Man the broken grammar and spelling makes this annoying to read.
I see one mistake, otherwise reads fine to me
There's always a reason, it's just not always a satisfying explanation
Thats just it though, a lot of the time there are reasons.
A lot of those reasons aren't immediately apparent, Some of those reasons might never be understood even by the person themselves.
I also want to make clear that a "reason" isn't always an excuse it's just the preceding experiences/events that lead up to an outcome.
Someone with a non--standard set of tools for reading context has a non-standard chance of seeing and/or understanding those reasons. Because the outward facing signs of that context are geared towards a typical form of communication that is commonly less accessible by the neurodivergent.
I say "non-standard chance of understanding" on purpose, because it's not always a case of better or worse and can vary over time, with skill acquisition and learning.
There are neurodivergent people who are very attuned to specific types of tells that wouldn't typically be seen. They might not understand the relevance or context, but they can notice a difference.
There are people who acquire a learned (as opposed to natural) form of this type of assessment of others.
That skill(or skills) can be it's own set of problems, but it's possible.
A) people on the spectrum can be cruel "for no reason"
B) "no reason" actually means "a reason I don't consider as valid" not that I am saying that cruelty is justified, just that people will have their reasons, even if they are simple as "i was bored"
yeah there are evil asshole autistic people. no group is absent some evil pieces of shit. idk how they got that way but i know if they do have a sense of justice they only apply it to themselves.
I've found a working hypothesis that seems mostly true.
"No-one is the villain of their own story."
If someone seems to be doing something evil for no reason, you likely don't understand their reasoning. It might not be a good reason, from my perspective, but they will have a reason. Once you can figure out where your values differ, it often becomes obvious why they are acting that way.
My wife cheated on me.
She said she was terribly sorry and wanted to work to save the marriage. We went to individual counseling and then tried couples counseling. She derailed that session by lying almost right off the bat.
She promised nothing would ever happen again, but never took any steps to rebuild trust, other than to say, "Trust me Bro."
Fast forward 2 kids and 15+ years. She cheated again and has twisted everything around to be my fault. She made me the villain, so she doesn't have too feel guilty. But then she really believes her bullshit. Says she wants to try and work it out, but then refuses transparency and digs her heels in when I mention couples counseling.
This sucks. She has said some shit that totally took me by surprise. Like, how could she possibly believe the things she was saying. But she did it.
So now, I am 50 years old, have a 12 and 14 year old, and have to re-figure out my life.
I was so dumbfounded when she said the things she did. Like it broke my brain it was such bullshit.
Of course, she's not toxic, I am the one with all the issues.
Saying this sucks doesn't do it justice. I hope you end up on the other side of this better than you are now.
None of that was about her reason. How did she make it your fault?
If that's just an excuse, a post-hoc justification, what do you think is the real reason?
And your wife has this same view of the situation where she's not the problem.
Damn that sucks man. I'm sorry that happened to you. Just a reminder that your feelings are valid. You'll be OK at some point but it's absolutely normal to not be OK now.
Hey I believe in you man. Shit like this can be hard in the moment, but youve still got yourself and your kids. There will be some hard days, but you can do it. As long as there's life there's hope and you're still here.
Me my entire life!
Hah, I just made a comment to similar effect on another of your posts before I saw this one.
I get it. Because I also don't get it.
*your
*their
*whatsit
Nobody thinks themselves the bad guy. People have reasons that you don't understand or think are valid, but that doesn't make them not valid to them.
Is argue that some people absolutely understand they are doing "bad" things, even by their own criteria.
They choose to do them anyway, because the payoff is larger than the ethical and moral cost.
"My value as a person is tied who my ability to dominate others and this person looks like an easy target" is a reason why it happens. Doesn't mean you have to deploy mindfulness for the situation.
You can just dismiss the person if it makes it easier for you to comprehend. Alot of times those people are insecure because they were bullied, or beaten or because an authority figure told them they were worthless. And you're on the receiving end of that angst. Which is unfortunate, obviously you don't deserve it. But we need to build a new world. Our current world is divided.
Your attitude creates only enemies. In a divided world, the best path forward is solidarity. So sometimes that means forgiving someone their flaws.
I'm a Pakistani American Muslim. I've been subject to racism in airports and elsewhere. I've been called Al Quaeda in school. I've had guys tell girls I was dating that I was going to kidnap them. I have been subject to numerous "random" checks in airports. My fiance is a Hispanic Christian and some of her family told her they weren't going to attend our wedding just because they couldn't support her marrying me. I could have just dismissed these people as racist and forgotten about it. But instead I invited them over to my parents house for dinner. And they changed their tune and now they are planning to attend.
You wouldn't be wrong for dismissing people. But in order to build a better world, we need to try to connect with people. Sometimes it means forgiving people who wronged us.
I don't create enemies, if anything I fail to identify them in time to protect myself. I can't be a builder of the perfect world anymore because most of everyone's idea of a perfect world is one where uncomfortable, frustrating, friction-causing, people like myself are either gone or suffering to fulfill some end or another.
Sorry about your in-laws though. Fuck those people.
Hey man my vision of a better world includes you in it.
I'm sorry you feel rejected by the world. I love you tho.
Also my in laws got over it. They're on my team now.
That's kind of you. And I'm glad your kindness came back around to you as well.
Hitler thought he was the hero of his story. How valid it was to him doesn't matter at all.
Idk enough about Hitlers story, but I do think most current day Nazis feel pushed into this belief system by a crumbling economy that doesn't value them. They feel insecure about being able to raise a family by the same standard their parents raised them. That fear and insecurity is coopted by MAGA in order to focus their ire towards some other. Oftentimes they lack access to other worldviews, either by reading books(due to a crumbling education system) or by meeting people(living in a homogeneous town).
This world was created intentionally by the elites to prevent progressivism/socialism from taking root. Most of these Nazis could have been Bernie Bros if they had a better education system or if they had been raised in towns that had minorities around.
I mean I would genuinely argue no one is cruel for no reason. People can be cruel for no immediate reason, but people do not become cruel people without reason. Or at least that is my personsal philosophical view. I believe everyone wishes to be a good person. I also believe everyone sees themself as the good person in their own story, or at least sees themself as equally as bad as "everyone else." Shit happened to them, needs werent met in their lives, and they're worldview was shaped by that. Doesnt make it right or justified, but it does help me see from their perspective. And if I can see from their perspective, it is a hell of a lot easier to spot possible solutions. Whether or not those solutions are achievable for me is a different story. But at least knowing where the problems truly lie, and what are possible solutions, helps me cope with the cruelty in the world. But like I said, this is my philosophical outlook on the world so I cant say with certainty that I am right in anyway.
I am brain
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