I used to have this problem, but I somehow got over it by imagining to piss in the face of the queen of England. Something about unloading in her face while she’s sitting there all prissy like makes me laugh which relaxes my muscles enough to piss.

This reminds me of one night where a group of friends went out drinking. Just before we were going to leave the pub to go to one further down the road one friend said he needed to take a piss. It triggered something in a bunch of us as most of us realised we needed to go.

The toilets were really busy; that situation where you're pissing in what is basically a trough with your elbows touching the elbows of other guys next to you. Immediately on trying to go it just wasn't happening. I stood awkwardly for about a minute, zipped up, washed my hands and went outside.

Everyone gathered round and we started walking. We were walking in silence for about a minute when one guy said "Did anyone else manage to actually pee?" To which loads of us burst out laughing. Turns out we all did the same thing, even though we needed to pee, we all failed to do so.

that guy looks like the dad from cloudy with a chance of meatballs lol

The comic for the women's bathroom is two girls in stalls waiting for the other one to leave so she can shit.

Great, now I'm not going to be able to pee all day.

I sit down when I pee. There nothin that crazy bout me.

I used to sit because it was more comfortable.

Now I sit for... Different reasons lmao

So I don't really worry about getting caught "not peeing" or whatever, but I do often take a moment or two to get started.... and I also frequently attend concerts.

I never worry about being watched, but boy do I feel like a jackass sometimes taking thrice as long as everyone else when there's a line out the door between bands.....

I'm arguably a real man's man with typical man likes and man opinions but I won't for the life of me understand this macho stigma against pissing sitting down.

You have no toilet paper at urinals so you put your member back into your underwear with more residual piss on it than you would've otherwise, and splashback of piss particulates back onto your pants is also a thing.

Especially when you drain the lizard in or at something that's not one of those round specifically purpose built porcelain urinals. Like those unials that are just a big metal plate, a normal toilet, or a wall or tree.

I could write a lengthy essay about how the design of modern western public bathrooms reflects our social hypocrisies, inconsistencies, and social ills. In fact I have been gathering thoughts for a while now with plans to do so.

And I too opt for a stall whenever possible, I'm a cis-presenting man but I still don't feel safe enough at a urinal for the pee to flow. But this stuff is often invisible to those it doesn't affect adversely.

This is one of the reasons why I don't understand how other men use urinals. Like how do you manage the absolute lack of privacy?? And I'm not even talking about hygiene (you don't use toilet paper when using a urinal)

I've got this trick. Basically, I start relaxing the muscles on the way to the restroom. Not enough that there's any chance I'll piss myself before I get there. Just enough that by the time I'm in front of the urinal, it's not difficult to start the stream quickly.

There was this one time I felt kindof bad about. went to the restroom where I worked (back before I was working remotely) and used "the trick" as usual. I get there, and there's a guy at one of the urinals already. I peed, flushed, washed my hands, and left the restroom before he produced a drop.

Of course, in all likelihood, "the trick" won't continue to work so well as my beard grows grayer, and some day I'll be the other guy.

I wish I could sit down when I pee, but my dick and balls are so long they get dunked when I do so. 😔

I feel this, also if I just can't squeeze anything out there is this additional awkward thought process.

When do I put it away? Will they know I didn't pee? Should I shake it to pretend I peed? Oh God there is a child next to me. Now everyone will think I am pretending to pee to see this child's weiner. I can't step away now. I'll just have to wait until the room is empty.

the bathroom never empties out, I die there.

The solution to this problem is simple: Just don't use a public bathroom... the world is a giant, enormous shitter with endless and diverse opportunities to more or less hide behind something and let it flow.

Why let yourself be trapped and domesticated? Your Dick wants FREEDOM!

Ok, since the solution to this problem hasn’t been provided in this thread, here it is:

Start calculating the fibonacci sequence in your head once you can start to pee: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, etc…

The reason why this works is because the calculations use the exact same part of the brain that also causes pee anxiety. Just gove it a try, it works incredibly well. Usually I have a solid flow before I get to 34 and I’ve been using this technique for years so I go through the sequence quite quickly.

Imagine me opening Lemmy during my pre movie piss at the urinal only to see this. I hate how accurate this is, but it's amazing. I get nervous pee sooooo bad. It's like everything just freezes up lmao.

Sit sit sit on the urinal!

Here's some advice I received years ago for this very situation: if you're struggling to piss due to stage fright, imagine pissing on the head of someone you hate. Really imagine it. Imagine micturating all over their hair (or their scalp), the aghast expression, then them spluttering while trying to mouth 'What the fuck?' it does work. I don't know why it works - and I most definitely don't want to know - but it does work.

You're all most welcome :)

Start holding your breath when you walk into the bathroom. Breathe out and start your flow.