OK good it's a relief you have that contingency in place. it sounds like you have a really good support system in place and i'm really glad to hear it

so i guess i'll leave you with my best advice for getting through the time until you start HRT:

really sit and internalize that you are a woman. you might think of it as, the way you look right now, on the outside, is not very much like a woman. in a way, it's the least you'll ever look like a woman. but regardless, you must internalize that you are a woman

which means confronting all of the internal biases you have about what a woman looks like. about facial structure, about facial hair, about your facial hair, if you have it. the way your body looks

you are a woman.

it's hard and it's painful to confront these things. but it's important, not even every cis woman looks how they want to, or might look manlier than they want. but they are still women, and so are you

obviously, you shouldn't come out anywhere you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. but, in the places you feel safe, you should be open about your identity. it's nice to be affirmed. if you can find community irl, that would be helpful, too

you'll probably have to work through a lot of internalized transphobia. i know i did, it took me a long time, and i'm probably still working through things

but it's so so so so SO important to internalize that you are a woman regardless of how you look

it is the antidote to the kind of mind poison that comes from scrolling transition timelines and comparing yourself to faceapp

so many trans girls i know look amazing and beautiful and still see a man in the mirror

start seeing a woman in the mirror NOW, so when you start HRT, you can truly appreciate all of the little changes it bring. or if you get surgery or whatever

you can only see a woman in the mirror when you start telling yourself the person in the mirror is a woman

when you feel that bite and sting of dysphoria, remind yourself that you are a woman

you are a woman. now, before the HRT, before you look how you want to look, before everything - you are a woman

godspeed, i hope everything works out for you