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this post was submitted on 17 Apr 2024
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I have a 4 year old myself, with my egg cracking about halfway through the pregnancy. In my experience, there has been a bit of adjustment, but at the same time it hasn't made much of a difference honestly.
At the end of the day, just being a good parent, gender notwithstanding, is all that you need to be. My daughter sees both of her parents as "mom," but we try to both cover the breadth of roles that are traditionally seen as paternal, as well as maternal.
There might be some weirdness when it comes to interaction with other parents, depending on how you pass, whether you're out to the general public, etc., but we've honestly had more difficulty being "the lesbian couple" than me being trans.
Really, as long as you are providing for your child's needs, and they see you as someone who loves and cares for them, then the whole "being a mother" role becomes irrelevant, and mostly based within our own social constructs. Do what you can to be the best parent you can be, and you'll already be the best mother you can be.
Thank you for your response ❤️🥹
My son is 21 months old and his birth was a catalyst for my egg crack.
Ever since he was born I parented as my authentic self (whether I realized that at the time or not) so largely my parenting has been just that. Being the best parent I can be.
My wife and I were talking earlier today and we both for some reason are having a hard time seeing me as a "mom" but also not as a "dad" Somewhere in between, but in all other aspects we both see me as a woman. Dysphoria withstanding.
I'm not saying I feel like the parental roles should be different per se, that doesn't make sense to me. I view it as a full partnership and gender doesn't play a part.
But then on the other hand I feel like I'm taking something away from my son by feeling more and more disconnected from "daddy" and more connected to "something else" Like I don't deserve the title of mom or dad but something else. I desperately want to be mom but I love hearing my son run up to me yelling dada!. It warms my heart because that is his sound for me. For our special connection we share....
I think at the end of the day, I have some internal transphobia to work through because this is the one area of my transition where I have this sense of being a "trespasser" Being a mother has always been a dream of mine even when I didn't have the words for it. So why don't I feel like I am a mother? When in all aspects of life I am living as my authentic self.
😓
Anyways, thank you for coming to my Ted talk :)