Oh, my. I think I'm getting the girl-horny already. Somebody please send help... no, wait, lesbians. Send lesbians.

Seriously, though, my wife's basically asexual and my original solo playbook is not going to cut the mustard. What do?

Well done! You've got the hard part done now <3

All of that said, I don’t know what exactly it feels like to be trans, or be a woman, so I don’t know how to compare my experience to how I “should” or “shouldn’t” feel.

I don't think anybody does. But "trans" and "woman" are just labels. I find it's more helpful to think about what you want to do.

I feel like If I had been born as a woman, I would prefer that to having been born male. And if I could flip a switch and instantly be a woman, I would.

You might like to reflect some more on what this implies about your gender.

For most of my life I identified as "just a regular dude... unfortunately". Possibly with a greater-than-usual interest in HRT and trans topics, and a rather persistent fantasy about having a female body.

Then I started briefly questioning, but was still "not trans... unfortunately". The thing that cracked me was seeing egg_irl memes of the "you can just be a girl; there's no entry requirements to be trans" variety. I realized that transitioning was something I desperately wanted all my life but didn't allow myself to consider, and that was that. A very sudden "ohhh shit I am trans" moment. I still doubt whether I'm "really trans", but I sure as hell don't want to stop transitioning!

Anyway, check out the Gender Dysphoria Bible (see the sidebar), stick around and I hope you manage to figure yourself out satisfactorily, whatever you turn out to be.

Yes, I can relate!

Even though clothes, makeup etc aren't inherently gendered, a lot of people (myself included) have pretty strong associations between those items and binary genders. That person with long hair, wearing mascara, lipstick and a skirt? I'm going to assume they're trying to present feminine and identify as a woman^*^.

Before coming out, I spent a long time trying very hard to be a man. Avoiding femininity. That cute outfit? Not for you, bad!. Long hair? Not for you, bad!, Make up? Run away! Not for you! Associating with women? You'd better only be looking for sex, not someone you identify with. For someone who grew up in a very binary, gender-conforming environment, it was a learned instinct for self-preservation.

So of course when I start trying out feminine stuff, all that internalized misogyny comes flooding back, pointing at myself. Thing is, it also feels really good, and so I feel guilty, like I'm doing something I shouldn't. In other words, embarrassing.

Going slowly and getting used to things gradually helps. Also other people's lack of reaction: I went out today in a skirt and make-up; nobody gave me a second look, let alone commented. So I can tell myself: see, nobody cares. It isn't that bad. (Of course, there are also transphobic assholes out there, so be careful)

^*^ I should clarify this: I don't mean that only women can present like that. Gender non-conforming people are a thing. Clothes are not inherently gendered. But in everyday life (rather than, say, LGBT-centric spaces), I'm going to assume, until corrected,

That's so sweet <3

"So why did you transition?"

"Oh, I kept fighting with my wife over the thermostat. It's just easier this way. (Until she hits menopause and we start fighting the other way round)"

BTW, the comic in the fist panel is this one.

Hiya〜♪

🤣 Damn it, I thought I hadn't posted any photos online...

You just blew my mind. I mean, I realize it must take a lot of knowledge and practice to get a good result, but...

Wow, if I could get whatever design in exactly my size...

Hehe, I've been going around the past week or so (still mostly stealthing) with shaved arms, legs, and painted nails, and despite a couple of double-takes, nobody even commented. (Actually a bit disappointed...)

No, you're right - a large part of my recent panic has been "what if this destroys my family", and I know that's still on the cards. I thought about how I'd have reacted in the past if she'd come out as a trans man (probably very badly, although I'd be fine with it now), but eh, we've had our crises in the past (more than a few caused by my unhappiness) and pulled through. Que sera sera, and I'm cool with that.