It's this mentality that prevents us from creating time machines

Seriously, I feel like every major region of the world has a loud guy telling them some other religious/cultural group is out to get them. When in reality the group that's out to get them is billionaires.

Desperate people are also easier to turn on each other. Maintain your communities everyone, don't let the hyper rich convince you it's anyone else but them and their greed that are hurting you.

You can blame congress as well. They could be making laws to help with this

Are these the immigrants that are stealing all our jobs?

"Ah, you've been cursed by the amulet of cucking. It functions essentially like wild magic, anytime you do anything I can ask you to roll on the cucking table. You rolled a 60? Yeah, uh lemme check, your wife appears in front of you and she hits on the rest of the party making sure to see that you're watching. Roll Charisma save."

Is it "too early" for them to choke on a bag of dicks?

Mobius strip tease

In space, no one can hear you creme...

Wait a minute... that turned out too horny

The article isn't for us. It's for the super rich to justify their wealth. They'll read that and think, "yeah, I made my sacrifices, these kids need to make theirs if they want to be as wealthy as me. Now how do I pay my daughter to talk to me again?"

Tldr: classic corporate non-response

Honestly, they might have had their response made by AI as well. Really really really bad AI.