I have felt anxiety about pill rationing after my meds were unavailable for a while. I definitely keep a little stockpile just in case but do limit its size because like you pointed out meds expire.

Have you tried different kinds of meds? Vyvanse is more mellow as it kicks in. It’s also easier on your heart. Might be worth talking to your doctor about it, I think it also is a bit easier anxiety wise.

I don’t take my meds every day, I take them when I’m trying to get stuff done or for work. In that sense I look forward to it because working without meds is a nightmare. Wishing you luck!

Still not medicated. Tried to start the process, but my doctor said I just wasn't trying hard enough. Broke my spirit.

It took a lot to get to that point and I occasionally think of trying again, but I completely understand what you mean. It's scary and I don't know why.

Have you talked to your therapist about this?

I had the same issue. I didn't want to depend on meds my entire life. But honestly. After taking it regularly, I'm a better husband and a even better father. I am truly not following my father's footsteps.

Is there a reason for the anxiety like it came out of nowhere? I have ADHD and have started to get anxiety before taking certain things like coffee or going to places that i used to be totally fine with. Like massive anxiety attacks outta nowhere.

Yes, but I haven't solved it except that I sometimes can bring myself to under-dose

The only thing that works for me is to take it every single morning together with my other daily pill. I take Ritalin LA in the morning and it keeps me mostly functional.

Every time I tried to "only take it on days I needed it", I ended up not taking it ever. But once I've accepted that I'm ALWAYS taking one every single morning, that's not been a problem. Or at least much rarer. If it gets too late in the day before I take my meds (past 14:00 or so), I skip the Ritalin because it could interfere with sleep. But other than that, I always take it.

If I have a day off that I know I really don't need to do anything, I might take 20 mg instead of my normal 30. Luckily I get prescribed both for this purpose, my doctors are awesome.

For context, my other daily pill is an antidepressant, but the same could apply for anything: blood pressure, medicine to control chronic illness, or simple vitamins. Even if you don't take anything else daily, you could start the habit with the adhd meds. The biggest hurdle for me was to accept that I have to take it every single day, and not try to "optimize" my usage of it.

I have a similar struggle. I grew up in a family where taking psychiatric medication was a matter of deepest shame. Even long after I consciously rejected the idea, the underlying shame (and accompanying stress) was still very present and would sometimes be enough to convince me that I should be strong enough not to rely on crutches like medication just to get through the day. That impulse has never guided me wisely and it's been a decades-long process of not letting it affect my behavior.

Talk therapy helps. Addiction peer groups help, sometimes.

stims cause anxiety. you've Pavloved your nervous system. even if the anxiety is low, if its a consistent pattern your body will react regardless if your awareness. its a pattern ive seen thru the years in my friends and family with many meds. you can develop a phobia thru no fault of your own. its a CNS response. i got my degree from a cracker Jack box so take it as you will. I hope you can get the peace and headspace you need soon. 💜

Yes and no. I had a heart issue a couple of years ago and stopped taking my meds during that process because they can interfere with heart function in theory. That said, I think I am living up on part of your anxiety. Are you afraid that if you get used to them, get used to functioning with them on board, and then they get taken away you will be unable to function but be expected to based on recent performance?

I have had some of that anxiety and it is reasonable. People do tend to see your "new normal" and "normal" after a fairly short time. Their expectations change and their tolerance for you struggling goes down in some ways because they start relying in your performance at that higher level.

It is really unfair but that is something that happens. I have however found some ways around this anxiety. I have built better systems while using my meds that work better for off my meds too. I have automated some things, make others easier to do, and honestly stopped doing a bunch of things I used to do at all. By doing this I have reduced the demand on me on the other days.

If you can use your meds to make life easier for when you are off the meds I think you will feel the anxiety lessen.

Also, depending on where you are and local laws, stockpiling a very small amount, maybe one month ahead or something, can be very helpful. I try to buy my next dose as soon as I can and have ended up with about one month of buffer. Now if my meds are unavailable at the pharmacy I can just not stress and use my backup. Because I rotate through they never get stale and I am never holding more than two months of meds, so I am not in a weird situation of having years of meds to explain away. Be careful of your local laws and so on, it is legal here but may not be there, so don't get yourself in trouble.

Also, consider non medication supports. For me that is heavy work like weight lifting as well as eating far less sugar. Consider having a reasonable source of caffeine available and keeping your usage down so you don't built a tolerance to it. If you are out of meds caffeine can help for some people such as myself, nowhere near as good as meds but much better than nothing.

I hated taking ADHD meds (Adderall etc) as a kid. They made me feel emotions that I knew weren't my own. For the first hour after taking the meds I'd feel euphoric. Around midday I'd start getting a headache, and around 3 I'd get really quiet. I got all existential about it. I felt like a different person when on meds but not in a good way. I kept wondering which one was the real me.

After trying all the different stimulants available at the time I concluded I'd rather live with ADHD than suffer the side effects of the meds. Now I'm on another med that was supposed to treat my ADHD. It doesn't, but It works great as an antidepressant so I keep taking it anyway.

Only when it’s had a measurably negative impact. I have to limit how often I take a multivitamin or else I end up with kidney stones and/or gout.

Stimulant meds are correlated with a reverted risk in dimentia compared to unmedicated ADHD pop, which itself has 3x the risk of genpop.

I was a little hesitant to take meds for a while thinking I could just overcome it with effort and whatnot, but there are some things like that you can't will yourself through.

They also have negligible risk as a whole. Yeah, you'll probably have a heart attack if you start them with elevated risk, but you probably would anyway in that situation, too. On another hand if they help you work out regularly, you'll probably lower your risk overall.

It's your right to decide what's best for you. Your treatment, whether it includes meds or not, should help you live the life YOU want.

Anxiety may have many sources, and the way you write, it sounds like you're not sure yourself what the source is for you, so I'd suggest looking for a psychiatrist.

And if for whichever reasons you cannot or will not take meds, maybe you could seek to train behavior and discipline instead? Or even, meds + training together, if you figure out why you're concerned.