I'm a man with crippling depression and anxiety who has never had sex or been in a relationship. I jerk off sometimes three times a day (exception rather than the rule) to porn I fucking hate. When I try to watch something I actually like I can't seem to get hard enough. My therapist I used to see says it's not even me being horny it's loneliness combined with touch starvation. So, I don't know if I can even answer in a way that's helpful now that I'm thinking of it. It seems what I thought of as being horny is a coping mechanism. Though I will say being horny is like being drunk, it can cloud your judgment. Testosterone is a hell of a drug. That's all I can say with certainty.

Imagine your pants getting smaller.

Like slipping into a daydream during a long day after a night with little sleep.

You are acknowledging this is NSFW but didn't use the NSFW flag?

As someone with a low libido (and possibly on the ace spectrum), these replies have been interesting, and I gotta say, despite the problems it can cause, I'm kinda glad I'm this way. I know about having strong cravings for things, but having such cravings for other people sounds awful.

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!AskLemmyNSFW@lemmynsfw.com was created explicitly for NSFW questions.

For me, as someone with serious libido issues, its unbearable, I want it constantly and cannot sate it. I get maybe 15 minutes of clarity after getting some, then my brain is back to see immediately after. Its a curse for me, I've been talking to a doctor but I don't know what to do. Honestly, it feels good, like really good. But afterwards I feel terrible, like why did I want that so much? But I feel like my experience is an odd one.

Idk, what does it feel like to not be horny?

Its like when I randomly think "I could really do with a corneto", " I could do with a smoke". "I could do with a shag". Its an implosive thought and like others it doesn't serve much beyond enjoyment.

It's like a drug. Like when you're around a person you're attracted to and they'll say or do something that triggers shot of chemicals to your brain and all you can think about is how to get more of that feeling, which sucks if it wasn't intentional on their part and they're not interested in you because now you have to fight against basically a drugged state to shut that shit down while trying to be normal around them. Jerking off produces the same feeling but there's something missing that makes it less satisfying than being with another person.

I can answer this one pretty definitely as I have been on both hormones. Being in a horny spiral as a man has the same pull as being in an emotional spiral as a woman. It's hard to get out of until you fuck/interact with someone that makes you feel better. Men are just as emotional as women, but only with fucking, fighting, fleeing, and feeding (the parts of the brain that testosterone stimulates). Women are just as emotional as men, but with all of the other emotions that men don't usually have to deal with

Feels like a deep urge, short circuiting your brain to satisfy it. Like hunger or thirst. The longer I go without sexual attention, the more my brain starts to interpret everything as an opportunity for sex. When I satisfy it, it brings joy and release and calm. It's fun, intimate and satisfy needs for closeness and touch.

It also feels deeply connected to a bunch of psychological stuff like the need for approval, gender affirmation, power dynamics, competitiveness and more.

You know when you're talking to someone and they have maybe a crumb or flake on their face, and you can't help but be drawn to watch it just in case it falls, but whether it does or doesn't fall that wouldn't impact you in any way? But it's distracting anyway?

That's all women's chests. I'm not lecherous, I have a wife and female friends, I'm vigilant and keep it in check, but I'm compelled to check on them over and over. My wife's, stranger's, doesn't matter. Even if I've seen my wife's every day while she was changing for 11 years. What if they were to sway a certain way? What if there was a slight bounce and I missed it? What if the fabric became taut and revealed a line beneath. Or a shape. Perhaps a slight nub in the center? Was that there a second ago? Does that mean anything? I'd better check back to see if it changes again. The buttons on her blouse are slightly stretched, and if she moves just right I may be able to see a glimpse of skin. Not breast skin, goodness no, just any skin currently covered by the shirt. If I'm lucky it'll have some shadow on it to imply shape. This dress has a dip in the front. I wonder if I could... It would never reveal anything. It wouldn't. But what if it did. I can't know unless I look. This shirt is slightly sheer in the light. What's beneath?

The fabric stretched across her backside displays lines when she bends slightly forward. Now I know she's wearing underwear. I mean, of course she is, everyone is... but now I know she is. And its shape. Her bum looks soft. Cushioned. If I were up against it I could really- No! No. But I could. And it would press against me. Stop it. And I could reach forward from behind, slide my hands up her sides and cup her- No! No Goddammit! They look like they'd be soft. In my hands.

The older woman in black's shirt just slid slightly up above her waistline, revealing a sliver of skin. There was nothing unexpected or special about this skin. It wasn't overtly attractive, but I saw it. It was covered and I saw it. Does she know I saw it? I'm glad I saw it.

The waitress in the tight shirt smiled at me. She's younger than me, but not too young. Right? No. I mean, it'd be a little creepy, but not like... creepy creepy right? And maybe she's into that? Probably not, it's clearly all about tips. She's a professional, she knows what she's doing. Yeah she does... Besides, what could even happen. I'm getting dinner, with my wife, and she probably doesn't even get off for hours. But... just statistically some younger women are into older guys right? And I'm not complete dogshit. It's clearly about just being nice, it's part of the service industry. Is it so unbelievable that any woman could find me attractive? Is that fucking impossible? No but- She smiled while looking into my eyes. That's something right? No. It's not, I was just passing the machine back to her after paying. Her lips look soft. Maybe no one's ever kissed her well before. Like sure she's probably had a lot of male interest, but they were probably all douchebags. They probably didn't even care about her pleasure. I could. I mean I would. Like, if I weren't here and she weren't here and we met at a different time and place and things were casual, I think she'd be lucky for me to show her... What the fuck am I even...

When she turned to leave a thin line of her underwear flashed briefly above her yoga pants. Now I know they're blue.