I'm a little blah today honestly. Sitting in the train station waiting to head to my second post-op appt from FFS. Happy with the results but idk. Something has just been bothering me lately and I can't put my finger on it. I've been out of work for two weeks now, one more to go, and I don't feel rested at all. I also don't feel like resting. I'm so bored lately.

I still gotta shop for myself, cook for myself, clean up after myself, etc. It's just me so I don't really have a support network for day to day tasks.

I can't feel the majority of my forehead and scalp. I've definitely bumped my head a few times and only realized from the sound/slight balance shift. I don't like not feeling anything.

It'll get better. I just wish I was recovered and had someone for emotional support as well as my day to day stuff right now. Couch cuddles and Chinese food, you know? Bad TV with no worries.

Awful. I fucking hate myself. Everything I do is wrong. It doesn't even feel like there's any reason to outline why I feel like that because no one really fucking cares, they're just going to tell me I'm wrong, or try to offer solutions, or try to get me to reframe it, or think about it differently, or move fucking forward. I just want to be heard but no one wants to really listen. It's the same with everyone I interact with. People at work, friends, my therapist, my ex until we stopped talking. People will read this and think that the common thread is me, that it's my fault. I'm doing something or not doing something that's causing me to feel this way. But maybe I'm just fucking broken and I can't be fixed. I want to quit my job, stop seeing or talking to my friends, stop going to therapy, pack up the minimum of my shit and bail on my whole shitty fucking life and this shitty fucking world. I'm sick of drowning and being told I shouldn't be. I'm the problem and I fucking hate myself for it because if everyone is saying the same thing it must be true. I wish I could be one of those assholes without the self awareness to see how fucking shit I am, how fucking stupid I am for thinking I know something. I just want to quit everything and fuck off so no one has to deal with me ever again, especially me. Don't bother responding I'll just take it badly or write it off.