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I would be responsible for creating more and more paper forms which have to be filled by hand before each task.

PS: Can you guess what I'm doing now?

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[-] Darkard@lemmy.world 36 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Whatever the guys in MS Cloudstrike did today.

[-] ShortFuse@lemmy.world 28 points 1 year ago

~~I write code for those who pay me money.~~

I delete code of people who don't pay me.

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[-] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 22 points 1 year ago

Iโ€™m a teacher, so I guess now I spread misinformation on social media for a living. ๐Ÿคก

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[-] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 18 points 1 year ago

I think the exact opposite would turn me into a literal pirate; stealing money in a way that statistically increases the risks of maritime commercial ventures.

[-] db0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 1 year ago

Are you the port authority or what?

[-] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 16 points 1 year ago

Maritime adjuster. My body is a machine that turns the inherent risk of fishing into box wine.

[-] PyroNeurosis 4 points 1 year ago

Discount Harbor Jesus!

[-] cardboardchris@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

I write good code now.

[-] Pappabosley@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

I make sure people don't talk to each other about what they're working on and hide important information they need to complete tasks. Sometimes I'll advise them to work on the wrong thing for a long time.

In my spare moments I delete the data in reports and unpivot tables.

[-] olafurp@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago
[-] altasshet@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 year ago

What a coincidence! I now create them...

[-] hOrni@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago

I am now loving my job.

[-] digilec@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

I write software that scours the internet for porn and other NSL content, then sends it to school kids.

[-] gilgameth@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Jesus fucking Christ =)))

[-] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

Software engineer here. I'd become the worst thing I can imagine... a user.

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[-] qevlarr@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

I have a job! Woohoo!

[-] Mighty@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Damn I feel like the polar opposite of my job is also my job. But if I try to make it bad, I'd say I would hurt and demotivate children and try to keep them stupid

[-] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

I lock people out of their homes and break door hardware.

Aww geez, I'm a frat boy now

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[-] Gxost@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

Now I cut features from software one by one

[-] Eylrid@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

You'll have a promising career at Google

[-] ArmokGoB@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 year ago
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[-] ChexMax@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

I am served and taken care of from the moment I wake up untill the moment I fall asleep. Someone makes me nutritious meals, and I only do activities that stimulate my brain. Once a year a small baby gets shoved up inside me

[-] db0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 year ago

Now I'm Not sure if you give birth once per year currently, only gave one birth in your life, or plan to be childless.

[-] Webster@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

~~I work in IT for a company that helps patients get medications they need.~~

I physically prevent people from getting the medications they need.

[-] MTK@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

I guess I now beat people up?

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[-] _lilith@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

Break computers

[-] Eccitaze@yiffit.net 6 points 1 year ago

Black hat hacker, I break into people's servers and fuck up their shit

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[-] Kamephis@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

I do research on technologies that make airplanes heavier, increase their fuel consumption and make them fall out of the sky more often. Oh and I spend time in the classroom making sure students have no idea how to reverse it.

[-] Noodle07@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

How is it working at Boeing?

[-] Taniwha420@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

I'm an anarcho-capitalist with a real hatred for the homeless.

[-] psmgx@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Annihilate transportation infrastructure on a large scale.

CloudStrike has already put me out of business, it seems

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Does that mean instead of cleaning up the place, I make it messy as fuck? ๐Ÿค” What's the opposite of a janitor?

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[-] BugleFingers@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

If it were the opposite, I make sure planes come out of the sky

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[-] Tantheiel@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Outbound inferiority

I make sure what I send is going to fail all the tasks. Nothing but the worst for my customers.

[-] Bronzefish@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Ill be hosting AA meetings.

I ignore people with broken bones

[-] harrys_balzac@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 year ago

Well, fuck, I'm now an engineer on day shift. (I'm night shift QA and most of my issues are caused by careless engineers.)

[-] caboose2006@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 year ago

Cause brain damage? Idk how do you remove knowledge?

[-] Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Instead of talking to the customers and fixing issues I'm writing code and breaking things.

So apparently I work at Crowdstrike

[-] tissek@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 year ago

I assemble and disassemble industrial machinery for final testing. I already do the opposite of what I do?

[-] spacemanspiffy@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

I reverse-engineer software.

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[-] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 year ago

I disorganize rare books and artifacts ๐Ÿ˜”

[-] Xeroxchasechase@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Efficient desktop destroyer

[-] tacosanonymous@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago

I go to people's houses and steal their books.

[-] essell@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Traumatise people.

Could be fun for a while!

[-] TheRealLinga@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago

I cause soft tissue damage

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this post was submitted on 19 Jul 2024
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