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submitted 10 months ago by Nobody@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

I've never had a Facebook account or any other social media. I know they keep shadow profiles, but I've never given permission. I never had any interest and frankly still don't.

The problem I'm having is that I don't exist online when people try to look me up. When someone tries to check me out, there's nothing there and apparently that's considered abnormal these days. I think it's starting to affect my life negatively for various reasons I'd rather not get into.

I'd just like some advice about where to start if you wanted to dip your toes in and check it out. LinkedIn, maybe?

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[-] CaptainBasculin@lemmy.ml 84 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Linkedin is the only social media I would reccomend to put yourself out (as in, put your successful projects in) as it's used more as a networking tool to land yourself in better jobs.

Fuck other social media. Anonymity is best.

[-] krashmo@lemmy.world 47 points 10 months ago

LinkedIn is getting shittier all the time too. I check it out twice a year or so and every time I look at my feed it reminds me a bit more of Facebook. It's the only social media I haven't deactivated and is likely to stay that way for a while longer at least but it definitely feels like it's getting further and further from that professional vibe it once carried, and not in a good way.

[-] pastermil@sh.itjust.works 31 points 10 months ago

It's like the place where your bosses put lame boomer-styled memes and motivational stuff.

[-] themurphy@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

The only reason your boss ever posts something 'motivational' is for their own personal gain of earning more money off you.

He never posts "Try to enjoy life. Maybe take a day off sometime to be with your family on an extended weekend and forget work for a while."

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[-] Vipsu@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I second LinkedIn.

You dont really have to be all that active there either. Just login every now and then to add / accept new connections and to update your profile.

LinkedIn for me is basically public CV that recruiters can view. Depending on your profession you can also link your github, stackoverflow, portfolio, blog or something similar there to direct people to channels you prefer instead of social media.

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[-] Potatisen@lemmy.world 45 points 10 months ago

I know how you feel but joining in now might be a mistake. The trend at the moment is people leaving social media, soon people won't care if they can find you or not.

Stay away!

[-] SorteKanin@feddit.dk 13 points 10 months ago

The trend at the moment is people leaving social media

Eeeh... Is it really? I know that's what many people on Lemmy would like to believe because that's what they largely are doing, but lemmings are a minority. I think the vast majority of people don't even know or care about how bad social media is these days and continue using it.

[-] otter@lemmy.ca 7 points 10 months ago

People's situations can be different, OP is asking how they can join while minimizing the harms

We don't have to not join something because the trend is people leaving. Worst case scenario they meet the immediate need and leave alongside whoever they need to connect with

[-] crsu@lemmy.world 36 points 10 months ago

Social media is so dead. Everyone has one yeah but it's a placeholder. The novelty is gone

[-] Sheeple@lemmy.world 14 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Seriously I kind of miss the "Internet playground" era of 10 years ago. It felt like you could easily find not just one but multiple close knit groups for ANYTHING you might enjoy. It was easy to engage with people without huge effort.

Nowadays it's monolithic corporate groups. Soulless without the close interactions. Content is at an all time high yet simultaneously true interactions are dead. Forget about trying to find multiple groups, they all have been cannibalised into a singular Uber corpo group if it exists at all.

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[-] A_Random_Idiot@lemmy.world 35 points 10 months ago

Don't.

Thats the only advice you need.

[-] DudeImMacGyver@sh.itjust.works 33 points 10 months ago

You're on social media right now, but personally, I don't care if there's nothing when people look me up: Seems like a bonus, I barely get spam calls anymore.

[-] cation@lemmy.world 29 points 10 months ago

"The problem I'm having is that I don't exist online when people try to look me up."

That's not a problem, that's a privilege very few people get to enjoy. Fuсk social media and fuсk Facebook in particular.

[-] cosmicrookie@lemmy.world 27 points 10 months ago

Don't do it. I have stopped using Facebook and Instagram since November when they give me the choice to either pay a crazy amount or accept targeted ads.

The amount of time that I suddenly have is crazy. I have already read 7 books and Its been 20 years since I last had read a book!

Not to mention all the negativity and toxicity that I no longer get exposed to.

Its people own fault of they judge you by your being online of social media or not. That said, I don't think you'd be any better if they did value you on what you do online.

Maybe you can create a website with your basic information a few pictures and a short descriptive text. It's kind of a business card style website that will show up when people search your name on Google

[-] Resol@lemmy.world 26 points 10 months ago

You're already using social media, the only difference is that you're in the fediverse, not the metaverse.

[-] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 24 points 10 months ago

You owe the internet NOTHING. You do not owe it posts at a certain interval, you do not owe it media, nothing. Only post what you want to post, when and how you want to post it.

Social Media should serve you. It should make you happy, it should make it easier to communicate with people you care about or share interests in. If it doesn't serve you or makes you unhappy, you should not feel any shame or regret in just walking away.

If you don't know whether or not you want to use "insert platform here", go ahead and sign up for a free account to reserve your name then just leave it until you find a need for it. If you end up not needing it, you can delete the account or just abandon it in place.

I would also say something like 'don't be afraid to ask questions', but you've already got that one down.

Have fun! :)

[-] Seasoned_Greetings@lemmy.world 20 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I know you've probably heard this about a dozen times by now, but..

Don't join Facebook.

They track everything they can about you, down to how long you spend looking at something on your screen. I'm fairly certain they listen to what's going on around you if you put the app on your phone. An ad for something I've mentioned in passing has popped up on my feed shortly later too many times to be a coincidence.

They follow you around on your browser, too. They know what you shop for. It's all specially tailored to sell you their ads.

I keep an account to stay in touch with my family, and it's appalling how much more information they get from you than any other app. Not to mention the heavy prevalence of MAGA hats and I'll-kill-you-before-I-consider-your-opinion conservatives.

Instagram isn't much better, but at least the people there are nicer.

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[-] olafurp@lemmy.world 19 points 10 months ago

My advice is to cancel joining.

[-] Varyk@sh.itjust.works 18 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I'd say if you aren't on them and don't need them, there's no reason to dip your toe in.

It's okay to be a little weird and save tons of time and not have to read worthless comments.

I was part of the main ones, but got rid of everything, LinkedIn Facebook, all of it. They are useless or detrimental personally, and I don't need them for my job.

This is the extent of my social media now.

[-] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.world 16 points 10 months ago

I think that if you don't want to have social media, you shouldn't make it. If someone is giving you shit about it, then tell them to fuck off. You do you, Booboo.

If you insist on it, LinkedIn is barely social media since there's limited interaction. It's more of an unstated competition on who has the best resume/CV. Facebook is a bunch of people sharing updates and opinions no one cares for. Instagram is people sharing pictures no one would have asked to see.

lol. I'm on some bullshit today. Anyway, if you're going to make a profile, set a limit to how much time you are going to spend on it. That stuff is designed to keep you hooked, so it might suck you in. Keep yourself to your own boundaries.

[-] BluesF@lemmy.world 15 points 10 months ago

Don't join LinkedIn unless you need to look for a corporate job. Be a trailblazer and join Mastodon or something if you need an online presence... Frankly I don't have a single social media account that I appreciate having. It's occasionally useful to find people on Facebook, but there's nothing really it gives me that getting someone's phone number doesn't.

[-] ricdeh@lemmy.world 15 points 10 months ago

Please don't.

[-] otter@lemmy.ca 13 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

OP understands the risks, and they're asking for tips on how to mitigate them if they have to make an account.

A lot of the comments here either missed or intentionally ignored the post body... Or the downvotes on the comment with a personal account saying how single women can feel safer if they can learn about a new person before meeting them.

People have different circumstances and perspectives :)


My advice for the original post:

  • Joining: You don't have to join everything at once, figure out what you might need. This also depends on where you are because different platforms are popular in different places. LinkedIn is one of the few that are helpful in my area.
    • You can also start with Fediverse platforms if you prefer, but if you're trying to connect with specific people that might not help
    • An alternative getting your name published on articles or blogs to fill up the search results
  • Usage: Do spring cleaning constantly. It's a big task if you try to clean your feed all at once, and it'll be easier for you to do it from the start. When you don't like something/someone, unfollow or mute. You can do it in a way that the other person won't know, if that's important. A lot of the problems of social media can be avoided if you maintain your feed.
  • I'll add more if I can think of them, good luck!

I think it can help to have some presence, even if it is to control what information comes up when someone looks you up.

[-] stoy@lemmy.zip 13 points 10 months ago

I have never had a social media account under my real name, apart from Linkedin, which is just there to show me for possible employers.

When I google myself, I only get results about my address and my Linkedin profile, so I do atleast exist.

As for advice about joning something like Facebook....

  1. Stay away from politics.
  2. Don't just "like" random stuff, be selective and only "like" stuff you really enjoy.
  3. Do not engage with dickheads, people will be mean to you, block them and move on, don't engage, you can just leave.
  4. Stay away from politics.
  5. Never post photos of your kids/family without explicit, preferably written, consent.
  6. Be open to take down any photo of a person if said person asks you to.
  7. Stay away from politics.
  8. Avoid posting content about vacations before and during them, bruglers have been known to use that info to know when a house probably is empty.
  9. If you are a woman, please be extra careful posting images of your face online, people have and will continue to take faces of women in particular and photoshop them into porn, it is sad, but is a reality.
  10. Be mentally prepared for a lot of hate, whatever you post, you will sooner or later annoy someone online, or even just come to attention of certain people, and they will swnd you hate filled messges, block them and don't engage.
  11. Stay away from politics.
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[-] FoxFairline 12 points 10 months ago

Weird how no one recommended Mastodon yet.

You can switch your profile to public and follow some nice people and hashtags, if anyone wants to check your vibe. All with you real name. It has become the good version of twitter for me and at least in europe many people are starting to use it.

[-] leraje 12 points 10 months ago

If anyone seriously judged me for not being on a particular website I'd have to consider their competency at managing life.

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[-] ares35@kbin.social 11 points 10 months ago

if you have no desire to 'participate' on a social media platform, but want people to still be able to 'google' you, perhaps a personal web page on your own domain. with a brief bio, your cv, and perhaps some interesting tidbits from hobbies or work projects.

[-] cashews_best_nut@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago

I used to have Facebook. Dabbled with Instagram and Twitter. Don't use any of them now. Feel 10x better.

[-] dojan@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago

Why are people looking you up?

[-] rockSlayer@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago

For the most part, stick to the fediverse.

  • Lemmy/kbin = reddit (you are here)
  • Mastodon = twitter
  • Pixelfed = Instagram
  • Friendica = Facebook
  • Peertube = Youtube

The only standard social media account I'd recommend is linkedin, literally only because it's meant to network for jobs. Don't get me wrong, it's full of desperate corporate worship and therefore miserable to use. However, the real point is networking for career advancement and job listings

[-] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 10 points 10 months ago

You’re on social media right now. You know that, right?

[-] brb@sh.itjust.works 10 points 10 months ago

You know what they mean. No need to be a smartass about it

[-] A_Random_Idiot@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Forums are not social media. God I am so tired of this disingenuous, and intercontinentally stretched argument.

"Hur hurr rhurrrrr U TLAK 2 PEPUL HARE TAT MEN U SOSHUL TAT MEN DIS SOSHUL MEDEEUH"

Social media is a very specific thing, relating to things like Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/TikTok/Etc.

Forums, like Lemmy, are not social media. Just because you interact with people on something doesnt make it social media, trying to stretch the definition to that regard makes everything from clay tablets, to semaphore, to IRC to email social media.

[-] Zak@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago

I don't think anyone can give you good advice without knowing the reasons you'd rather not get in to.

I can think of various scenarios where some sort of minimal internet presence under your real name would be useful for social or employment reasons, but exactly what it is you're trying to accomplish makes a big difference in terms of what tools (including corporate platforms, federated microblogging like Mastodon, a blog, or a static website) will get you the results you want.

What's popular where you live or in your professional field matters too. For some people, not using Facebook or Linkedin specifically is unusual, but we don't have enough information to know if that's true for you.

[-] FoundTheVegan@kbin.social 9 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

As a woman who was single and dating, saying you don't have a social media is a red flag. Best case scenario, you truly don't and it's probably from having some sort of arrogant judgement value about people who do, worst case, you have a spouce you are hiding from me.

Either way, not worth the risk. Like all the women I know feel the same. Sure it's a historically newer redflag that didn't exist 10-50 years ago, but neither was worrying about crypto gambling and manospehre BS. Modern problems require modern precautions.

[-] bonnetbee@lemmy.world 24 points 10 months ago

If I don't have social media I am either arrogant or I am hiding something? Sounds very ignorant and arrogant to me.

The women I know are people I can talk to, discuss social media, discuss decisions regarding social media, no red flag bullshit. Maybe it's different in different countries.

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[-] nepenthes@lemmy.world 18 points 10 months ago

I'm a woman and I don't have any social media. I just don't see the value in it when the cost is tracking and ads.

Honestly, it's not great to assume that someone is "arrogant and judgmental" because they don't fit in your boxes :|

[-] julianschmulian 12 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

saying people who don‘t have social media are arrogant (or worse, suspicious) is the most red flag you can get. there was literally a greentext about this recently and I remember thinking there‘s no way someone could be that ignorant and yet here we are

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[-] Jakdracula@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

I turned off all social media almost 3 years ago. Reddit was the only thing that I subscribed to, and I got rid of that last June. I haven’t missed Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter or anything else for even one second. Don’t do it!

[-] vernknitsthings@midwest.social 9 points 10 months ago

I keep my Linkedin updated, but Linkedin is BS. I hate it. Facebook I only keep for shitposting and because it's the way my husband's family keeps in touch (my husband deleted his FB years ago). Facebook is not great. Would not recommend. Honestly, most social media websites are shit and I could not recommend. Lemmy is kind of social media, and this is okay. I liked reddit too, back when I used it.

[-] helmet91@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

When it comes to Facebook, Instagram, and other mainstream social media, just stay away, it's not worth it. I had Facebook, and it was just full of trash. I haven't had Instagram, but it's not very appealing either.

A LinkedIn account, however, for professional reasons is very much advised. Or Glassdoor.

Although over the recent years I saw some decline in quality on LinkedIn, as it's getting full of shit posts, but you can completely disregard what's on the feed. What you need LinkedIn for, is to build a professional profile, have your former and current coworkers in your network, and find and apply for jobs. Or even just let opportunities come to your inbox once you have an impressive profile.

The most amazing workplace I've ever had was possible thanks to LinkedIn, with almost no effort on my part. I have to say, this isn't typical though. It's only likely happening in countries where there's a labour shortage. But a recruiter (among tons of others) found me from a well known company, their opening looked good to me, so I gave it a try. After just one interview I was hired, and I didn't even have to apply for the job.

My most recent job was with a relocation to a different country. I can't even imagine how this would've been possible without LinkedIn or Glassdoor. But I achieved one of my big life goals.

A career advice I got about ten years ago: create a LinkedIn profile and always keep updating it. If you do so, you'll see it's kinda awkward to go back in time and retrospectively edit things and connect with former coworkers. But since you haven't had an account yet, I don't see any other choice for you.

As for Glassdoor, it's maybe a bit less popular than LinkedIn, but nowadays you can find opportunities there too. The best strength of Glassdoor is that you can find reviews of companies, sometimes they're also reporting their salaries so you know what to expect. In some cases, individual reviews may be misleading as they're forced by the company (which is btw against the terms of use), it can be a good indicator if you find thousands of good reviews or thousands of bad reviews.

Regarding the fediverse (Mastodon, Lemmy, Pixelfed, PeerTube, etc.), they're much better than their corporate equivalents in terms of quality, but they're not immune to misinformation either. And also not immune to the user's own stupidity. Obviously, don't share what doesn't belong there.

Edit: added notes for Glassdoor

[-] victorz@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

LinkedIn is pretty good, for finding work. I've gotten a lot of offers there. Ultimately never took any of them, ironically, but worth the time to set up a good profile.

If you're thinking of joining Facebook... Don't. It's not worth it. Tell people you have something else and give them that info. Like your phone number or your email or your WhatsApp/telegram/whatever.

I hate how I have Facebook and am so dependent on it. I wish I could tell people I don't have it.

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[-] ultra@feddit.ro 8 points 10 months ago

It would be better to host a site.

[-] DestroyerOfWorlds@sh.itjust.works 8 points 10 months ago
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[-] the_q@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

Don't. I don't care if this is just how the world works now, don't do it. Keep yourself.

[-] QaspR@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

Honestly, I'd stick with the Fediverse. At least on here you have some rights and no one (probably) will sell your information to advertisers. LinkedIn is an okay platform if you're looking to grow your career through social media.

[-] Bruncvik@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago

Unless you are expected to engage with others on social media, you can circumvent them by creating a blog under your name. Tailor your essays to the crowd you want to appeal to - family, friends, potential employers - and publish a few articles every year.

That's essentially what I've been doing. I used to be on Facebook (left a while ago), and I'm still on LinkedIn (due to its toxic positivity, I'm not engaging there, just keeping my CV up to date). But if you googled my name, the first few pages of results would be my blog articles, my Flickr profile and a few other things not related to social media. This also gives me far more control over what I want people to know about me, and how that information is presented.

[-] firkin_slang_whanger@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago

Get LinkedIn. I understand where you're coming from. I don't have any other social media either and I've gotten weird looks. Especially when it came from dating in the past with people trying to make sure you're you, but having LinkedIn helped significantly. Also shows the maturity of having a social media account that can possibly help you in the long-run.

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this post was submitted on 30 Dec 2023
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