AMAB, 37, Sweden. Ever since I watched this video sometime last year, broke down and cried my tear canals dry, I have been reading up on gender dysphoria, what I can do to find myself and affirm myself. I have also sent an application to a major clinic to get evaluated so that I may become eligible for gender affirming treatment. I do not agree with my country's definition of trans being a clinical condition that needs to be treated, even in an affirming way, but this is the reality in my country and I will be disregarding derogatory comments (not that I expect any).
Today, I had my second biggest breakthrough since my "epiphany" last year. I met this amazingly kind and beautiful, perceivably female, person about an hour ago. They are an attendant and manager at a local electronics shop. We talked for quite some time, even though our official business was concluded. I felt smitten. As I went on with my day - currently sitting in cafe to do some hobby programming - I started meditating on why on earth it would be worth pursuing or holding onto these feelings of warmth and love and interest in another person. My previous heterosexual relationships have been sexual catastrophies. I could barely keep an erection. Penetration was a b*tch. It was uninteresting. I often had to disconnect from reality to be able to perform for the sake of the person that I genuinely loved. Then it hit me: could these be symptoms of dysphoria?
Well, lo and behold.
Like always, I am emotionally and mentally exhausted from this experience, so I won't drag this out for the sake of content quality. I will zone out while experimenting with arrays in C. But I do want to thank the trans community for staying strong in an age of repression and aggression. What would I do without you. Have a day that matches your needs. ๐