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this post was submitted on 10 Apr 2024
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Standard inexplicable discomfort being shirtless. Even if it's stupidly hot. followed by... Male puberty! And reacting to aaaall the changes with NOPE, discomfort, and depression.
More recent egg-splattery (past year) I attribute to an anime (Onimai) and feeling a surprising amount of jealousy at the main character just... waking up a different sex and getting to relive their life like that.
The rest is MEEEEEEEEEEMES!!!
Ironically, this trans fem never had that. I loved being shirtless before self acceptance, and I still do now, post transition. But society has more of an issue with me being topless now than it did before
Haha, I walked around shirtless in the house a lot when I was 12-15. Mama would constantly be on my case about it but it was hot outside and it felt good to be shirtless, made me feel masculine (though obviously it's not an inherently masculine thing, just made me specifically feel that way). I was completely unaware that I had boobs. They felt entirely disconnected from my body, like some foreign parasite that was stuck on my chest. Never had much feeling in them since they never felt like a part of my body. Every time I saw them in the mirror my brain would be like "error error wtf is that those aren't supposed to be there"
Eventually I became aware of them and that people wouldn't think I was a man with them, so I started binding as much as possible at around fifteen. Taking rest days from binding is extremely hard and I don't do it as much as I should. After I get top surgery I'm going shirtless as much as humanly possible. Being shirtless is incredibly underrated.
One of my favourite things is seeing photos of guys when they've been able to go swimming shirtless for the first time. That huge smile is pure joy :)
It's weird and I can't really logic my way out of it, even home alone I just feel more at ease. Blanket, shirt, just gotta have something