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[CW: Violence / Harassment] A little word about the importance of self defense (self.mtf)
submitted 3 days ago by SquishedFly to c/mtf
15 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I probably won't answer many comments. I'm also not gonna make what I say sound more pretty... Sorry.

I've seen the memes like "trans people have a hell beam that came with HRT" come up more and more often. We do. It's called pepper spray. Please learn from my mistakes and get one before you regret not having one. Carry it with you daily, in a pocket where it is easy to reach, ideally with your dominant hand. It's not a problem for us tomboy- ish cargo pants lovers, but if you are cursed with female pockets, get one you can clip into a pocket or your waistband. If you tuck your shirt in too then consider buying a pepper gun like a guardian angel that you can carry inside the waistband. And I can't stress this enough, you won't be able to find your pepper spray fast enough if you just throw it into a purse.

Regardless if it's someone getting really aggravated at you being trans or if someone starts to masturbate while looking at you on public transport and following you through the train when you get up and leave, regardless if you use it or not. Even just having it as a backup is extremely important.

I didn't bring those examples up for nothing, both things, and even worse, happen (happened to me, friends and family too, trans and cis) and we are just as vulnerable - if not more - than most other people. The only way we can protect ourselves against a guy twice our strength and weight is by playing unfair. If you need to, use pepper spray. If they have you restrained, bite, poke in their eyes, and the first chance you have, run. Speaking of which, learn how to run fast for a short period of time. If you already do running from time and time again, do a sprint at the end of your session.

If you want to learn actually stuff about self defense, I personally can recommend getting some Krav Maga courses. It's a fighting technique that focuses on getting the fuck out of a situation. I sadly don't have the money for it anymore but I will pick it back up.

This world can be cruel and that comes from someone who lives in one of the safest areas in the world. The point of all of this isn't to make you scared of everyone and everything. I'm saying this because I want you to be able to stand tall and proud despite everything because if worst comes to worst, you know how to fend for yourself.

If you have any more useful information on self defense, please comment them.

Stay safe out there <3

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[-] oftheair 7 points 2 days ago

Many here seem to be talking about self defence tools and training. However, we think it's equally as important to train in deescalation, active bystander and confidence training. Sure, sometimes it may come to needing some physical way of defending one's or many's self or selves, but if the situation can be deescalated before that happens it's even better as there's no guarantee a fight can be won or someone or somemany will be able to get away for various reasons.

[-] dandelion 21 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

honestly a lot of us are autistic and don't read the room well - I think developing social and situational awareness is an important part of avoiding situations that escalate into violence.

And also, no matter what you do, you can't always avoid or mitigate harm - if you are a victim, don't obsess about how it's your fault because you didn't learn Krav Maga, or didn't read the situation well, or didn't have pepper spray, or if you froze in the moment, etc. - the reality is that you are the victim, whatever you could have done better is irrelevant, the responsibility falls entirely on the aggressor.

And I don't recommend buying a handgun unless you have a huge amount of money and time to go to the range once a week and train for hours, have the money to pay for that range and the ammunition, and even then, the evidence we have is that having a gun increases the likelihood you are killed in an altercation (and in a trans population guns are a double liability because of suicide risk).

[-] SquishedFly 7 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

The "gun" i mentioned is a pepper gun. It is a small plastic gun-like thing in the price range of 30-50โ‚ฌ and shoots pepper like a pepper spray

Edit: where I'm from, carrying an actual gun is pretty much illegal for regular civilians

[-] dandelion 5 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

sorry, I should clarify that I never thought you were recommending getting a gun - I only added that as a separate, additional thought ๐Ÿ˜… I understood you were only recommending pepper spray - which is not the worst idea (esp. if you practice enough, and train under stress, so in the moment it matters you don't end up getting it on yourself, which can be disabling and life-threatening if it allows someone to take advantage of you).

Pepper spray is also helpful for fending off dog attacks, so it's a good idea for more than just humans.

And where I live, "everyone" practically owns a gun and both deaths from guns and the homicide rate are both very high.

[-] sprite0@sh.itjust.works 8 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

great info!

this is the state of Utah concealed carry reciprocity map. if you take a local concealed carry course (mine was $40 cash) and mail in the State of Utah Concealed Carry Permit application ($87) and are approved (3 weeks for me) you get a card allowing you legal concealed carry in all of these states. I was worried that being very obviously trans in my photo might slow up my application but it did not matter and the permit they gave me has an X in the gender marker. (i'm mtf but use the X to swell the ranks! solidarity!)

Palmetto State Armory email list offers really great deals on concealable pistols almost every week. Local pawnshops are another great source. If you passed the FBI permit check you will have no problem purchasing a firearm (that check will be run when you go to pick it up locally whether it's an online sale or over the counter).

If you decide to concealed carry I recommend training as much as you can afford, and a good kydex inner-waistband carry holster it makes a world of difference when it comes to not being visible outside of your clothes, safety and comfort. If you carry in a purse you need to make sure the purse is very secure (crossbody if possible) and latches so if you drop your purse or trip it won't tumble out. I would never tuck any kind of pistol into my waistband it's just not at all secure like a movie would lead you to believe!

If you frequently go on walks be alert, don't wear two earbuds at once, check your six every few blocks.

Stay safe ladies. After that girl got her teeth busted out in Seattle I have stopped assuming anywhere is safe. I have been shooting as a hobby for over 30 years and i'm happy to answer any questions!

[-] hildegarde 4 points 3 days ago

What advice do you have for absolute beginners? I have never fired or even handled a firearm. Interested in eventually getting a CCW, but no idea where to start.

[-] sprite0@sh.itjust.works 4 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

It's going to depend on where you are and what groups, shops and orgs you have around you and what your budget is. If you can find a trans or leftist gun club that's probably a perfect start but they are rare, too. If you have an indoor range that offers classes nearby you might drop in in person and judge the vibe.

You need to have practice time safely loading/unloading, drawing/holstering, arming/disarming and firing your weapon.

This is ideally done under supervision at a range by an instructor, but many folks like me learned out in the woods being taught by a friends dad. What's crucial is that you practice until you are confident in your ability to not hurt yourself or innocent folks around you.

You can purchase training rounds that load into your gun and let you safely practice a lot of these skills at home and i recommend that a lot. i use these in all my guns when introducing them to new shooters or practicing quick drawing and you see a real difference at the range when doing it.

I hope this helps, good luck!!

[-] SquishedFly 3 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

That's actually really cool.

I'm just sadly not in the US. if you'd want to apply for a carry permit here you'd need to prove that you're at higher risk of being targeted (like being a politician, minorities don't really count...). Even so, since after a recent school shooting our government is overhauling the gun law, I'll probably won't ever be able to own a gun at all ever.

Long story short: every man at age 18 has to get a check if they are fit for the military or civil service and have to chose one if they are. The school shooter didn't pass the psychological test at the military but passed the gun owners permit psych eval. And now they are considering banning people who fail the psych evaluation from the military from ever getting a gun, which would include me since I was still registered as male at that time.

The only hope I have is that they see during the gun ownership evaluation that I'm female so I didn't have to go to the military evaluation and ignore that.

Would really suck if I couldn't because I'm a pretty big gun fanatic...

(Country is Austria btw)

[-] sprite0@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 days ago

oh yeah pretty us-centric take on my part.

I'm at a place where i think guns are neat, would prefer a civil society in which they are unnecessary, but see the odds greatly stacked against my personal safety so i'm glad for the security of it.

Do they allow that new generation of kinetic pistols over there? Basically high powered air pistols that shoot huge bearings to incapacitate an assailant.

[-] SquishedFly 2 points 3 days ago

From that description, it almost sounds like my paintball gun :D

In all seriousness though, if it's new then i'm 99% sure that it's allowed considering our government. Never heard of them tho

[-] sprite0@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 days ago

this is not an endorsement, I know nothing about these and no idea if they are safe, reliable or effective.

https://byrna.com/

they are neat though! If I had not been able to get my CCW these were high on my list to investigate!

[-] SquishedFly 2 points 3 days ago

Man, my prediction with my paintball gun was on point. The Mission 4 is literally the paintball gun I have, modified to shoot with CO2 capsules. Modded Tippmann TMC elite, it even still has the Tippmann logo molded into both the lower receiver and the grip

I can tell you from experience, the TMC is very reliable and effective but maybe not the most accurate (although I suspect that this is more of a skill issue on my part)

Umarex has something very similar with their T4E lineup. Basically co2 paintball markers (chambered down from .68 cal to .50 or .43) that are made to look like a real gun (like their glock 17 or PPQ, both of which I was thinking about buying back when I had money) that can also shoot pepper balls or rubber balls for self defense. I've heard though that the pepper balls aren't as effective as a dedicated spray.

[-] sprite0@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

that makes sense! having played paintball and used .22 co2 pistols I think i would be nervous about relying on it for my safety that's for sure, could you really get more than one very close range shot?

Even a modest little can of cs spray will let you paint a few assailants and hoof it.

Definitely could have that intimidation factor but that's tough to rely on!

[-] Taalnazi@lemmy.world 8 points 3 days ago

Krav Maga +1, it's very useful!

[-] anon6789@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago

I'm sorry you have to deal with such things for no reason. ๐Ÿ˜”

I hadn't heard about the pepper gun before, and that looks like a great idea to have something you can carry and use in a consistent manner every day. As you said, finding something in your bag is difficult or pulling something smaller out of a pocket which may be facing any which direction, including at yourself, and it will be even trickier in the heat of the moment.

I've always heard you should buy at least one extra so you can test it and familiarize yourself with it. Different brands and designs spray different distances, and in different patterns and will be affected by wind differently, especially considering sprays vs gels. It would probably also be wise to learn how to treat yourself in case you receive any blowback from it or catch a friend or bystander.

I heard recently on a podcast about protests that different sprays and contact lenses can be a serious danger, and they advised to wear glasses if they think you may be exposed, so that may be another thing to consider if you're choosing pepper spray as your defensive tool.

As always, do your own research and determine what you feel comfortable with, you want something you know you can count on to work and that you will be able to use safely should the need arise!

Stay safe and be proud of yourself for who you are. You aren't responsible for other people's behavior, just be mindful of your surroundings and trust your instincts if you feel a situation is bad. โค๏ธ

this post was submitted on 25 Jun 2025
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