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Why are people so antsy to see others in person?
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 02 Mar 2024
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I'm actually shocked to find how many people agree with the OPs sentiment, but maybe there's something about the demographics of who's using a FOSS Reddit alternative or something. I'm not saying everyone is wrong or has something wrong with them or whatever, but I entirely agree with people finding this valuable, so maybe I can answer the OPs question here.
I've been working remotely long since before the pandemic. I've worked remotely for multiple companies and in different environments. I am extremely introverted and arguably anti social. I tend to want to hang out with many of my friends online over in person. But that doesn't mean I think there's no advantage at all. To be honest, when I first started remote work, I thought the in person thing was total bullshit. After a few meetings my opinions drastically changed.
I've pushed (with other employees, of course) to get remote employees flown in at least a few times a year at multiple companies. There are vastly different social dynamics in person than over video. Honestly, I don't understand how people feel otherwise, especially if they've experienced it. I've worked with many remote employees over the years and asked about this, and most people have agreed with me. Many of these people are also introverted.
I think one of the big things here is people harping on the "face" thing. Humans communicate in large part through body language - it's not just faces. There's also a lot of communication in microexpressions that aren't always captured by compressed, badly lit video. So much of communication just isn't captured in video.
Secondly, in my experience, online meetings are extremely transactional. You meet at the scheduled time, you talk about the thing, then you close the meeting and move on. In person, people slowly mosy over to meetings. And after the meeting ends, they tend to hang around a bit and chat. When you're working in an office, you tend to grab lunch with people. Or bump into them by the kitchen. There's a TON more socializing happening in person where you actually bump into other people and talk them as people and not just cogs in the machine to get your work done.
I find in person interactions drastically change my relationships with people. Some people come off entirely different online and it's not until meeting them in person that I really feel like I know them. And then I understand their issues and blockers or miscommunications better and feel more understanding of their experiences.
Maybe things are different if you work jobs with less interdepencies or are more solo. I've always worked jobs that take a lot of cooperation between multiple different people in different roles. And those relationships are just way more functional with people I've met and have a real relationship with. And that comes from things that just don't happen online.
Im honestly really curious how anyone could feel differently. The other comments just seem mad at being required to and stating the same stuff happens online, but it just doesn't. I do wonder if maybe it has to do with being younger and entering the workplace more online or something. But I've worked with hundreds of remote employees and never heard a single one say the in person stuff to be useless. And I've heard many say exactly the opposite.
I think you’re missing the point a wee bit. No one (introverted or otherwise) is arguing against in-person socialising in general. They are arguing against forced in-person socialising with co-workers.
Exactly. You know what else is transactional? Jobs. The employer and employee exchange work for currency. Employees don’t owe their employer any meaningful relationships with their co-workers. I’m sure that means less efficient business. I also don’t give a flying fuck.
I felt like this a couple of years ago, then I went and changed both job and career. Suddenly I find myself actually enjoying what I do, as well as my colleagues.
A job is definitely transactional, but seeing as most of us spend 8h a day on them. I’d urge ya’ll to - if possible - try and find one where you can find some pride and value in what you do, other than the paycheck you receive.
It has improved all parts of my life in all honesty.
Sure. But regardless, I used to work as a teacher. 15 weeks of vacation yearly, great pay (for Sweden at least). Worked about 32h every week.
I’m much happier today with much less vacation, longer hours and a bit worse pay (though it’ll get much better with time). Because I actually like my job. And I get to work on skills that I have use for in my free time as well.
It does not have to be all about getting paid as much and working as little as possible. Finding a good employer and a career you like is also an option.
You're correct in that it's a higher quality of getting to know people in person.
However, I don't want to get to know anyone at my work because I hate the place and I can't create a honest relationship with my coworkers because of that, if I'd be honest I'd likely be reported or whatever.
I want to spend more time with people I do care about, not more time with people I don't care at all about.
Sliding off topic here, but I would seriously suggest you change jobs. Spending half of your waking time in an environment you hate is one way to die early. Life's way too short for that!
I hate every job I've had so far and I don't think that is going to change. Thanks for trying though.
have you had a job with a strong union or even outright as a co-operative? i figure the fundamental problem is that normal jobs are inherently exploitative and if you don't have that bit it might become actually enjoyable
In the end, every job that is not a co-op is inherently exploitative, since if it doesn't return profit to employ someone, employment will not happen.
But really the problem is that I have a very low resiliency, I'm mentally weak and can't work as much as many other people or in the usual way with semi-fixed hours etc. So I can only get bad jobs, because the good jobs are very competitive and I lose to other applicants.
Why wouldn’t you be able to create relationships with your colleagues just because you hate your workplace? The worst places I’ve worked at, have had the absolute strongest relationships between the people working there. Because it’s basically been a necessity to survive the workday.
Your colleagues might hate it as much as you do. That can be something to find comfort in. And you’ll obviously never care about someone you don’t know. Perhaps you might actually start caring about a colleague or two, if you do get to know them.
Yep, well put. I love working remotely, but would appreciate once/twice a year having an off-site to get to know some people in the company on a more human level, or so I know who has a dog, so they can send me pics. As you said, during work hours it's hard to get away from the transactional nature of the conversation.
The other thing I'm always worried about, is when grads join the company. A lot are coming from an environment where they've been interacting in person on a daily basis, and now their only interaction is online.
I've worked service jobs for 20 years and have been doing an office job from home for just over a year and even if I'm not an introvert, getting to choose who I see in person and who I don't feels wonderful, but I'm also very good at socializing online so I guess I don't feel the need to see my colleagues in person for this reason...
Are you a manager by any chance?
No.
In your intro paragraph you say meetings. I think people who still think of meetings as being a worthwhile way to spend company time probably are demographically preoccupied with the alleged value of "in person".
Totally agree. I'm on restricted duties at the moment so meet all of my clients on teams. I hate it. The audio is terrible so one or both of us is always mishearing, my desk is in front of a window so I have to keep my curtains closed for them to see me. I don't get to build the same rapport with them and their responses to my questions are more stilted because of it. A large part of my job is judging body language and reading non-verbal cues, which is next to impossible on teams.
And on monday, my computer decided to do a mandatory, 3 hour update, so I missed an appointment and couldn't access the client's number to apologise or explain. So I had to text a colleague to run over to the client's office let them know I wasn't going to make it
Further to that, I have found that in-person training sessions are much more effective than training over Teams/Zoom/Skype.
Not specifically because you are in the room with the instructor, but rather because you are in the room with the other students.
The opportunity to chat casually with the others during breaks is often where much of the learning and deepening of understanding happens. You can learn about their different approaches to the same problems you have. You can discover that you share confusion about something the instructor had briefly touched on , which can lead to a deeper discussion in class.(far too often during online training nobody asks what they assume is not a common question)