example, but there aren't hard walls blocking straight people from leaving or queer people from entering.

The less you try to define your sexuality and the more you try to be comfortable with liking what you like, the happier you'll be.

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[-] swiftcasty@kbin.social 26 points 9 months ago

why would you be an asshole for being attracted to cock?

[-] copymyjalopy@sh.itjust.works 26 points 9 months ago

Hey I've got the same preferences as you. I just go with bisexual and call it a day.

[-] callipygin@reddthat.com 7 points 9 months ago

I will second this ^

[-] Buffalobuffalo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 24 points 9 months ago

You get out there and suck a few girl cocks. Only then will you know the truth of your desires. I mean how bad could it be? Personally wouldn't worry about it. If the dude who's cock you're sucking thinks you're not gay then I would trust him.

[-] no_kill_i@lemmy.ca 22 points 9 months ago

Congrats! You're human.

[-] Flip 20 points 9 months ago

What incredibly enough hasn't been brought up yet, is the distinction between gender preference and genital preference. In heteronormativity they're assumed to be the same, but in reality they're not. This way of thinking also lends itself to the flexibility you're describing; note the word "preference".

[-] Adderbox76@lemmy.ca 17 points 9 months ago

I long ago decided that is humans aren't attracted to "male" or "female", we're attracted to "masculinity" or "femininity". Gender has nothing to do with it.

It's why, like you, I can be attracted to a feminine looking trans woman, but not a masculine looking one, or a dude.

it's why homosexuals can be masculine or feminine (bear or boujee), and be attracted to one or three other, or both.

Masculinity and feminity has nothing to do with whether one has a cock or a vagina.

[-] ada 16 points 9 months ago

Masculinity and femininity are broad terms that encompass physical and social traits. I don't think it's possible to narrow it down quite like you have there.

My own experience of attraction has very little to do with social presentation of masculinity or femininity for example.

[-] nicolauz@lemmy.world 17 points 9 months ago

The only thing I'm commenting on is the "AITA":

If anything then only for asking that question - don't be mean to yourself like that.

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[-] wabafee@lemmy.world 16 points 9 months ago

Your a Wizard, an Ishtar sent by the Valar.

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[-] Epzillon@lemmy.world 15 points 9 months ago

I understand your position. I feel the exact same way. I identify much like you, I am attracted to the feminine features not whatever label you have or what have been biologically created between your legs.

When I was younger I just told myself "nah I'm straight", and somewhere realized that i might be what people called "bi-curious". But after a while I realized I had no interest in masculinity or "regular" males.

Being able to detach social gender labels from biological genitalia and therefore further deepen my understanding and acceptance of trans and LGBTQ people helped me a lot with accepting myself and my preferences.

As for your question, it really doesn't matter. What matters is that you know what you like. Who you decide to spend time with or engage in sexual relations with is up to the people involved and no one else. I ultimately decided to still just call myself straight. Is it entirely correct? Maybe not, but it sure is the easiest.

Enjoy life, hook up with a femboy, get pegged or have a one night stand with a 6,8 mega masculine dude. It's up to you, the thing that matters is that you know what you enjoy.

Life is to short to put labels on dicks and vaginas. Just fuck it instead.

[-] TexasDrunk@lemmy.world 14 points 9 months ago

I have a friend like you. He describes himself as gynesexual. He's attracted to femininity no matter what the attached bits are.

But, as others have said, the label is really only important to you. Pick something close or make up your own.

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[-] AA5B@lemmy.world 14 points 9 months ago

Don’t worry about matching a label, just be what’s right for you

[-] Mr_Dr_Oink@lemmy.world 13 points 9 months ago

Straight+

Straight Extra

Bi minus

Bi lite

Or just dont label it. Labels keep us in boxes and boxes cause stress when we inevitably find out we dont fit in the box.

I came up with this idea err metaphor? Thought experiment? Anyway

Think of the shape of a 6 point star. If you are star shaped you will fit perfectly, if you are triangle shaped you will also fit, or if you are diamond shaped or a circle or a hexagon or many many other shapes.

But only a star fits perfectly.

(Heres a crude drawing of it)

You can spend years in the star box thinking its a perfect fit before you realise theres something different, something not quite right and you suddenly see that you were a triangle the whole time.

Just let go of the labels and be you, its alot more spacious outside of the box, and you dont have to be a certain way to fit in.

[-] LainTrain@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Humans aren't attracted only to genitalia since that shit is hard to see from afar, evolutionarily it makes sense we'd find secondary sexual characteristics attractive also, overall body shapes, hair, skin etc.

So you don't like penises per se, you like penises when attached to otherwise people who tick those feminine boxes you care about whether they be trans or just crossdressers.

That's actually really common I find because almost every single man I dated gave that same take, they all considered themselves straight and were never with a trans woman before me.

I'd say you're pretty much just straight with a specific penis fetish, even bi people IRL generally date people who are all the way masc and all the way fem.

Not to gatekeep being bi though if that's what you feel more comfortable with - go for it.

Otherwise just love who you love and move on with it.

[-] WeeSheep@lemmy.world 6 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I would argue I can be romantically attracted to people but sexually I want specific things, and they don't necessarily overlap.

Romantic boob fondling is nice, but I don't need them for sexual attraction. Penises are sexually nice but I'm not romantically attracted to them. That's to say, I'm explicitly sexually attracted to penises.

Luckily, I find multiple things romantically and sexually attractive, not just boobs and penises (which would really limit my options).

I am not always romantically and sexually attracted to the same person. Some people I'm only sexually attracted to and some people I'm only romantically attracted to.

[-] Diotima@kbin.social 12 points 9 months ago

You may be finsexual:

https://queerdom.fandom.com/wiki/Finsexual

Basically, finsexuals are attracted to feminine presenting people independent of sex or gender. If I understood you correctly, its the feminine presentation that appeals to you?

[-] andrew_bidlaw@sh.itjust.works 8 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

From the title I thought it's being attracted to finances. Or fins.

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[-] Peppycito@sh.itjust.works 7 points 9 months ago

I'd like to speak to the board members that voted for that flag. That is lame-o.

[-] TheOneCurly@lemm.ee 10 points 9 months ago

Google maps sexual

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[-] Naich@kbin.social 12 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Sounds like you are very similar to me and a billion or so other people. I don't see much point in creating a label for yourself in order to restrict yourself to that label. You are what you are and don't worry about it. I had a thing with a trans woman for a while and now I'm happily married with kids. Whatever I am has never had a negative affect on my life because I don't worry about what I am.

[-] Donebrach@lemmy.world 11 points 9 months ago

Seems to me you are attracted to feminine genders. Assuming you are male I’d say your sexual orientation is pretty straight.

[-] Hadriscus@lemm.ee 9 points 9 months ago

what about the feminine cocks ?

[-] agitatedpotato@lemmy.world 13 points 9 months ago

Sometimes those are straight, and sometimes they have a nice little curve to them.

[-] Kalkaline@leminal.space 9 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

That's called bisexual, it's not all black and white, it's more of a rainbow gradient of sexuality.

[-] MaryReadsBooks@lemmy.ml 8 points 9 months ago

You dont habe to be attracted to all genders the same way to be BI. You can have a preference or stronger attraction to certain genders and presentations. If you think that some non-binary people and fem-boys are attractive then ur probably Bi

[-] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 7 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

My personal preference of naughty bits is Boobs, Cock, Woman-Ass, Man-ass, and Pussy. (Most attractive to least). I'm also theoretically attracted to pretty much anyone but emotional bonds really get my motor running.

I just say I'm Pan and leave it at that - labels rarely fit precisely.

[-] Katrisia@lemm.ee 6 points 9 months ago

From Wikipedia:

Polysexuality has been defined as "encompassing or characterized by many different kinds of sexuality", and as sexual attraction to many, but not all, genders. [...] Polysexuality is also considered to be another word for bisexuality however unlike bisexuals, polysexuals are not necessarily attracted to people of the same gender.

I think 'polysexual' fits. You like some genders (cis women, trans women, feminine-presenting people, AFAB NBs, etc.), but not all.

[-] CascadianGiraffe@lemmy.world 6 points 9 months ago

Very similar position here.

I've always felt that it wasn't anyone's business but my own and the person I want to touch. I don't worry about putting myself in a box so I don't wear a label.

Those that "need" to know are told that I am "independent". What does that mean to me? It means I decide who I want to fool around with. Sex is more than just tabs and slots.

Although I have found that this answer is unacceptable to nearly everyone, so I can't say I recommend it.

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this post was submitted on 08 Feb 2024
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