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submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by newbeni@lemmy.world to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world

I WFH, every year one of the goals that the rest of the team decides is that it's "so great" to see each other in person. The past few years haven't worked out but one did. I spent hours in a couple of airports, the huge expense for the company, I spent days away from my family, and for what? So you could look me in my same face you would see if we turned cameras on every once in a while? My husband says I'm being weird, but I legitimately want to know, what is the benefit? I hate being there and have to play nice so you can.....look me even closer in the face?

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[-] Ottomateeverything@lemmy.world 136 points 9 months ago

I'm actually shocked to find how many people agree with the OPs sentiment, but maybe there's something about the demographics of who's using a FOSS Reddit alternative or something. I'm not saying everyone is wrong or has something wrong with them or whatever, but I entirely agree with people finding this valuable, so maybe I can answer the OPs question here.

I've been working remotely long since before the pandemic. I've worked remotely for multiple companies and in different environments. I am extremely introverted and arguably anti social. I tend to want to hang out with many of my friends online over in person. But that doesn't mean I think there's no advantage at all. To be honest, when I first started remote work, I thought the in person thing was total bullshit. After a few meetings my opinions drastically changed.

I've pushed (with other employees, of course) to get remote employees flown in at least a few times a year at multiple companies. There are vastly different social dynamics in person than over video. Honestly, I don't understand how people feel otherwise, especially if they've experienced it. I've worked with many remote employees over the years and asked about this, and most people have agreed with me. Many of these people are also introverted.

I think one of the big things here is people harping on the "face" thing. Humans communicate in large part through body language - it's not just faces. There's also a lot of communication in microexpressions that aren't always captured by compressed, badly lit video. So much of communication just isn't captured in video.

Secondly, in my experience, online meetings are extremely transactional. You meet at the scheduled time, you talk about the thing, then you close the meeting and move on. In person, people slowly mosy over to meetings. And after the meeting ends, they tend to hang around a bit and chat. When you're working in an office, you tend to grab lunch with people. Or bump into them by the kitchen. There's a TON more socializing happening in person where you actually bump into other people and talk them as people and not just cogs in the machine to get your work done.

I find in person interactions drastically change my relationships with people. Some people come off entirely different online and it's not until meeting them in person that I really feel like I know them. And then I understand their issues and blockers or miscommunications better and feel more understanding of their experiences.

Maybe things are different if you work jobs with less interdepencies or are more solo. I've always worked jobs that take a lot of cooperation between multiple different people in different roles. And those relationships are just way more functional with people I've met and have a real relationship with. And that comes from things that just don't happen online.

Im honestly really curious how anyone could feel differently. The other comments just seem mad at being required to and stating the same stuff happens online, but it just doesn't. I do wonder if maybe it has to do with being younger and entering the workplace more online or something. But I've worked with hundreds of remote employees and never heard a single one say the in person stuff to be useless. And I've heard many say exactly the opposite.

[-] tartan@lemmy.ml 45 points 9 months ago

I think you’re missing the point a wee bit. No one (introverted or otherwise) is arguing against in-person socialising in general. They are arguing against forced in-person socialising with co-workers.

online meetings are extremely transactional

Exactly. You know what else is transactional? Jobs. The employer and employee exchange work for currency. Employees don’t owe their employer any meaningful relationships with their co-workers. I’m sure that means less efficient business. I also don’t give a flying fuck.

[-] ribboo@lemm.ee 13 points 9 months ago

I felt like this a couple of years ago, then I went and changed both job and career. Suddenly I find myself actually enjoying what I do, as well as my colleagues.

A job is definitely transactional, but seeing as most of us spend 8h a day on them. I’d urge ya’ll to - if possible - try and find one where you can find some pride and value in what you do, other than the paycheck you receive.

It has improved all parts of my life in all honesty.

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[-] Azzu@lemm.ee 21 points 9 months ago

You're correct in that it's a higher quality of getting to know people in person.

However, I don't want to get to know anyone at my work because I hate the place and I can't create a honest relationship with my coworkers because of that, if I'd be honest I'd likely be reported or whatever.

I want to spend more time with people I do care about, not more time with people I don't care at all about.

[-] Illecors@lemmy.cafe 20 points 9 months ago

Sliding off topic here, but I would seriously suggest you change jobs. Spending half of your waking time in an environment you hate is one way to die early. Life's way too short for that!

[-] Azzu@lemm.ee 11 points 9 months ago

I hate every job I've had so far and I don't think that is going to change. Thanks for trying though.

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[-] ribboo@lemm.ee 10 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Why wouldn’t you be able to create relationships with your colleagues just because you hate your workplace? The worst places I’ve worked at, have had the absolute strongest relationships between the people working there. Because it’s basically been a necessity to survive the workday.

Your colleagues might hate it as much as you do. That can be something to find comfort in. And you’ll obviously never care about someone you don’t know. Perhaps you might actually start caring about a colleague or two, if you do get to know them.

[-] kambusha@feddit.ch 16 points 9 months ago

Yep, well put. I love working remotely, but would appreciate once/twice a year having an off-site to get to know some people in the company on a more human level, or so I know who has a dog, so they can send me pics. As you said, during work hours it's hard to get away from the transactional nature of the conversation.

The other thing I'm always worried about, is when grads join the company. A lot are coming from an environment where they've been interacting in person on a daily basis, and now their only interaction is online.

[-] Kecessa@sh.itjust.works 11 points 9 months ago

I've worked service jobs for 20 years and have been doing an office job from home for just over a year and even if I'm not an introvert, getting to choose who I see in person and who I don't feels wonderful, but I'm also very good at socializing online so I guess I don't feel the need to see my colleagues in person for this reason...

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[-] Arete@lemmy.world 92 points 9 months ago

The extraverts had the tables turned on them in 2020 and have been itchy for a captive audience ever since. It's a drug fix for these people, nothing more. I've skipped every cross country in-person team building gibberish since 2020 and will continue to do so.

[-] PapaStevesy@midwest.social 44 points 9 months ago

I like how indulging extrovertism is a drug fix, but indulging introvertism is just normal. Even though we're scientifically social animals...

[-] Kecessa@sh.itjust.works 40 points 9 months ago

Introverts: I don't mind RTO as long as it's on an "at will" basis

Extroverts: I want everyone to RTO

See how indulging one or the other isn't the same?

[-] OnlyJabs@lemmy.world 38 points 9 months ago

The problem is that some extroverts try to push their desire for face-to-face engagement onto others while trying to make introverts feel bad or ostracized for not wanting to. Obviously there are sane, reasonable people on both sides. Unfortunately, those that make the rules in the USA are typically neither sane nor reasonable.

[-] EldritchFeminity 14 points 9 months ago

This is like calling for straight pride month. Society is built for extroverts, and introverts have always had to put extroverts' needs first. Now that introverts can work in a comfortable environment, suddenly, it's an issue.

When I was in high school, I had a girl tell me I was her favorite person to work with, and for one simple reason: if she wanted to talk, I'd talk to her; and if she didn't, I wouldn't try to force her into a conversation.

It's work, not a social call.

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[-] rambaroo@lemmy.world 10 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

American work culture has always heavily favored extraverts to begin with. I feel really resentful because extraverts finally got a small taste of what it means to be forced to adjust to a workplace they're uncomfortable with, and now they act like we all need to go into the office again to keep their needs met.

There's never been any real consideration of introverts when it comes to office culture, other than to ridicule or minimize us when we express our needs. And btw I work a highly social job and interact with people all day long. I'm expected to adjust but extraverts aren't.

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[-] BananaTrifleViolin@lemmy.world 61 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Because generally social interaction is easier and better face to face. You can read people's facial cues better, have true eye contact, better hear the subtitles of voice and mood. People feel more connected with someone if they have met them face to face.

Alternatively, communication via email and video call can be hard and easily misread. People can misread emails as aggressive or be aggressive and not realise the impact. Communication on a video call, especially in big groups, can be difficult and impersonal.

Meeting up occasionally is probably seen as good a way to keep your team coherent and friendly. You're more likely to be aware of the other person's feelings if it's someone you've socialised and spent time with. It's easier to be empathetic and kind if you know that person in the flesh rather than just a name on an email or a random face on a video call. You're more likely to make allowances for other people if you know about them and their circumstances.

When working remotely how many times do you have social calls and chats with your colleagues? It's an important element of being in a long term team.

I work in a hospital in a busy face to face job but some colleagues I barely see as we have different weekly rosters. So I only interact with them via email or video call; despite being in the same building a lot of the time. We make the time once a month to have a team meeting and social catch up as it's good for everyone and the team. It's similar to what you're doing once a year across a country.

You may not see the value in it but it may be worth noting other people may see the value in getting to know you and understand you. For example if that socialisation isn't something that comes natural to you, your team members seeing you and getting to know you will also help them adjust to work better with you. It is very much a 2 way thing.

[-] bionicjoey@lemmy.ca 16 points 9 months ago

Pretty ableist to assume everyone wants that though. Like I'm autistic and I do way better with video calls and emails than in person.

[-] Liz@midwest.social 18 points 9 months ago

Did you not read the last paragraph, where they mentioned that it might not have value for OP directly, but their coworkers see value in it anyway?

[-] bionicjoey@lemmy.ca 11 points 9 months ago

Pretty ableist to force someone into a situation that makes them uncomfortable just because you assume everyone enjoys it.

[-] chumbalumber 13 points 9 months ago

Where in the post does it say anyone is being forced into it? OP was asking why their team wanted to meet up face to face, the first reply explains why teams would want to do it, while acknowledging that not everyone wants to.

[-] Carol2852@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 9 months ago

I got to say, this is only true if interaction is actually better in person. For me I'm not sure that is the case. I also do not participate in all social calls that my company set up, but I am always available for 1v1 video calls with my colleagues.

I was at the office 3 times last year and that is plenty enough for me and my team.

[-] TheAlbatross 61 points 9 months ago

Some people really like in-person socialization. There's something lost in the webcam only meeting. I'm glad you adapted well to the circumstances of the pandemic, but not everyone faired so well. I can tell ya I went a lil bonkers not being able to see people in person.

[-] gdog05@lemmy.world 48 points 9 months ago

How you felt, going bonkers, is roughly how many introverts feel being around people. So, the three years that introverts felt good in the history of... forever, many of us would like to keep that. I just ask that extroverts respect how shitty the workforce is especially for introverts and maybe try to get their social needs met in their personal life and not demand that work time also fit only their needs. At the expense of others.

[-] Ottomateeverything@lemmy.world 31 points 9 months ago

As an introvert, as much as I feel weird aroind people, I feel even weirder video chatting with people I've never met in person. In that situation, I have no idea how to read people and the expectations are way harder to try to meet. This makes meetings even worse until I meet them.

While I agree that forced in person work daily is insane, the OP is complaining about meeting people in person once after many years, which feels equally as ridiculous. IMO even for widely dispersed teams, meeting a few times a year seems ideal.

[-] Azzu@lemm.ee 14 points 9 months ago

Some people do not care about reading people or meeting expectations of people at work. They just want to do whatever is strictly necessary to get some money to live, and then get away from the whole thing.

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[-] shalafi@lemmy.world 22 points 9 months ago

We're social animals, socialization benefits us. WFH is better overall, but meeting up now and again has clear benefits.

Just commented here, and the anti-social folks seem to disagree, even though I'm mainly agreeing with them. Go figure.

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[-] Azzu@lemm.ee 58 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I have a slightly different perspective that hasn't particularly been mentioned yet.

I think you agree that communication with your spouse and friends is better in person than online. Otherwise, why do you live together with your spouse? That's the argument of the meet-in-office folks.

However, the difference is that you don't care about or hate your job and/or coworkers. Other people, who push for these meetings, do not feel like this. Hence they enjoy the higher quality of relationship offered by occasional in-person time, but you don't.

[-] thetreesaysbark@sh.itjust.works 22 points 9 months ago

Not sure about this.

I like my job, and my coworkers.

Do I like them enough to spend my own time going to see them instead of my family? Nope.

You can like people but prefer other people.

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[-] Lmaydev@programming.dev 55 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Some people need to be around others, some people hate it, some people are indifferent. Everyone is different.

I find social interactions very draining. While others find being isolated draining.

I think we are likely in the minority but that doesn't make us weird. No one is normal.

[-] souperk@reddthat.com 28 points 9 months ago

Social interactions are totally draining for me, but I cannot understand a person until I had a face to face communication with them.

[-] mohammed_alibi@lemmy.world 12 points 9 months ago

Same here. I am introverted and I hate social interactions. It drains me. BUT for me, after talking and meeting a person face-to-face a few times, all the rest of the online communication becomes a lot more smooth-sailing.

[-] dmention7@lemm.ee 10 points 9 months ago

Thanks for posting that. I find social interactions pretty draining as well, and default to email or chat whenever possible, but your post made it click in my head that even a quick video call with a new (or old!) colleague makes later communications feel so much easier.

[-] FeelzGoodMan420@eviltoast.org 34 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I think everyone just pretends to be honest. They're a few fucking weirdos who enjoy waiting 5 extra hours for their delayed flight and having to rent a car to drive to some conference that could have been conducted virtually and all that other bullshit, but I'm fairly confident that most people would prefer NOT to do that and to simply wfh. Webcams are fine with me. I have friends. I have a wife. I have a family. I don't need to see work people in real life. It literally adds zero benefit to my life. Also a lot of people suffer from chronic pain like back problems. Commutting and flying and sitting 8 hours a day in some piece of shit ergo chair from 1988 is literally torture for them. Work culture has no sympathy for disabled people. They can go get fucked. Work from home for life all you motherfuckers.

[-] MelonYellow@lemmy.ca 16 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I'm the same way. I'm not anti-social, just picky with how I spend my time and with whom. I guess it's more of a reflection on my job, but work people ain't it – meaning I wouldn't be friends with most of them outside of work. As I get older, I find that I increasingly put myself first and have less tolerance for bullshit lol.

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[-] otter@lemmy.ca 11 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

It depends a lot on the group of people, but sometimes introverts can prefer in person interactions. With online meetings, there's usually one person in focus and that makes it harder to pop in and speak. With in person sessions, you can speak one on one.

It depends person to person, dynamics of the team, and the costs of meeting in person.

For example, this could be more true for younger team members who may not have a strong social network / a family at home

[-] Ottomateeverything@lemmy.world 11 points 9 months ago

Yeah, I've met many people who literally have never spoken up in a meeting unless called upon.... And then you meet them in person and they talk all the time.

Online dynamics are entirely different and it doesn't work at all for some people.

But for most people it's functional but much less so than in person. Humans were wired for in person interactions. Not just cropped compressed video of a persons face.

[-] MapleEngineer@lemmy.world 24 points 9 months ago

I find it difficult to put my penis in people of I don't see them in person and I want to put my penis in people.

[-] coffeejoe@lemmy.dbzer0.com 21 points 9 months ago

Because I can’t seem to act the same remotely as I do in person. I have trouble reading the room and responding as expected.

[-] shalafi@lemmy.world 12 points 9 months ago

Yep. In my review with my last boss, while transitioning to a new team, he noted that someone had said I should act more professionally. No idea what he meant! Never had such a thing said to me in decades of in-person work.

In person, we get a better feel for the emotions present. No getting around the fact that we evolved to be social animals. When the internet first became a thing, it was conventional wisdom that we were missing out on a lot of social cues by only communicating via text.

My company seems to have nailed it, so far. Mostly leaning on hiring local employees, but no mandate to come in. They can meet up, and that's nice for many reasons. I'm starting to feel left out a bit, wanting to fly up there again, just hang out for a day or two, build relationships, learn about what people outside my team or working on or struggling with. Generally shoot the bullshit and make friends. Guess that's passe now.

[-] DingoBilly@lemmy.world 16 points 9 months ago

I'm in the same boat as you. It's a waste of time for me, but others seem to need it.

It's worth noting I have autism though. So social interactions don't do much for me.

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[-] shalafi@lemmy.world 14 points 9 months ago

look me in my same face you would see if we turned cameras on every once in a while?

Not the same as interpersonal interaction, misses much of the communication we evolved to express and understand.

OTOH, I've had a few Zoom-only relationships where we're pretty tight, but that's rare.

LOL, one of those is my Zoom rep. We email occasionally, trade pics and jokes. Every few months we Zoom and shoot the bullshit about our lives. She gets me the skinny on upcoming stuff, where my account's at, what I might need or not need. Because we're tight like that, she jumps when I need a thing, and in turn, I read all her correspondence carefully.

Another is a coworker, nearly my best friend at the company. When we finally met in person at a team meeting, we were tight. Boss was like, "Had you guys met before today?!"

Again, pretty rare relationships. Know who I'm really close to? The guy who lives here who I used to work in the office with. Man came to my wedding. None of those remote people did. When he needs my help, I jump.

And if anyone wants to poo-poo interpersonal work relationships, I will ask that person what they think of long-distance relationships. The conventional wisdom is that they don't work out. (Yes, I know those are different. But how different and why? Think on that.)

Great post and question! Much food for thought as we navigate this new world.

Anyway, I had some thoughts earlier tonight, both pro and con.

https://old.lemmy.world/comment/8056815

[-] Stromatose@lemmy.world 12 points 9 months ago

I'm sure you have friends outside of work right?

That's the part I never understand about people who connect working in office and with the fun of seeing others is person.

Why are you so willing to put up with commuting, office quality furniture, public restroom facilities, sick people who realllllly should have leverage optional work from home days or just regular old sick time... When you could just have more time for friends outside of the workplace.

I see my friends on weekends or they come over and we have game nights spending quality time with each other rather than infrequent unplanned interactions when we both should be doing something else.

My personal life friends are the people I "jump" for. Not coworkers. Having to "jump" for a coworker is and should be an inconvenience in the workplace because it means a failure of planning occurred somewhere. You can still have friendly camaraderie in the face of inconvenient circumstances but I don't think you need to have some deep relationship to help out a colleague. That comes with the job to some extent.

When I've become friends with people from work, I invite them into my entirely separate personal life and in fact that is the case for one of my closest friends.

I just feel like If you wanna hang out with people from the office invite them to something outside of the office. The whole captive audience thing is such a demoralizing foundation to start a friendship with.

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[-] BassaForte@lemmy.world 13 points 9 months ago

I share the same opinion as you. My job is mostly remote, but I am required to come to the office (2 hour drive away) once every month or two (which has mostly come down to company meetings once every 2 months).

On the bright side, they book me a hotel room and compensate me for gas and wear-and-tear on my car, but pretty much when I get there, it's a normal day with a scrum meeting almost first thing, which we do virtually almost always anyways, and then the same work I'd be doing at home, just at a cubicle. We sometimes go out for a group lunch, but most of the time we're on our own (I don't really eat lunch so I just grab a coffee), and then we have the company meeting which could 100% just be done virtually. My only real interaction with anyone in the office is greetings when people walk in and that's pretty much it.

I'm with you, I really don't see the benefit, and I know I can't complain much because it's not very frequent, but it's still 4 hours of driving (which btw, I think I'm expected to not count as "work time") and it doesn't benefit me or anyone else I see anyways.

[-] neptune@dmv.social 13 points 9 months ago

If I only ever have to see my team once a year, I take it as a win, fake it til I make it, pretend it's amazing for flatter my boss and team.

Everyone would think I'm an asshole if I wasn't positive and polite about the one whole day we are forced to eat fucking bagels together.

[-] Blizzard@lemmy.zip 13 points 9 months ago

Airports? Days? I live 30 mins walking distance from my office and I'm still not bothered to go there.

[-] atro_city@fedia.io 12 points 9 months ago

You're not being weird. Some people like face to face, some don't. Not everybody's the same and to claim that would be naive. Unfortunately, there are more people who enjoy face to face than not, and most of them work in management: management is interacting with people --> you have to like interacting with people to be at least a passable manager --> the chances are much higher you enjoy doing that face to face --> management makes decisions --> face to face is valued.

Same goes for salary: management is there to delegate work --> they are disconnected with the day to day of workers because they don't do their work --> management sees workers as less qualified than themselves --> logically never would pay those "less qualified" same or more than themselves. Management makes decisions so guess who gets paid more...

It's just how things shake out. If workers become management, they too forget how things are and slip into the same pattern observed above. It's just unfortunate how the human brain works.

[-] nutsack@lemmy.world 11 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

ive worked on remote and office teams and i think that the asynchronous remote workflow can be more efficient and more easily measured. there's a paper trail for every conversation that happens. but you also enable dickheads who don't like to work when you pair them with managers who have no idea what's going on. ive worked on teams like that too.

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[-] corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca 10 points 9 months ago

I've worked 2 jobs for 22 years, my side-gig being the 22-year one while my day-job moves about.

Working remotely has allowed me to change addresses, cities, regions, coasts, countries, and time zones many times in those 22 years. Had there been enough work in the side gig, I would have been happy to make it my primary job; but I say that as I know the day job has taught me techniques and tools I would maybe never have been able to bring to the side gig without that incentive.

Seeing people in the flesh is neat and keen and fetch, or whatever. But I'll reserve that for my friends.

When it comes down to it, I have the power to require that a job pay me for every moment I do things on their behalf; and that includes commuting. I don't want to do it, and they don't want to pay me to do it, so I don't.

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this post was submitted on 02 Mar 2024
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