Hey ! Haven't posted in some time here... last time it was about my fear of regretting transitioning and being sure of who I am. I'm pretty sure now, I have been on hormones for like 6-7months (since september), I love the changes to my body, my mood, my mind... But, I went out "as fem" to see if I could stomach being "full time" as they said.

So here I am, having worked on my wardrobe, doing hours of voice training, having learned for hours how to do my make up... only for it to feel so so small, to be worth nothing. And I was wondering, honestly, does it get better... ? I feel kinda low at the moment :/

I bought my first dress for my first wedding I've been invited to since coming out! So yeah it's going great.

So my paranoia of course likes to insist that everyone is secretly clocking me but pretending I pass just to fuck with me. I got a chance to test it last week when I met a friend-of-a-friend who doesn't know anything about me.

Me: Hey, wanna see a photo of me when I was younger?
FOF: Okay... woah, your hair's really short!
Me: Yeah, I, er, used to cut it like that...
FOF: Wow, you were quite the tomboy!
Friend: Less a tomboy, more like a boy.
FOF: (makes "WTF are you talking about" face) huh?? (looks again) ohhhhh!

And much laughter was had. So I guess I can safely continue to ignore the voice in my head.

Oh, and there was the time someone assumed I was non-binary but couldn't figure out which way. Serves me right for dressing masc that day I guess :3

Very mixed, like most weeks. I am so incredibly privileged to be living in a place where I can get proper healthcare and queerness is at worst, tolerated.

However as trans folks around the world being constantly targeted, I try to use my privilege to help, it feels bailing water in a hurricane. And I know it’s only a matter of time before this viral hate makes it to my corner of the world.

It's been pretty awful for the most part to be honest. I've been getting random erections again so I think I need to up my E dose (I'm DIYing, injectable EEn monotherapy), but I'm kind of flying blind on that as my GP won't do bloods and I can't afford private tests right now so I'm just gonna have to up my dose and hope for the best.

I was meant to have a second date today and she flaked on me this morning with no real reason which just leads me to believe she got a better offer (we met through a dating app), plus a friend who has been supportive of me who I really want to support and be there for in return has left me on read for 3 days so I'm feeling pretty adrift and abandoned right now 💔

been okay! thinking about getting a cute sun dress that's come out for spring, and maybe some sandals to go with it x3

My doctor is holding out on me and not agreeing to give me blood tests. But just found out there is a new free clinic in my city run by some trans women that are part of a drug harm prevention group. Might be my only way to get affordable blood work so I'm hoping for the best. It's at the end of the month.

planning on getting my eyebrows waxed soon!! i still love how my bangs look, but sometimes i just gotta brush them to the side, and my eyebrows are SUPER bushy and not very femme looking. likely gonna go with a friend :D

the week itself was not so eventful for me personally, other than i now have to get yet another primary care physician soon because my current one is graduating med school. do not be mistaken, i am very much happy for her! i've appreciated her willingness to learn about gender affirming care a whole ton. regardless, i live in a college town in a nation not so kind to people who work in medicine, and this is the reality.

oh i (and that friend) also got even more plushies, so yay!!!