Hello, everyone. Hopefully I'm not doxxing myself too badly if I reveal that I live in Japan, which is not a great place for trans healthcare.

The standards of care here are still from the stone age, and date from a prosecution under Japan's widely reviled eugenics laws (fortunately repealed in... 1996). Yes, that's right: the guidelines themselves state they're to protect medical practitioners.

The key requirement is to jump through enough hoops to convince your doctor that you really do know what you want, and then do it all again with another doctor, just in case the first one was biased towards the patient. The hoops include, potentially, genital exams, karotypes, interviews with family and coworkers, and RLE. There's no set timeframe, but six months to a year seems to be the standard. Only then can you access any gender-affirming care, including HRT.

Now fortunately there is a loophole. Any treatment started outside the scope of the guidelines can be taken over by the evaluating doctor concurrent with the inquisition. And, as it happens, I'm not personally bound to follow anything.

So, with the sound of a month's supply of my new favorite hormones in convenient gel form hitting the mailbox, I'm ready to start DIY! Hopefully my doctor (who I'm due to see for the first time in October) will be cooperative. From the sound of it a lot of people are using the same trick...

If you want to be a girl, you are one.

It took me a while to understand what people meant by that (or maybe I just couldn't accept it?). The difference between "I'm a girl and I like it", and "I want to be a girl" is simply one of perspective.

So it's almost exactly two weeks since my first session. I went to one of the high-power places that needs a medical license (at least in this country), but my somewhat light-colored hair and total lack of pain during the procedure made me really worried. The first week or so showed no progress, the hair seemed to be growing as normal. Then it got a bit thinner, or maybe I was imagining it?

But no, just today, it's been a whole day and almost no stubble or shadow! About 80% has just vanished (most of what remains is on my upper lip and beneath the jaw). I realize that the dormant follicles and so on are going to wake up soon, but I've still got several sessions to go.

So if you've just started and had the same worries as me, really: wait two weeks!

I am unreasonably excited about this. Sorry, past self who waited so long for his beard to come in: you don't need to worry about trying to look masc any more!

(Happiness to despair)

1. Dressing fem feels so good!
2. Everything that fits is in the wash.
3. Guess it's boymode today
4. I can't even just no

So I seem to have gone from "this plain T-shirt is secretly from the women's section, nobody will notice!" to "goddammit I'm dressing like a man I feel so ridiculous" without realizing. Um.

Happy ending, though: I forgot to unpack the skater skirt and stripy socks from my Trans Starter Pack™. Very un-stylish but who cares!

It's super cute, but not so feminine as to contrast my face.

It hides the bits that stick out where I don't want them to.

It fakes the bits that don't stick out where I do want them to.

It's comfortable. It's (a little bit) spinny.

I'm never taking it off! That is all.

Crying Menhera-chan

Top caption: Called the clinic to book pre-HRT counselling

Bottom caption: What if I'm not trans enough for them to give me hormones

PS Image uploads still broken :(

I was going to make this a meme, but image uploads are broken.

So after spending way too much money and buying All The Things on Amazon, I've noticed a pattern.

1. Browse clothes
2. "Oooh, that's pretty!"
3. Check size
4. Shucks, too small
5. Buy it anyway

So I've spent the last few decades with very short hair. It's naturally quite wavy, and now I've started growing it out, it's sticking out in all directions and looks a total mess, particularly around the ears. What do?

I know what shampoo and conditioner are, and I think I have a comb somewhere. Can anybody point to some good absolute-beginner tutorials, or give advice? I'm sure someone's been through the same thing...

Galaxy brain meme

1. I wish I was [gender], but I'm cis
2. Just experimenting, still cis though
3. Post-transition gender same as identified gender, definitely cis

I tried to put some feelings down in words. It's a bit dark; I hope that's OK.

A ship sailed over waters deep
Beneath a graying sky;
A sightless pilot at the helm
Dreaming of distant shores.

The clouds rolled in, the waves grew tall,
Yet onward pushed the boat;
What else to do for a lonely crew
Who knows no other home.

Insidious breakers beat the prow,
The sailor's grip grew tighter.
Far away from an unknown port
The ship began to founder.

To stay with these worthless timbered bones,
A barnacled prison cell,
Would bring an end to a pointless voyage,
And beautiful dreams as well.

One step, so small, into the dark,
Leave the ship to the ocean grim.
It matters not what the morning brings
For I was born to swim.

If you've used one on your face, then You Know.

If you haven't, give it a go! You can remove a whole carpet's worth of hair in one swipe, with less irritation and super close. It's not as scary as it looks!

I thought it wouldn't bother me, but ouch... (not their fault; I'm not out yet)

Boymode sucks now.